Hey guys,
This is my first post on here, despite checking the boards on and off for the past year. I'm in the mood to do abit of writing, so thought I'd tell you my story...

Six years ago I moved away from home to go to uni, I was a funny, happy go lucky 19 year old. I quickly made alot of friends. I'd always been the kind of person who'd go against the grain, living life the way I wanted to - which was the thing I liked best about myself. Finishing the first year of uni was a massive confidence boost. Throughout school I'd always been abit of a loner, until I was 16... since then each year life had only gotten better.

Then came the second year of uni, coming back from an amazing summer I moved in with my flatmates from the first year. After a month or so we seemed to start rubbing each other the wrong way... no worries, I just decided to spend most of my time with another group of friends. These guys had started experimenting random club drugs, and even though I'd always said I'd only ever do certain drugs I thought I'd give self medicating a go - see what the big deal was. It turned out to be pretty fun. My greatest pleasure in life was having random conversations about nothing at the time, and self medicating made it so easy start random conversations with people... and so the drug binge began.

It lasted for about 4 months, these guys turned out to be pretty big cainers. At first it seemed really fun, like alcohol without the hangover, with a big dollop of fun. I guess after about two months of getting high every weekend the damage started to show. I was starting to withdraw socially, having fun only when self medicating. One day I woke up and the world was a haze, like I was separated from everything by a thick fog... from what I can tell I was depersonalized. So I decided to knock it on the head.

That Christmas was horrible, I went home... and I'm pretty sure my parents could tell the difference in me. They commented that I was "always spaced out". I'd have trouble sleeping and visual hallucinations, and my brain felt numb all the time. After about 6 months of that things started to get a little better, either that or I've just got used to it.

I stook with uni for the next 4 years, even started a PhD. But I'm not actually living life... Everything used to come so easy, and now its so hard. Alot of the friends I met in the first year have trickled away, I don't even bother trying to stay in contact with people who aren't in my immediate vicinity. I can't even have a real conversation with someone over msn, it just seems a little too laboured.

Well, theres my story. It's strange that what I miss most are the things that used to come easiest - the long conversations about everything and nothing.

Anyone else got a similar story?

Hi kezman,

A very interesting thread. Unfortunately messing around with recreational meds does have a harmful effect in the long run. I have met a few people who ended up hospitalized on a long term basis for the same reason.

Sounds like you are a very bright guy and given time you should recover and the initial damage should ease off.

you really need to go and see a Doctor for a referral to a neurologist to check you out and support you through a program of rehab.

I hope you get on well with your University and get better soon.

Keep yourself busy and away from recreational meds

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

hi kezman and welcome,

congratulations on sticking out with your 4 yrs of uni and starting your phd.
sometimes it's hard to be around a group of friends who do a lot of self medication, the important thing is that you stay strong for yourself and your future and that means not self medication. it would be a good idea to be checked out with your doctor to make sure that you are physically ok and may be a good idea to talk with a therapist to help you get back on track. the effects of your self medication can also contribute to your mental state of mind. give your doctor a call and see where you can go from there. we are also here to support you.

Hi and welcome kezman.

It's very easy to fall into self-medicating at uni, I did it a bit myself, but the main thing is you have realise it wasn't good for you and you are working through it. I agree with the advice that has already been given, go and speak to your doctor about it. They will be able to refer you on to your local mental health partnership for further help, and they will also have contacts of local drug counsellors and groups in your area. You say you are in London so I sincerely doubt you'll have any problems finding help and support.

You can still have long conversations about everything and nothing here! There's the Water Cooler for off topic banter and when you get your post count up a bit you'll be able to use the chat feature.