First I am sorry if I have posted this in the wrong place. I have no idea where to put this. :-) I don't really know why I am posting this up here but I just want to get this off my chest.

I am a 22 year old, female, university student from the UK. I have just started my final year at university.


It has been none stop with problems all out of my control for about two years ( health problems, shocking sudden death of two family members in a very short space of time but on both sides of my family, distressed flatmate with ill grandparent, work problems, death of family pets, parents emotional problems linked to grief, friend lost her brother suddenly in a car accident all in the space of a year and a bit).The stress is starting to show, I thought I was coping but now I am not so sure.I have had these symptoms that suddenly started out of the blue about 7 + months ago but have recently got much worse.

My self as steam has plummeted along with my confidence. I feel incredibly nervous and worried, even with people I know. My tutors have started to notice a change in my behaviour and I get the impression they are a little worried about me. I have been told I have become withdrawn and quiet (which is not like me. I am usually jolly etc). I saw a recent photograph of myself ,but, something looks "wrong". My eyes look hollow, vacant as if I am not all there. Others have said similar things.

I have been told by my doctor a couple of weeks ago that I am seem to be suffering form anxiety (hence posted in this section), which came as a shock, but does not surprise me. However I was not truthful with all my symptoms which I told her, just saying I felt a bit worried. In truth. I feel "hollow" most of the time but put this down to just dealing with stress. This 'numbness" is interspersed with very powerful emotions usually caused by some something that reminds me of what happened or just by random ( intense shock or anger, or sudden bouts of sobbing). I have lost all interest in my degree work, which I used to love and enjoy.I have to force myself to work but don't get far with. Physical problems have started to show, my blood pressure has gone through the roof even though I am only 22 ( right weight etc)

I am increasingly having trouble sleeping and nightmares which are so bad that I wake up drenched in sweat, calling out in distress and I then start to weep un-controllably. The little sleep I do finally get it is fine ,but, it is very hard for me to wake up. I feel "low" and generally very very nervous. I feel fine and then all of a sudden need to weep for no reason what so ever. I noticed that I have only have the odd snippets of memory of learning about the deaths and weeks of my life after the event that are just blank. I started to get very brief "flashbacks" which are disturbing in themselves , more sounds or smells not images. I think i hear someone but of course no one is there.

A constant feeling dread hangs over me and I feel very vulnerable. I am constantly on edge, and have become very jumpy, much to my flat-mates amusement.

Worryingly, I was pointed out by a friend that I have started to drink a lot more and more frequent. I feel ashamed, guilty and I am only just picking up the courage to tell people how I truthfully feel. I want to talk to my doctor, but she does not really listen and says it is just nerves as I am going into my last year at uni (although I have not told her the whole truth about my feelings. It has also got worse since I saw her.). My nerves are shot.

I have never felt like this before and it scares me. Everything is OK and I know I should not feel like this ,but, I do. I have not gone into too much detail I am having trouble describing how I feel in words also I don't really want to think about it. What should I do? What is going on? Am I having a mental breakdown?

All feedback will be welcomed. I hope this makes sense.

Thank you

This post has been edited by cupoftea: Oct 19 2009, 02:32 PM

Hi and Welcome to DF cupoftea

You have suffered a fair bit of trauma one on top of each other and this can cause stress, anxiety and depression.
It may help for you to seek therapy to work through the trauma and try and learn coping mechanisms.

Alcohol is a depressant and can escalate the anxiety more in the future, you may want to discuss meds with your doc, if you feel they may help take the edge off, but therapy can definitely help, I am no professional, but it sounds like your anxiety may be stemming from the trauma's you have experienced.

You must feel so completely overwhelmed.

Trace

Thanks Trace for replying. I was thinking about getting help, I think the "worry" of my third year has finally tipped me. Tutors keep banging on a about work, what you doing next etc. Its a bit stressful as I am not too sure what I am doing. I have been so bogged down with all these feelings and can't cope anymore. I wish it would just go back to how it was before but of course it can't.

I will speak to my doctor and see if I can get therapy. Tablets may take the edge off for now.

Thanks again

Hi Cupoftea

I am glad that you are going to go for help, as it really can make a huge difference.
Please keep us posted on how things go.

Trace

Dear girl! WIsh all that bad luck, no wonder you are feeling the strain! It does sound like depression is setting in, and it's a shame your doctor isn't listening to you. Maybe you need to go back and make things clearer, and if that doesn't help, maybe change doctors?

Drinking is only making your depression worse, it would be good if you could give it up completely.

It's good that you are asking for help anyway, that's a huge step!!

HUGS!

Thanks "Manicpanic". I am trying to cut back on my drinking and I am off to my doctors next week, finally. I got too nervous the first time and did not mention it at all. Worried about what she would do, even though I know she could help me. I have written down how I feel and just going to give it to her to read.

My mind has started to go "blank" then talking to others, or forget what I am talking about all together and just look at them confused. It can be funny sometimes ,but, most of the time it just make people ( and me) nervous. It has not got any better. See what my doc says and if she can help me.

Hi,

I have just jumped on board this website so I am sorry if the reply isn't exactly right!

I have suffered depression for a while now and professionals have told me that a lot of my depression and anxiety is "environmental". A lot of what you have gone through seems to be environmental, you have been through such a tough time and I don't think anyone would cope with what you have.

I'm not sure if its anxiety or pstd but I would definately be seeing a health professional about it and then go from there. 1 step at a time. Once you have a diagnosis then you may find the anxiety part going away.

Hugs. I hope I have helped a little.