I'm debating about whether I should call a suicide hotline. It would be a free call, right?

But the thought of calling one frightens me. Besides, I don't think things have progressed that far yet. Or have they?

I've been having a good bit of ideation lately. I sometimes indulge in ideation fantasies, but these past few weeks, my thoughts have been different. I've been thinking about actually carrying out the act. These thoughts frighten me; I'm afraid that I might actually do it. I'm not sure I have the wherewithal to try it, but I can envision a situation in which I might.

I never thought I'd seriously be thinking about suicide again. Once, I had a sudden revelation that made me realize that I couldn't commit any such act. Well, I'm not sure if that's true anymore.

My birthday is coming up, and I'm petrified. I feel like my birthday is the day during which I'd most likely try to carry it out.

When I contemplated suicide as a teenager, I ultimately didn't attempt it because I felt some force---I thought it was God at the time---pulling me back. Now I don't feel that force. In fact, I feel like I'm supposed to do it, like it's the right thing to do. I feel so sure about it, and that surety scares me.

I don't want to tell the therapist about these thoughts because I know he has to inform someone if I threaten suicide. I'd rather talk to someone anonymously. What happens when you call a suicide hotline? I'd like to know how it works before I think more about calling one.

Oh, no. I just realized that my cell phone is under my dad's plan. Surely he'd see that I'd called a hotline on the bill. I don't want him to know if I call one. What am I going to do?

I don't think I really will attempt suicide, but the thought scares me. My current existential crisis regarding my future doesn't help, either.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for from a hotline. I don't want anything to happen that will disrupt my life, though, or keep the call from being anonymous.

This post has been edited by AngelOfTheMoor: Oct 1 2009, 01:37 PM

Hi AngelOfTheMoor,

I am not 100% sure but I believe that hotline numbers don't actually show up on bills. If you are feeling a lot of suicidal ideation then it is well worth calling someone.

I had awful suicidal ideation for months on two occasions, but I talked to a PsyDoc on the phone and then went to see him and that helped a lot.

If you go to A & E, you will get to see a member of the Mental Health Team, so that is an option.


Do whats best for you.

Jim Bow

This post has been edited by jimbow15: Oct 1 2009, 01:49 PM

HI ANgel,

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. You're in the US right?

The USA National Suicide Hotlines are free to call and therefore I don't imagine that they will show up on your phone bill. That's not a gurantee though. I am sure that some people around here will have phoned before and can tell you though. There may be local numbers that do charge but that have local numbers and so wouldn't look suspicious on your bill.

I know in the UK that you can call the Samaritans and reverse the charges but I don't know if something similar exists in the US.

You don't actually have to be suicidal to phone the lines. I think having ideation is sufficient enough. If you think that phoning will help you then do it, don't worry about if you SHOULD be calling or not.

You can email the Samaritans but of course you may have to wait for a response. There are also sites where you can get online chat support from counsellors. If you google Kristin Brooks, you'll see some addresses.

If you phone a hotline, I think it is anonymous so it shouldn't impact upon your life afterwards.

Good luck, I hope you find something that helps.

PRT xx

Thanks for the replies. I am in the U.S., yes. What's A & E? Anyway, I'd like to know a few more specifics.

This may be a silly question . . . but is there any way that someone on the other end could call another service to come hospitalize me or something if they feel the need to do so? That's something I'd like to avoid.

What sort of approach do these hotlines take? I must admit that I've always been skeptical of the efficacy of hotlines. I feel as if they'd probably just give me generic answers and tell me things I've heard before. I guess I'd like to know what sort of responses to expect.

Does anyone have any more details about hotlines?

This post has been edited by AngelOfTheMoor: Oct 1 2009, 05:29 PM

An A & E is something in the UK maybe like an emergency room. The hotlines are totally confidential. They have no way to track your call (unlike 911) and will not call anyone. They are crisis counselors and are there to listen to you and talk with you.
My experience with hotlines are that they will follow your lead. They won't ask your address or phone number or anything. They'll listen to what you have to say and talk to you about that. The person will respond to your specific situation at the moment you call and talk about what you want to talk about. They do not have a script or say the same things to everyone.
Iowa

Hmm . . . good to know. Thanks for the info. Is there a limit to how long you can be on the hotline? I think I'll keep the possibility of calling one in the back of my mind. Thing is, I really, REALLY don't want to die. I fear it more than anything, but I also have this suicidal impulse that tells me that for me death is the best option. I'm fighting it as best I can, but I'm afraid that one day I won't be strong enough to keep fighting. So, then maybe I could try a hotline.

Does anyone else have any details about hotlines? Experiences they'd feel comfortable sharing? I don't know. I still feel a bit hazy about the hotline idea.

I called a hotline once. It was no big deal. I wasn't able to express myself well enough to get much feedback from her though, and I just felt more depressed afterwards. That's me, tho. Maybe write out some things to say beforehand so there's stuff to talk about.

Great point, silent_enigma. I tend to get tongue-tied and flustered when speaking, whereas I can write things down more easily. I could definitely see myself having such an experience. I'll write down everything I'd like to discuss before I try calling a hotline (if I ever get the courage to do so, that is).

Does anyone have any other advice about hotlines?

Hi Angel,

You may even give some thought to printing out some of your postings here that also be an easy way of talking to one of the hot lines. Maybe a good idea would be to read some of your postings on here to whom ever you talk to on the hot line, that way they may have more of an understanding what you have been feeling. Just something to think about.

I called a hotline once though it wasn't a suicide hotline. I had SI'ed (it was superficial) and when I said that, the person on the other end wanted my address to send an ambulance. I just hung up the phone and I haven't called one since. I probably never will. Now I don't trust them.