Hi again Mercycove,


I'm not really sure about the DID (MPD) questions but I have loss of time thanks to traumas when they manage to overwhelm me which is pretty much everyday. I was doing pretty decent as far as the blackouts went but I've been trying to confront some of the trauma and this is causing me to depersonalize more frequently according to the docs and T. Unfortunately it is a process I have to go through as horrific as it may be in order to get better or at the least try to get better.

This morning for instance I was driving to the doc's, I was freaking out from the long drive and I could feel myself starting to "slip away". I for some reason looked down at the change holder in the truck and blacked out. Thankfully the truck is so tiny and my legs were so cramped up they held the steering wheel in a straight line until I came back around. Thank God for Nissan Frontiers and the little folks that make them.

The docs and T call this depersonalization which is one of my coping mechs and allows me to escape from all the bad s*** happening at that moment in time. The problem is, like I said, I can have them when I drive. I've ended up so far from home before that I have needed a roadmap to get back a few times. I've even ended up at the same place so far from home so many times people there have known me by name, now that's scary. I was told once I spent the night at this one particular place and don't even recall it to this day. Good thing they weren't cannibals.

They also can make me feel like hell (depersonalization effects and trauma recall) and I haven't felt really well since I've started my confrontational therapy, exposure therapy whatever you may want to call it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that my docs and T told me today and many times before is that PTSD can cause depression, anxiety, blackouts/loss of time just depending upon how strong it is, is how bad it can make you feel. Toss in some bipolar BS and a few other labels on my behalf and it can get really confusing as to what is really doing what...the good news I got today is that the effects can become less and less after so many "exposures".

Gah I've rambled, I'm sorry about that. I just hope you start to feel better soon, maybe after December 21-23 things will start to look upwards? The new moon, longer days begin again!! Perhaps after the holidays? I can't wait to see the new moon, well, I probably won't be able to see a new moon but you know what I mean.

Anyway this is what I've been told, results and milage may vary from person to person. Hang in there baby relief isn't far away. Btw you're not the only one who feels alone and empty. I'm also sorry I didn't directly address what you asked but I hope what I typed may help you in some small way.

This post has been edited by Epic: Dec 7 2005, 02:45 AM

Like Epic said, I don't have any experience with DID, but I do have one little tidbit of advice for you. Try not to get too hung up on labels. You are a person and not a label. No matter what label someone hangs on you, the important thing is that you are getting proper treatment for your symptoms.