DF Logo

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Advertisement

 Forum Rules Forum Rules and Disclaimer
>  Random Thoughts And Memories Giving Me Heavy Anxiety, Not full-on panic attacks, but close | Add To Bookmarks
Digg this topic · Save to del.icio.us · Slashdot It · Post to Technorati · Post to Furl · Submit to Reddit · Share on Facebook · Fark It · Googlize This Post · Add to ma.gnolia · Tag to Wink · Add to MyWeb · Add to Netscape
Advertisement
Advertisement
Gandalf_The_Grey
post Mar 18 2008, 12:29 PM
Post #1


Advanced Member
****


Group: Advanced Member
Posts: 277
Joined: 29-November 07
From: British Columbia, Canada
Member No.: 20,885
This is so weired. I haven't had problems with anxiety, not significantly anyway, since I was a teenager. But now in these last few days, I keep having the most random thoughts and memories that are making my heart race and my anxiety shoot through the roof. Maybe it's because tomorrow I'm moving to Victoria with my friend, and it's the first time in my life I've moved out of my parents house. I'm excited about it, but admittedly a bit nervous too.


This morning I've been overwhelmed with a memory of something that happened 10 years ago! Nothing brought it up, but it's making me feel horrible and stressed. It was the most guilty I've ever felt in my life:

I was 12 or 13, and out with my friend in his backyard. His cat was roaming the yard when it saw a crow on a fence post, and pounced at it. The crow flew away really fast in a panic, and smacked head-first into the wall of a house. We rushed over to see how it was, but it was lying on the ground gasping for breath. I was sure it's neck was broken and there was nothing we could do to save it, and thought the most humane thing to do would be to put it down as quickly and painlessly as possible.
But as I looked around, literally the only thing I could find was a 2 foot wood-handled shovel with a plastic spade on the end. I thought one good blow would put the poor thing out of it's misery, but when I hit feathers flew everywhere and it was still alive. I felt so horrible because now it was in so much more pain, and I'm the one who had done it. I panicked and kept hitting it over and over trying to make it die as quickly as possible so it wouldn't suffer any more, but it just wouldn't die. Finally after what seemed like eternity it did died, but I felt like a murderer and was choking back tears. I was trying to save it from pain, but instead ended up causing so much more.



Seems pretty silly to have this weighing on me 10 years later all of a sudden though, doesn't it? But this is what my mind has been doing the last few days. Even yesterday as I let my cat in the sliding glass door, I got this vivid image of "what if I accidentally closed it too fast and broke her leg?". Totally random, but the thought felt so real and made me have another semi-panic attack.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?????
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

 
 Start new topic
Replies
Larry
post Mar 20 2008, 11:37 AM
Post #2


Gold Member
*******


Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,250
Joined: 15-April 07
From: SW Washington State, USA
Member No.: 15,504
QUOTE (Gandalf_The_Grey @ Mar 18 2008, 10:29 AM) *
This is so weired. I haven't had problems with anxiety, not significantly anyway, since I was a teenager. But now in these last few days, I keep having the most random thoughts and memories that are making my heart race and my anxiety shoot through the roof. Maybe it's because tomorrow I'm moving to Victoria with my friend, and it's the first time in my life I've moved out of my parents house. I'm excited about it, but admittedly a bit nervous too.

This morning I've been overwhelmed with a memory of something that happened 10 years ago! Nothing brought it up, but it's making me feel horrible and stressed. It was the most guilty I've ever felt in my life:

I was 12 or 13, and out with my friend in his backyard. His cat was roaming the yard when it saw a crow on a fence post, and pounced at it. The crow flew away really fast in a panic, and smacked head-first into the wall of a house. We rushed over to see how it was, but it was lying on the ground gasping for breath. I was sure it's neck was broken and there was nothing we could do to save it, and thought the most humane thing to do would be to put it down as quickly and painlessly as possible.
But as I looked around, literally the only thing I could find was a 2 foot wood-handled shovel with a plastic spade on the end. I thought one good blow would put the poor thing out of it's misery, but when I hit feathers flew everywhere and it was still alive. I felt so horrible because now it was in so much more pain, and I'm the one who had done it. I panicked and kept hitting it over and over trying to make it die as quickly as possible so it wouldn't suffer any more, but it just wouldn't die. Finally after what seemed like eternity it did died, but I felt like a murderer and was choking back tears. I was trying to save it from pain, but instead ended up causing so much more.

Seems pretty silly to have this weighing on me 10 years later all of a sudden though, doesn't it? But this is what my mind has been doing the last few days. Even yesterday as I let my cat in the sliding glass door, I got this vivid image of "what if I accidentally closed it too fast and broke her leg?". Totally random, but the thought felt so real and made me have another semi-panic attack.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?????


There is nothing the heck wrong with you. In fact, everything is right with you. Lambvet is right. Stress triggers a lot of stuff. Consider: "it's the first time in my life I've moved out of my parents house. I'm excited about it, but admittedly a bit nervous too." Moving out is the death of your childhood up to this point. The past you is dying and the new you is being born, so visions of death seem pretty normal. The death of the crow was difficult. Reaching this decision and moving out of your parents house was probably difficult. It may not have appeared so, but down inside it takes tremendous courage acquired in struggle. You are the crow. You are also the cat. Crow--past. Cat--now. The cat made it out. The door did not shut too soon. The leg did not break. The cat got out just fine as you will get out of your parents house just fine.

I am not a professional. These are just my projections. Remember that a negative attitude will interpret your visions differently, like if you move out you will die slow and painfully (although we are pretty sure that animals do not experience pain as we do) and it would be better to break your leg like the cat and stay put where you are. I like the first interpretation better.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post


Posts in this topic
- Gandalf_The_Grey   Random Thoughts And Memories Giving Me Heavy Anxiety   Mar 18 2008, 12:29 PM
- - lambvet   Hi Grey, If I was a professional I would probably...   Mar 20 2008, 06:46 AM

 

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:


 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 21st November 2009 - 07:18 AM
Copyright © 2009 Depression Forums Incorporated - A Depression & Mental Health Community Support Group. All rights reserved.
Information supplied on Depression Forums should not be relied upon and is not a substitute for medical advice from a health professional or doctor.
* DF © is an acronym for DepressionForums.org
DF © does not endorse any product advertised on Depression Forums Incorporated.

| About Us | Terms Of Service | Privacy Policy | Contact Us |