Currently I am in depression "remission" if there is such a thing. I had someone say the neatest thing to me today - in fact, if it had been a picture I would've framed it. I was telling somone new to our workplace about my neighbor who doesn't like me (thoughts of which have consumed me during my depression), and my coworker said to this person "Probably the only person anywhere who doesn't instantly like Nicky". This isn't even a best friend of mine - a girl I've come to respect that I work with. It makes me want to cry because it's just the neatest thing I've ever heard about myself. If this is really true, is she saying this about the person that is free of the depression - the recent Nicky? Or is it that I couldn't see those good things all along? I've had a couple of WOW moments recently - talking to my children, talking with friends, that I am baffled how self-loathing could have so consumed me that I thought everyone would be better off if I weren't around. I spent nights working out and crying at the same time, hoping for cancers or maybe violent intruders to remove me from existence. It's like waking from a nightmare and wondering how I ever thought the animatronic-looking monster was real.

I wanted to share this with others who currently only see themselves as repulsive creatures, unable to feel liked or loved by anyone. I suspect everyone on here feels like the exception to the rule - "No, you don't understand, Nicky, I really am that unworthy of love and of life". You know what? WE'RE ALL WORTH LOVING, no matter what we've done or been, mistakes we've made or how we've behaved. And if you're online right now, crying your eyes out uncontrollalbly, or walking around as an empty husk of a person - I can tell you - the thoughts you're thinking aren't real, and life IS worth living. It CAN get better.

On that note, I want to send out a note to the heroes on this forum like Always Trying, Burgy, Sheepwoman, Webkangaroo, Isabeau, Dante, Joey, Trace, Neatoboy, Nealy, Whitelily, and many many others who told me I was worth keeping around.

Nicky Lynn


This post has been edited by NickyLynn: Nov 20 2008, 09:39 PM

First I'd like to say that I'm happy you're feeling better :)
And I'd also like to say thank you, I'm at the point where you mentioned the empty husk of a person, and reading this and things like this really just motivate me, keep me going, so thank you

Nicky

You are an inspiration, Thank you so much.
I am so glad that you are in the light right now and that you are feeling better. Your topic brings hope to so many people out there.

You are worth it and truly inspirational!

Trace

Thank you so much for giving encouragement and hope for all the members. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You've found it and many more will, too.

Thank you also for including me in your list of "heroes."

Keep up the self-work.
Sheepwoman

It is great that you are feeling so positive. I am in a sort of "depression remission" at the moment too. Our family had a good holiday and my father came to visit for a couple of weeks (who I hadn't seen for 3 years).

Perhaps we are seeing the glass as half-full for a change!

Nicky Lynn,
Thanks for your wonderful Post!
Doug

Thank you for such a wonderful post! I am so happy that you are making your way towards recovery. You are a worthwhile person, you do deserve respect and happiness and i'm really glad you are starting to believe this yourself now! We all need to hear encouragement, it may be so hard to believe anything when we are depressed but it is still very important to hear!! I love that this forum has a really positive focus despite its subject matter, it has really helped me to meet people who i can connect with, this is my refuge.



ps - i really liked the font you used!!

This post has been edited by bigblackdog: Nov 22 2008, 01:38 PM

Thank you Dragon. You strike me as being a very feeling, sincere, and likeable person. I wish you the best on your journey to recovery.
NL

Trace,
You always seem so positive. I have often been envious of your level-headed replies to posts, wishing I could feel that centered. I THINK I'm heading in that direction. Hopefully my half-crazed paranoid posts are at an end.

Thanks for your support,
NL

You are very welcome. It is well-deserved. It it people like you who post immediately to those people who are desperate for a response and sit there waiting desperately hoping for someone to listen; you are making a difference. Sometimes there is nowhere but here that people feel like they can post- even people with a great family and friends can feel incredibly isolated by depression.

Keep sending out that message of hope!
NL

Thanks Duggie - you belong in the list of heroes as well. Your message of giving back to others is an important one that will heal many.
Be well and stay strong!
NL

I'm so pleased to hear that, Joey. I am incredibly embarrassed that I blamed my problems of depression on my husband. He's done crappy things, but really no more than me. My depression has blown a lot of things in my life out of normal focus. But I am seeing clearly again and it is wonderful.

Stay strong and stay in touch,
Nicky

Thank you big black! I've seen you really struggle a lot on here and my heart breaks for you. I hope things are heading in the right direction for you. You are certainly within the circle of heroes that have made my return to "normal" easier. No one understands depression quite like a fellow sufferer. I've been so happy to have this place to help me through what has certainly been one of the darkest times in my entire life.
Thanks for your support and caring!
NL