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Oct 1 2009, 01:35 PM
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Junior Moderator

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I'm debating about whether I should call a suicide hotline. It would be a free call, right?
But the thought of calling one frightens me. Besides, I don't think things have progressed that far yet. Or have they?
I've been having a good bit of ideation lately. I sometimes indulge in ideation fantasies, but these past few weeks, my thoughts have been different. I've been thinking about actually carrying out the act. These thoughts frighten me; I'm afraid that I might actually do it. I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to try it, but I can envision a situation in which I might.
I never thought I'd seriously be thinking about suicide again. Once, I had a sudden revelation that made me realize that I couldn't commit any such act. Well, I'm not sure if that's true anymore.
My birthday is coming up, and I'm petrified. I feel like my birthday is the day during which I'd most likely try to carry it out.
When I contemplated suicide as a teenager, I ultimately didn't attempt it because I felt some force---I thought it was God at the time---pulling me back. Now I don't feel that force. In fact, I feel like I'm supposed to do it, like it's the right thing to do. I feel so sure about it, and that surety scares me.
I don't want to tell the therapist about these thoughts because I know he has to inform someone if I threaten suicide. I'd rather talk to someone anonymously. What happens when you call a suicide hotline? I'd like to know how it works before I think more about calling one.
Oh, no. I just realized that my cell phone is under my dad's plan. Surely he'd see that I'd called a hotline on the bill. I don't want him to know if I call one. What am I going to do?
I don't think I really will attempt suicide, but the thought scares me. My current existential crisis regarding my future doesn't help, either.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for from a hotline. I don't want anything to happen that will disrupt my life, though, or keep the call from being anonymous.
This post has been edited by AngelOfTheMoor: Oct 1 2009, 01:37 PM
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"The easy road lies in wait Takes its toll and all it desires Leads you blind Leaves you there Takes your heart and leaves you in silence."
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Replies
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Oct 1 2009, 05:34 PM
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Moderator

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An A & E is something in the UK maybe like an emergency room. The hotlines are totally confidential. They have no way to track your call (unlike 911) and will not call anyone. They are crisis counselors and are there to listen to you and talk with you. My experience with hotlines are that they will follow your lead. They won't ask your address or phone number or anything. They'll listen to what you have to say and talk to you about that. The person will respond to your specific situation at the moment you call and talk about what you want to talk about. They do not have a script or say the same things to everyone. Iowa
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We are the champions - my friends, And we'll keep on fighting - till the end - We are the champions - We are the champions No time for losers, 'Cause we are the champions - of the world!
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Oct 2 2009, 11:59 PM
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Junior Moderator

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QUOTE (silent_enigma @ Oct 2 2009, 10:28 PM)  I called a hotline once. It was no big deal. I wasn't able to express myself well enough to get much feedback from her though, and I just felt more depressed afterwards. That's me, tho. Maybe write out some things to say beforehand so there's stuff to talk about. Great point, silent_enigma. I tend to get tongue-tied and flustered when speaking, whereas I can write things down more easily. I could definitely see myself having such an experience. I'll write down everything I'd like to discuss before I try calling a hotline (if I ever get the courage to do so, that is). Does anyone have any other advice about hotlines?
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"The easy road lies in wait Takes its toll and all it desires Leads you blind Leaves you there Takes your heart and leaves you in silence."
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Oct 4 2009, 03:11 PM
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Junior Moderator

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Hi Angel,
You may even give some thought to printing out some of your postings here that also be an easy way of talking to one of the hot lines. Maybe a good idea would be to read some of your postings on here to whom ever you talk to on the hot line, that way they may have more of an understanding what you have been feeling. Just something to think about.
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********************************* If we can't stand alone to help ourselves, with support we shall stand together to make the changes and a difference within our lives and the lives of all for the better. ******************************************
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Oct 4 2009, 10:07 PM
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Junior Member
 
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Joined: 4-October 09
From: USA
Member No.: 41,244

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I called a hotline once though it wasn't a suicide hotline. I had SI'ed (it was superficial) and when I said that, the person on the other end wanted my address to send an ambulance. I just hung up the phone and I haven't called one since. I probably never will. Now I don't trust them.
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~I will not allow my past to define me~
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