I think I know how you feel, chel. I live alone and don't have many friends. The few I do have are getting tired of hearing me talk about how I feel and have been avoiding me lately. My parents are aware of my situation, but I don't like worrying them - they do enough worrying about my brother and his kids - so I don't talk to them about it much. I haven't heard a word from my coworkers since I started my disability leave in December and it occurs to me that this must be the only illness where people don't send flowers and get well cards. I can understand their discomfort, but I think that stinks.

I've been thinking about going into talk therapy again and perhaps that's something that would help you, too. With the right therapist, I know it can be a great outlet. My last one wasn't that great. I liked her, I just didn't feel that she was helping me. I know it's going to take some research and probably some trial and error, but I'd like to find a new one.

Hang in there, chel. Try not to give in and give up even though sometimes it feels easier.

Hi Chel,
Thanks for posting on my thread!!
I too need a friend that understands. I can totally relate to how you feel.
So...would you like be friends on the forum?
I'll reply to your thread and you come on over and see me on my thread.
Perhaps we can support one another and encourage one another, or sometimes just relate to the other's feeling.
Wanna try?
Also their is the option we can throw in once in a while, with the Private Messages.
Let me know what you think!

Looking forward to hearing from you!
-Nefret

Chel I'm so sorry you are hurting sweetie!! I know what it feels like to be alone and it sucks sometimes!! I try to be positive as I can be and even still I get way down sometimes! I think you are very brave to say how bad you feel so plainly! My experiance in life has taught me to just stuff it a lot and it's even hard for me to let loose here sometimes because I feel like people have so much on them and my stuff is just puney somehow! If you ever need me and I am bouncing off walls and don't see your post please know you can PM me and get my attention anytime you need a friend! I don't think your pain is puney or unimportant! I think you are great!!! Hugs!!

Chel,
I can absolutely relate to having no one to talk to. I am pretty much estranged from most of my family members. In the past I have tried to confide in them about my mental health diagnosis, expecting support, and all I got was stonewalled. I got the general feeling that they felt like I was malingering for attention. I definitely agree with you about confiding things to co-workers too. I try very hard not to do that. Probably a good rule of thumb is to not tell anything that you wouldn't mind having your whole workplace knowing.

Obviously you are in a career that you don't enjoy. Have you considered going back to college? There are all sorts of options for people who want a degree nowadays such as online classes. Then you could learn to do something you enjoyed and life would seem much more meaningful and positive for you.

I am so grateful for sites such as this, where people can come to be befriended and understood. I find it to be such a help. And if you'll notice, a good majority of people who come here have the same complaint- nobody to talk to in real life. So let it all out Chel! We're listening.

nefret, sounds good, i could really use someone to listen and i will return the favor hapily

Got your PM. Sent you one back, I hope it made some sense....feeling rather discombobulated.......so thinking about you and cheering you on from the sidelines!!

I know what you feel like!
I want someone to understand! i told my parents and my dad kinda just went on his own normal way and my mum whenever i touch on the subject starts blaming all the things i do for the way i am now. A though she is looking for somthin else to blame! it is driving me mad! I want someone to acualy care! not just sit there and go 'you arent fat, life is cool, o how horrible for you!' GRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr anway rant over!
no i think that we all want someone to understand and to be like us and tell us advice and knw the right thing to do at the right time. Someone who will be quirt when you want them to, to cuddle you when you cry, to acualy LISTEN to you.
I dont realy know what advice to give but i was just going to tell you that you are not alone

hi chel
im sorry that u feel like this but i do understand wht u r saying,
when i lived on my own i had me and my cat and that was it, and u cant really get a great conversation with ur cat can you, lol
anyway maybe we could be friends and help each other threw hard times give advice, etc
maybe u could go see a councellour or therapist,
they wont judge you, its up to you to do what u want no one can stop u, if u want to si then do it, i wouldnt advize it but if u must then u must,
i used to si everyday, and now i havnt done it in about a year well cut anyway i have done other things, but im well chuffed, i can understand how u feel when u want to do it and dont want others to prey,
hang in there,
there r loads of peepes on here that care for you so remember that u can speak to use
steph
x

thank you all ! i would love to pm you and will respond to yours,, i am having alot of stress, pain, anxiety and frustration right now,, i decided to si a day ago and now its all i think about,, i have not done that in a few months. being alone when surrounded by people is truely depressing,,, chel

Hey Chel,
Frusterating, feeling frusterated , that's how I feel. To top it off, I PM'd you, thought about my response, words just came out wonderfully etc. A good mesage, I thought....then before I could send it I think, the internet kicked me out, so therefore don't know if you got it.....ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

The above post I have a question, you wrote...'I decided to si a day ago an now its all I think about..." What did you decide to do a day ago???
And I sooo know what you mean when you say that 'being alone when surrounded by people is truely depressing....' Sometimes I feel more alone, then when I am actually alone, I get sad that I think no one loves me, when I was the one doing the leaving (going home or whatever). But now that I am married and my 20 year old son is living with us, there really no time for me to be physically alone. When I am, after about 2 hours or so...I get feeling anxious......sometimes I feel like I can't win.....sooo all to say that I KNOW how your feeling my dear.
I will be keeping an eye on you (your posts) and PM me whenever you want. I am here for you :)
-Nefret

nefret i si when i need to ,,,,,, i cut,, it relaxes me,,, chel

Ohhhhh...boy do I feel stupid.........now I understand. Gotcha. Sorry if that question made you feel uncomfortable in anyway...was not my intention.
I will be thinking about you my dear, take care hon. Do you need anything from me, that I can do or say or whatever, from myside of the screen???
Sending love your way!! (((((((( chel )))))))))))
-Nefret

First off I don't know how much this means but I'm listening. I can't say I'm a great listener. But I know that it's not easy to talk to people about your issues. For me I always had to be strong. I had to fake my happiness for the most part and I did for a good part of my life. Since a young age, the bottling up has finally made me insane. I think you should tell someone about it. I used to be stronger too. I guess when it builds up or something extremely bad happens it escalates to the point where you don't feel as strong anymore. I wonder much of the same thing. I don't really know the purpose of what I do. I know now but it's sadly I didn't learn it before something horrible happened. In your case it's good that you're discovering it now better now than when you are in a more deeper situation. All I can say is don't hurt yourself in any way. I never did intentionally but accidentally because I didn't look after myself and that just screwed my life up now. I think a lot of people say those things because they don't want to see you suffer. I never understood that until now, but at the same time I can't accept it for just being a great life because sadly after what I did it's no longer even a normal life let alone great. I've been struggling with this hell for years only in recent years it's gotten worst because of my own stupid actions. Don't let that be you. You might think it's fine to SI now but you could possibly just be regretting it later down the line. I know for sure if I could I wouldn't have taken stupid s*** for my acne. I feel what you feel right now both the pain and the stupidity but please know that you lucky. At least your body still functions and you are still healthy. Your life isn't crap. Please don't give up!

thanks lostman

i can hear your depression and saddness,,i dont know what you have gone through but i think we do have things in common. i used to be so strong , one of those high on life kind of people,i would be crapped on by friends and family and didnt care, maybe i did care and between being treated like a nobody by doctors , being used by famly and and dragged across the concrete al in 2 years , wich i call my personal hell.. i have just gotten thrown in a ditch by too many people. i am so tired of it ..i didnt si today,, i am amazed that i didnt but i managed to not do it ,,ya me . feel free to write me and tellme more of your story,,i feel for you

oh i hate that !!! your not fat blah blah blah !!! you look great !! aah i would rather someone well lets talk about it and see how you can loose some weight ,, oh i always get ' why would you do that?'' do i really need to explain myself? i have to scream in my car when i can ! i am here too i love to listen and lend an ear or shoulder !

no problem , this is the only place that i can talk about it and it helps to get it out to some one that wont go through my purse or threaten me...

Dear Chel:

God Bless you. God loves you and so do I and others here on the website. Chel..please contact a Christian Counselor in your area. This has been a Godsend for me. If you dont know of one, call the Deeper walk International (you can get their info on google) and they will recommend someone good in your area. In some cases, some of these counselors will work for free (or a small donation).This worked for me...trust me. You need more than the internet to get you through this.


Please Chel. Dont give up. Theres a reason why all this is happening to you... God Bless you. I will pray for you sweetheart. Chin up, ok?

This post has been edited by HappyNewYawker: Feb 10 2009, 03:48 AM

Hey Chel,
Just checkin in to see how you are doing, How are you doing?
I am glad that you didn't SI today!!! This is good, and yes yeay, Chel!!
Let us know how are are doing, we love you and feel free to PM me any time, K?

-Nefret

((((Chel))) I'm so sorry you have been suffering and please know you can PM me anytime also!! Huge Hugs!! XOXOXO

I know how you feel. I don't think there is a week that goes by where I don't feel completely alone. My parents also don't know about my situation, they have enough to worry about already as I suffer from other things as well that they do know about. I have lost almost all my friends in the last few years, I went from having so many I couldn't keep track to having 2 people I occasionally can ask for help for other things. I luckily still have my boyfriend but he doesn't like to talk about my depression. He doesn't get it and I am not sure if he wants to. I guess it gets too hard for him. I wish I could go back to how I used to be, being able to do stuff when I want and be spontaneous. Now every day, every night, every week and every month is the same.