Starscream, I'm sorry this had to happen to you. She calls herself a therapist

Did you think about seeing someone else?

Take care!

Autumn

that does seem unusual. I don't think there is anyone who couldn't benefit from some therapy.

Find someone else to see and get a second opinion.

Eileen

The weird thing with therapy at the moment for me is that I go in there, thinking I'm gonna tell people how I feel, and they'll be surprised. Imagine then when I hear "oh yeah i know the feeling!!"

Rah. I hate that.
Well, its not so much that...
Dunno what it is... Don't get me wrong, I really like my therapist as he's a really good person and a good listener, just... something...has changed to make me like it less...

..........but what else can I do. I have to continue to work at it as the option of falling back into that horrible place is unthinkable. This is a lesson in courage and determination fo me and perhaps patience too as I feel the progress is soooo slow. I have to trust in my psychiatrist. I think you clutch at any straw available to you. Yes, there are bad days but I try to curtail the bad days into a bad moment and start the day all over again! Frustaiting yes, soul destroying yes, but what else can i do.....

I have had therapists and psychiatrists both good and bad, but I am lucky that now both are good (although expensive $$$$). Before I saw this thread, I actually called and thanked my therapist yesterday for his good advice the day before concerning my mother. See, we are in the hurricane area, and he is without power or water and sustained a lot of damage to his house. I could pretty much tell that HE felt down when we talked. However, he put that aside and gave me very good insight into what was happening with me. I just wanted to tell him he was making a difference still even though his life is hard right now. He is a very good man.

Well this is interesting cos i'm on the waiting list for some counselling. I had an 'assessment' with a psychiatric nurse which i found very strange.

He was asking me all sorts of questions as you can probably imagine and although i think i dealt with it ok, i felt quite paranoid as if he was testing me to see if i was being honest or just pretending to have depression.

Like for example - "why did you go to the dr in the first place?" "would you have gone if your friends and family hadnt told you to go?" "how often have you cut yourself? why? where?" ... i felt like i wasnt being believed and i was being tested to see if i was telling the truth.

I realise though that they need to know all the details.. but it was an irrational feeling i guess.

What i want from counselling is someone to help me understand myself because in the past i feel that i knew myself quite well, that i was able to work out reasons for everything i was feeling. Now, i dont have a clue why i'm feeling like this, or what has brought it on.

I've gone through a stressfull year this year, harder than i've ever been through before and i've always considered myself to be quite a strong person. But nothing i've been through has been a major trauma. I mean, if it was someone else, i might think they were over reacting.

Well, after posting that ^ I have a date for my first appointment. Its this wednesday and apparently its with two people, one being a psychiatrist and the other one a psychiatric nurse i think.

When i had the assessment, the one i spoke about in my last post, there were two people. I think i'd prefer one really.

I'm quite nervous. I dont really know what to expect. And most of all, why is it a psychiatrist? I was expecting a counsellor. To be honest, i sort of thought they might say i didnt need any treatment at all, so i'm quite shocked.

I consider myself to be quite a "normal" well balanced person, most of the time, on the outside at least, so this is very strange.

I think its fairly normal to see a psychiatrist, they may want to assess you further to see if medication is needed or some other form of treatment is necessary.

Psychiatrists aren't ogre's, they are there to help you.

You mentioned that they asked why you cut? Well to many people that isn't 'normal' behaviour (I do to). Its a way of coping with bad feelings etc so maybe there is something in you that needs working on. Doesn't make you a bad person or weak or anything negative. Maybe it just means that you need a little help sort things out.

eileen

Thanks eileen. I do know i need help, i was just a bit surprised that someone else would think so too.

Being someone who has never had therapy I can't really comment but I have been to my doctors this morning and for the first time ever I actually had a doctor that wanted to help and not just stick me on some pills! He was the most sensitive doctor I have ever had ... so much so that I actually broke down and cried in front of him ... something I don't usually do in front of anyone apart from my husband.

He has referred me to a welfare service for the Forces (am a service spouse) and I have an appointment on Tuesday with them and then the doc wants to see me Tuesday afternoon after he has recieved notes from the welfare guy to see the course of action and what sort of therapy would be best suited to me and to see if I need to take AD's. After visiting docs before and just being put on AD's with no sign of help and just a 'come back when your prescription needs renewing' I have felt even more hopeless than when I went in because I felt so alone. But now I have come across this doctor and finally I am getting the help I so badly need ... I already feel a little better just knowing that there is someone out there who is willing to help me.

This topic has helped alot. I am not going to go in now and expect the therapist to heal all. I know it may be hard work and there are going to be times when I feel like I wanna give up ... I want to in most things of my life right now anyway so thats nothing new .. but if I can see a slight light at the end of the tunnel that isn't there now ... then I am willing to try the best I can to get just a glimpse of it.

EmbaJemba

welcome to DF.

I hope the appointment goes well for you and you get the help you need. Many times we know ourselves that meds aren't always the right answer. Talking therapies can help.

Eileen

Thanks Eileen.

Nothing against meds btw! Looking back at my post it sounds like it a little! Or is that just my imagination ... I dont know! I took meds last year and they helped a great deal to lift my mood so am hoping if I am given them along with the therapy I will have a greater chance of getting over this maybe. Only time will tell

I have gone to therapy off and on for years going to several different ones. The one who helped me the most was a christian counselor. In fact he cured me but is no longer in the area. Now with my bpd it takes a different kind of therapy and there are very few therapists in my area who do that kind. It got too hard for me to go in once a wk to my t and once a wk to a group so i dropped the group and continued with my t. She is supposed to be one of the better t's in this field and she told me she would alternate psychotherapy with dialectical behavorial therapy. We ended up doing no dbt. I felt like she wasn't helping me and my husband thought the same thing. I would either come out feeling worse than when i went on or I would feel better b/c we just carried on a conversation. I would goback to the group but they require that you have a psychotherapist besides andi cant afford both. I cant even afford one right now. Both of my husband and I feel I am a little better now that im not going to her anymore.Except when i was staying so upset at my cofounder on my board but now i feel i will be better after leaving there. Anyway what im trying to say is I believe in therapy especially since therapy is supposed to be more effective than meds for bpd but it has to be with the right t. At least i have a good pdoc.

I think therapy is definitely worth it. I went the first time to a counselor when I was having a hard time turning 30 and still being single. She wrote down everything I said and didn't say much to me. I went about 3 or 4 times and then stopped, because I was getting nothing out of it. I can talk endlessly (especially about myself, LOL), but I needed someone to give me some perspective, not just listen to me.

About a year later I was with a guy I'd been dating for a few weeks getting ready to go to dinner, and he told me that he had different political views from me. I burst into tears and couldn't stop crying for three hours. While I live in DC, which may be more politicized than other parts of the country, I still knew that this was Not Normal and I called a friend who I knew was in therapy and made an appointment with her psychologist.

I like her a lot, and have been seeing her since August. She gives me feedback, instead of just listening. Although my depression seems to be worsening lately (since I started meds???? doesn't make any sense), I do feel like I'm starting to make some progress on underlying issues. I've always had a fear that--even though I am 31, a lawyer, and have been supporting myself for 10 years--my parents will somehow be able to force me to move back to their home and belong to their church and continue to control me as they did while I was a child and teenager. I have dreams about this fairly often. Over the weekend, I had a dream that I was back in high school and being manipulated by a religious leader, but instead of being afraid and unhappy I realized that I was already grown up and moved out and never had to live with my parents again. It was amazing!!!!! This was the first time I've been able to break through the despair I feel in those dreams and feel confident that I will get to decide the rest of my life, instead of waiting and wincing for the other shoe to drop and for my parents to swoop in and take over and force me to do things I don't want to and believe in things I don't believe in.

I cannot convey how much it means to me that my dreams are beginning to change. And it is definitely due to therapy. It's so expensive (and of course she doesn't accept insurance), but it's a financial sacrifice I'm willing to make, not to mention the emotional commitment. Looking forward to getting better...

CraftyGirl it is possible for meds to make the depression worse, it is one of the things that we need to watch out for. Some meds just arent' right for you. If you feel that the depression is getting worse on this med, then talk to your dr about it, you may need a med change or the dose increased. Do tlak to your dr about it.

It must be hard to feel like its a battle with your parents if your views are different from theirs. I hope that you continue to do what you want to do and live your life free from parental hassle.

So many of us have problems with our parents. I'm sure that the therapy is working, I think its a good sign that your dreams are changing. Afterall dreams are sending us messages.

Take care.

Eileen

Thank you Eileen! This is my first time on ADs, I've been on Cymbalta for about two weeks and it is unquestionably getting way, way worse than it ever was before. I had a yucky 30 minutes at work this morning of wanting to knock myself unconscious by falling down and hitting my head on the desk. I have NEVER had any self-injury thoughts before, EVER. I see my p-doc next week and we will be discussing all of this.

I had my first session of therapy yesterday and although I found it a little difficult to talk about the things that have happened in my life ... I did and found just getting it out was a great relief as I have never really spoken about ALL of it in full and detail before. Just odd bits here and there.

I will still be seeing the councelor I seen yesterday but am also being reffered to someone who can help me a little bit more with the problems I have had to face and am to participate in Group therapy too. Am yet to hear when and where this group is but the guy I saw yesterday is sorting it all out for me and will even come with me if needs be too, just so I have someone even if only a little familiar there to support me! He was really hands on and am really glad that the Doc reffered me to him.

Now for the Doc. I was wondering if I asked to go on AD's, does the doc at least have to take it into consideration?? I know that sometimes they just aren't enough but when I was on them last year they really helped with the symptoms of my depression and I felt alot better for taking them. My doc refused point blank to put me on them telling me that the only way I will get over what is happening to me is by seeking help from proffesional councelors and AD's is not the answer. Ok, Fair enough, I agree ..... But why can't I do both? Therapy is a long ole road to recovery and as he said himself it is not immediate and after the years of abuse I had to encounter is something that will take a long while. I guess I just want some relief from the symptoms of this depression that is running my life whilst on the journey of moving on from past issues. Have I not got the right to feel just a little better now in the meantime?!

I'm just at the point where I really cannot take this anymore. I so badly feel I need some relief from this darkness ... but I am just not getting it. Take Care all

Emma

Emma, you are doing so much new stuff lately! You are inspiring me to keep on trying.

I have had several Ts & there are lots of opinions out there about whether it is good/bad to take medication. My current T (who is also an MD - Canadian DF ppl, pls check out the organisation 'GPPA' general practices psychotherapy association; they are covered by provincial medical!!! ) is completely fine with using meds through rough times but believes that depression can be rooted out with therapy.

There are all kinds of therapists out there & I have 'fired' my fair share of them. The current person is great & he's male which is different for me. I have male/female relationship issues & we are very open about how working with a man is difficult for me - & I am sure it is the best route for me to go @ this time.

Good luck to all of you. When you get a good T, work really hard, its completely worthwhile.

Orso

Emma
some therapists say that being on medication can mask the emotions and feelings that we need to get in touch with through the therapy.

When I saw a counsellor 5 years ago, she said that medciation would lift my mood enough for me to get the benefit of councelling. AT the TC I used to be at (just left it yesterday ) they were all for meds being reduced, if it was possible to do so. They wouldn't say never go on meds whilst in therapy, just be aware that it can mask things.

Don't give up asking for meds, if you feel that it would help you. Perhaps its something you can discuss with your therapist and group when you go to it.

Maybe even a mild AD could help you cope with life a bit better.

Eileen

I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions for finding a new GP and/or therapist in a new area. I've moved and my home GP doesn't know anyone in the area I've moved to and can't give a referal. I'm not good at talking about the issues I have until I've known someone for a bit. I can't just go in and talk to a complete stranger about my depression.

Thanks,
Andrea

Can you ask work colleagues who they use? Or are you a member of a group, that you could ask someone?

ASk the GPs receptionist if their GP is knowledgeable about mental health issues such as yours or ask the GP themselves.

I don't live in the same area that I work in. Actually, I'm not very open about my depression. People at work aren't aware of it and I'm also not part of a group. The town I live in now is a very small community and I'm not even sure if there is a depression group there. I would like to find out about possible groups, but I'm not sure where to find such info. As far as I know there are only a handful of GPs in the area. I guess my best bet would be to go in and talk to them to see if they have any background in helping patients with depression.

Hi. Thanks for your reply Eileen.

That is what my doc told me ... well, in so many words anyway. He told me that whilst I am having therapy I am better off not taking them because I wouldn't know if it were the AD's working or if it was actually the therapy. He said it would be of greater benefit for me in the long run not to take them.

Well, after a few real bad days I am going to go back to the docs this week and ask once more if there is anything just to lift me even a teency bit ... just for me to be able to get through a day and not be a wreck.

I really feel for my kids when I am feeling like this. I still do everything I normally do with them ... but I don't want them becoming miserable because their mum can hardly find the strength to smile right now. I know deep down I am a good mum .. but when I am like this ... I just can't function properly and feel like I have failed. I have 3 wonderful children ... and I should be happy. aarrggh. I am soooo frustrated!

Take Care all

Emma

I honestly don't know how doctors are supposed to act when they're with their patients. I know there will be times that they will say things that you don't want to hear.

One of the therapists I went and saw was apart of the campuses help center. I don't know if her gender had anything to do with it, but when I would go and discuss things with her about what was going on in my life, it was fine at first, but then it got to the point where it seemed like she just didn't care anymore. She wasn't expressing much compassion towards helping me. At first she seemed real energetic and ready to do whatever it took to help, but then that just all faded. I discussed this with her, but I ended up getting p***** off and stormed out of the office.

Are psychologists supposed to act in a non-caring manner? I mean, I figured that becoming a psychologist you would HAVE to have some sort of caring or compassion for your patients in order to help them??

what was her reaction to you saying that she seemed to be less compassionate?

Was this over a period of time or just a few sessions.



I suppose that drs would have to have some amount of compassion in them, but they are human and each dr will be different. I would suppose that drs are not supposed to get too friendly with patients, drs and patients have to keep a dr/patient relationship. Remember that they too will have their issues (although they should have them resolved by the time they are seeing patients).

Eileen

I would have to say therapy has helped me to a certain extent. I know im better when I go to therapy. I use some of the stuff they tell me to do and then I just go right back to the same old routine. So I dont know what to do sometimes. I feel stuck in a rutt all the time.

dolphingirl
it takes time and practice to change the habits of a lifetime. Keep at it.

Eileen

Boy, I was lucky. I saw a psychotherapist for 5 years who was calm, controlled, never judged, and never gave me advice. Sometimes I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere but it took the edge off to come there every week - a safe place. Then I added meds into the mix and things started moving a little. Sometimes I felt like she should be giving me advice - everybody else did. But her restraint on that matter was very good for me in the long run - I learned how to trust my own decisions.

Trust your gut with your therapist - if you feel like your boundaries are being crossed, maybe they are!! But know that it does take a LONG time to get well, especially if you've gone untreated for too long a time.

I don't buy that "masking" thing. Meds are not to mask emotions - they are to normalize emotions and to balance your brain chemistry. They're not "happy pills". They're medicine - for an illness, like insulin for diabetics. I wouldn't trust a therapist who told you not to take meds. For me, it was the combination of therapy and meds that helped. I needed BOTH, and AT THE SAME TIME. Therapy can be so painful, it feels worse before it feels better. Like surgery. So you might need the meds more than before.

To me it is liscense to report him to the APA board. It is a disgrace. It's interesting to me that these guys have the highest suicide rate of all medical professions combined. The ones I have met in passing seem a bit more mentally challenged than many seeking therapy.
I hear things like this and it makes me ill. We turn to these professionals for help and get propositioned.

Warmly,

Albert

This past week, I've actually had to do some major soul searching and reevaluation of what it is I want to get from my therapy, the role my therapist has in my desire to get better, and how my own insecurities and fears feed into my relationship with my therapist.

I've been back in therapy for the past two months now and really feel like I've finally found a T that I can connect with and am making progress. Over the past month though I have felt myself second-guessing how he feels about me as a patient i.e. the progress I'm making and whether or not I'm measuring up to his expectations or timeline. This led into a major melt-down for me last week after our session. I couldn't bring myself to confront my inner voice of fears and questions and to simply put a voice (haha "simply") to them, asking him outright. I'm such an overachiever and a people pleaser that I left instead feeling like I was wasting his time and that I was a failure at therapy. I was shattered that he didn't express that he NEEDED me to keep coming, that he WANTED me there, that no matter how much or how little progress I was making that he was proud of me.

I went so far as to call and leave a message cancelling my next appointment. I was hurt, confused, and replaying my therapy over and over in my mind convincing myself that I was beyond help and truly not worth helping in the first place. And then I sat and waited. I wanted desperately for the phone to ring, for him to call me back and tell me that I shouldn't cancel my appointment, that I should still be coming, that I was making progress, and again that he was proud of me. It was this little child in me (who tears up even writing this ) begging for reassurance and acceptance.

He didn't call. Of course I didn't give him that much time to before I broke down and called back and left another message (about 12 hours later) asking him if I could reschedule. When he called me to tell me that my time was still available if I wanted it, he also asked if there was anything else...I said no. And then I promptly cried for another half hour. I worked up the nerve to call him back and ask him if he thought I should be coming back. He stated that he was afraid I had the impression I shouldn't and that he did think I should be coming. That I should continue working on our goals, but not to do too much and that we'd talk next week--which is now this coming Thursday.

I've been crying off and on since. But out of this I've come up with the following that I was able to put into writing.

I will no longer second-guess what my T is thinking. I will trust that he will tell me if he no longer thinks I should be coming to therapy, if I’m not meeting his expectations, if he is angry with me or disappointed in me. I will take initiative to confront my ‘voice’ and ask out loud or bring up my concerns if they seem overwhelming and I need for him to answer questions I’m asking internally. I will respect our scheduled time and trust that T will tell me if we need to wrap up early or if he would prefer to continue the session if he does not have a patient scheduled after me. I will acknowledge and accept that T ultimately is not there to be my ‘friend’, a substitute ‘parent’ or ‘husband’, but is my therapist and is there to help me take the steps to change myself. He is not responsible for ‘wanting’ me to come to therapy or ‘needing’ me to, I need to want to be there to fulfill my own need to strive towards a happier life. My need to be ‘needed’ does not extend to therapy.

Do those seem like reasonable expectations? Does anyone else second-guess their T or feel like they desperately need their approval?

Lelenia-

I cannot tell you how much I relate to you!

I would've quoted the parts of your post that I have experienced as well, but then I realized it was the whole thing!

I know how you feel when you say you feel as though you are wasting his time...I have expressed that same thing to my therapist, who, fortunatley for me, always reassures me that he wants me to stay there...I have also done the same call and cancel as you have tried...I would feel hurt after a session, and wanting him to know how I felt without flat out telling him, I would try and cancel and hope to death he would ask me to come back...I have found that never works as you too have unforunatley discovered...

I find myself constantly feeling unworthy of his help or beyond repair so to speak....I question that he is helping me not because he values me or is concerned, but because he is obligated to do so because it is his job.

Like you mentioned, and as others have explained to me, as much as we want to look at our therapist as our friend (after all, they hear our most secret thoughts and fears) they are there not to fill a relationship role in our lives but rather to help us get where we want to be.

I always find myself wishing that he would tell me that he cares, etc as well...and the thing is, he does tell me that he cares about me, yet it never seems to be enough...it scares me that I never seem to be told that enough...like you said, the constant need to be reassured!

I support your decision to express your true feelings to your therapist next time...ironically, that is exactly what I will be attempting to do this thursday when I go back to see mine! My guidance counselor forced me to write down a list of things I will discuss with my therapist, all of which must start with "I feel _____" or "I want ______", so hopefully I will be more open with my T.

Finally, thank you so much for posting your thoughts! I can say they have helped me feel much better about my situation knowing someone else feels the same, and I hope that my experiences will help you feel more comfortable with your feelings as well!

Continued luck in your therapy, and hang in there!

If you feel comfortable doing so, let me know sometime how things go!

Amy

I did it, I finally called and made an appointment with a Psychologist for next Wednesday. I am very anxious about it, but excited too! I am so depressed and I just don't know how to cope with life anymore. I have had one too many knives inserted into my heart :broken_heart: and I know I can't figure it out alone. I feel so broken and battered and useless. I need to learn how to live again, probably starting back to Kindy-garten. I'm so afraid that I'm so messed up and I have just made too many mistakes that she won't want to waste her time.

yes they seem reasonable expectations. I haven't had one-to-one therapy for nearly 3 years so I can't remember much about it. But I'd guess that many people feel the way you feel. I see a psychiatrist and I dread the day that he says I don't need to see him anymore.

Eileen

Hi

I had therapy for stress which i found very hard and i did give up but i am now worried that my boyfriend won't stick with his CBT as i know he will find it very hard and is not very good at opening up. It took me 18 months to get him to admit his problems and seek help.

Amanda x

Hey guys.
Ive been seeing my councellor for the past 8 months,her and my g.p work together as a support team.

She has helped me out in many ways,and un-locked many answers to my present thoughts and feelings.

For anyone out there thinking about dropping out of their sessions,re-think it and realize that they are probly the 1 person that you can talk to without being judged,without having presure put on you,whilst being in a comfortable environment.

They are there trying to help you,even tho at times they may say things that you dont want to hear,in the long run when you think back to these times it will be for your own good.

So keep up the therapy and keep talking,good luck for all you struggling out there.

I have seen my therapist 3 times now! I agree it's been very good already. Just carrying around alot of guilt for so many years has been stressful. It's not necessary for me to always punish myself when things go wrong. Now I need to learn how to do this without feeling guilty!!!

I agree that it is important to keep up the therapy, even when you don't like some things that your therapist is saying. But what do you do when you think your therapist is wrong? I started seeing a therapist about 3 months ago. His immediate diagnosis of me was social anxiety. It took me a few weeks to convince him that that wasn't my issue.

Last night at my session, we talked a lot about how even though I have friends, I choose to spend a lot of time by myself. He also thinks it's an issue that I stay home alone on most weekend evenings. I agree that could be a problem, but most weekends, I am running around all day doing things I enjoy, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. I don't understand why being out and about all day isn't as "good" as going out in the evenings. My therapist has suggested that I start making plans in the evening, and while I'm willing to give it a chance, I really don't think that will help.

He also has suggested that I am too close to my family. He suggested that there was something wrong with the fact that I call my parents almost every day. I call them maybe 4 times a week to check in. We talk for 5-10 minutes, max. I probably see them once every third week. They are my parents, and they are warm, wonderful people. They are getting older and are not in great health. What is wrong with my spending time with them?

I guess my question is really, how do you know if your therapist is wrong or if it's the depression that is skewing your perception? I know it's important that therapists question your instincts, but the therapist can be wrong, too.

Those are good questions, runnergirl.

Did your therapist explain WHY he felt it was important for you to be out in the evenings? I'm a runner too, and when I'm doing long runs on the weekends in preparation for a race, I'm not out often on weekend evenings either, and if I am, I'm home by 9. I need my rest so I can get up early for the runs and races!

Similarly, did he explain WHY he thinks that frequent contact with your family is problematic? Is there s dynamic going on between you and your family that he feels is impeding your recovery?

You're right that sometimes we need to change therapists. But before you write this one off, I'd try to get an explanation of why he is making the recommendations that he is.

KA

Thanks for responding!

The weird thing is that when I question these things, he doesn't really have good answers. I feel like I'm getting a lot of knee-jerk reactions from him. He did admit that he was confusing me with a patient who speaks to her mother at least an hour a day. But since then, he has still made comments about my relationship with my family. It makes it hard to trust him.