I've been going to therapy at my university's counseling center for about a month and a half now, once a week, 45-minute sessions. About a week and a half ago I bought Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns, apparently it is supposed to be one of the better self-help books. I finished reading the part about cognitive therapy, the lat couple hundred pages are all on medication, and I am resistant to the idea I might need that (my counselor hasn't even diagnosed me with depression, at least not explicitly, though I am absolutely certain that is at least a part of my problem). In any case, I'm not going to try that just yet, so I'm not going to read that section most likely. In any case, there are a lot of exercises in the book to help correct the thoughts that are holding me back and keeping me from enjoying life. I'm supposed to write down my negative thoughts, and correct their "cognitive errors", which I understand I make a lot of the time. I don't really have much of a problem with the theory or anything, but I find it almost impossible to get motivated to do everything I'm supposed to. I mean, battling perfectionism, a need for approval, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, etc. all at once is a daunting task. I feel like it could easily take two hours a day to do everything the book talks about to help myself, and I simply can't bring myself to really try.

I feel like there isn't a point in doing it, and I feel like I should just give up because the problem is too big to fix. I often think about withdrawing completely, dropping out of therapy, stop talking with friends, etc. I know that that will just make me more miserable. And I know that doing the exercises and really trying my best to fix my cognitive distortions would help, probably. But I feel overwhelmed, and sort of lost. When reading the book I often would start crying, because it made me think about how I was really feeling, drawing my attention to it rather than letting me push it out of my mind like I normally do. I didn't particularly enjoy reading it, even though I know if I'd just do the work it'd probably help. I don't think I'm being completely honest with my therapist either, I believe he thinks I'm improving faster than I am. I feel better to some extent when I'm there, so he sees me when I'm in a happier mood than normal. And I have a hard time really being honest, because I'm afraid he's going to judge me or criticize me. I know I should be totally open, but its really difficult, I find it hard to even think when I'm there sometimes, just sort of go blank for some reason. And I'm afraid to talk this over with my friends because they really want me to get better and I think they'd be mad at me.

Anyone else have problems getting motivated to really "do the work", and has anyone read Feeling Good? Or comment on anything else I've said, that'd be good too. :)