i have come to the realization , well one being i cant spell and two that i will never have anyone to share my feelings with . i am not willing to go to a complete stranger and pay hundreds of dollars , so my options are NONE..... i dont know what i feel right now , i have been sick and exhausted and i am not on any meds , have been completely off for about awek , i dont know if this is good,, i feel so tired and all i want to do is cry , in tyhe mean time i feel like my anxiety is coming back full throttle ! iam worried about a strange mole that is growing , i dont want to go to the doctor because i am ashamed at how fat i am and the fact that it is located on my gut , yet i feel like i need it looked at , i am worried about my sons next camping trip so much that i dont want to let him go . i am, totally stressed out .... i hope this has all to do something with the fact that i am not feeling good and have taken on more then i can handle.. i want to be off meds and able to function normally and in a strong happy way like i once did .. is this asking too much , i know if i see my doc he is going to want me on something else , aaaaah i am lost i am hating the world again,,,,

The point of DF is to come for help. We are here, willing to listen to what you have to see, don't be afraid. I can't stress how much I think sometimes all we need is someone else to listen. It appears that you have so much on your mind, you can't handle the pressure and you break down. This happens a lot to many people, some more then others. I can't give any advice about the meds, me personally. I hate drugs, all types, legal or illegal. I want nothing to do with them. Being dependent on those things is a nightmare and depression worthy themselves. I think you have huge self esteem issues that you want to get over, but it's fine a lot of us have those ugly feelings.

Try joining a gym, take things at a slower pace, please see a doctor. If your gut is telling you to see one, then maybe you should. If I was in your position and had the ability to see a doctor I totally would. I may be fortunate in many ways, but I lack any form of health insurance.

don't give up, stay strong for your child, for yourself.

You do need to go to your p-doc I think. It is up to you weather you take meds or not. Write down your concerns about them. If he want you to go on them ask him what to expect, how long he thinks you may need to be on them, what are other options do you have? ect. Write everything down about how you feel...ask questions be incontrol of your appointment, get the answers and make an informed desion. That's what I try to do, every med change I ask why, and what will this one do...

It is your life and your body but I would go speak to your p-doc and find out all your options then decide from there.

Hope you feel better soon