Good morning all Yesterday was my first day off from work.I get one day a week of not being annoyed from the employee,if I'm lucky,lol.Now I'm afraid of what I'm going to see when I get there this morning.Trace,I'm going to take your advice on coming up with some sort of warning for her.She's just asking way too much to be just starting a job.Plus,I have to clean up after her and fix all of her boo-boo's up there.Customers don't want to tan while she is working,they all come on my shift.We need a group meeting to discuss the do's and don'ts but it's a little hard to get everyone together.She wants me to switch shifts with her for a while,making me work nights and I just can't with my meds.Is anyone else on a set schedule with their medication to where changing a shift would mess them up?If I take mine too late,I will never get up on time to get my son off to school.I take my lithium at 4pm,my last dose of Xanax around 5-5:30pm,Seroquel 7pm,and Lunesta at 8pm.I can't take that stuff at work.We close at 8pm,making me get out of there around 8:30.Any thoughts on this one?I have to quit smoking this weekend.No if,and's,or but's about it.Ugh...I've smoked for 20 years and I know I need to,and I have to for the surgery I'm having on the 27th.I'm anxious,in dread,and don't know how I'm going to do it.I will probably be on here asking "Please keep me away from a cigarette!!!" Well,off to get ready for work.Hope everyone has a good Monday

Today it is nice and cloudy.... well by that I mean my flat is at a decent temperature.
I have a dilema about groups at my Autistic drop in. I can go to creative writing. Something I want to get back into. Girls group because I do actually enjoy spending time with the girls.
Or split time 50/50. Or 25/75.

Starfish, I am glad that you had a day off and are going to put some warning system in place. It is completely understandable why with your meds you could not work at night. You are the boss, even though it is hard, tell her no its not possible. Good luck with the not smoking.

Helen, I think it would be great getting back into creative writing.

I had 2 teeth pulled yesterday, one was a wisdom tooth. I am in pain, knocked out on pain meds and really hungry as all I have managed to eat is yogurt and soup. I still have to have the other 3 wisdom teeth taken out in a month.

Trace

Raining,again,today.The employee showed up late again.I haven't put up the signs yet.Still trying to figure out how to word it properly.I have to do something.I can't even stand to look at her and I make that quite obvious.I know I shouldn't be that way,shame on me,but I can only have my buttons pushed so much.My son was sick yesterday,so,had to bring him to work with me.Man I have a load on me.We(hubby and I) sold our boat to hire a lawyer to set up a custodial parenting plan and to get child support from my son's dead beat dad,I get my first check from him(late of course)and then he gets arrested.Undercover has been watching him and he has 2 felony charges of theft.Also arrested twice last year for theft and drugs.Found out that he's been teaching our son how to make new VIN numbers and told him it was ok for him to have intercourse(found that out yesterday). I'm like,is there anything else gonna happen?My son is 12,and he's been seeing this for years now.Also,you can't tell a child that.Anyway,I could rant all day..... Trace,make sure that you don't drink out of a straw.It could pull out the clot in the pocket.Ouch.That hurts.I had mine taken out at one time and it looked like someone popped me in the face.Not pretty.Thank goodness they gave me the twillight sleep.I'm a big baby at the dentist office.My butt starts to walk in the chair.LOL.Have a good day,everyone

I think I am going to go and do some of the jobs I was planning on doing yesterday. More driving lessons booked and paid for, plus cancelling the one on the 21st.

Go and return my well overdue (6 months) library books. luckily no fines coz of the type of membership I have....
And go and join the gym....

It is raining and the rain kinda goes with my mood.

done everything i need too.
except with the rain didn't get my walk back along the canal.

(((((((((((((Starfish))))))))



I know what it's like to have an employee who doesn't follow the rules. Now she's telling you to change shifts with her. You're in charge, right? Don't let her tell you what to do! Don't change shifts just to please her. If she doesn't like it she can leave. Besides she's in a probationary period, if you have one. Have a one-on-one meeting with her, write down all the goor-ups she's making instead of blowing up at her. Give her a week or two to shape uip. That's my 2 cents worth.

I'll be back.
SW

That's exactly how I feel,Sheepwoman.It's just getting me to do it.I always feel sorry for people and give in.She is telling another employee that she is getting stressed out working this shift and not having enough time to get things done.She is getting married in June.But dang,she only works from 3-8pm.Honestly she doesn't know what stress is.See,I always give in to people,then I'm like a raging lunatic afterwards.I just keep my mouth shut until it builds up enough,then poof,I'm another person.Like Jekel and Hyde.I didn't give in.I kept the schedule the same this time,though.For once I stood my ground.I've been keeping notes of everything we need to discuss,and then we are having a meeting.Probably in a day or two.It seems like a soap opera up there.

Starfish, it sounds like you are putting things into place with her. Please keep us informed. Sometimes people just need rules, otherwise they get away with anything they can. Lol, I am not drinking through a straw thank goodness. Just been on a soup diet for 24 hours... Lol

Helen, I am so glad that you got a few things done. That must feel good.

Trace

I am about to head out for my first Gym Introduction session. Today is all about goal setting, and an introduction to the cardio equipment. The next is weights and the third is my own programme with a member of staff to make sure it is the right one for me...

I had a really rough night, has left me with no crisis meds but the valium seemed to snap me out of a deep depression into playing a guess what time I'd finally fall asleep game (2am)

Hi all!

Things seems so hopeless! I really don't know what to do. There are to many triggers and I feel so stupid because my mind can't focus on so many things at once. I was together with family yesterday. I could have written a lot, but I think this will explain enough: One of my family members had promised to drive me to the bus- stop. When we were going to leave the phone rang. I tried to answer the person in the phone while one person in the room asked me if it was necessary that I was driven to the bus. I had a lot to carry and nodded yes. Then another person disturbed me, and I had to say "Bye" to the person in the phone. (I had planned to quit the talk in the phone early, but it's not polite to not speak a few words ...). The phone was off and I had to pull together my PC when there stood persons on two sides of me and confused me. I asked them, in a relatively calm voice to accept that I had problem concentrating and not disturb me while I was closing the PC. Then I got the answer that I was complaining. (I'm not the type to use my illness to manipulate others). I felt humiliated and very little. Had problems to fall asleep when home.

I don't know how to make this. My real big problem is that my home looks like there has been a tornado in the house. It became that way because of very little energy. I can't live in this mess. I try and try to make it more cosy, but there are too many triggers outside of me that contribute to make me feeling sad and to have too little energy to go on with it. I have things that need reparation, but I don't dare to call any workers to come and repair something is this cluttered home. It's like I never come to the point where I can start building my health (physical exercises and so). I'm D*** down and quite sick of it

(((((((((((Helen))))))))) I am so sorry that you had such a rough night. I hope the first trip to the gym, will help you to feel better.

(((((((((Rosegirl)))))))) You really do sound like you are in a bad place at the moment. Sometimes family and others really can create a trigger without realizing. I know you like routine. Can you try and start making a routine, with very small goals and post your daily journal in here again, like you always do. I hope this passes soon. You are stronger than you realize.

Trace

Had a second driving lesson today. I also had a badish night last night.... just could not concentrate. Oh and the negative thoughts and tears etc.
Plus one of my friends. Who is a great friend tbh, is rather dismissive of my high points as being the same as ADHD hyperness.
But he is also describing me as impatient. I can wait for things tbh, and I am more impulsive than impatient.

Second gym instruction session tommorow.

Thanks ((((Trace))))! I have tried and tried for 3/4 of a year, now, so of course I'm tired. It started so badly after feeling treated not well by a familymember last year. It is not that I have used all this time to be in a pity-pot, but that that happening was so close to my usual winter-depression. I didn't have time enough to plan how to prevent the winter-depression to blossom to the fullest. It has been the hardest winter-depression I have ever been through. I have to have this depression to "calm down" very soon, so I can be able to plan ahead for a future. The depression has to come to down to a level were I can manage it. When feeling so down, I don't have enough energy to prevent and to use more healthy reactions to triggers ......

I just needed to went!

I have uesed hours this day to print out sheets for tracking mood and other. I'm tired and hungry. I have food in the freezer, but the microwave is out of function. Well I have to go and put something in the oven

((((((((((((Helen)))))))))) I am sorry that you had another bad night. How did the driving lesson go?

((((((((((Rosegirl))))))))) You are amazing how you get through all of this. I know you are tired, but still ever day you try, you make plans to keep your days busy and plans for the future. You are an inspiration.

I had some teeth pulled out the other day and this is the first day I have been able to eat something other than soup! Yay!

Well,the employee has been late 2 days in a row now.I aked her to come in a hour early because my son was running a fever with earach and he had a doc appt,late again.Then tells me that she hopes that I get to make it to where ever I needed to get to on time .I told her twice Bryan was sick.Same day,I see her working out at the gym,taking her time and while she is down there she is suppose to help out with customers and sign them up.See,I work the gym and tanning salon at the same time.She gets a discount down there,that's why she is suppose to help out,but no,she sends them to me.Also found out that she doesn't help out the gym customers when they come into the salon.Yesterday,running late again.When she came in,I shut my mouth and walked out the door.Went home,took a Xanax,came back up there when the Xanax was working.By the time I got through with her,she did this whole drama thing saying she had a lot on her and so much to do with this wedding and started crying.Not falling for it.Personal life should not interfere with work.Forgot to add that I busted her leaving work in the middle of her workshift just so she could pick her boyfriend up from his job.I basicly told her that I will run this place again by myself if I have to. I can't stand it.She's one that likes to try to argue back and say that she has all this stuff to do before work and I just don't really see what it is that causes her to do these things.A wedding does not take up that much of your time.OMG,I'm about to lose it!!

Starfish, it sounds like you terminated "Miss Priss." I agree personal stuff should not interfere with work. Be on time, do your shift and then go about your personal stuff.

I finally got a check up. Have stacks of lab slips, x-ray, and referrals to specialists to see. Ought to keep me occupied for a few days. lol Have to wait for authorization to see the specialists, glad I'm not in dire straits. lol

The weather's turned better. Have so much to do: cutting down weeds, digging postholes, setting posts, hanging wire fencing,...TONS of stuff to do. ANyone want to help?
SW

Thanks (((Trace)))! Starfish, you seem to have a rough time for the moment. Sheepy, glad you have had a check up and good to know that you have things to occupy yourself with.
................................................................................
............


1) I woke up feeling down. Didn't want to get out of bed. My faith helped me. In some way I have to hounor God with the way I use my days. I rose from bed and got started. For number ? (how many) the last 3/4 yeear, I was going to try to build a a platform to get a better life. It will become a difficult task, but I can't give in. I red some place that Thomas Edison tried many, many times before sucseeded with the Light bulp.

I have to start and not look back ..........

Breakfast, news and vitamins. I soon got tired and allowed myself to sleep. I slept for hours.

For the rest of the day: There were litle energy to do do anything. I got my meals and that was that. Was to late for bed in the evening. My goal is to go to bed at 11.00 PM every night. It was 12:00 PM before i put my head at the pillow.

Hi everyone

Rose, I sleep when I have to, that all there is to it. I've never found pushing myself helpfull. Even if I acomplish something, I don't get much satisfaction. Mild depression, yea I push. I find it hard not to feel guilty when I take an afternoon 2-3hr nap, but my doc actualy encourages it. He says if your tired, take a nap if you can

My bankruptcy case got continued once again. My attorney showed up unprepared and we both looked like idiots, the Judge and creditor were ferious. I almost popped on him right in the court house, I had to walk away and let my wife talk to him. I probably would have been arrested if my wife wasn't there
This is the third time. One re-schedual 2 weeks ago, of course he didn't tell us till hours before hand, and then this. Next week is supposedly the final appointment we can make, then I think I will have to refile. I didn't listen to a word he said when we left.

Still hanging in there at the new job, 3mo now. Still hard but managing to get there everyday. Honestly the distraction is doing me a lot of good. I'm still cycling through out the day, but first thing in the AM I'm usauly ok if I get enough sleep and coffee in me. Then I pop some seroquel on the way home from work and take a nap. Otherwise I come home and can't stop pacing? Energy with no direction? Even when I get up, it starts right back up till I take my night dose..

((((Neo)))) you have a lot to go through. Glad you have your job!

About me: 2) Woke up after 7 hours sleep. Used my tracking-sheets, did my prayers and ate breakfast. After that I had litle enrgy. I did remember to have my meals, to take vitamins and so on, but that was that. Did not go to bed before 03:00 AM.

I Have had to go off Cymbalta already on the advice of the Psychiatric Emergency (crisis) Team. It was making me suicidal and higher than ever.
Anyway meds need sorted now, so no doubt i'll be on the phone at 8:30 am trying to get an emergency appt with the GP. And I got brilliant if drugged nights sleep (5mg diazepam + 50mg chlorpromazine) and I ate proper food for the first time in a while.
Anyhow I go back to the PET at 4pm today.

Starfish, it sounds like she really is not a great person to have working for you. She actually sounds incredibly selfish.

Sheepwoman, I am glad that you have had your check up. Good Luck with the rest.

Rosegirl, I love the way you keep going and trying. You have a lot of stamina.

Neo, its great to see you. I am sorry about the Bancrupcy case being moved again. That is the last thing you need right now.

Helen, It seems like things may finally start going right for you. I am glad that you had a good nights sleep, that can help. Good luck for this afternoon, let us know how it goes.

I'm frozen here. Its really cool today and I took one of my meds at the wrong time this morning by mistake, so I am more than likely going to be ill tomorrow morning. Lol, my brain was not working.

Trace

Happy Mother's Day for those of you in the US.

Neo good to see you. Glad your job is going well for you. It's great to have something to look forward to everyday. I often take "power naps" during the day when I've not gotten enough sleep ( doggone cycles!)

I guess Monday I'll make appointments for the lab and x-rays. It's hard waiting for the authorizations to see the specialists: neurologist, dermatologist and orthopedist (not for my arm, it's for my foot this time.) All 3 have to be seen as soon as possible.

I informed my sis today that after her horse camping trip at the end of the month I will be going fishing one day on the weekend. She was ok and approved that I take the break and change of scenery. She wanted to know where i'd be going. I go to a very secluded lake (no cell phone coverage) for catfish, might try a local lake and my friend said I could fish the lake on his ranch anytime 9i can take the dogs and camp overnight. I love fishing and I've not had the opportunity for many years. Looking forward to having great fish dinners.

The goslings are going outside today. They've made a total mess in the bathroom with flinging food and water on the tiled walls. I'll be scrubbing it down after they're moved. They're going to have a swimming pool!

SW

Last night was my first night without Seroquel and I could tell a big difference in my sleep.All I had was 3mg of Lunesta that didn't help me out any.About 2 hours later I had to take a Xanax.My mind wouldn't shut off.I slept really light and a lot of dreaming.Seroquel stopped all of that.Now I feel like crap this morning.I have a doc appt tomorrow and I ask him what he thinks.The only reason why I came off the Seroquel was because of the weight gain.The weight gain started with Zyprexa and Invega,but was worse with this.Ugh....Now I don't even want to go to work.Probably won't have the patience to deal with that employee.LOL.

ARGH me manic. Me going making cavy sleeping bags/snuggle sacs....
That is for Guinea pigs....

Good morning everyone.Ugh...it's been one of those weeks.Our Miss Priss employee will be terminated here shortly.Also,I'm going to have to start guiding my younger brother(26 yrs) into the right direction.I'm setting up an appt with my doc and see if we can help him out,too.He's Bipolar also.He was just arrested Saturday for being intoxicated and in possession of a hand gun,shot off several rounds off of someone's front porch.His girlfriend slapped him,but they charged him with aggraved assault.He is back on drugs again,but big sis here has to step in and take over.I use to ignore and avoid him because we would clash,but I don't want him to wind up like his father.His father is no longer living because of not being properly treated.Tomorrow,we have to go back to my lawyer and prosocute(spl?) my son's father for still not paying child support even after we have already been to court.Now that's gonna cost me more money.He just sits back and thinks that this is just one big game and that he's gonna get away with not helping out.He doesn't seem to have a problem with taking care of his other son that he has with his on-and-off wife.And he is just a drug dealing motorcycle stealing thief.He was just arrested for it.Ohhh,I've had a good rant today,lol.I'm about to blow a gasket.This is probably why my meds don't work like they should.I have too much going on.At work,I'm working 2 weeks straight,no day off,just so she could have her bridal shower.Then she comes in there and tells me how stessed out she is and that she didn't get to get a nap in for the day. Ok,gonna stop right here.I could type all day about this.Hope all is doing well and have a good day

This post has been edited by Starfish139: May 18 2009, 07:24 AM

Hi Everyone

How are you all?

Starfish, it sounds like you have been having the worst week anyone could ever have. I wish their was a way you could just take a break and do something for you. You certainly deserve it.

I've had a fairly rough day so far trying to do something, but I am getting nowhere, just getting rude and extremely unhelpful people, but I think it should get better, my day.
Why is it when you sit in a place all morning, you get to finally speak to someone, they don't listen properly become rude and then tell you, that they can't help you there...Lol, they told me to go to another City, Well the 2 cities are only an hour apart and I live in the middle of the two.
What a waste of time. Now I have to do it all over again and what I have to do is not that easy with my cirucmstances, so I found out today. If I had money it would be ok, but I don't, so I have to go the unhelpful, govermental free route. In other words Do it yourself route.



Trace

Trace,I feel for you.I have been in situations similar to where I have dealt with rude people.Makes you wanna scream at them.Did you ever get your issue ressolved?Yesterday at work,we just posted a sign saying that we are now hiring.She hasn't even noticed.She just come in complaining about how tired she was(off all weekend)and didn't think she was going to make it until closing time.I guess she thought I was going to tell her to go home and I would cover the rest of the shift.She didn't seem too tired when she was working out at the gym.See,I monitor the gym,also.She's a real piece of work.She told me when she hired in that she was diagnosed with a personality disorder at the age of 13-14 but has never been treated or medicated.I just see her as being a liar and self-centered.She told my employer that she felt that they were not friends like me and him are and she doesn't feel as if she should have to do anything extra to help out.Also said,she doesn't do anything without getting paid for it,including asking a customer if they need any help.But...she does want the employee discount at the gym.We are in the process of combining the tanning with the gym and she needs to take time out to learn the program.That's what I'm doing.She will be SOL when we are combined.She was very rude to my employer.It's a good thing that I can't cuss on here,it would be full of bleeps.LOL Ok,I'm done ranting for the day.Lets see how this one starts off.

It's been awhile...
I'm waiting for a call from my case manager because I'm getting a rash and my mouth is so sore it's hard to brush and floss. I called last week and they said it's gingivitis. After 28 years as a dental assistant, I KNOW that it is not. With gingivitis, there is bleeding, swollen, red gums. That's not what's going on. Heh, it's hard to eat and I've lost 5 pounds in five days.
It's the Lamictal, whether they think so or not. I don't want to quit taking it...I didn't even want to report anything except that's what the PI sheet says to do.
Sigh.
By the way, Starfish, I can't read your posts. Would you mind leaving a space after punctuation? I have learning disabilities which make it hard to read without spaces. No offense, 'K? I want to be able to read what you write.
Thanks.

Starfish, I am glad that, she is going to be replaced, it sounds like she is causing you so much uneeded anguish and stress. Hopefully who she is replaced with will make your life much easier.

r2, its good to see you. I hope that rash gets sorted out soon. It must be awful. There is nothing worse than things wrong with your mouth.
I had 2 teeth pulled the other day and couldn't eat or brush properly for a week, so I sympathise.

I hope everyone is having a good day.

Trace

r2, where did the rash start? If it's the Lamictal "rash" (call your pdoc and tell him/her for advice ASAP), it can be a medical emergency. Unless the rash is in your mouth, it might be best not to mention it.

You may want to call your dentist regarding your mouth. being sore and you're unable to floss.

Star, wheee, so long "Miss Priss!!!!!!!!" That should make you feel infinitely better. I'm surprised your employer didn't terminate her on the spot for her rudeness. Hope things go ok with your brother. Sounds like he needs help managing himself.

Is there a "dead-beat-dad" law in your state? We have it in CA for the spouse who's supposed to be paying child support and doesn't. My neice's dad was arrested several times for it.

Not much going on here. Same ol', same ol.' The veggie gardien is ready to be tilled. A friend is coming out to dig the post holes for fencing in the garden, yay! Lola the llama somehow got out of her paddock and into the pasture. Next thing I know, she's in the neighbor's pasture. Fortunately, she came when I called her. She was out back most of the day, but come evening she wanted to go back "home." lol

Sis is leaving today for her horse camping trip and won't be home until Monday. I'm waiting for her to call to take her somewhere up the road to meet someone and then back home. She needs help packing up the trailer with food, etc. so she can get out of here at a decent time. Stuck at home again. Oh well.
SW

My mouth gradually got better and is almost fine now. (Nothing would keep me from brushing/flossing, even if it hurts.) So I get to stay on Lamictal. Yay! I still have a little rash on my neck, but they aren't overly concerned, nor am I. Just need to keep an eye on it.
My case manager is taking me to get signed up for our state's version of medicade, and social security set up an appointment for an MD to look at my knee, so things are chugging along.
I didn't know you had a llama sheepy. That's cool that she comes when you call her. I always thought that they were rather stubborn creatures, but what do I know?

Hi to all!

I guess that you have found out that when I disapear in the middle of a period when I try to get it better, I struggle too much to be here. Yes, you are right! So it is! To be here now is a good sign. That means that I'm ready to try again ............

See you soon!

My best wishes for everyone!

Rosegirl

Sheepwoman, your Llama sounds like a character.

r2, Its great that the rash is clearing up, that must have been a little worrying.

Rosegirl, good to see you here and good to know that you have found the strength to try again.

Month end shopping for me tomorrow and I hate doing it at month end on a Saturday, as the have so many discounts that I end up buying things I don't need and spend too much money. Lol, must remember to not buy any specials tomorrow.

Trace

I wish we did have a dead beat law here,but we don't. It's insane that I have to pay another $2,000 just to take him to court again to hold him in contempt and there will still be the chance that I don't receive a dime. And I can't keep my son from going over there or else I will be in contempt. That's insane. He won't get a job, he sleeps all day, and runs around all night. I'm exhausted and I can tell when I take my meds. They are kicking my butt. Tomorrow will be my first day off in 2 weeks. Yay!! We are going to the lake and spending time with my parents. I think my Mom is coming out of her depression stage and is wanting to do things. My mother is seasonal and does this every year. Her father just passed away last Feburary and it's been hard on all of us. Especially when we hear how he was treated by his wife, my step-grandmother. She abused him quite a bit, and thought she was marrying into money. There was a big age difference in between the two. Long story there. I just hope that I never see her again. I've heard that she has become real close to my other grandmother, which my other grandfather just passed away right before my birthday in September. Rough year for me. My uncle passed away, too, in December. Time for a break.Gotta do something positive this year. Sorry for all the negativity. Had to get that off of my chest. I always seem to feel better when I talk about it and not keep it in. It's pretty outside today. I think after work I will go and get some flowers to plant. I hope it satys this way.

Did you miss me?
I have just been in Portsmouth for a week. No internet access and it was great. I went on a spending spree for clothes, that was planned.
Tommorow I go back to my flat and hope there is a letter there to make an appt with a psychiatrist.

Hi!

I am a new just-a-few-days member. I have never belonged to a forum before but have been reading and getting insight from here for several years.
Here's what I'm currently thinking about:

Exactly one year ago in May I was admitted to a mental hospital. It was voluntary- I knew if I didn't get help that I was going to go through with my suicide plans. I couldn't stop thinking about ending it all - I was obsessed. It scared me. I hadn't been diagnosed yet with Bipolar Disorder, although I had suspected I was for awhile. (I was originally diagnosed with major depressive disorder and put on the wrong meds years before, then went off everything cold turkey after a year of treatment and didn't trust any doctors) The hospital wasn't perfect, but I got put on the right meds, had good experiences with the people there and doctors, and it put me on the path for healing.

Fast forward to this May. I began spiralling down again. Even on the meds and therapy. The stress in my life was and still is very high. We've gone through 2 years of losses- moving across country from a lovely house to a tiny apartment for a job that laid my husband off anyway, selling our lovely house after 15 months and huge financal losses (while living in another state and using our savings as not to lose our house to forclosure) death of family members and a beloved cat who saved me from myself more times than I would tell anyone, and really there's more but that's the jist of it.

What began this spiral was my "temporary" retail job that began making me lose sleep at night and giving me panic attacks at work. Everything I did there for my "job" triggered my social anxiety - from dealing with customers, to answering the phones, to all the noise and chaos there. It was getting to me big time. I began brooding about the state my life was in at this moment and where I "should" be - I am an artist, I should be working on my art - not getting minimum wage at a job that had no meaning for me, we should be living in a house with a yard and room for the dog to run, room for us to bring all of our boxes out of storage and have some stability. I don't know - to feel like a happy family. There was so much despair in my apartment from everyone that there was no escape from it. I felt trapped by the limbo, the monotony, and lack of control in our lives despite doing all the "right" things. Escape. Run. But there was no where to go. I began making my plans again...

This time I told my therapist right away and she advised for me to take control of the things that were making me spiral and to # 1 quit my stupid job. #2 with less stress, to work on my art, #3 to work on my health and recovery. I just began doing these things. I am 1 week free and clear of that job, I am working on an art therapy project, and I am exercising more and eating better. Things I can control.

What is it about the month of May? The weather is warmer, days are longer, leaves on trees, flowers blooming, and little birds and squirrels raising thier families. Were my expectations too high for my life getting better to coinside with spring - only to be dissapointed?

I am here to get guidance, to learn from others, be inspired and hopefully do the same for others.

Thanks for listening!
PicassaBlue

Well, the to first days was OK, but there was no time to do something with all the clutter.


So much sorrow, Starfish!! I'm glad it seems to come an opening for relief ..... Send you good wishes!

Good to hear that you had a good week in Portsmouth, HelenLama!

PicassaBlue You have sure been through a lot of things the last years. Stress all the time!! I think it was wise to go to your doctor at once with "those thoughts", now. Your "program", # 1 quit my stupid job. #2 with less stress, to work on my art, #3 to work on my health and recovery. , seems so right for you. It is right, May is such a wonedrful month and so are the months to come before authumn...... I wish you good luck with everything and hope that you will remember that when there are down-days , the good days will come afterward.

Rosegirl

Hi, I'm quite new around here, so i hope it is ok to write here!
I have rapid cycling bipolar affective disorder,diagnosed about 7 years ago now. I have had this apparently since i was 13 yrs old! I have been medicated for around 10 years constantly now.
Anyway, not the reason i wanted to write actually!

The thing is, i have no family or friends that have a mental health problem, not like me anyway.
I'm the odd one out i guess you could say, the weird one! (Thats how i feel anyway!)
one or two try to understand but how can you explain the everything that goes on in this cycling mind of mine? I Do try, Hard but when i have 1 of my children suddenly come up to me and say "mum, why are you crying?" and i didn't even realise that i was or that they could see!!
I seriously ask myself, what am i doing? Too them? They deserve so much better !
I really never have what you would call any "normal months" I cycle on a weekly/daily basis, especially at the mo!
Just come off alot of meds as they haven't been working for a few years,according to my new doc anyway. Apparently they have tried everything they can think of.I am waiting to be refered to a great specialist hospital in London, got to be granted funding for it first though,they diagnosed me and have treated me a couple of times over the last 7 years! I am never usually out of hospital when they do stuff with my meds, i should be in hospital anyway, i know i am all over the place to quickly, not Good at all but i can't get in, So. I am waiting for a bed in london so until then i'm on my own!!

What i wanted to just ask is were there any other people with bipolar out there that would mind a chat sometimes? I don't want to dump on anyone, to just be able to chat somebody who has an idea of this life, trying to live with it and not having to explain why i am high or low but who just know and wont judge. That would be a gift !
Thank you for listening, i've read some of your posts. You seem like a nice community, so if you don't mind a crasher!?!

This post has been edited by allovertheplace: May 25 2009, 07:14 AM

Starfish, I hope that the day in the garden, with the nice weather, helped ease some of your troubles, you have a lot at the moment.

Helen, we certainly did miss you, I am glad that you had a good week away.

Welcome Picassa, it sounds like you are taking all the right roads on the road to recovery. May it get easier with everyday that goes by.

Rosegirl, I'm glad that the 1st 2 days were ok. How are you doing now?

Trace