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AngelOfTheMoor
post Oct 1 2009, 01:35 PM
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I'm debating about whether I should call a suicide hotline. It would be a free call, right?

But the thought of calling one frightens me. Besides, I don't think things have progressed that far yet. Or have they?

I've been having a good bit of ideation lately. I sometimes indulge in ideation fantasies, but these past few weeks, my thoughts have been different. I've been thinking about actually carrying out the act. These thoughts frighten me; I'm afraid that I might actually do it. I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to try it, but I can envision a situation in which I might.

I never thought I'd seriously be thinking about suicide again. Once, I had a sudden revelation that made me realize that I couldn't commit any such act. Well, I'm not sure if that's true anymore.

My birthday is coming up, and I'm petrified. I feel like my birthday is the day during which I'd most likely try to carry it out.

When I contemplated suicide as a teenager, I ultimately didn't attempt it because I felt some force---I thought it was God at the time---pulling me back. Now I don't feel that force. In fact, I feel like I'm supposed to do it, like it's the right thing to do. I feel so sure about it, and that surety scares me.

I don't want to tell the therapist about these thoughts because I know he has to inform someone if I threaten suicide. I'd rather talk to someone anonymously. What happens when you call a suicide hotline? I'd like to know how it works before I think more about calling one.

Oh, no. I just realized that my cell phone is under my dad's plan. Surely he'd see that I'd called a hotline on the bill. I don't want him to know if I call one. What am I going to do?

I don't think I really will attempt suicide, but the thought scares me. My current existential crisis regarding my future doesn't help, either.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for from a hotline. I don't want anything to happen that will disrupt my life, though, or keep the call from being anonymous.

This post has been edited by AngelOfTheMoor: Oct 1 2009, 01:37 PM


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"Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each."---from T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"

"Memory believes before knowing remembers. Believes longer than recollects, longer than knowing even wonders."---from William Faulkner's Light in August
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broken_child
post Oct 4 2009, 10:07 PM
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I called a hotline once though it wasn't a suicide hotline. I had SI'ed (it was superficial) and when I said that, the person on the other end wanted my address to send an ambulance. I just hung up the phone and I haven't called one since. I probably never will. Now I don't trust them.


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~I will not allow my past to define me~
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Posts in this topic
- AngelOfTheMoor   Suicide Hotlines   Oct 1 2009, 01:35 PM
- - jimbow15   Hi AngelOfTheMoor, I am not 100% sure but I belie...   Oct 1 2009, 01:48 PM
- - PRT   HI ANgel, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad...   Oct 1 2009, 03:48 PM
- - AngelOfTheMoor   Thanks for the replies. I am in the U.S., yes. W...   Oct 1 2009, 05:23 PM
- - iowa   An A & E is something in the UK maybe like an ...   Oct 1 2009, 05:34 PM
- - AngelOfTheMoor   Hmm . . . good to know. Thanks for the info. Is ...   Oct 2 2009, 04:01 PM
- - silent_enigma   I called a hotline once. It was no big deal. I w...   Oct 2 2009, 10:28 PM
- - AngelOfTheMoor   QUOTE (silent_enigma @ Oct 2 2009, 10:28 ...   Oct 2 2009, 11:59 PM
- - SecretMist   Hi Angel, You may even give some thought to print...   Oct 4 2009, 03:11 PM

 

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