does the thought of suicide cross your mind everyday? not that your going to act on it but you have thoughts daily?
i do. either something takes a turn for the worse or alone time and stinkin thinkin happens. i hope theres feedback cause i dont know if im in the norm or what

Hi Otto,

Yes, I often have had periods in my life where every day I have thought of suicide, but with no intention to act on it. Often these were triggered by stories in the newspapers, something someone had said, a grade I'd got, an argument I'd had -- anything that seemed to confirm the negative thoughts I had about myself. Eventually came the time when I did do something even though I had thought it was under control.

I would really recommend that if you are having recurring thoughts of suicide, that you talk this over with a medical professional, regardless of whether you have intentions to act on those thoughts or not.

Take care, Florry




This post has been edited by Florry: Apr 14 2008, 07:28 AM

thanx florry

Hi otto,

When I was untreated, I would think of suicide almost every day. I lived like that for about 20 years (if you want to call that living). Now that my depression is in remission with medication, the thoughts only come occasionally, and they're usually vague...no planning. I think that what you're experiencing is more common than most people would care to admit.

Hi Otto,

I don't think I would say that you are in the "norm" but you certainly aren't alone. At least not with me! I can be fine and it only takes one 'stinkin' thing to totally shift me downwards. Then those stinkin thoughts come in and - there she goes, I'm gone!
This is so typical for me that I have learned that my feelings are triggered by my thoughts and that I should try to dismiss them as I know why I am thinking them! (That's a mouthful!) But of course, all is easier said than done. At least for me anyhow.
I do agree with Florry that you should talk to your doc about this. When I tell mine stuff like this - I get a reaction! Usually a tweak of your meds will help you from having such a severe thought.

So this is my two cents.
Always Trying

I've thought about suicide for a good six, seven months, on and off, with real thoughts of it every few weeks or so.

In December I was so sure it didn't worry me at all, I was intent on just doing it, and didn't have any will to get help because I didn't want to live. My illness got so incredibly bad there was nothing to live for at that time. It has been ups and downs since then, now threatening to dip into those lows again.

There is a guy in the news over here in the UK called Mark Speight who took his own life after being accused of helping a colleague die in a drugs binge overdose. I have to admit I have thought about this person since he went missing, and feel I have a very odd connection between us. I feel like we both embraced this misery.

I was today just thinking about suicide and my history of it. I was very, very suicidal as a teenager, and had one attempt as a young adult.

I remember thinking of it as a back-up plan, or as a door, an exit out of the world of suffering. It was sleeping and thoughts of suicide.Now as an adult, maybe the depression may be or may not be as intense, I don't know but recently I had a very bad bout of it and it entered my mind and I thought of my family and everything that I have worked for and it would be such a waste and very selfish.

I think in my youth it became "norm" it became a habit as a way out. More of thinking of it as a possible escape and not really wanting to die.

I see it now as just a very bad habitual thought.

The suffering can be intense and horrible like I am in hell, but that is not worth throwing everything away because I have episodes of it.

Maybe when I was young I did not have as much to live for, so I thought, but how was I to know?

Some thoughts can become just very bad habits.
And I can build new ones.

Whitelilly

I think it's one of the symptoms of depression and when you start to recover, it's not in your face, like when you're depressed. I think about it often as I work in a field where it's a daily issue. After while, thinking about it is different than planning it. If you're planning it, you're in trouble. I think it has to do with the context of how you think about it. I think about it in terms of how to get a person out of the habit of thinking about it. It's lots of work, as there are missing pieces in a person's life if they're thinking about it.

I hope you have some sort of support system. It's usually a big piece that's missing in life. People can help us want to live.

We're here for you! Try to replace it with thoughts about living. What's missing in your life? Set some goals to try to put the pieces back together.

Love, Jackie

Yes, thank you Jackie. I have a strong will to live.
I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful 6 y/o, we live in a pretty valley with mountains around it and rivers and lakes, we have our critters-our dogs and birds, a cat. The only missing piece would be something for me outside the home and I am working on that as a realistic, attainable goal that is purposeful and fulfilling.

I resent the depression when it comes along and destroys the peace in my life. That's why I had a moment in which for half a minute I thought of suicide. I don't mean wanting to die but it was a feeling of "the ghost in the machine'- a memory that came up.

I am filling my thoughts of living which is a very good thing.

It helps to every day be grateful for all the blessings and to focus on what I have and all the beauty, joy, peace in the world. To think constructive thoughts instead of the alternative.

Thanks, Jackie!!

I'm sure the thoughts of suicide were probably attention-seeking when I was younger, although I don't remember telling anyone about it. I told a real friend via MSN that I was thinking about it years ago, but I'm not so sure about how serious I was.

I am really worried because now I feel I am thinking about doing it and not telling anyone. Every day I measure up how much misery I am suffering on a daily basis every minute. I want to live to see if this can get better. But when you've suffered a good six months of physical pain, severe depression and anxiety every day one feels like they've had too much. I am actually worried I am going on borderline scitzophrenia and not knowing it.

This post has been edited by kirkwuk: May 8 2008, 05:17 PM

hey otto.......back in 1995 i attempted to take my own life....i wrote about my story in "My Blog" to share and hopefully help others who have been there.....i also lost my own Mother when She Shot Herself 9 yrs.ago 2 weeks after my birthday in July my pm is always open,so if you ever need to talk or just someone to listen,your welcome to pm me anytime k? stay stronge my friend. you have alot of support here...

I've never sat down and planned anything but in my worst times I've thought that I would be better off dead and that I wouldnt mind dying "accidently". I remember once I was on a plane. I usually hate flying but this time I had no problems at all. I remember thinking to myself, "If this plane went down right now, that would be alright with me." That really scared me.

This may sound silly, but I mostly find myself thinking about thinking about suicide. Does that make sense? I have never gotten rid of this fear that I may one day spiral down that hole deeper than I have ever have before and not be able to get back out. I've never had the major cant get out of bed, cant eat, cant do anything kind of depression but it scares the hell out of me. I feel like I'm walking a tighrope sometimes.

I had the experience of depression the first time where I felt like I was in this black hole and I couldn't think myself out of it. It was scary as all get out. It lasted about 5 days and all I could do was sit on the sofa and think about it. Sometimes, life just sucks! Well, about day 6 I had had enough of it, and I got some clothes on and went out and got my old job back. I decided that my life just wasn't working for me, the way is was and I was the only person who was going to change it. I can't tell you how many things I had to do or go through to get it back on track, but I did it. I'm stronger than I thought I was.

Jackie

i agree with that firsth paragraph. i havnt got the guts to do something to myself but i have thought that i want things to end and that "i wish that car would crash into me" or "i want something accidental to happen to me". how do i get out of these thought patterns???

CBT techniques. One of the ones I am doing at the moment is a timetable of how my day goes and I write down the periods where I feel really down and why I thought this was. My depression doesn't really seem to have any pattern, I become down because i get OCD self-harm thoughts and I get strong urges to injure or worse and these thoughts are part of the OCD cycle. But when you look back on the week and realise there are improvements it gives you a lift to realise that the really bad times do get better, even if it's only for a couple of hours.

I've been there. Hell, I'm still there. I don't always think about it every day, but definitely more often than is what's considered normal. I'd never admit t hat to any of my therapists though, because the magic "S" word is basically a one-way ticket to a padded room. At least that's what they've always led me to believe. I've always thought of it in terms of a last resort...like if things get SO bad, then I can just end it and everything will be ok. I've never really planned anything specifically, although I have sat down and thought about the pros and cons of certain methods. I guess everyone does that to a point though, it's kind of like a more macabre version of the childhood game 'Which is Worse?'.

I hope once I start to really get better those thoughts go away. Or at least decrease. I don't have any intention to act on them, but knowing how suicide runs in my family it is a something I don't really want to be thinking about.

3 years ago I attempted suicide. From that day forth I made it my life goal to beat depression and having been on the road to recovery ever since.