I'm always a little surprised and saddened when I hear of people dropping their therapists and pdocs at the drop of a hat just because something is said that upsets or annoys you.  These things should be worked on not avoided by changing your dr.

Therapy is hard work and you may hear things you don't like, don't just drop the dr that won't do you any good.  

Sometimes pdocs and therapists have to say things we don't particularly want to hear, but we need to hear them.    Sometimes the truth can be difficult.

Of course if your dr just doesn't suit you then yes maybe a change of dr would be an idea, but discuss it with the doc.

My GP is good but if he knows I have issues that are going to take longer than he has in surgery time, he refers me to a psychologist.

She has helped me in the past.  At times I didn't agree with her comments; I simply drew from her what I needed to move on with my life.  I filtered knowledge that would help me.  Relaxation therapy at that time helped a LOT!



People expect therapists to be able to 'cure' our problems.  Often they hear things that are painful or which they don't want to admit to.  So they 'blame' the therapist.  A good therapist will listen; will ask the client what they want in their life; how they are planning to achieve any changes.  A good therapist will not make suggestions on how a client should be but will ask what their plans are: and then advise on how to cope with those changes.

It is hard work.  But I got a lot out of hearing from a person who had to listen to me for that hour each week.  It gave me the opportunity of clearing my mind  :blah: and allowed me to drop the past.

<<Sometimes the truth can be difficult.

Forgive me for my lack of understanding, but my depression appears to be chemical. I have just had my second appointment with my family doctor. I'm confused as to what the truth has to do with depression. I know I would probably drop any doctor or counselor if they started telling me things that offended me.

Just a little background on me, I discovered just this past year that I suffer from depression...(serious mood swings) and I have been suffering from them for well over 20 years. I put off going to our family doctor about it for many months, but now that I have beat that battle, I cannot face up to seeking out some sort of psychiatrist or counselor.

Do I sound confused?....I am, just a little.


Let me add just a little more. First..thank you very much for the information on this forum. I have read some things which have me partially convinced I have BiPolar. Things have been good with St. Johns Wort and vitamin B, but not good enough. I may be ready to talk with my doctor about a referral to some sort of counsellor. Any practical encouragment is appreciated.

Thanks , Jim

JamesD,
I found therapy very beneficial. Yes, they do ask questions that we feel very uncomfortable about answering. The questions are a means of getting to know you and some of your issues. Work with them on these issues, you will be amazed at the results of unburdening yourself of "excess baggage". They will help you develop coping skills, build your self-esteem and a variety of other things. They do not cure you-you cure yourself. It is hard work on your part but you will reap the rewards. Get that referral from your doc to see a counselor. You might also want a referral to a pdoc for your medication. Med docs don't always understand what psych med will work for you.
Sheepwoman

Hi Sheepwoman,
Thank for your kind reply. I guess I have limits. I'm not certain I could deal with uncomfortable questions. I opened up to my family doctor quite well, but that seems to be the limit for now. I've been making good progress with depression....taking everything a step at a time. I'll have to think through this. Thanks again.

From Matt:

Group: Just Registered
Posts: 1
Joined: April 2005
Posted: April 05 2005,23:13  
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello everyone,
My name is Matthew Bush and I am a licensed therapist.  I wanted to comment on your discussion from a therapist's point of view.

It is difficult to see a client who stops therapy suddenly, because they do not feel it is working.  Therapy is a two-person process, and as a therapist, it is very important to me to know if one of my clients is not happy with where our sessions are going.  I "check in" with my clients, but I sense that some keep things from me at times.

The bottom line?  You are the one in treatment, and if you are uncomfortable with the way things are going with your therapist, please tell them. A good therapist would want to know, and could also look to see how things could be improved to make the therapeutic process more helpful.

Take care everyone!

Matt

So far, I've had only 7 therapy sessions and during those sessions I figured out that the most important things for me are:
1) likability;  2) your therapist is as intellegent as you are; 3) your desire to work with your therapist.

The hardest thing is to be open because we're used to creating some good opinions about ourselves. During therapy sessions I feel like I'm naked  - not the best feeling you may have. I also feel a lot of tension and anxiety in my body when I even think about therapy sessions. It's hard to admit many things about myself.

Another hard thing is that sometimes you don't get much feedback from the therapist while you want to.

I'm planning to continue work with my therapist and see where we go.

Yes, therapy is good and you should never just drop a therapist if things can be worked out. Just be sure that he/she is experienced and qualified enough to help you with your issues. I realize that my 1st T was not. But the one I have now has much more experience with the issues I present. That goes a long way in creating trust and a safe environment.

dead inside,

you've described some extreme case. If I had a T like this, I'd quit my therapy with him immediately wothoiut any hesitation. But I was lucky with Ts in my life - I had only 2 Ts so far. One who treated me 7 years ago was a very good man - the best T in the town where I lived at that moment. But I couldn't open to him and he didn't ask me to do that. And my current T is a woman who I really start to like, and my impression is that she's a good professional.

nobody should stick with a therapist who 'hits' on them, that surely is a cause to complain about his/her professionalism..

This sure is an interesting topic.  I have had (Lemme count a moment here) 6 therapists so far.  I did not drop any frivolously, but there were circumstances that did not allow me to continue seeing them.  The first was at a university I was attending.  I was no longer eligible to see her when I left the school.  I would have stayed with her though.  She was the one who turned me on to CoDA.

The next one I stuck with for 7 years, and I regretted it.  At first, it seemed interesting, not to mention easy and affordable (we met at her home which was 2 blocks away, and she charged me a very low rate.)  She used "nonverbal" techniques, including dancing with a cane to crooner music, punching a large doll that I was to call "mommy;" screeching like a bat till her apartment manager came to the door and insisted that it stop; staring at a piece of blue glass; wearing a bell around my neck that made my boss crazy; and looking at animal flashcards and saying the first thing that came to mind about each.  Eventually, the sessions extended to 4 hours each.  I was not given much air time, as she went on reminiscing about WW 2 while she poured tea and shuffled about in her slippers.  She made it sound like I wanted and needed 4 hours of this, but I gradually started spacing out the appointments further and futher because I did not have the kind of energy.  She told me that she did not need to hear about my problems because, after her 50 years in the biz, she had heard it all, and everyone had the same problems.  She bragged about more famous and prestigious clients she had in the past, as if to say I was lucky she was willing to see me.  She did not always understand my idiomatic english and would head off on a tangent based on misinterpretation and not let me interrupt her.  Finally, when she started Dx'ing people I mentioned but she did not know personally, I got annoyed and did what I should have done when I first noticed how filthy her house was - conclude she was no longer totally mentally competent herself.

The next therapist was obtained thru a service that matched people in my industry to counsellors who were trained to work with specialized workers.  She was a former actress, so she did not see what the big deal would be if I was a former artist.  I did not like that kind of "playing God" but stuck it out and avoided the topic.  I had not gone there for her opinion on what career I should be in, and I get very touchy when someone asks why I do not teach?  Hell, why doesn't she turn tricks?  Not either one of our business.  When I ran out of insurance coverage, the relationship ended.  Whatever.  I was kinda bored with the dorky books she was always selling, books her friends wrote.

The next therapist was the best of my life.  She was a student working on her clinic hours for her certificate.  She was from Scandanavia and was surprisingly young to be a really good counsellor, but she was very professional, very insightful, a great listener, and did not reveal much about herself at all.  I respected that.  To be honest, I do not give a rat's a$$ about the personal life of my counsellors.  I am not planning to socialize with them, it is illegal anyway, and I feel like this is MY time, not theirs to recount their feelings at being rejected from the basketball team in HS.  She had to leave the relationship when she graduated and moved away.

The school that placed me with the great therapist gave me the next two also - one who was very sunny and upbeat but who did not really have much insight.  She was "supportive" in that "rah-rah" way, but one day, after the upteenth time she said, "And I am right here for you," I said, "What, exactly does that mean?  You are NOT here for me.  You are busy with a life of your own, and you are not really accessible when I am in crisis.  I need a lot of calming down in my week, but you do not answer my calls, you cannot be with me physically when I am in deep need, and I just do not see why you keep repeating something that is not true."  She could not really argue that.  I do not resent her for having her own life, I just thought it was a very dorky phrase to use on a client.  The relationship ended when I no longer had Thursday mornings at 10am free as her schedule was very limited.

The current lady is much like the great therapist and may even be better.  She is another very young person who balances listening with synthesis.  I never feel like a session was wasted and may as well have been spent yacking at my hairdresser or bus driver.  She is sharp about picking up on themes that I did not see.  She does not smack me with "duh" comments like, "Sounds like you are tense today" or "I think this is about lack of self esteem."  She really knows how to put some specific items on the table to hash out.  She derives my core beliefs from the information I give her and tells me the fallacies therein.  I respect her and appreciate her sincere efforts.  I know I am being heard and treated like an intelligent person who knows what she wants in life, not some ninny who needs to be pointed to a teacher's college because I just did not get how obvious it was that this is all I deserve in life.

So I conclude that sometimes someone cannot stay with a therapist for any number of reasons.  Sometimes if you move on to another one, you get better results.  The goal of therapy is not more and more therapy but to learn to live better without therapy eventually.  I can see how someone being overly touchy about a subject that they really need to dig into could be a foolish hindrance to recovery.  I have never been one to shy away from the medicine that heals me, even if it is not what I want to hear (with the exception of the notion of becoming a teacher - since when is that sound theraputic advice?  If it is such a d*** great career, why is SHE not doing it?)  I guess there are some people who would rather drop out than stick out the hardest topics.  I guess people like that are just too into their control issues to stick with anything beyond total yes-men type therapists.  Too bad.  Therapy is the best thing I ever did for myself.

Dead Inside, if I had a t or pdoc who did that to me, I would have reported them to the appropriate society. That was very unprofessional and illegal conduct on their part.

Wow, AC that is quite a story about your tdocs and finally finding one you can relate to.

In the past, I had a wonderful tdoc who I saw for 10 years. She was a great listener, she returned my calls and gave a lot of encouragement that was needed to help me. I had a lot of past issues that colored my life and way of thinking. With her guidance, I was able to resolve the issues and put them in a more realistic context. It was hard work on my part to resolve those issues and see how they were detrimental to my way of thinking. She helped me build coping skills to help with depression and the way to interact with people in a more positive way. I cannot give her enough of the praise that she deserves. I stopped seeing her when she said it was time to fly on my own. We have become friends over the past years so I cannot see her professionally anymore. She did tell me that nothing lasts forever.

The second tdoc I am seeing now is much like the first one. She is also a great listener, returns my calls and gives good guidance for me. Again, I need to work on myself to get well. I spent almost an hour on the phone with her one night when I was having serious depression and wanted to harm myself. She was on the verge of calling the police to take me to the ER. I voluntarily went to the hospital the next day. Since coming out of the hospital, I am seeing her again. We are working on what happened to get me into the hospital-basically CBT for the here and now. She is helping me to rebuild coping skills again.

I guess I have been fortunate to have 2 great tdocs in my life. I hope the rest of you find one that you can "click" with enough to continue therapy. I found it to be of great help for me.
Sheepwoman

SW, you are lucky to have found two such expert Ts...do you live in a highly populated area? I know you live on a farm, but wondered if you had a "big city" close by that drew these great Ts or was it just luck?

AC, LMAO about the bell around your neck. I am considering doing that here at the office just because...it sounds theraputic  

My first T was a hugger. She saw her clients at her home. In the living room with purple carpet. She was bizarre. I really let her "character" lead me to believe she was good at what she did...but I found out she really wasn't helping me. And luckily found one that does. But she sent me to my pdoc which I really think changed my life. So I thank her, but I do not think she was a good T for me.

My T now is using "schema therapy" and I really think it is productive. It is alot of work. And there are times I would rather not "go there" (so I don't)...but it is all part of trying to get better.

I do not envy Therapist a bit. What a life! Listening to other's issues...I have to admire the good ones. I could never do it, I don't have that kind of talent.

Funny.  I've only been to one therapist.  I was a little cynical about paying somebody to care about me (I think there's a legal term for that).  And not surprisingly, they tried to sell me a lot of books, etc.  Then on the second appointment, they never showed up at all.  I was left outside waiting for an hour before I gave up.  She left a message later saying she mis-scheduled me.  I think they might be able to help you noodle something through, but in the end, they're there because they're paid to be there.  They don't care about you anymore than a stranger on the street.

James, I felt the same way before my therapy started.  Boy, was I wrong.  Think about the link between mind and brain.  They are in the same place but are very different things.  Our chemical imbalances affect our brains, and because of the way neurotransmitters cascade throughout our brains to different locations such as the limbic system and pre-frontal cortex, what started as a brain malfunction ends up affecting our perceptions and emotions, and this is where my problems are.  You may be different.
I've been very lucky to have had concentrated in-patient therapy, to the tune of a hundred sessions.  I hate to think about how long it would take me to get where I am now with once-weekly out-patient therapy.  The individual therapy was good, but group therapy was the best thing I ever experienced.  Most likely, the things you don't want to discuss are the tings you need to discuss in order to get to the very bottom of things.  I literally had to take myself totally apart and re-assemble myself and put in a few lock washers and replace two or three gears that had become cogless.

A quick question for those who are experineced in therapy. What am I supposed to do in therapy if we have talked over all things already and I have nothing more to say? It becomes stupid - my tdoc and me started to spend our therapy sessions talking about economics (which I'm studying), some cultural things, art, etc...

Has talking about your problem/s helped?  If so, time to move on.  It took me several years to sort my brain out so that I could ditch the things which bothered me.  That left space for me to begin accepthing the rest of my life.  It took practice to feel 'normal' again.

It's OK to discuss other 'stuff'.  It helps relax the client and gives the therapist an insight into other aspects of life-style and skills which might otherwise be missed.

Do you feel you have achieved enough help to stop the sessions?

No, I don't feel like I'm rady to stop the therapy sessions - I feel like I need them. Actually, I even think that there are some problems we can discuss. But I just don't want to bring them up now and won't be able to do that soon.

Hello

Just want to share some of my thoughts about therapists.  I've seen 5 different psychiatrists and psychologists over the past 10 years and only clicked really well with one of them.    I wanted them to provide solutions particularly when I'm trying to work through work issues.   When they don't provide answers after about 4/5 sessions, I get frustrated, angry and throw the towel in (does anybody have this expectation)??  

I haven't seen a therapist now for about 2 years - just relied on family and friends when I'm down.  It drains them bec sometimes all they can do is listen to me cry, scream, rant and rave.  However, I've learned the worse thing I can do is withdraw into myself and internalise my emotions (sigh)  :verysad3:

I have not posted before so I do not really know what I am doing. :;): I dont like it when I go to the counselor or doctors and am treated like I dont matter.  I also dont like it when the pdoc sees me for 10 minutes and changes meds.  Its like maybe they will work, maybe not.  If there is an adverse effect I am the one that will face the consequences.  I think they should not be so quick to add meds or change them.  But maybe that is just my experience.

I'm not afraid of therapy being "work" in the sense of exposing intimate truths. But after 9 years of therapy I have no insight into what's wrong with me, nor do I feel any better.

In my experience, they fall into to camps:
1) The "don't say anything" crew. They just nod, look sympathetic, maybe even make the occasional note... but they just expect you to get better just by virtue of them being in them. I'm not a great conversationalist at the best of times, and these pauses make me feel particularly awkward. I told one of them that I wasn't getting anything out of these sessions because all she did was nod and ocassionally smile... and she nodded and smiled.

2) The "I can't help you, but I know a man who can" crew. After a dew weeks/months of taking my money, they'll say they can't do anything for me because I'm unlike anything they've ever encountered in all their years of experience. However, they do know someone more expensive (I'm now up to $100/hr). This last one, however, *doesn't* know anyone: "If I can't help you, I can't think of anyone who could," he said at our first meeting. That's why I've been with him for over a year with nothing to show for it (except a bunch of subliminal CDs which he now admits are useless).

Hi everyone,
Just a second thought about therapy. One thing everyone should know is therapists listen, empathize with you and are only "guides" to help you heal yourself. You must do most of the work in healing. They do not provide the answers to your problems, they allow you to see your missed or changed perceptions in your life. Learning what was detrimental to you in the past and resolving those issues is important. We need to take care of ourselves before taking care of others. We need to live for today, the past cannot be changed, the future has not come and most importantly we can change ourselves to a more positive person. You have to work on YOU. You have to WANT to take care of yourself.
Sheepwoman

Therapy is not a cure.  For me it was the chance to discuss my fear, saying things to a stranger that I couldn't even talk to hubby about  :(  I also knew that if I didn't like this person I never need see them again as we are unlikely to meet socially.

I filtered out what was useful to me in order to free my brain of misery.  I put that in a box and tied the lid.  Then with relaxation therapy and medication I gradually learned to let go of the anger which helped a lot.  The anxiety stayed for many years and still is a problem at times.  But those days hubby and I go places we really enjoy ourselves: others I 'write off'.  I no longer feel guilty that occasoinally I can't go places.  I use those days to catch up on sleep.


I found out that NO ONE can offer me a cure for my phobia because it began within hours of my being born.  And I can't turn my brain back as it doesn't know what 'normal' is.  The brain has always been scared of this particular issue becuase it's a learnt response.  So I had to find a level of acceptance and ditch those things in my life that cause the most anxiety.  It broke my heart as I wanted it all  :sadwalk: but now at least hubby and I have a life again.

I have moved on.  It has taken time.  It was hard work.  It cost time and money.  I ditched the therapist eventually whe I realised she was no longer able to help or be interested in my problems.

I know what my main problems are. But for some reason I'm being passive and not working on them. And I don't see how therapy can help me to get started or can encourage me to work on them.

tvk, I know exactly how you feel. My wife died 7 months ago. I started therapy about 4 months ago, and don't feel I have gotten much progress done.

I mean, I know therapy is not an immediate solution to a depression, but the progress has been between slow and almost non-existent. I just can't find a reason to get up in the morning.



That is another thing that bugs me. I am wondering, should I change my T?

to DF, Johnbobson.
Glad you found us. As for your tdoc, is he/she helping you to work through your grief? or are you even working on that? When you are grieving, not much makes sense and you are depressed. The depression and grief are acting on you right now. It IS a long journey to healing when you have both to overcome. Ask your tdoc about the loss of your wife and the connection to what you are feeling right now? You may get some constructive feedback-if you don't, then go find another tdoc who will listen and guide you to healing.

When you have 5 posts, you can start your own thread. If you are in crisis, you can start a thread in the Members Needing Extra Support Now. We also have a Bereavement room.
Sheepwoman

Thank you Sheepwoman

I have dealt with my wifes death with my Tdoc, and have gotten positive feed back, but nothing even close to making me feel better, I just can't get any relief. I don't want to quit him before he can actually help out, as I have done on far to many things before in my life, but I don't want to waist my time with someone who won't help me get in shape. I'm indesisive as to wether I should change him... I'm just not sure.

Johnbobson,
I feel that you are still grieving. It's something you do not get over quickly.
Sheepwoman

Hi Johnbobson007!

Sorry to hear about your wife's loss. This wound can not heal quckly. It is definitely a long process. Here you can find a lot of support and understanding. As for you T, maybe, it is a god idea to talk to him/her about your feelings about therapy. This is what I'm going to do this week.

Take care,
tvk

Perhaps this would have been better as a seperate topic, but newb and all that, so fraid I have to go all parasite on your tails.  After listening to people's opinions on therapists and such, I've drawn a few conclusions, which of course only lead to more questions, but let me start by asking something to anybody who feels like answering.

What was the catalyst that sent you to seek professional help?  Was it just a matter of being tired of feeling like this all the time or did something in your lives send you in that direction?  

I ask because as sheepwoman put it, "you have to want to take care of yourself", which of course seems like a contradiction if one of your main symptoms is that you just don't care about yourself anymore.

Self motivation seems to play a big part in recovery, but I know I don't have that inside me anymore.  Only thing keeping me alive is the fear that whatever comes after this life if anything, might be even worse and that scares the hell out of me.  Maybe hearing what convinced other people to take that intimidating and expensive step might kick me into gear a bit someday.  

I also wonder how you found a therapist thats worked for you.  Do you just go from person to person until you estabish a rapport with someone?  How many sessions until you know you are wasting your time and should find someone else?  

Thx for the info, btw, I'm Barry, pleased to meetcha.  
Another proud canuck, Represent!

lokks lie you are a therapist yourself and you are telling this from your own past experiences
i agrre with you
the therpaist is there only to assisst and guide
actually it all depends on the person who wants to change

to DF Aerinonix,

The first time I went into therapy, I worked at a clinic. My doc referred me to a therapist as the issues in my life (depression, full plate, manic episodes)were not only affecting my work but my life as well. The therapist I was referred to, clicked with me instantly (2-3 sessions). I saw her for almost 10 years and sorted out my life.

The second time, I had to find one in my neighborhood for the depression and suicidal ideations. I made my search with the help of county mental health. I did not click with him-he did nothing for me and would fall asleep during our sessions.

The third time, I was again asked to get a therapist to help me work through issues regarding my mental and physical health. I saw her for about 3 months (it took 2-3 sessions to click)until my insurance ran out. I was officially determined to be totally disabled during that year. When I finally got Medicare, I was again referred back to therapy. i saw the same one as before one time, ended up in the psychiatric unit for more than suicidal ideation for 28 days, came out and have been in intensive therapy since then. What I received in the hospital was cognitive-behavioral therapy. It taught me how to take care of myself, built a lot of self-esteem, assertiveness and other positive enlightenments about myself. I wasn't motivated either. I had no desire to live my life as it was. I did not even care about the wreakage I would leave behind nor did I care what happens after death. I just wanted out and to me that was the only alternative I had. The hospital would not let us miss the classes. They were sort of forced on us but it was all a part of working on our innerself. That is where I really learned that if I wanted to get well; I had to put in the effort and work necessary to do so.

That is my story. I was initially hesitant because of the stigma attached to therapy was "You must be crazy" or I was embarassed about even needing it. To click with a tdoc, you could have just one session and you know that person is not for you. You could ask your med doc for a referral to a therapist. Usually the tdoc they refer you to is one they know and trust, who can also help you. Is therapy worth it? I definitely think so, especially if you think you have no motivation, low self-esteem, depression, or anything that is preventing from a good life as you may see others being happy. Do you have any health insurance that would cover the expense of a tdoc? What am I thinking. You live in Canada, right? So you have National Health. From what the other Canadians in here have said, it could takes months to get to see a mental health provider. Check in with your doc or call the mental health area of Nation Health for a referral to someone in your area..

Again just my thoughts. I am sure that other members will give you more input regarding their experiences.

Live is worth living. Please get some motivation to help yourself. It is well worth it in the end.
Sheepwoman

The first time I went I was 18.  I did not want to but I was crying all the time and didn't know what to do.  She helped me have a different perspective.  She helped me understand I have a choice what perspective I focus on and helped me understand how I have thought and felt about things that had happened to me.  

I have since that time been in and out of counseling many times.  I liked group for awhile with a cognitive therapist.  With her I learned alot about the difference between a thought and a feeling.  I got alot out of being in a mens group as well.  In the mens group I learned alot more about my feelings and the support of the other men was greatly helpful in my incorporating some of the things I have learned into my life.  

I am in counseling currently as well.  Where I am right now with it all is I need someone to listen to me, to emphatically listen, with no judgement or need for any specific outcome.  There is a power that comes from listening, a healing power.  I am needy for love.  Things I have experienced in my life and how I have thought and felt about them are the baggage that causes pain in the present.  I cannot make it go away by willpower, fortitude, or knowledge.  In this way I believe talk therapy has significant limitations.  Howeveer, without awareness, doing the work, digging out the ashes so to speak, change is extremely difficult.  In a sense what counseling has accomplished for me is to extend the time period between stimulus and response.  It's given me one more second.  I'm learning how to respond from my feelings rather than to my feelings.  

But in the end, when push comes to shove, my conditioning is to do things the same way I have always done it.  Healing my own mind by using my mind is like trying to fix a car with a chainsaw.  For me there is an aspect of surrender, acceptance and faith, which has absolutely nothing to do with therapy.  

Each persons path is their own to choose.  Counseling has helped me but I don't feel is necessary to transform yourself.  A shift in perspective can occur in many different ways.  I sincerely hope you find some peace and quiet in your process.  I suggest you try things and see what resonates with you.

Well, given the choice between communicative therapy and the drugs, guess i'll yap my head off every time.  I've considered it a few times but then that lack of motivation always kicked in, telling me that it's not going to do any good.  I always considered any step you take towards getting help has the specific goal of feeling at least a little better.  This in turn leads to living a productive life, being a valuable member of society, contributing to the world and all that fun stuff.  Then I realize that I have no goals or faith in anything whatsoever.   Some people are lucky enough to have faith in some higher power that sustains them and gives them a reward to look forward to.  Others have the love of of family and friends and want to feel that we are worthy of the care they have given to us.  

I had my mom for the first 14 years of my life, looking after her during failing health and various legal battles.. and when she killed herself, my world fell apart.  There just wasn't anyone who needed me anymore and for the first time ever, I was completely alone.  I drifted around looking for whatever was going to make me whole again, and as I explored, I realized that I was totally unprepared for the things this world throws at you.  Reading at a college level by age 10 just doesn't seem like the accomplishment it once did when you don't know how to communicate face to face with other human beings.  I found people as a whole to be two-faced, self-serving, prejudiced and ignorant.  Might have even been developing a superiority complex at the time, seems funny now given that just getting out of bed now is a challenge for this sooo evolved pseudoperson.

Now my life is based on escape.  Luv the books, movies, videogames, marijuana. Anything to shield me from a hateful world that I can't do anything to change.  Gave up the dope last year, figured it wasn't doing my headstate much good.  

Only other aspect of my life was that naturally the first time a woman gave me a second look, I fell hard.  Hell, I was the perfect catch.  I don't talk much so that gives me the rep of being a great listener.  Also with my observer type personality, I'm great at giving advice, just not at taking it lol.  Unfortunately I was no longer capable of living with other people, I'm too used to solitude and I had to move out of the house on what I at least thought were as good terms as could be.

Then I learned that if there is anything worse than a scorned woman, then its one with ADD and an alcoholic mother whom have taken it upon themselves to destroy me completely.  My 2 year old son, the one thing that gave me hope and a feeling of duty and optimism has been kept from me for the last month.  I know that the reasons they give are untrue, and I know that a court will judge based on the evidence of which I have been too lazy to collect, although so was she, so I'm figuring even middle ground will result in me having time with the lil guy again.  Pity she also destroyed all of my identification which is required for legal aid which is required to get a lawyer, the ID which can be replaced upon having proof of address for 3 months, my own apartment, of course cannot be obtained without ID.  LOL and just to make things just a wee bit more fun, when I finally decide to get some kind of mental help, OHIP (our health care plan in ontario) wont even cover a doctors visit without the ID card.  

Dunno why I'm boring you all with this, maybe figure if i can spill it here, I can do it with a professional someday, but alot needs to happen before then.  But again, since can't actually post a question yet, I'll end with this one that I've been pondering lately.  Is it possible for a person to be born depressed?  Even in my earliest memories, I had trouble dealing with people, and turned to artificial stimulation to pass my time.  Would start crying over the littlest things every so often, but I just figured everyone was like that. Strange how abnormality can seem so normal when you grow up with it, until your house of cards all comes crashing down.

I'm having counselling at the moment It's painful at times but I'm making progress, albeit slow it's progress nevertheless.
Finding the right therapy and the right therapist is not always easy. You have to shop around but it's not like buying a pair of shoes, is it? After 4 attempts I stopped because being vunerable anyway, I didn't want to keep going to complete strangers I didn't click with or feel right with, that's not a slur on them just how I felt.
It is hard work but I am going at a pace that is comfortable. The state of mind I  found myself in when I went didn't come over night and I know it will take some time to get to grips with it all.

Being in the UK most of us get our mental health services from the National Health Service so an NHS therapist is assigned us, I havne't heard of anyone asking for a different therapist.   I got on fine with my psychotherapist (till he retired and then he suggested I try for the Therapeutic Community).  I also get on 'well' with my psychiatrist.  Perhaps I've been lucky.

At the Therapeutic Community there are therapists that I get on better with.  There are one or two who I don't gel with but can work with.  

Eileen

I've been through therapy for the last few years, but it's only recently that I've realised what it is I need!

In the past, I'd always had female counselors who were more than happy to try and empathise with you, the kind of mothering feeling... However, things between my dad and I have never been great, so imagine how I felt when I found out my new therapist was a man!!

For some reason, we just connected from the first session. I explained that I didn't want to yet again be told that I was attention-seeking, or over-exaggerating, or just being a hypochondriac. I don't go to the doctor unless I feel I absolutely HAVE to, since I want to make sure that I can do my bit to ensure that other people, who are worse off than me, get the help they need.

ANYWAY! He was so open, and questioned me on sensitive issues in an inquisitive way, as if to say "I want to learn more about you" rather than jumping to conclusions. Then at the end of the session, he put his arm on my shoulder and said to me "Take care of yourself til next week, ok?"

That's what did it for me. It definately varies from person to person who would be best suited to see them; as it stands, I've got a reassessment with a psychiatrist this coming week, and I'm not looking forward to it one bit! Only because the last time I went to see someone, when I was really in a bad way (the first time round) he simply told me I needed to do some soul-searching, and then left the surgery, without refering me on!

SanzeKuhne,

I'm glad you found a therapist you seem to 'click' with! You're right, you don't need someone who just jumps to conclusions or acts like he/she 's seen it all before...
I hope you'll get something out of therapy.

I wasn't very keen on the idea of seeing a psychiatrist at first. And I was very sceptical when I had a first appointment. But guess what? She was okay Guess it's the same as with therapists. You either connect or you don't.

Hope your assessment goes well! Keep us posted!

Autumn

I've had 4 therapists over the past 15 years. My relationship with all but one of them lasted. I had a very adversarial relationship with one therapist and yet I think I did some of my best work with her. Financially I couldn't continue to see her as she was out of network and was too expensive. There was more than one time I walked out of her office vowing never to return, or sat angry and uncommunicative on the couch, unable or unwilling to tell her what I was feeling. Those were horrible times, and yet I wish I could have stayed. LOL! that sounds sick doesn't it?

I went through a 10 session round with my current therapist, but feel it probably didn't get me anywhere and I'm not sure why. We ended the sessions with her saying I seemed to have it together and me agreeing with her even as I knew I was about to hit the skids. I hate for anyone to see me crash. But I called her this past week and set up an appointment. Maybe I'm ready to do the work now. I think she bright, empathetic, and on the ball. I just wonder if I will ever be able to truly change anything in my life.

The one therapist I didn't stick with? Well, she just didn't seem interested in me enough or else she was so distracted by problems in her own life, she couldn't deal. I went to 4 appointments and except for the first one, she never had my chart, never took notes, never seemed to know , remember, or be able to access any information about me. Her approach to therapy was to tell me something about her life that seemed to parallel mine, but I never found this insightful or helpful. I finally decided my money would be bette spent elsewhere.

I got dropped by my therapist she said i couldnt be helped, nice isnt it.

This post has been edited by -Starscream: Oct 31 2005, 02:37 PM