I feel like a failure all day everyday. I am ashamed to admit that I feel envious of my big brother because he has a baby and girlfriend. My friends all have boyfriends except for me. I want someone but will probably end up alone. Men just don't fancy me-I'm not halle berry! I sometimes wish I was. I WILL BE SINGLE FOREVER!!!!! I am USELESS at everything even things I like. I am too shy, quiet, nervous for most people that prefer those loud outgoing friendly type. I am black (and a quarter white) I feel black people have excluded me for being depressed seeing depression and suicide as a white personthing to do. I am viewed by the black community as wanting to be white just because I have body dysmorphic disorder. I cant help the fact that when I was little I was teased by friends and abused by someone sick.

I watch everyone around me happy and balanced where I am "trapped" indoors, in bed because I'm housebound due to depression. No one seems to care about people with mental disorders they just think were all stupid, lazy, can't be bothered and a waste of space.

I wish people understood more, I mean I don't wish people to feel as bad as I feel but just for them to understand a little.

I miss my childhood although it wasn't a fair one I was able to think clearly and make friends and was eager as hell to go play outside. I don't know happened but all of a sudden aged 12 I was staying in all day, not wanting to play outside, hiding from something? I worked on/off (I took alot of days off, it was the same with school) from 16 until I was 19, during the years I gradually got depressed and now I'm an undiagnosed avoidant personality, I jump when the door knocks, I NEVER go out, and I am unable to work or even go to the shop to get food! my mum gets it. Maybe she shouldn't. If she didn't I just wouldn't eat!
I am happy my friends and family are happy but, I just wish I was too and didn't feel so inferior.

Anyone else feel like this?