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 Oct 8 2005, 10:33 PM
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Admin Team
Group: Super Administrators
Posts: 10,705
Joined: 15-June 04
From: United States
Member No.: 4
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Lake Geneva woman shares secrets to living with bipolar disorder
(Published Thursday, October 6, 2005 12:29:24 PM CDT)
By Sue Yanny
Gazette Staff
LAKE GENEVA -- Maria Ruby was a lot like other kids when she was growing up.
Except for one thing.
"As early as 5 years old, I was constantly crying and depressed," she said. "My parents only thought I was shy and quiet."
Maria is an attractive, intelligent, articulate 44-year-old woman from Lake Geneva who has bipolar disorder, which is also known as manic depression.
She takes medications and regularly sees a psychiatrist and a therapist.
She's made great strides during her life-so much so that she now speaks out about her bipolar disorder and provides support to other people who have mental illness.
"It's taken me a long time to feel good about myself and to separate myself from my illness," she said.
Maria grew up in a big, close-knit family in Cedarburg.
Although no one in her family knew it at the time, she suffered from depression from the time she was 5 and tried to kill herself for the first time when she was 14.
Maria had started to slit her wrists when she opened her Bible and read a passage in it. She put down the knife, covered her wrist with a bandage and wore long sleeves to hide it.
She doesn't remember the passage, but it saved her life.
After graduating from Cedarburg High School, Maria attended Cardinal Stritch College in Fox Point.
She majored in telecommunications and minored in psychology while maintaining a 3.5 grade point average.
Maria became involved with a man who was emotionally abusive, and she tried to kill herself for the second time when she was 19 by taking an overdose of sleeping pills and alcohol.
Fortunately, she slept it off with no ill effects.
"My friends were very angry with me, and I didn't understand why," she said.
After attending Cardinal Stritch College for two years, Maria decided to take a year off from college and went to work at Keystone Resort in Keystone, Colo.
She then returned to college at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley, Colo., where she dated Rick Ruby.
She graduated from college and married Rick in 1984.
Rick and Maria had a child-a boy they named Alan.
They had another child-a boy they named Michael.
And then all hell broke loose.
When Rick and Maria were in college and before they were married, they had a baby girl, which they gave up for adoption to a couple who couldn't have children.
They believed they were doing the best thing they could for their baby girl.
Rick and Maria had decided not to have any more children after they had their two sons, and Maria became depressed because she had always wanted a baby girl after giving their first baby girl up for adoption.
That triggered a manic episode, which started as depression and escalated into mania.
"It was a very severe episode where I thought I was God," she said.
Maria was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where she was put on medication and received therapy.
Rick, Maria and their sons moved to Cedarburg at her father's insistence so her father, mother and siblings could provide support for her.
Maria started two theater groups in Cedarburg-one for famous plays and the other for plays that had never been produced before.
She was putting on plays every other month for the theater groups when she started to feel stressed out.
"Stress can be your enemy with bipolar disorder, and it got me," she said.
Maria suffered a psychotic breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She called the people who were involved with her theater groups from the hospital, and they hung up on her.
She hasn't heard from any of them in 11 years.
The rejection still stings.
"I've talked to others with mental illness who have also experienced stigma," she said. "This has got to stop. And we can only stop it with education, advocacy and support groups."
Rick, Maria and their sons then moved to Lake Geneva.
Maria was admitted to psychiatric hospitals four more times after suffering from manic episodes.
She got through the dark times with the help of her family, friends, church and God. She hasn't suffered a manic episode or been hospitalized during the past eight years.
Things are looking up.
Maria works part time as a breakfast attendant at a hotel.
She serves as the public relations chairwoman on the board of directors for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill-Walworth County chapter.
She's the sole trainer from Wisconsin for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to teach people with mental illness how to tell their stories in a national program called "In Our Own Voices-Living With Mental Illness."
And she works for Michael Mack, who wrote, produced and performs a play throughout the United States about schizophrenia called "Hearing Voices (Speaking In Tongues)."
Maria said she sometimes thinks about what her life would be like without bipolar disorder.
"I would have a very boring life," she said with a laugh.
She then became serious and said she wouldn't be the person she is or have met the people she has met without bipolar disorder.
"I'm giving more to the world because I have this illness than I would have without it," she said.
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~Lindsay, Forum Super Administrator, Founder   Hotlines
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May 9 2006, 09:03 AM
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Newbie
Group: Newbie
Posts: 22
Joined: 25-April 06
From: UK
Member No.: 7,045
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I find it helps me to read other peoples stories but it isn't today. I live with a partner who has manic depression and not sure how long i can cope it took me 18 months to get him to a doctor and seek help and he is now on anti-depressants and will soon be starting therapy but he doesn't seem to be improving he says his pills are not working but he won't go back and tell his docotr to try a different one. He says 'there is no pill to make you like your job get qualifications and enjoy life'.
Yesterday he missed work which is not like him because he doesn't get paid for sick leave so he never has had time off and i'm now worried it might lead to him giving up work altogether. I don't know what else to do! I am suffering from stress, tension headahces and IBS because of my home life and his illness and don't know how much longer i can go on living like this - but I LOVE him.
This post has been edited by Amberline: May 9 2006, 09:04 AM
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I am still learning to love myself while trying to help others do the same.
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Nov 21 2006, 08:42 PM
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Newbie
Group: Newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: 21-November 06
Member No.: 11,819
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laloba November 21, 2006 I wish I knew some of the secrets. I read about people like Stephen Fry and want to share with others to break the stigma. I want to express myself. I want my creativity back. I want to stand up and be counted!! But where and how? I feel like I have lost everything and don't know where to start to get back at it. Whatever it is. Laloba QUOTE(Forum Admin @ Oct 8 2005, 10:33 PM)  Lake Geneva woman shares secrets to living with bipolar disorder
(Published Thursday, October 6, 2005 12:29:24 PM CDT)
By Sue Yanny
Gazette Staff
LAKE GENEVA -- Maria Ruby was a lot like other kids when she was growing up.
Except for one thing.
"As early as 5 years old, I was constantly crying and depressed," she said. "My parents only thought I was shy and quiet."
Maria is an attractive, intelligent, articulate 44-year-old woman from Lake Geneva who has bipolar disorder, which is also known as manic depression.
She takes medications and regularly sees a psychiatrist and a therapist.
She's made great strides during her life-so much so that she now speaks out about her bipolar disorder and provides support to other people who have mental illness.
"It's taken me a long time to feel good about myself and to separate myself from my illness," she said.
Maria grew up in a big, close-knit family in Cedarburg.
Although no one in her family knew it at the time, she suffered from depression from the time she was 5 and tried to kill herself for the first time when she was 14.
Maria had started to slit her wrists when she opened her Bible and read a passage in it. She put down the knife, covered her wrist with a bandage and wore long sleeves to hide it.
She doesn't remember the passage, but it saved her life.
After graduating from Cedarburg High School, Maria attended Cardinal Stritch College in Fox Point.
She majored in telecommunications and minored in psychology while maintaining a 3.5 grade point average.
Maria became involved with a man who was emotionally abusive, and she tried to kill herself for the second time when she was 19 by taking an overdose of sleeping pills and alcohol.
Fortunately, she slept it off with no ill effects.
"My friends were very angry with me, and I didn't understand why," she said.
After attending Cardinal Stritch College for two years, Maria decided to take a year off from college and went to work at Keystone Resort in Keystone, Colo.
She then returned to college at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley, Colo., where she dated Rick Ruby.
She graduated from college and married Rick in 1984.
Rick and Maria had a child-a boy they named Alan.
They had another child-a boy they named Michael.
And then all hell broke loose.
When Rick and Maria were in college and before they were married, they had a baby girl, which they gave up for adoption to a couple who couldn't have children.
They believed they were doing the best thing they could for their baby girl.
Rick and Maria had decided not to have any more children after they had their two sons, and Maria became depressed because she had always wanted a baby girl after giving their first baby girl up for adoption.
That triggered a manic episode, which started as depression and escalated into mania.
"It was a very severe episode where I thought I was God," she said.
Maria was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where she was put on medication and received therapy.
Rick, Maria and their sons moved to Cedarburg at her father's insistence so her father, mother and siblings could provide support for her.
Maria started two theater groups in Cedarburg-one for famous plays and the other for plays that had never been produced before.
She was putting on plays every other month for the theater groups when she started to feel stressed out.
"Stress can be your enemy with bipolar disorder, and it got me," she said.
Maria suffered a psychotic breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She called the people who were involved with her theater groups from the hospital, and they hung up on her.
She hasn't heard from any of them in 11 years.
The rejection still stings.
"I've talked to others with mental illness who have also experienced stigma," she said. "This has got to stop. And we can only stop it with education, advocacy and support groups."
Rick, Maria and their sons then moved to Lake Geneva.
Maria was admitted to psychiatric hospitals four more times after suffering from manic episodes.
She got through the dark times with the help of her family, friends, church and God. She hasn't suffered a manic episode or been hospitalized during the past eight years.
Things are looking up.
Maria works part time as a breakfast attendant at a hotel.
She serves as the public relations chairwoman on the board of directors for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill-Walworth County chapter.
She's the sole trainer from Wisconsin for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to teach people with mental illness how to tell their stories in a national program called "In Our Own Voices-Living With Mental Illness."
And she works for Michael Mack, who wrote, produced and performs a play throughout the United States about schizophrenia called "Hearing Voices (Speaking In Tongues)."
Maria said she sometimes thinks about what her life would be like without bipolar disorder.
"I would have a very boring life," she said with a laugh.
She then became serious and said she wouldn't be the person she is or have met the people she has met without bipolar disorder.
"I'm giving more to the world because I have this illness than I would have without it," she said.
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Nov 25 2006, 12:19 PM
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Just Registered
Group: Just Registered
Posts: 1
Joined: 25-November 06
Member No.: 11,930
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I am 29 years old and have been ill for almost 20 years. I didn't reach out for help until a year and a half ago. The stigma attatched to mental illness is so prevalent that I was afraid of what I would find out about myself. Well, it took a severe manic episode to land me in the hospital (FINALLY) and on the road to recovery. I started meds, Depakote, then Lithium, then Abilify, then Geodon, the last of which seemed to finally agree with me. Then I got pregnant. My doc took me off meds very quickly. Needless to say, I went bananas. I was hallucinating and everything. I started taking a low dose of Risperdal to control the mania, then the depression set in. I was so afraid of being a horrible mother. Who could give a child the care they need when they are so messed up? I felt like I didn't deserve to have a baby. I was afraid. I was lonely, and no one seemed to understand me. People just said "lots of women get a little wacky when they're preggers!" So, I finally found some folks who understand. I joined a research study out of Boston. They are doing a study of bipolar pregnant and breastfeeding women. They told me to try Lamictal. I was hesitant, my mother had the Stevens-Johnson rash from that drug and ended up in the hospital. She was lucky, they caught it early. I finally tried it. I have had a mild rash for weeks, but have stayed on the drug because I feel mentally stable on it. I have been told that it has a great safety rating for pregnancy and even for breastfeeding. Epileptic women are not discouraged from breastfeeding if they take it. Only us crazy ladies are told not to breastfeed on it. Well, I intend to. I think my baby on the way will be much better off if I am relatively sane. I am finally feeling optimistic about this baby. He's due on Valentine's Day and I can't wait to hold him in my arms! Here's a 3D ultrasound picture of my boy, Aidan!
**removed link as per our Terms of Service
This post has been edited by SarahN: Nov 25 2006, 04:27 PM
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May 31 2007, 03:36 PM
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Just Registered
Group: Just Registered
Posts: 1
Joined: 31-May 07
Member No.: 16,551
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QUOTE(Forum Admin @ Oct 8 2005, 10:33 PM) Lake Geneva woman shares secrets to living with bipolar disorder
(Published Thursday, October 6, 2005 12:29:24 PM CDT)
By Sue Yanny
Gazette Staff
LAKE GENEVA -- Maria Ruby was a lot like other kids when she was growing up.
Except for one thing.
"As early as 5 years old, I was constantly crying and depressed," she said. "My parents only thought I was shy and quiet."
Maria is an attractive, intelligent, articulate 44-year-old woman from Lake Geneva who has bipolar disorder, which is also known as manic depression.
She takes medications and regularly sees a psychiatrist and a therapist.
She's made great strides during her life-so much so that she now speaks out about her bipolar disorder and provides support to other people who have mental illness.
"It's taken me a long time to feel good about myself and to separate myself from my illness," she said.
Maria grew up in a big, close-knit family in Cedarburg.
Although no one in her family knew it at the time, she suffered from depression from the time she was 5 and tried to kill herself for the first time when she was 14.
Maria had started to slit her wrists when she opened her Bible and read a passage in it. She put down the knife, covered her wrist with a bandage and wore long sleeves to hide it.
She doesn't remember the passage, but it saved her life.
After graduating from Cedarburg High School, Maria attended Cardinal Stritch College in Fox Point.
She majored in telecommunications and minored in psychology while maintaining a 3.5 grade point average.
Maria became involved with a man who was emotionally abusive, and she tried to kill herself for the second time when she was 19 by taking an overdose of sleeping pills and alcohol.
Fortunately, she slept it off with no ill effects.
"My friends were very angry with me, and I didn't understand why," she said.
After attending Cardinal Stritch College for two years, Maria decided to take a year off from college and went to work at Keystone Resort in Keystone, Colo.
She then returned to college at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley, Colo., where she dated Rick Ruby.
She graduated from college and married Rick in 1984.
Rick and Maria had a child-a boy they named Alan.
They had another child-a boy they named Michael.
And then all hell broke loose.
When Rick and Maria were in college and before they were married, they had a baby girl, which they gave up for adoption to a couple who couldn't have children.
They believed they were doing the best thing they could for their baby girl.
Rick and Maria had decided not to have any more children after they had their two sons, and Maria became depressed because she had always wanted a baby girl after giving their first baby girl up for adoption.
That triggered a manic episode, which started as depression and escalated into mania.
"It was a very severe episode where I thought I was God," she said.
Maria was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where she was put on medication and received therapy.
Rick, Maria and their sons moved to Cedarburg at her father's insistence so her father, mother and siblings could provide support for her.
Maria started two theater groups in Cedarburg-one for famous plays and the other for plays that had never been produced before.
She was putting on plays every other month for the theater groups when she started to feel stressed out.
"Stress can be your enemy with bipolar disorder, and it got me," she said.
Maria suffered a psychotic breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She called the people who were involved with her theater groups from the hospital, and they hung up on her.
She hasn't heard from any of them in 11 years.
The rejection still stings.
"I've talked to others with mental illness who have also experienced stigma," she said. "This has got to stop. And we can only stop it with education, advocacy and support groups."
Rick, Maria and their sons then moved to Lake Geneva.
Maria was admitted to psychiatric hospitals four more times after suffering from manic episodes.
She got through the dark times with the help of her family, friends, church and God. She hasn't suffered a manic episode or been hospitalized during the past eight years.
Things are looking up.
Maria works part time as a breakfast attendant at a hotel.
She serves as the public relations chairwoman on the board of directors for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill-Walworth County chapter.
She's the sole trainer from Wisconsin for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to teach people with mental illness how to tell their stories in a national program called "In Our Own Voices-Living With Mental Illness."
And she works for Michael Mack, who wrote, produced and performs a play throughout the United States about schizophrenia called "Hearing Voices (Speaking In Tongues)."
Maria said she sometimes thinks about what her life would be like without bipolar disorder.
"I would have a very boring life," she said with a laugh.
She then became serious and said she wouldn't be the person she is or have met the people she has met without bipolar disorder.
"I'm giving more to the world because I have this illness than I would have without it," she said. Thanks for the info Phenom
This post has been edited by DeeBear: May 31 2007, 07:34 PM
Reason for edit: removed link per TOS
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 Jul 31 2007, 11:56 PM
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Just Registered
Group: Just Registered
Posts: 1
Joined: 31-July 07
Member No.: 17,968
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QUOTE(Amberline @ May 10 2006, 12:03 AM) I find it helps me to read other peoples stories but it isn't today. I live with a partner who has manic depression and not sure how long i can cope it took me 18 months to get him to a doctor and seek help and he is now on anti-depressants and will soon be starting therapy but he doesn't seem to be improving he says his pills are not working but he won't go back and tell his docotr to try a different one. He says 'there is no pill to make you like your job get qualifications and enjoy life'.
Yesterday he missed work which is not like him because he doesn't get paid for sick leave so he never has had time off and i'm now worried it might lead to him giving up work altogether. I don't know what else to do! I am suffering from stress, tension headahces and IBS because of my home life and his illness and don't know how much longer i can go on living like this - but I LOVE him. After reading your peice above, I was compeled to reply...I too am going through the same thing.. My partner has Manic Depression and although he was very open in telling me about it, I never really understood until I saw it for myself..Our relationship is only new and we have lived together for only a couple of months, and all of the sudden the whole "honeymoon period" just stopped, the man I deeply love just disappeared and i had no idea in what to do, I started questioning myself whether i had done somethng wrong etc, because he wouldnt speak to me, he wouldnt even look at me, and I felt like I was about to break, I cried and cried and when I finally approached him about it the only respose i got is "I dont know what to say", it was like he didnt care.. And then trying to explain it to the kids, that was difficult cos I didnt know what to expain, cos i was in the dark with it all.. He has meds that he goes on, but when he feels better he will go off them, which i know cant be good for him.. This "downer" has lasted more than two weeks now, and I dont know how much more I can take, i was really close to leaving.. But I cant turn my back on him, I love him far to much, but like you...Im at a loss in how to help when he gets like this!!! thats why i joined this site, maybe someone can give me some insight on what to do...
This post has been edited by Anny: Jul 31 2007, 11:58 PM
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Oct 28 2007, 01:12 PM
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Just Registered
Group: Just Registered
Posts: 4
Joined: 6-April 07
Member No.: 15,293
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QUOTE (Amberline @ May 9 2006, 10:03 AM) I find it helps me to read other peoples stories but it isn't today. I live with a partner who has manic depression and not sure how long i can cope it took me 18 months to get him to a doctor and seek help and he is now on anti-depressants and will soon be starting therapy but he doesn't seem to be improving he says his pills are not working but he won't go back and tell his docotr to try a different one. He says 'there is no pill to make you like your job get qualifications and enjoy life'.
Yesterday he missed work which is not like him because he doesn't get paid for sick leave so he never has had time off and i'm now worried it might lead to him giving up work altogether. I don't know what else to do! I am suffering from stress, tension headahces and IBS because of my home life and his illness and don't know how much longer i can go on living like this - but I LOVE him.
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Oct 28 2007, 01:17 PM
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Just Registered
Group: Just Registered
Posts: 4
Joined: 6-April 07
Member No.: 15,293
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I too am trying to live with a partner who, I believe may be bipolar. He has been diagnosed as depressed and the psychiatrist keeps looking into bipolar. I find it comforting to at least hear that there are others out there that feel so helpless yet love the person and do not want to abandon him. Question: does anyone know if it is possible to be 50 years old and suffer from undiagnosed BP? Wouldnt it have been spotted by now? Am I just looking for an excuse to try to justify his irritability and not blame myself? I never know when it will hit and I am afraid to be with him especially out in public because I dont know what he is going to say or do. Any response would be welcome.
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Nov 8 2007, 09:24 PM
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Junior Member
Group: Junior Member
Posts: 136
Joined: 7-November 07
From: NE
Member No.: 20,355
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Yes, I think it's possible to be any age and to have not been diagnosed yet. BP can be misdiagnosed as depression and I'm told BP II, mixed states is often missed as well. I was recently diagnosed BP II mixed. after years of being on depression meds. Needless to say I've not been well being misdiagnosed. Hang in there. My partner has a hard time too. Often times she thinks it's me being mean to her when it's really the illness. Hard to distinguish between the two. I am a very irritable and angry bipolar person. Maybe this will help. I'd love to discuss with you if you want. QUOTE (madehimcrazy @ Oct 28 2007, 12:17 PM) I too am trying to live with a partner who, I believe may be bipolar. He has been diagnosed as depressed and the psychiatrist keeps looking into bipolar. I find it comforting to at least hear that there are others out there that feel so helpless yet love the person and do not want to abandon him. Question: does anyone know if it is possible to be 50 years old and suffer from undiagnosed BP? Wouldnt it have been spotted by now? Am I just looking for an excuse to try to justify his irritability and not blame myself? I never know when it will hit and I am afraid to be with him especially out in public because I dont know what he is going to say or do. Any response would be welcome.
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Jan 27 2008, 09:27 AM
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Just Registered
Group: Just Registered
Posts: 1
Joined: 27-January 08
Member No.: 22,240
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[color="#800080"][/color][size="1"][/size]
Dear Madehimcrazy,
I am just wondering if your still around on this forum???
I have just joined today but would really appreciate the chance to chat with u!!!
Kind Regards
STiNGiNGBaBYC
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Jan 27 2008, 11:05 AM
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Assistant Administrator/Mod Coordinator
Group: Administration
Posts: 18,570
Joined: 6-September 04
From: Santa Rosa CA
Member No.: 637
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It is possible to be undiagnosed with any mental illness at any age if the person never seeks help. My mother was undiagnosed as BP for her entire life and refused to seek help. Sheepwoman 
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It is not the life I lived; but the life I leave behind. Sheepwoman |
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Jan 31 2008, 09:38 AM
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Newbie
Group: Newbie
Posts: 9
Joined: 31-January 08
Member No.: 22,362
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Reading things like this makes me realise that I am far away from being alone with this sort of condition. I feel for everyone who experiances the same symptoms and its not far to be judged or treated unfairly because of it
pest
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Apr 19 2008, 01:16 PM
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Just Registered
Group: Just Registered
Posts: 1
Joined: 18-April 08
Member No.: 24,545
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I've lived with bipolar my entire life but have only been treated for it for about 8 years, therapy 10. I am one of the hardest cases to treat. I have been through every med, every combination, every therapy and even ETC's mulitple times. No one had faith I would ever live a normal life not even my psychiatrist. I am always stressed out and I feel i'm always trying to compensate for my inferiorities. I'm always trying to be more than just bipolar. It took me years to get my life back on track since I spent my teenage and early adulthood in hospitals. For a person in my situation I've accomplished more than anyone thought possible. I no longer live on medication since I didnt help me and in fact i'm better off off them. The problem though are those times when I cant control it even when I see it coming. My poor husband has his hands full. I cant imagine what he has to go through and deal with. Right now i'm in a depression trying to pull myself out but without help it seems almost hopeless. You see I moved to another state to be with my husband and I left my psychiatrist behind its been hell trying to find another one or even a psychologist and at the moment i've been unsuccessful. So I really am on my own for now. I could tell you the stories i've been through but at the moment It would just take too long. Living with bipolar disorder is a struggle everyday and I think thats what most people dont realize. If you arent dealing with the disease its almost impossible to imagine. I know people think i'm irratitional but its true at times I am. At times i'm not. I think my main problem is that people dont understand why I do the things I do or why I think about the things I think about. I cant explain it in words to them, it only comes out gibbrish.
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Jul 8 2008, 01:17 PM
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Senior Member
Group: Senior Member
Posts: 493
Joined: 18-May 08
Member No.: 25,334
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i'm really glad that she can turn her bp around to be something positive for others.
i've mentioned before here that my dad, a bp1, killed himself. i found him on the floor.
everyone tried to sugar coat it, and say it was a "heart attack". NO, it was suicide.
in his final service, which i helped to write, i had the minister make it clear that the white elephant in the room was that it was a suicide, not heart attack, and that anyone with these feelings must get treatment and can be treated (almost always).
they were shocked at the openness, but by and large, had a real awakening. when someone you love is gone, suddenly it makes sense i think. it's too bad that they needed that to get over some of the stigma.
i did that to reduce stigma, be honest, and do what my dad would have wanted. he was always an advocate, and had a low point.
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Current cocktail: Abilify 30mg. Adderall XR 30mg, Lamictal 400mg, Wellbutrin 300mg, Lithium 1200mg
DX: BP1, ADHD, and PTSD
In tribute to my dad, BP1 suicide.
"She sits in a corner by the door...there must be more I can tell her. If she really wants me to help her, I'll do what I can to show her the way, and maybe one day I will free her. But I know, no one can see through her. Lisa, Lisa, sad Lisa, Lisa..."
-- Sad Lisa by Cat Stevens
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Aug 28 2008, 08:19 PM
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Newbie
Group: Newbie
Posts: 7
Joined: 26-August 08
Member No.: 28,279
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[font="Georgia"][/font][size="2"][/size][color="#2F4F4F"][/color]WHAT A WONDERFUL INSPIRATION YOU ARE! I WAS JUST DIAGNOSED, ALMOST TWO WEEKS AGO, AND I'LL TELL YOU...I FEEL LIKE I AM UNDER A MICROSCOPE ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING I DO IS SCRUTINIZED. I CAN'T BLAME THEM, BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW. ALL THEY KNOW IS WHAT THEY SEE ( MY FRIENDS ). THEY QUESTION EVERYTHING. I HATE THAT. BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM ME AGAIN. THE PLAYFUL ME, BUT THEY SEE IT AS BEING "HYPER".  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I CAN'T "ACT" A CERTAIN WAY, AND THEY DON'T WANT ME TO. THAT WOULDN'T ANY OF US ANY GOOD BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T TELL IF THE GEODON IS WORKING OR NOT. WOO IS ME.....
This post has been edited by TURTLEMADDNESS: Aug 28 2008, 08:20 PM
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BEST WISHES,
TURTLE[color="#006400"][/color]
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 Jun 15 2009, 04:41 AM
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Member
Group: Member
Posts: 209
Joined: 6-January 09
From: pennsylvania
Member No.: 32,411
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this is slightly disconcerting, that when she had her children :all hell broke loose" i am in a relationship of almost 4 years, my bf has a child of 5 almost 6, she is amazing, and i wouldnt trade that bond for the world, but i dont know if i will ever be ready to give birth and be a full fledged mother. this is worrying me now. we just had the convo again last night over whether we will have kids and he says it will be wonderful, ect, ect, and the IDEA is in there, and he has it, but the idea for me is that i dont want to put another soul (or two) through the stress and stigmatic life of bipolar. my bf and i are both bipolar, and just about everyone in my family has it in one form or another. most of them i would call "managed maniacs"
they function somehow, and i am trying, go work and go to school, but i am 27 and still dont have a bachelors yet, been going to college on and off since 99. it is getting old. and will i ever be ready to have kids, i dont know if the day will come, then what if it happens and i dont end up resenting them for the rest of my life because i didnt want it in the first place, i am so scared of that, and also of the same thing against my boyfriend. ugh!!!!!!!!!
megan
sorry if it is off topic slightly, but i took one snippet of the article that really stuck to me.
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--Resist much. Obey little. -- Walt Whitman
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Secrets to living with bipolar disorder, A Lake Geneva woman shares her story |
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Depression Forums - A Depression & Mental Health Community Support Group > OTHER DEPRESSION & ANXIETY RELATED ILLNESSES > Bipolar Disorder
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