..if not, I'm sure someone can move it. =)

Well, I'm new here, so just a little background information before I get started on this rant of mine. I'm Stacey, fifteen years old and I'm from Northern Ireland. I suppose you could say I've lived a happy life; normal compared to the kind of troubled lives people have to endure each day. But depression really hit me when I was around the age of eleven, an early age to become depressed, but it had really changed me since.

Ever since I was 11, I remember developing these 'obsessions' if you could call it that. I don't know if it has anything to do with being depressed, but I'm sure it probably does. The obsessions were always linked with TV personalities. First off it was Jennifer Aniston, then Courteney Cox (mainly revolving around the Friends cast), then it turned to Nicole Kidman, then Ewan McGregor, then Hugh Jackman, and the most recent was Meryl Streep. I guess it was a certain movie or TV show that I had become interested in, then the obsessions with the characters started. For example, it was Friends that led to Jennifer and Courteney, Moulin Rouge for Nicole and Ewan, Australia for Hugh Jackman and Mamma Mia for Meryl Streep. But each of these obsessions lasted less than a year, then it faded and I moved on to something else.

I can't find the words to describe what it felt like, but I was just fascinated by these people, learnt everything there is to possibly know about them by researching online and using movies and books, etc. I felt pretty much like a freak to be honest. But after each obsession faded, I could almost guess who would be next because it was always after I'd watched a movie or TV show and seemed to be inspired by a certain personality. However, when the obsession for Meryl Streep died, nothing prepared me for what the next one could have been.

My Geography teacher. Sounds stupid, I know. And just to add to it, she's a girl. =P It's not a crush of any kind, and I'm not in love with her, etc. I don't see myself as being in a relationship with her as I am merely interested in the opposite sex, just for reference in case anyone suggests these ideas. I suppose it all started in February when I was having problems in school. I didn't like this teacher at first, and I'm a quiet person who tends to keep all their problems bottled up, never talking to anyone. But for some reason, I was drawn to talk to her, and ever since she's the only person I do talk to about things bothering me.

In my own theories, I think my mind has kind of led itself to believe that whenever I think about her, talk to or about her, or if she's in my mind at all everything is going to be okay, since she helped me so many times. I don't know if you'll understand what I mean but she just makes me seem so much happier. Before I talked to her I was emotional wreck, now everybody has said to me that they've noticed a huge unexplainable change in me, that I've been so much happier recently. But it's getting to the point where I can't live like this anymore. I can't stand these obsessions as it's turning me into somewhat of a stalker. I know where she lives, I know her phone number, details about her family, her car registration number, quite a lot of things.

But these acts of obsession seem as though it isn't even me controlling it, it's as though my mind has a 'mind' of it's own, if you know what I mean. All I wanted to ask was that if these obsessions had something to do with me feeling depressed? And why would she have been my next obsession after the celebrities? I don't want her to find out, God forbid, and I really don't want her to feel threatened by me. We have quite a good friendship and she helps me with so much. I'm grateful for that, and I don't want to ruin it.

Sorry for the long first post, I guess I got carried away. =P But if you've made it this far, thanks for reading, and please reply.

=) Stacey.