I just want to talk, this is the first time I have tried to speak to anyone about this so here goes. 2006 I fell ill had a major operation ended up my being in intensive care I lost my career and to this day I still have nightmares about that place, since then I have struggled with work falling deeper and deeper into debt. To add to this my uncle who I greatly respected and was a role model to me died on my birthday 2006 two days before this an old friend died in a motorbike accident. Then there's the fact that I don't know where it came from but memory's of my childhood have resurfaced and the problem is I can only remember certain parts of this certain person and the rest is blank the reason I mention this is of what I can remember he said things and did things and as an adult I now know this to be the wrong way for an adult to speak and behave to a child but as a child you don't realise this, I recently join a social networking site I thought this would help...wrong. When I was 19 I went on self destruct mode the woman who I loved and due to start a family with I walked out on no one knows this other than me and this computer screen I turned my back on all my friends it was me being an arse now logging onto this site I am greeted with everything I threw away and while I wish my friends all the best I can't help but think to myself you loser. . Fast forwarding to present day everyone including my wife sees me as a happy guy who can pull miracles out of his butt who is providing for his family but no one can see the me screaming at the world the dark demons eating away inside of me the truth be told I am growing tired and at 30 years old I have had enough I have had the stuffing beat out of me and I don't think I am strong enough to carry on. Thank-you guys for setting up this board as this has been a great way to talk when I don't know who to turn to.

This post has been edited by Tex: Nov 24 2008, 03:19 AM

You have come to the right place to talk, there is plenty of people wit good advise here.
From my perspective i think it is time you had a chat to your GP or if you can a p/doc and explain your situation it will make things easier to understand, it want be easy but it will allow you to move forward. Even consider printing this page and take with you.

I would personally talk to your wife openly about what's going on,you will be surprised how much support people are capable of giving you just need to trust them and i am sure they will suprise you.

Take care

Welcome to DF, Tex,
Like idleinn, I would suggest you start with your GP (by all means take a printout of your post as we tend to forget things) for help. Take a look at the articles on depression and the depression areas located on the portal (home page) to see if you can relate or identify with the listed symptoms. If so, you may have been struggling with depression for a long time. You probably have health insurance through your employer. Give the insurance a call to get a list of in-network GP's (if you don't have one), psychiatrists and psychologists in your area, You don't need to feel the way you do when professional help is available. Don't think of it as being a failure, think of it as a first step toward healing.

We're a support group that will listen to you, give suggests/feedback and share our experiences with you. Many of us put on a "mask" to cover how we really feel. You're not alone portraying a happy face or personality with family and friends. However, none of us are professionals and not meant to be a substitute for that type of help.
Sheepwoman