Dysthymic disorder is without question what I suffer from.

I found this thread interesting and enlightening. I also found it overwhelming and scary, as I believe that I am extraordinarily treatment-resistant.

I am a male professional (attorney) in his mid thirties, and I have become extraordinarily socially isolated as of late, withdrawing from friends, my wife and family alike.

I used to think this was what I had, but there are so many types of depression/anxiety it's just about impossible to figure out what's wrong with you when something is....

i got my other half to sit down& read some of this thread as i find it hard to communicate how i feel to him he got off the computer & told me that i so have DD & hes glad i let him read this thread as know he sort of understands why im such a cow lol!!

If this is an actual illness or affliction, what is it's cause or origin specifically?

It is listed in the DSM-IV as one of the forms of depression. You have to have I think at least 4 symptoms that have lasted for 2yrs or longer.
It's origins are the same as with any mood disorder. They are not 100% sure what causes mood disorders but it seems to be a combination of biological and environmental factors.

This post has been edited by TwilightZephyr: Jan 12 2007, 01:06 AM

I have DD as well. I was unaware that my feelings were not "normal" since I have lived with them my entire life. Its always there, somedays are worse than others. I have never known what it's like to be a happy person. I rarely look forward to anything and feel like Im just going through the motions trying to do what Im expected to do in school, work, life in general. Since being medicated, I have become somewhat aware of what its like not to feel completely dreadful all the time, but my depression is still there. Its a part of me, who I am. Im not sure if anyone else feels this way, but, im almost afraid to lose my depression. Because it is such a big part of my life, I dont know how Id be without it and it scares me. Its like losing a part of myself. It sets me apart.

I think I do better with meds and have never been what one would call 'ill' except for a relapse I had where I had to take 6 weeks off to get the horrible anxiety that accompanied this last episode. It's gone on due to environmental stressors for going on three years. I do get brief feelings of what I used to feel like, but it's fleeting.

I go through the motions, too. I'm married with two teens, a ten year old and a husband. Somedays, I could just stay in bed and not go to work, but I get up and go through the motions and do whatever I can to get myself moving and fulfill my obligations. It's no picnic, but at least I can sleep at night and not wake up frazzled.

Jackie

Oh danirenelle,

I know what you mean not wanting to lose the depression. I feel the same. To me it's very comforting, it's one of the aspects of myself I can understand and predict...take that away from...who am I? I'm trying to accept that it is better without it...and that I should work to get better.

Wow, I have been in and out of therapy for years now, and first heard this diagnosis of dysthemia about myself probably about 15 years ago, and never really realized what it really was until reading this thread. I know that I have been depressed most of my life, I even think I was depressed as a child. I almost now feel almost more hopeless in a way after reading the above description of it. I have been hoping that I might *get better or feel better* some day and now after reading, I am wondering if that is even ever possible.

ETA: I do know that it is possible to get better some day, I guess it was kind of a shock to read the above paragraph. Thanks

This post has been edited by LostWomon: Jan 31 2007, 02:15 PM

Hi there,

Just feeling like I wanted to write something down and this seemed like a good place to start. I find that writing things down can help put your story in perspective. It makes you feel like what your thinking is real (esp if it is on the internet). I also find it helps to put symptoms of my illness in the perspective of my whole life as opposed to what I am currently feeling to give me some perspective.

I have had a low level feeling of depression for most of my life. I relate to what some of written about the feeling of just feeling a little bit different than the 'everybody' else. Just feeling like the rest of the world has things better than I do. I've always felt like this. Throughout my life, I people ave told me how lucky I was to be have the family I have and how many things I have to be thankful for. I always felt that my response to that would be 'If i'm so lucky, why do I feel like this'. I've been on medication for almost 2 months now and have noticed how much less I see things that way. I now look at my life and see that there are things that I can feel good about. I sometimes feel like I'm not happy where I am, but then I just need to think a good thought and it seems to take a bite out of the sadness.

When I was told I needed to go on medication, I was told conflicting things about what the effects would be. The best explanation that I got was that the medication gives you perspective. Of course there are times that are not going to be easy or that don't make you feel good, but there are the times that you did feel good to carry you over the bad times (I think that is what people meant when they said 'get over it').

anyhow, I do know that these feelings are a part of my life, and I know I wouldn't be the person I am without this depression. At the same time, I know with the medication and the other things I am doing (meditation and posting to this site) I can make sense of these feelings. I can feel down for a while, then i'll start feeling better some time soon.

Sorry for the rant, but it has been a few days:-)

Hugh

So based on the DSM finding it's a subjective diagnosis, correct? You say it "seems to be a combination of biological and environmental factors" so there must be some bilogical marker of some sort that determines it's existence. By saying it's biological one is saying that something is present in the body, some abnormality, pathogen etc correct? Saying it is environmental seems a little sketchy as that can cover a pretty large area.

I'm a bit confused. I'm told depression is a "disease" by various sources, but yet saying it is a disease means that there is some sort of abnormality, pathogen present. So what gives? I don't know who to believe.

this is confusing to me as well. there are biological aspects of this disease that explain why it is so prevelant in families, but alot of what I have read says that it is the growing up in the environment with other depressed people that causes the depression. it is not very clear on what the causal factors are.

My dad explained it to me the best. He said that my genetic makeup makes me more disposed to being depressed.

this made the most sense to me, but it is still confusing to me.

Hugh

The biological "abnormality" is the neurotransmitters (chemicals) in the brain are not working correctly. The main ones seem to be seratonin and norepinephrine...dopamine has said to possibly be associated as well...specially in long term depression.
They still don't know exactly how depression works. That is probably why you read contradicting things about it. But from what we see now there seems to be both biological (neurotransmitters) and environmental factors.

But I think technically it is a mental disorder...with biological factors.

It's hard to say if the chemical imbalance from the neurotrasmitters is a symptom or cause though...or both.

It is actually pretty confusing...I think even for scientists. Medication does work because they targets the chemical imbablance in brain and works on that. It is said that both medication and psychotherapy in combination is the best treament because of treating both factors (of biology and environment).

You can also get into things like cognition and how the brain works...but there is so much we are still learning about the brain. It's a slow process but we are all making progress.

This post has been edited by TwilightZephyr: Feb 3 2007, 08:51 AM

I have read some studies that the flight-or-fight response being chronically activated in childhood affects the development and functioning of the nuerotransmitters. I'm sorry I do not have references at hand, but I saw them on a scholoarly datatbase (google has one, your library too). Also I believe it was mentioned in the book Against Depression by Kramer. (Opinions on that book? Love, like, hate?)

I have both genetic (my dad is bi-polar) and environmental (my dad was not on meds when I was a kid, but my mom was worse and my main caregiver). I am not using anti-depressants right now becuz they don't really work for me, and I want to try to acheive some lasting change. My goal is to change my neurotransmitter output. I believe we can change things in our bodies.

Hi all. So much to read here, I feel I don't have time. Unfortunately I can't log on during those hours I'm awake in the middle of the night cuz the computer is in the bedroom I share w/ my husband. However I have slept thru the night for a couple weeks in a row!! (So happy!)

I am especially interested in conversing with people who are in therapy and it is working for them.

I have actually been working on "my black side" for my whole adult life. I think the main reason I eschewed any help for so long was self-sabotage. Of course, sadly, many therapists are ninnies. (Not all, not all!) I lucked out on my third attempt at therapy and found someone really knowledgeable and devoted to his work. By the time I started an actually helpful therapy a year and a half ago, I had done a lot of exploration of my past and had gotten to the point where I realized that I hated myself. I could come up with no explanation, on my own, for why it should be SO *******ed persistent. I felt that I should be able to rationally tell myself that it's not working and get rid of it. The first nine months or so of therapy was the same. The shrink kept saying I had to figure out why self-hatred was beneficial to me at this time. I couldn't do it. I have done it now and am on to another phase.

Of course, this third time I was also willing to admit that I was physically abusing my daughter. By modern standards. Not that a smack upside the head isn't what many of us received as a matter of course, was considered an appropriate child rearing practice. But my husband doesn't like it, and neither do I. Tho, I was not doing any physical damage to her, I felt I was doing untolled emotional damage. To have your mother fly into rages for no reason, screaming and frothing at the mouth. (Hmm, now where did I learn that?) Even w/o touching her, it wasn't something I wanted to do to my daughter. Also, I was worried that, as the rages were escalating, that one day I would do physical damage to her.

I am very interested in hearing about your journey, explorations, conclusions and work. Where are you in your studies, what have you learned. I want, of course, to reciprocate.

I do have dysthymia. I am working on my story, but right now I have to do my homework, and the grocery shopping, and dinner, and class, and my kid's homework, gymnastics, shower. Exhausted yet?

I'm sure glad to have found this forum; I'll write more soon. :)H

Hiya hcat...welcome.

That is interesting about the fight or flight effecting neurotransmitters. I have read any info about that. I can definately see it relating to anxiety. I'd be interested to read more.

I actually haven't read any books on depression. I should find a good one to read...what did you think of the one you mentioned?

I also have both genetics and environment that make me more prone a have mental disorder.

Twilight (TZ?)--


I thought the Kramer book was pretty interesting. I liked reading about the science of depression. But I don't think it was outstanding. Worth looking at though. Get it from the library.


:)H

Hmm...ok.

You can call me TZ

i think i have dysthimia and it sucks real hard. im sick and tired of feeling like this all the time. none of my medications ever work (antidepressants anyway, also bipolar2). fighting against this elongated depression has left me physically and spiritually fatigued. i honestly dont want to live anymore. sorry for depressing you guys even more. ill stop.

The Noonday Demon is a good book regarding depression....

(((chevelle))) I know it is hard to continue to deal with the same thing.

keithj...I've heard of that one before. Maybe I will pick it up.

You know, this is silly, but I had never really heard of DD. I had always been given the diagnosis of 'depression' or 'general depression' or whatever...then again I only actually heard a diagnosis when I was alot younger, so maybe the DD couldn't be recognized yet because it hadn't been long enough. My last pdoc just kind of asked me what I wanted meds for and I said "depression and anxiety." And my pdoc now just gives me the same meds that the last one did, no questions asked.

I always thought that what I felt was described as "major depression." I do have major depressive episodes that come and go, nut between them I never really feel great. I just feel less bad. I'm sure you all know what I mean. I didn't know until now that there was such a difference between major depression and DD. I used to think 'I wish I could feel like my old self" but really, I can't remember feeling that way. For as long back as I can remember feeling, I have dealt with depression. It never goes away. I just assumed that as a young child I wasn't depressed. But I honestly can't remember how I felt, although I do remember dealing with anxiety, what I called "nervous stomach."

So I feel like I've been in the dark here! And I'm upset that I didn't read this thread sooner! I always try to educate myself on things like this as much as I can, but I guess I thought it was something unrelated to me. But it's not!

So do people with major depression only (assuming that they were given a correct diagnosis) feel 'normal' between episodes? I wouldn't say that I ever feel normal. I've given up hope on that, now I've just learned to deal with it.

Another question ... I am on meds, and I don't want to switch them, because they ARE helping, but as far as feeling "good", I still have that bottom line where I am depressed.....just not nearly as depressed, on average, as I am without meds...they certainly can 'take away' my anxiety, but there is always an underlying depression. Is this a common experience for you all as well?

I'm assuming that people with re-currant depression feel better between episodes. But I'm guessing it is still possible to have left-over symptoms (partial remission) from one major depressive episode to the next. It is also I think possible to develop dysthymia after a major depressive episode (but I think this is just theory...not sure).
I myself have been Dx with Double Depression (that's what I call it) Which is the Dysthymia with Major Depression. So when my major depression remits I think I am normal. Probably one of the reasons I waited so long to get help...because I thought running at a Dysthymia level was normal...I honestly thought everyone felt like that. I still have a problem figuring out what is normal mood wise.

On the meds note...I don't really know a whole lot about meds...but I imagine that either a dose change or an addition of a med might help relieve all symptoms.

I haven't really had a lot of problems with anxiety in the past so I am not sure. My dysthymia, my sysmptoms don't include depressed mood...which may seem a little odd. I run more at an apathetic, loss of interest mode.

I would bring up the Dysthymia to your psychatrist...they may have already picked it up...but maybe not...but it would definatly help them and you and understanding what is going on and how to approach it.

can someone elaborate a little more about how it actually feels to have this? or what kinds of thoughts are thought etc...also are suicidal thoughts a key component? or are there people with dysthymia that have VERY mild almost miniscule or not even present thoughts of suicide?

thanx

Hi Maie,

I was recently diagnosed with DD myself and the doctor explained that the dysthymy is usually a milder form of depression with less extreme thoughts, where you just don't feel well over a long period of time (>2 years) but don't have suidicdal thoughts all the time.
Does that make sense? I am sorry I guess it is a bit hard to explain. I guess for myself I would call it feeling bad all the time yet still able to function for the most part.

SN

Hmm...I'm not really sure...suicidal thoughts are listed in major depression diagnoses...but not dysthymia. However...I imagine the mild ideation is common and on bad days there could be more severe thoughts of suicide....though I don't think they would be common. It more likely could be from major depression. Symptoms vary person to person and sometimes it is hard to tell a difference from dysthymia and major depression. I think my doctor mostly looked at the length of my depression and also severity...and than concluded I had both. I'm not really sure where that line is drawn between severity other than how many symptoms one has.

Did you read through the whole thread? Because there are some descriptions I believe by several people of what it feels like. But I could expand on what it is like for me personally if you want.

Hi, I just registered and this thear caught my eye right off. I was in 37 and was Diagonsed with both inattentive ADD and Dysthymic Disorder. I am confident this is a good dx because eventhough I was a "space case" in elementery school at least I was a happy one. It wasnt until Jr High School that the social issues that can occur with ADD and a bad case of acne took a toll on my self esteem. Since then life has been pretty much more of something I have had to do rather than somthing I want to do. Everyone here summed the feeling og DD pretty well but I thing I want to add is having both the innatentive version of ADHD and DD is like being the ultimate step child. Nethier condition seems to receive the attention or reasearch of their Hyperactive and Major depressive conterparts. Also, at least in my case, treatment for the latter seems less effective.

I just found a wonderful description of someone with DD






There is a silent killer amongst us. With little fanfare it ruins lives and even ends them. At any given time, some three percent of the population is under its spell, mostly women (by a ratio of two to three to one). The experts call it dysthymia. We know it as mild to moderate chronic depression.

If we think of major depression as a spectacular brain crash, milder depression can be compared to a form of mind-wearing water torture. Day in and day out it grinds us down, robbing us of our will to succeed in life, to interact with others, and to enjoy the things that others take for granted. The gloom that is generated in our tortured brains spills outward into the space that surrounds us and warns away all those who might otherwise be our friends and associates and loved ones. All too frequently we find ourselves alone, shunned by the world around us and lacking the strength to make our presence felt.

The symptoms are similar to major depression, with feelings of despair and hopelessness, and low self-esteem, often accompanied by chronic fatigue. This can go on for years, day in, day out.

Still, we are able to function, a sort of death-in-life existence that gets us out into the world and to work and the duties of staying alive then back to our homes and the blessed relief of flopping into our unmade beds.

All too often, we are told to snap out of it. That the invisible water torture we carry in our heads is our own fault. And shamed into thinking something is wrong with our attitudes, we fail to seek help. Or, if we do, it's our family physician who confuses a very real chemical imbalance in the brain with some imaginary defect in our personality. And so we are sent away with a stupid happy pill such as a tranquilizer (whose depressive effect only adds to our quiet misery).

Some of us turn to the bottle or illegal drugs. Others seek a more permanent solution. Yes, even milder forms of depression can be lethal (experts estimate anywhere from 3 to 12 percent of people with dysthymia cure themselves by suicide).

And, sooner or later, it happens, the brain crash. Major depression. That's how most of us wind up, according to the experts, sometimes with a double depression, a depression on top of a depression that never had to be. One that could have been stopped years before.

And that, perhaps, is the saddest news of all: None of this ever had to happen.

For starters, the same drugs that are used to treat major depression are equally as effective for mild to moderate depression. In addition, the herbal remedy St John's wort has been found especially useful in treating mild to moderate depression, without most of the side effects found in other medications.

Individuals with dysthymia also respond well to two types of talking therapy: interpersonal therapy which aims to boost one's battered self-esteem, and cognitive therapy which addresses erroneous thought patterns. Both therapies are of short duration, typically from ten to twenty sessions.

As I sit here writing this, the term mild to moderate depression mocks me. I won't even begin to estimate how many years I've lost to a disorder predicated by the modifiers mild to moderate. The least they could have done was assign the name of a Shakespeare character - Hamlet's disease, Lear's disease, anything, really. Just so long as it doesn't imply I was cut down in the prime of my youth by some invisible stupid nerf bat pounding against the inside of my brain.

For the rest of you: You can end it right now. You don't have to endure the mental water torture any longer.

And for friends and loved ones: Let them know - they can end it right now. The mental water torture can be a thing of the past. Starting today those you care for can win their lives back.

This post has been edited by SarahN: Mar 12 2007, 03:00 PM

I've been on Mirtazapine for a couple months now. Doesn't seem to be doing anything other than help me sleep. During the day I feel FLAT. No mood at all really.

Is there a better med for Dysthymia ? I don't think my GP really knows how to treat me, I'm starting to get frustrated. Perhaps I should just ditch the Mirtazapine and get another opinion on treatment ?

I though I just had occasional depression, but the truth is I've felt low for about 15 years.

Hey fuzz,
I've been on Lexapro, 20mg for almost 6 months, and I feel more evened out. Less highs and less lows, which is better than before. I am also DD for many years, just now getting treatment.
Al

This kinda sounds like what I have, but I am not sure. I remember when I was little, I used to get VERY angry at small little things, like very little things, like my favorite TV show got cancel or something. I used to get so mad that I throw things around and ripe things into pieces. Then I remember crying every morning because I didnt wanna go to school (talking about elementary school in hk), because my teachers always yelled at me. Then I think it was 7/8, i had trouble falling asleep. It was like I dreaded having to go bed coz everynight it would take me a while to fall asleep. Then I moved to the states when I was 11. My sleeping problem was gone, but I still had a lil anger problem,,,all that seem to go away when i went to high school, but then I became obessive with homework. all I didnt was hw in high school. i didn;t want to talk to my family, my friends, all i did was homework. i was enjoying it though. i did it coz it was the only thing I can feel good about myself...........now I am a freshman in college,,,though i don;t have the anger problem anymore, I am still obssess with work....

I dont know if I have DD or not, but i remember just always been a sad person. I always expect the worse of things,,,,not much hope for anything..cox I learn that if I expected I;ll get disappointed. the other websites always said symtop of depression is a sudden lost of interest, but i feel like I have never HAD an interest. everything I do is coz i am suppose to do it. I go to school coz i am suppose to, i get involve in the community coz i am suppose to do it. If I had a choice, I think I just sleep all day......

The weird thing is,, i am so use to feeling miserable, and talking down to myself. I am so use to being unhappy that I dont really wanna change anymore,,, I kinda like to complaint about how life sucks and dont do anything about it. So am i just lazy? or is there something wrong with my brain?

Hi Winwinwong,

Welcome to the forums.
I can't answer your question but I am wondering if you would consider talking to your GP about your feelings?
Feel free to talk to us too, I am sure a lot of our members can relate to your issues.

Take care,
SN

Definitely going to a GP helps. They can start helping you out.

Man, I use to obsess about homework, too. I'd do it over a few times to make sure it was just right. I mean, who the heck cares, it's just Grade 11 right? Not me, though. Got the straight A marks in High School, military college education and degree and was a walking blackhole for years.

Self-medicating with alcohol and the odd joint didn't help too much. I dare say, though, that the odd joint was a pleasant relief from reality. Can't take it now, though, kills the old lungs.

Recent meds have been a huge help in getting over humps. So I recommend getting help, however embarassing it may seem.

I tried St. John's wort in the past, that helped, but who knows what dose to use. My DOC is not keen on it. DOCS like the prescriptions backed up by trials, etc. etc.

DHA I think is useful. As is plenty of exercise and funny movies.

At 24 I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression. Though, I've always had it. I can't remember a time when I haven't felt the way I do. Recently, I've been told I have Dysthymia. That, of course, wasn't really explained. Just a word thrown at me. I've been through drug therapy and some oral therapy. The drugs have been of more help than a therapist.

I so understand what you mean though....there's some part of me that doesn't want to let it go. This is me. It's who I am.

Please know that's it's not just you.

Hi. Well I'm just taking all of this in. During an assesment with a councillor to see which talking theraphy I should go to with the NHS which my doctor refered my to, she read the letter from the dr to her which said I was suffering from 'Mild Chronic Depression'. So I put this into Google and it came up with dysthymia. I said to the councillor, "Well i wouldn't really call it mild! I would call it major!" However, I have to admit that my dr is right on this one. From February 2006 I felt somewhat depressed but not full on major depression, then last summer i completely fell into a major depression, which I guess they would call 'double depression' . I have been recovering from this, but it hasn't gone away. I do feel alot better then like in the summer and stuff, but still I don't feel normal again. So I guess this is dysthymia.

Also, I think I must have had dysthymia from the ages of 13-15, then at 15 and a half I had a bout of major depression. I'm 19 now.

I also have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and just very very mild obsessive compulsive disorder.

What I'm worried about is how to get rid of dysthymia disorder. I don't want to live my whole life this way. Any tips on making sure it goes away and stays away?

Thanks
Goldstar

hi guys, its me again. I am procasinating again, its 11 at night and I haven't start my homework...again. I have five more weeks to go until summer. I am not particularly excited about it because I know I'll get depress even more when I am at home, but I just don't wanna deal with having to get up and going out to class and dealing with people. I have to pick my classes for next semaster,, I don't want to do that iether,, and plan out the summer,, so much work to do.

It has been on my mind for a quite long time now that I think I might not have depression. I think i am just using it as an excuse to be lazy and I kinda like complainting about my life, because ( as wrong as it sounds) I feel like that makes me special,, it makes me who I am, this sad, dramatic person.

Well, since you guys are definately depressed (sadly), maybe you guys can help me answer my questions.

so I know depressed individuals have hard time sleeping or getting up, but I seem to sleep fine,, when I choose to sleep that is.
My problem is that I chose not to sleep,, I don't know why even though I am really really tire, I just don't want to sleep, I think part of the reason is because waking up means its tomorrow already.

My habit of staying up late started during high school, when I had too much work to do,,but it processed like an addiction. During my senior year (last year), I remmeber I would start my work at like 2:00 in the morning, sleep at 4:00 and wake up at 7:00 to go to school or like I would start it at 12,,, sleep at 2, and wake up at 5 and then sleep at like 6 or somthing.. I just remember not sleeping at night but came home and slept all day til late.
I remember I used to have trouble sleeping when I was a child, I think it was when i was 8. I used to not look forward to having to go to bed, because I was afraid that I won't be able to sleep,,and then when I cant sleep, I got frustrated and started crying,, that went on for a couple years til I was like 11.
Then I just choose not to sleep, I either watch TV or do work...

Is that a sign of something wrong with me? or just bad sleeping habits..?

Also, I often feel that whatever I do can't change my mood, I feel like even if I dropped out of college, I would still be sad..or if I had all the money, I would still feel sad. I also feel like I never connect with anyone, not even my family, I just feel so distant. Also, I can't let go of the past....badly.

i moved from hong kong to new hampshire at 11. Things were very different, I didn't speak a work of English, and I had no friends (not to mention I already didn't feel connected at that young age), it was just a really bad time for me. I kept thinking that I will return back to hk soon and so I read chinese news everything, listen to their music, follow their culture.. always think back about my times there.. even tho it wasn't perfect, I feel like i live in my childhood, when I didn't have to worry about alot of things, and having to return to reality is so hard for me.
Could immgration be a trigger for depression?

But then again, like I said, I felt "weird" as a child in HK. like I mentioned before, I used to have anger fits as a young child (5), where I have to throw things around to release my anger, and I remember somethings I get mad for no reason at all. Then I also had no interest at anything, I hate school. My elementary school teachers were so mean to me, they were allow to hit kids with rulers and such, and teachers humiliating kids is a norm there. I just remember dreading to go to school, as earlier as in 1st grade, I cried about going to school every morning,,, but my mom never knew.

So do I really have a problem? could I be born with this or could the transition be my trigger?
I don't know what to do, I just want to lay here and not think about anything right now.

This post has been edited by WinWinWong: Apr 2 2007, 10:27 PM

Hiya. I'm often glad to have the label 'depressed' because it would sound cooler then just being a sad, immature, boring person who never goes out and cries all the time. (well- i'm not like that anymore coz i'm getting better but you get my drift). It sort of romancisies it abit I think. Like, you can probably find a list of loads of celebrities that have had it. On the other hand- I also have Generalised Anxiety Disorder which is never gonna sound cool, ever!

It does sound like you could have suffered from Dysthymic Disorder since you were young, with the being sad, the sleep problems and the getting angry. I know children can suffer from it as I'm pretty sure I had it from the ages of 13-15. Ppl just thought I was being a moody difficult teenager though- which I was in part, but I reckon this was the underlying cause.
Immigration can so be the trigger for it all as well- I mean I moved 5 minutes down the road and I fell to peices, so you moving from Hong Kong to America must have defo had some consequences! Try not to stay stuck in the past though- I know it's hard but I do it all the time and it's just not a happy place.
Good Luck

Though i only found the word at eighteen, when I confided my depression (which i tyhen called the comming an going depression) to my stepsister at 17, I said that it would slowly weather me like rock and then when I found out about it I was so suprised at how accurately I had described this.

I find the place I am at with my depression so confusing right now. I had a severe episode about a year and a half ago during my freshman year of college, and although it was horrible and I never wish to be at a point like that again, what was going on makes "sense" in a way. I needed help, I went through lots of treatment, I was put on meds and stabilized. But where am I now? A year and a half later, almost finished with my first full year of college, still taking the meds and seeing a counselor at school just to talk. Is there anything wrong with me now? It's frustrating and, frankly, it's scary, because I don't know what, if anything, is wrong or right, for that matter. I wish there was an easy way to know if I needed help or if I am reacting to situations in a normal way. I just don't know.

I've read alot of the posts on here and articles on the net and it appears that I have some similarities that go with Dysthmia. I began feeling depressed round 14 when after school i would come home and sleep for 2 hrs have dinner with my parents and sleep for another hour. At the age of 31 I have trouble making it through the day without napping even though at night I have alot of trouble staying awake. I generally stay up later at night in the believe ill sleep more soundly. It works sometimes.

My mother has alot of the same symptoms I do....and its interesting that some of posts ive read have said that depression can be modelled. Because I saw that she napped in the same way and would retreat to her room right after work. I do this in my apartment I retreat from friends and family and do the most minimal possible to get by.

I'm in counselling with an excellent psychiatrist and on Paxil. I keep hoping/believing that i will get better but with 16 years feeling depressed, difficulty with work and friends and basically hiding from life...I'm really starting to wonder.

Keep posting,
MRA