Yikes, I would be a little concerned as well! How awful to have your therapist not really listen?? Sheesh!

If you don't feel his advice is heloing, it may be time to move on.

KA

runnergirl
if doesn't sound like your contact with your parents is too much. If you like them and want to spend the time talking and being with them, then that is good. But maybe he thinks you are relying on them too much. Certainly you could talk more about it with him.


Eileen

Therapy IS hard work, but........I'm worth it and so are you! I have little goals or assignments now and they sound simple but it takes alot of work! In someone's post previously they said something like you can't change a lifetime of thinking and doing things a certain way, overnight. I like the way my therapist is helping me to see that I can recognize negative, self-defeating thoughts and stop that kind of negative self-abuse. Who says I have to be perfect?! Not me, anymore. I like my high standards but I'm going to allow myself to lower the bar~~~~just a notch, to start with! Maybe I'll stop spell checking my writing........hmmmm, give me some more time for that, 'kay?!!!!

Yes, therapy is hard work and mentally draining. I took me a while to find the right therapist. When I found her I was in therapy for 11 years. I do believe that my therapist saved my life. I do miss her! Please never give up, the right people are out there. We just need to find them.

This post has been edited by darklighter: Jun 3 2006, 10:51 PM

Edited this because I realized that others had already said everything I was going to say!

This post has been edited by katrinasurvivor: Jun 3 2006, 11:40 PM

Hi All,
My med nurse has told me she wants me to see a therapist, and to send for a list that my insurance will approve of, and she will pick the best one available. Patti has been on my side for over 10 years and I trust her judgement. I hope she can find me a woman because over the years it seems to me men don't understand how we feel deep down. Maybe I should say, they have no empathy (sorry any male therapists out there, it's not personal). It's been a LONG time since I have seen a therapist so I don't know what to expect. don't know if I will be a "compliant patient." I read some of this thread and it seems like you have to do what the therapist says or both of you are wasting your time. This means I have to limit what I say to her because there are some problems I won't deal with. I've heard of therapists who when they find out you are afraid of heights they take you to a high place and make you deal with it, for example. I don't like heights and I don't care what anyone says, I've been this way all my life and I won't change now. What's the point? Whatever you can avoid, avoid. Of course there are some things you can't avoid, and maybe I could deal with those. I just don't think I am therapist material. Maybe you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I don't know what to expect. Can somebody fill me in or point me to a site where they explain all this??
signed, RESISTANT TO CHANGE

Moiraine,

I am so happy to read this...therapy is probably going to be the biggest help and support for you right now. There is nothing to be afraid of but its natuaral to be nervous.
Patti surely knows what you need and like you say you trust her judgement...it may be a whole new thing for you but i guarantee in time you will wish you had done this earlier.

Kind regards
SO6

if you were after a therapist to make you less fearful of heights then thats what the dr would help you with. But I'm sure there are other reasons why your med nurse is suggesting a therapist. Working on yourself takes time and I wouldn't expect you or anyone else to delve into their darkest areas right away. For that you will need to learn to trust the therapist.

I'm assuming that it also depends on the type of therapist that you will be seeing. Will it be a councellor or a psychotherapist or psychologist?

I think that a councellor will offer advice on how to deal with things, a psychotherapist will let you talk about anything you want to talk about and will ask you questions a psychologist will (I think) advise you on ways to deal with things and may try some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. If anybody else knows what the differences are please post them.

Eileen

So how do I know if I've got the right therapist? I'm on my second one right now. My first one was a guy and I kinda felt more comfortable with a female so I changed to the one I'm on now. But the first one asked a lot of questions and gave me things to work on, where as the one I have now, hardly asks me any questions at all. All she really asks is how things have been going and I just complain to her about all the things that have been happening for the past week or two. I like her because I feel more comfortable talking to her, but I'm not getting a whole lot of feedback from her. I've been going to her for about 2-3 months so far. I don't know if I should change again or wait it out.

Hi,

I do enjoy the relationship that I have with my therapist. He's an interesting person and is available 24/7. He even takes his pager on vacation, says he doesn't want his patients to need him and get a covering therapist who doesn't know them. He gives everyone his personal pager number at the first session. I like knowing he's out there anytime that I might need him.

perhaps you could ask her if she has any feed back for you? or ask her if this is the way she works?

what is it you are looking for in a therapist?

I guess I want her to help me get over my depression and anxiety, but I'm not sure how. I'm kinda new to therapy, so I'm not sure what to expect. I thought the exercises from the last therapist was helpful, but I like the way that this therapists listens to me more. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone to talk to. The last one also explained things more, like he helped me see why I made a lot of the mistakes I made in the past and what things had a negative affect on me. I guess I wish I had a combination of both of them somehow.

why don't you say that to your current therapist and take it from there.

I usually spend the first few minutes of my session venting. After that, sometimes I will start and others
she will ask "what should we be working on?"

I know I want to manage my depression, to understand it, but that seems so general. We will spend time talking through what my triggers are/may be and then we just start to pick away at them. I talk most of the time but when I get stuck or reach something that is difficult she will talk. And she encourages and offers her thoughts to me as we go.

I was abused and have issues with the lack of attention I received when I was a child. There are some books she recommended for both these. As I read them I make notes on things I wanted to explore or think I have figured out and bring them to my session. Other sessions we discuss my own thoughts or what I hav going on whether good or bad. (Yes, I have had good days-yea!) I am analytical by nature and can over think things...and we discuss this need too.

I was hoping for that magic pill, that one or two words my tdoc would say that would make the big change. I still ask her for it. I want to go to sleep one night and wake up to a wonderful world. I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon, but I still fantasize about it.

Managing our mental health is a lot of work, hard work, and it is something we need to do for ourselves with the help and support of others.

Good luck to everyone who has this challenge. And keep up the good work. If you are in this forum you're are working at it. And those in this forum have been very supportive.

my godfather said that it would be good if i talked to a school counselor instead of a therapist right now because its free. my godfather is a retired psychologist so i trust his judgement more than anybody.

Wow. You know, although I cannot relate to this, I must say that NOT having a therapist or anyone to talk to at all is a LOT worse. Especially if you don't have insurance and don't know where to find the right kind.

I'm going to be starting therapy on Tuesday. I had my first appointment with a wonderful woman this past Wednesday and it was nice not to feel like a blubbering idiot when I cried constantly.
So, I see her again on Tuesday and will see how that goes. She'll give me homework to do, which will be emotional but it needs to be worked out...

Never having been to a therapist or even how therapy works, Im really not sure what to expect. If sessions werent going well or I ended up not liking the therapist Im not sure how comfortable I'd feel telling them so. It would seem really rude to me - but I guess it would be necessary for things to go into the right direction.

Hi

I have mixed feelings about therapy - I started going to a counsellor before the meds kicked in, but stopped going, because had nothing to say - she just sat and listened, which I find disconcerting, I prefer a dialogue rather than feeling like I'm talking to myself, I need questions to bring me out of myself.

Also, my mother is a Gestalt therapist since about 10 years ago and it's her new religion. I can't stand that. I think people become dependent on their therapists and their therapy as if it's going to 'cure' them of something that's wrong with them. I feel it tends to make people focus on what's wrong, and that there is always something else to dig up, which means we are never actually OK as we are. But then I have a big problem with my mother which doesn't help. lol.

I'd like to see someone who could really help stretch me and challenge me to feel and think differently, not just go round in ever decreasing circles. I want to be coached out of this state, not encouraged to wallow in it.

What's the difference between counselling and psychotherapy anyway? Anybody got any experience of both?

in psychotherapy, the therapist helps you to 'find the answers or understanding' of things that went on in your past and present.

I think councellors suggest ways of coping with things.

I have had 2 1/2 years of intennsive dynamic group therapy, one year of individual psychotherapy and 3 to 4 months of councelling. I still see a psychiatrsit ever 2 weeks.

in psychotherapy, the therapist helps you to 'find the answers or understanding' of things that went on in your past and present.

I think councellors suggest ways of coping with things.

I have had 2 1/2 years of intennsive dynamic group therapy, one year of individual psychotherapy and 3 to 4 months of councelling. I still see a psychiatrsit ever 2 weeks.

Maybe you should say to your present therapist that you really like how she listens to you and is non-judgmental but any advice or feedback from her would be greatly appreciated. Tell her "you can jump in there anytime". I have had therapy with a man therapist for 17 years can you believe? He helped me get thru my divorse and being on my own for the first time with a low salary, he helped me cope with a very miserable job I was in and everytime I left him I felt soooo much better. It was like a shot in the arm. Then about a year ago, I decided to go to a woman. The reason was I wanted my husband to see my man therapist and he couldnt as long as he was seeing me. So I switched and my husband never did go, but I still have hopes. I miss my old therapist we were like old friends but I wanted a woman's point of view on things. Therapy is the best thing for me and has literally saved my life. Gentle

Right now I am not actively seeing a therapist. I am not on any medication. After three years of trying I've gotten so tired I just can't keep doing it. I know it takes time, it takes hard work, but the more I put into it and the worse it gets. I know it gets worse before it gets better, but each time it's gotten worse it's ended in a breakdown and another piece of my life being ripped away because I've 'gone' to far. I just can't take more loss, more rejection and I guess I am just not masochistic enough to keep causing myself that type of pain. I know it's foolish to try and do this on your own, but I just need time.

I've told my therapist everything that has gone though my head over the years, good and bad.

I was seeing a counsellor (for 8 sessions) but he wasnt on the right track (not letting me talk much) now Im seeing a standard Psych and I do all the talking.

I have to remind myself that the Psych isnt going to make my problems go away, I am!!!!, so I just go there to have a chat.

What is the average amount of time a depressed person will see a shrink for??

I saw a psychotherapist for 1 year and then was in a Therapeutic Community for 2 1/2 years, been seeing my psychiatrist for 5 years.

I don't know how long on average, someone will need to see a therapist. I guess untill you feel able to continue on on your own.

I have been seeing my therapist for ~6 months. I had never been in therapy before and didn't know what to expect. I felt like he wasn't listening to me. My biggest problem is that my job is draining the life out of me. Once I leave the office, I keep myself fairly busy, but while I'm in the office, it's torture. After 6 months, all I got was the same advice I've gotten from my mother, essentially that I should be joining clubs and doing things so that I'll find a boyfriend.

After 6 months, I had expected to get a litle more out of it. I told him I needed to take a break for a while. I don't plan on going back to him, but don't have the energy to get started with anyone new. And I'm annoyed that I wasted so much time with him.

Runnergirl, that's too bad that he didn't help you. I also took a break from my pdoc for awhile, due to different circumstances - he was sick, and I couldn't make the alternative he suggested, and I think that I just dropped off the radar. I knew that he was a good fit for me, I just didn't put the effort into making our relationship work. I ended up calling him after two months, and went back with a whole new attitude. We've had some misunderstandings, but now I know to speak up and tell him that he needs to explain what he means.

Maybe if you find that things don't get better, I know how draining a bad work situation can be, you can get a referral to someone who is better suited to you, and can be helpful. Good luck.

Hmm....therapy. That's a daunting word to many people. It comes in many forms though, so it's worth getting to know what options are available to you.

I've certainly had some things happen in my past and when I was a child that should probably be explored, but there are some that I just don't want to recall and recant to someone. I guess I'm lucky that I'm quite insightful and can usually identify issues and reactions that have been caused by these past events, and can work on them instead of delving into the details of what caused them. That's not to say that this can always be done. Sometimes you do need to face experiences from your past to work through them properly.

I'm the type that never talked about my own problems and what might be bothering me, so the thought of doing this with a therapist was a lot for me to swallow! My doctor never forced me, but gently reminded me that it was an option every now and then, until I finally felt ready.

My only experiences have been in psychotherapy, as I'm dysthymic and this is an effective tool for dealing with it. The first therapist I saw was about the same age as me, and still somewhat new to the game. I liked her and it sometimes helped that she could relate to things because of her age, but she played devil's advocate too often, which left me feeling unsupported and almost guilty for things that I shouldn't.

I've now been seeing my second therapist for a year and a half, and he's been a tremendous support to me. He's been treating for many years and listens to me carefully. He's also caught on to the fact that I tend to downplay things, and that they're usually more significant that I'll let on! The first few weeks I was with him I didn't feel all that comfortable, but I stuck it out for a while. I'm glad I did because I do feel comfortable now, and he gives me great support.

We don't really spend much time disecting past events apart, just the facts about what happened. More time is spent dealing with everyday issues and their effect on me, along with ways to deal with it. He also recognizes my intelligence and insight into things, and never devalues it. We seem to work quite well together! I see him on average, every two weeks.

For anyone who's doubtful or afraid to try therapy, I urge you to at least learn more about the different types, as well as the options available to you. It's truly invaluable when you find the right fit, and can make each day all that much easier!

:wink:

I feel like therapy is probably going to just be someplace to vent... and that I'm going to be the only one who can change the way I think/do things. I'm so slow at everything, I can barely start and finish my schoolwork, I procrastinate, I get incredibly stressed out and am constantly overwhelmed... but I have no idea how a therapist can change that (and I'm not going to take medication). I should be seeing one soon if he/she ever calls back, but I don't really have high hopes... I feel like I'm going to be stuck forever, until I can bring myself to get my life straightened out on my own. I saw a regular counselor last year, but it unfortunately did not help... all she did was listen and that's it. I mean, what else can they really do?

what you really need is someone who asks questions and talks to you not just listen.

Sorry guys I did not read the whole thread so I probably missed some good points but I just wanted to say I agree be a doctor is not an easy thing, especially with something as abstract as psychoterapy.
However, I am ready to hear annoying things about me, but I am not ready to deal with any sort of poor behavior from my shrink. There are different ways to say something. You can always say something bad in a polite manner.

Here in France, a therapy session lasts 15-20 minutes. Then they ask for their 40 buck and you're out 'til next time. When you ask why is it so short they refer of this great French shrink called Françis Lacan who said that the most important things are said in the first 15 minutes. I suppose Drs have the ability to see through words, even the most useless sentences. Ok I can deal with that...but I would never accept a doctor raising his voice at me. Last time it happened because I asked something about is it possible for me to be turned down when I apply for a job in a protected environment for depressive persons. He started to scream 'YES YOU CAN BE TURNED DOWN !!! YOU THINK THIS PLACE IS THE GARDEN OF EDEN ???'. I'm sorry but that is a lack of professionalism to me. I've quit this doctor. I've left 5 or 6 doctors. Another doctor I've left because I really felt like he wasn't listening to me. He did not even look at me in the eyes, just took notes on his pc. Sometimes I was testing him like I asked him a quesion about something important I said in the last session and he did not even remember. After six months with this guy, I finally asked him, ok it's been six months now, what can you tell me about my illness. He poured out a bunch of stereotypical things like 'you are a very emotive person and you have such a hard time to cope with your feelings, but your intellect is helping you a lot....blah blah blah'. Whow thank you sir but I have the strange feeling I could have done the same work myself..and save a lot of money...

Sometimes I thought in myself : 'look what are you doing, these guys spent eight years studying after their baccalaureate and you think you can judge their work ? Who the hell do you think you are ?' But I kept changing when I was unsatisfied and guess what ? Today I have found a doctor who is really listening to me and really prooves me that he's trying to build something from what I say. Sometimes it is worthy to be picky.

How much are therapy these days?

Therapy is often more helpful in my treatment than medicine. I feel so liberated when talking to my therapist knowing that I can say exactly how I feel and what I think and he doesn't ridicule me, doesn't think I'm crazy and is always understanding.

I think the cost of therapy can be anything from £50 upwards.

Eileen

Hi

How long is a therapy session in the UK ?

50 minutes to an hour for individual psychotherapy.

When I was at the Therapeutic Community and it was group work, it was 1 1/2 hrs.

Eileen

I start with my new counsellor tomorrow, it's an assessment session the first time.
I tried it at a different place before, but they only have trainee counsellors and he
said he couldn't help me. That made me even more depressed, as I was beginning
to think nobody would be able to help.
The new one is more experienced, so I will be able to get some benefit from them.
I'm a bit nervous of meeting somebody new, but I suppose it will be ok, as they
are helping me.

Hi Made in Britain,

Good luck with your first meeting!
Try not to get too worked up about it, like you said the first meeting is more of an assessment, so lots of questions.
Some will be easy to answer, others might be a bit harder to answer. But is is not a test, you will not get a mark
You should look at it as a way to introduce yourself and give your therapist a first impression of your feelings and problems.

I am sure you will do just fine

SN

A crushing divorce and the immediate action of a co-worker who said, "Let's call right now." I was blessed to be connected to a counselor I could feel comfortable with and over the course of a year (and no meds),
I felt back to "normal." (I had a daughter who deserved a sane Mom, helped to motivate me, as well).

The second time, I had been diagnosed with cancer and scared silly. My focus on every task was iffy,
I wrecked my car and was criticized by my employers. I started crying, often. So my oncologist prescribed
medication.

I'm cancer free, now and unable to shake the depression (three years later)! Even though I feel like such a failure at life, in general, I want to get better, for my loved ones. Even when I don't feel lovable, I think I go on for my family and the hope (however slim) that things will get better

Therapy does take work! Change is never easy. After a year, and more medications I am better.

All I can say it is worth it, you are worth it. Don't skimp on the professional counseling. Even when I don't
think it will help, later on I find it is helping.

i sorry dont know where to post this......wonder if someone can advice me.I have been depressed all my adult life.,and have recently started on anti-depressants.I have been taking them a week,but have stopped for the last three days.The reason I stopped was the side affects,everytime i have taken one to me it felt like i was coming up on a 'E'.(exctasy).My mouth tasted funny ( a taste which reminded me of tking acid)i just never felt comfortable on them,but i did feel better(i had hope for the future) a week after taking them.i hace a meeting with a shrink Monday.I have seen them before(but only to tell them my lifestory) abd have never had any feedback off them.So can anyone tell me if therapy can work for me without having to take anti depressants.i have stopped drinking, taking drugs(only the odd spliff)have started eating,excercising,and have started to clean my flat and sort junk out.Hope this makes sense....thanks for reading