This is my first post, here goes:

So I'm currently taking 50mg sertraline, prescribed for me about 4 months ago, and have been taking it since. I fell into a depression awhile ago, and have always been socially anxious/awkward since I can remember. The biggest stressor that lead me to going to the doctor was after I had a run with ecstasy. I was abusing it, taking 2-3 pills at a time for weekends at a time thinking nothing of it. Of course, before that, I had actually started to feel better about moving here...but that went to hell. Finally, after the drug use stopped cold turkey in around august of last year, I fell into a deep depression, always wanting to sleep, never wanting to be awake, feeling like crap/crying for no reason and having no explanation at all for any of it, fiending for the drug constantly. Luckily, there wasn't anyone to supply it to me, or else I would have gone down that road, no luckily I went to see a doctor and he gave me my prescription. First weeks were hard, I honestly felt worse, major problems were suicidal thoughts. I would go as far as standing on top of a parking garage and stare down for an hour or so...but I could rationalize it enough to not want to do it. So now here's kind of my question for people who have been taking the medication for awhile now. That is, what is your experience with feeling totally unmotivated and having time distortion? I have this odd feeling that if I don't do anything on impulse it will never happen...meaning, if I don't do this now, right now, there's no chance of it happening, no goals or things to look forward to, totally losing sight of the future, almost to the point I felt like the day was just going to end, the world was ending everyday. I've kind of pulled out of it, but I still have a hard time thinking months/years down the road, I only see the clouded reality of now. Second, I have some times where I "flat line" as I like to call it, where I could be totally indifferent to anything happening around me. If it was a color, it would be gray, dull. Mind you, the medication has helped a lot, I can feel much better about social situations, and I even have fun and enjoy my time around others..I just can't help but feel like it's all a haze though, I really want to be drug free, but I tried going cold turkey and that ended up disasterous, and I could take the mental pain so I started up again. My appointment with my doctor was cancelled due to some problem with the insurance, but I do want to start to take half my dose a day, which from what I hear around here is the best way to start weaning off..anyone have suggestions?

This post has been edited by livinincalifornia: Jun 28 2009, 03:21 AM