Lake Geneva woman shares secrets to living with bipolar disorder

(Published Thursday, October 6, 2005 12:29:24 PM CDT)



By Sue Yanny
Gazette Staff

LAKE GENEVA -- Maria Ruby was a lot like other kids when she was growing up.

Except for one thing.

"As early as 5 years old, I was constantly crying and depressed," she said. "My parents only thought I was shy and quiet."

Maria is an attractive, intelligent, articulate 44-year-old woman from Lake Geneva who has bipolar disorder, which is also known as manic depression.

She takes medications and regularly sees a psychiatrist and a therapist.

She's made great strides during her life-so much so that she now speaks out about her bipolar disorder and provides support to other people who have mental illness.

"It's taken me a long time to feel good about myself and to separate myself from my illness," she said.

Maria grew up in a big, close-knit family in Cedarburg.

Although no one in her family knew it at the time, she suffered from depression from the time she was 5 and tried to kill herself for the first time when she was 14.

Maria had started to slit her wrists when she opened her Bible and read a passage in it. She put down the knife, covered her wrist with a bandage and wore long sleeves to hide it.

She doesn't remember the passage, but it saved her life.

After graduating from Cedarburg High School, Maria attended Cardinal Stritch College in Fox Point.

She majored in telecommunications and minored in psychology while maintaining a 3.5 grade point average.

Maria became involved with a man who was emotionally abusive, and she tried to kill herself for the second time when she was 19 by taking an overdose of sleeping pills and alcohol.

Fortunately, she slept it off with no ill effects.

"My friends were very angry with me, and I didn't understand why," she said.

After attending Cardinal Stritch College for two years, Maria decided to take a year off from college and went to work at Keystone Resort in Keystone, Colo.

She then returned to college at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley, Colo., where she dated Rick Ruby.

She graduated from college and married Rick in 1984.

Rick and Maria had a child-a boy they named Alan.

They had another child-a boy they named Michael.

And then all hell broke loose.

When Rick and Maria were in college and before they were married, they had a baby girl, which they gave up for adoption to a couple who couldn't have children.

They believed they were doing the best thing they could for their baby girl.

Rick and Maria had decided not to have any more children after they had their two sons, and Maria became depressed because she had always wanted a baby girl after giving their first baby girl up for adoption.

That triggered a manic episode, which started as depression and escalated into mania.

"It was a very severe episode where I thought I was God," she said.

Maria was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where she was put on medication and received therapy.

Rick, Maria and their sons moved to Cedarburg at her father's insistence so her father, mother and siblings could provide support for her.

Maria started two theater groups in Cedarburg-one for famous plays and the other for plays that had never been produced before.

She was putting on plays every other month for the theater groups when she started to feel stressed out.

"Stress can be your enemy with bipolar disorder, and it got me," she said.

Maria suffered a psychotic breakdown and was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She called the people who were involved with her theater groups from the hospital, and they hung up on her.

She hasn't heard from any of them in 11 years.

The rejection still stings.

"I've talked to others with mental illness who have also experienced stigma," she said. "This has got to stop. And we can only stop it with education, advocacy and support groups."

Rick, Maria and their sons then moved to Lake Geneva.

Maria was admitted to psychiatric hospitals four more times after suffering from manic episodes.

She got through the dark times with the help of her family, friends, church and God. She hasn't suffered a manic episode or been hospitalized during the past eight years.

Things are looking up.

Maria works part time as a breakfast attendant at a hotel.

She serves as the public relations chairwoman on the board of directors for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill-Walworth County chapter.

She's the sole trainer from Wisconsin for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill to teach people with mental illness how to tell their stories in a national program called "In Our Own Voices-Living With Mental Illness."

And she works for Michael Mack, who wrote, produced and performs a play throughout the United States about schizophrenia called "Hearing Voices (Speaking In Tongues)."

Maria said she sometimes thinks about what her life would be like without bipolar disorder.

"I would have a very boring life," she said with a laugh.

She then became serious and said she wouldn't be the person she is or have met the people she has met without bipolar disorder.

"I'm giving more to the world because I have this illness than I would have without it," she said.