I was doing ok for quite a while. Felt like I was almost winning the battle we face the best I could. I'm getting weaker again.. I'm functioning, so everyone, including the doc, thinks things are going well for me. Inside I can feel things starting to grip me again. Confidence that I will be ok is diminishing. Maybe it was denial, maybe it was in some kind of remission. Maybe the meds were doing there job. Who knows?

Last week I wanted to quit my new-ish job after only 2mo. As more time goes by, I'm having doubts I will be able to be strong enough to push through. Feeling like this and feeling it will never truely end is depressing. As in the past I can't help but wonder when will it ever end, at death? Can I live the rest of my life like this? Do I want to?
I'm not suicidal, and not a threat to myself or anyone else. But the thought of living like this, as good as it might be, is not good enough. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, more so for everyone elses sake more than my own. Inside I feel like a failure. I'm faking it again. I'm doing just enough to be considered functional, but not enough for ME to feel functional. I work 25hrs a week, and sleep every chance I get.
The cognitive s/es of meds are getting to me too. I can't stand when I can't follow a simple conversation with someone with out forgetting what they said before they even finish speaking. I constantly have to ask what did you just say? It's embarassing!
I'm tired of being tired. I can sleep 12hrs a day and still be tired. Or am I losing the will to fight and go on?
When I started this job and was feeling ok, I was looking to the future and maybe even going back to school and get a degree to be able to get a better job. I don't think I can do it. I'm barely getting by now..

I AM so tired!