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Mizz_B
post Sep 8 2009, 05:08 AM
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I feel like a failure all day everyday. I am ashamed to admit that I feel envious of my big brother because he has a baby and girlfriend. My friends all have boyfriends except for me. I want someone but will probably end up alone. Men just don't fancy me-I'm not halle berry! I sometimes wish I was. I WILL BE SINGLE FOREVER!!!!! I am USELESS at everything even things I like. I am too shy, quiet, nervous for most people that prefer those loud outgoing friendly type. I am black (and a quarter white) I feel black people have excluded me for being depressed seeing depression and suicide as a white personthing to do. I am viewed by the black community as wanting to be white just because I have body dysmorphic disorder. I cant help the fact that when I was little I was teased by friends and abused by someone sick.

I watch everyone around me happy and balanced where I am "trapped" indoors, in bed because I'm housebound due to depression. No one seems to care about people with mental disorders they just think were all stupid, lazy, can't be bothered and a waste of space.

I wish people understood more, I mean I don't wish people to feel as bad as I feel but just for them to understand a little.

I miss my childhood although it wasn't a fair one I was able to think clearly and make friends and was eager as hell to go play outside. I don't know happened but all of a sudden aged 12 I was staying in all day, not wanting to play outside, hiding from something? I worked on/off (I took alot of days off, it was the same with school) from 16 until I was 19, during the years I gradually got depressed and now I'm an undiagnosed avoidant personality, I jump when the door knocks, I NEVER go out, and I am unable to work or even go to the shop to get food! my mum gets it. Maybe she shouldn't. If she didn't I just wouldn't eat!
I am happy my friends and family are happy but, I just wish I was too and didn't feel so inferior.

Anyone else feel like this?
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shizuku
post Sep 8 2009, 05:16 AM
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((((((((Mizz_B))))))))

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this, you don't deserve to feel ostracised from your family and community just because you have a mental illness. Are you undergoing any treatment for your BDD? Some of the most beautiful women in the world are unlucky in love, look at Jennifer Anniston! It's really not too much to want people to understand you, you will find plenty of people in here who will do just that.


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That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it hurts, but it's sort of all we have.

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can...

Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are...

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AngelOfTheMoor
post Sep 8 2009, 10:41 AM
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hugs.gif

I feel the same way. I do go out and do my shopping, etc., because it would be unrealistic for me not to do so. My parents would never do those things for me . . . they don't understand. They'd just tell me to do it myself. I do feel like in some ways that being forced to go out of my comfort zone helps me. I hang out with people occasionally, though they're really just acquaintances. It helps me feel better, and it feels good to know that I was able to make myself do something that I felt so afraid of doing. Guys don't seem to like me that much, either. I do feel as if I'm destined to be alone.

You don't deserve to be treated that way, and I know there are people here who understand. smile.gif


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"Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each."---from T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"

"Memory believes before knowing remembers. Believes longer than recollects, longer than knowing even wonders."---from William Faulkner's Light in August
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SecretMist
post Sep 8 2009, 12:49 PM
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hi mizz_b and welcome to df,

your really going through a bad time right now and nobody deserves to be treated the way you are. depression is not an illness that pics out race, religion or age. depression is just like any other illness. a lot of people don't understand depression and don't even want to try to understand it. is it possible for you to maybe have some brochures on depression that you can give friends and family? part of depression is not feeling like doing anything at all, cleaning, going out, getting out of bed or even showering. are you seeing any pdoc or therapist right now or are you on any meds at this time that may be of help? keep posting, we will be your support system with a lot of people who understand and have been where you are right now.


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Nurturing
As we plant the seeds for a flower bed, we must nurture those seeds by watering and weeding so that the flowers may become beautiful and strong. Without the nurturing they may whither away.
As we plant the seeds for our gardens to grow our foods, we must nurture those seeds with watering and weeding so that the garden may give plenty of the food we need. Without the nurturing we may go hungry.

As humans we have seeds planted within our hearts, souls and minds, those seeds must also be nurtured with tender love and care so that we may feel, see and think better. Like weeding the flowers and gardens we must also weed out the bad thoughts and feelings that we suffer with any type of illnesses. Give yourself some nurturing and let others support that nurturing in weeding out the bad seeds and replacing them with seeds of love and peace of mind, we all have right and the ability to see that the world is a beautiful sight just as the beauty within ourselves. By nurturing, we won't go hungry and whither away with our illnesses.


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