I was in the point to send her an email to say that I found what she said inopportune but then I just thought that I was going to make this bigger in my head and so now I am just trying to think that she wanted to empathize with me, because after she said something like "I mean it must be hard"....

Anyway what does it mean a life sentence? I am ok even with the idea of battling with depression for all my life but if I accept the idea that my life will be just plainly pain and misery because of depression then what's the point of living?

I need HOPE to get on with my life and to fight against my depression. Hope is everything, without hope life is worthless for someone that is seriously ill

So I am hopeful, I'll make it to have a good quality of life. I HOPE.

((((((((Mask))))))))))

I hear you, hope is what keeps me going too, if I would loose hope I would just loose.

So yes: "Hang onto your dreams, for if dreams die, life is like a broken winged bird that cannot fly "

SN

Hi mask

That's why you have to keep at it. There is hope, there are new meds being designed all the time and they are getting more sophisticated, less of a shot gun effect. More specific for certain synaptic types. I went through a slew of them over a 11 year period, it had gotten to the point we were recycling some that I had rejected because of side effects. I had gotten to the point where the side effects were more acceptable than the depression, but then started having panic and anxiety attacks as a side effect too. So it was off into another, different type of meds but didn't really address my depression that well. Finally I switched pDox to a new graduate that also had a degree in Psychopharmacology, and after a 2 hour session, he wrote me a script for mirtazapine, not exactly brand new but one my old pDoc hadn't thought of, and bingo, it was like a miracle for me. No depression, no anxiety and the only undesirable side effect was the munchies. After an initial eating binge and 15 pounds, I reigned that one in, exercised and now am the same weight as before. Success story, yeh, but the point is that I kept trying, kept experimenting. I would give each drug at least 8 weeks to show some improvement with acceptable side effects. Some lasted longer but fizzled out, maybe this one will too. I've gone as long as two and a half years. The one I am on now is at 5 months, but is is three times better than any I have ever taken. So don't stop trying, your solution may be the next pill.

Be Peace and BE Love..... wayne

heya, i'm a noob with no cool pic yet. i've been dysthymic for pretty much as long as i can remember. i'm on citalopram now, but have been on venlafaxine with and zoloft before that. I tried to avoid going on meds for a long time. CBT really helped me define what was a real thought of mine and which was the depression talking, but without meds it seemed like the depression was talking 3/4 of the time whether i wanted it to or not. I was scared as hell to go on meds because even as crappy as it was, a depressed mindset was all i'd ever known. As fragile as i was, any change was threatening and a bit scary. Now, i'm angry i waited so long because all those self-righteous years of 'i can do this on my own! ' were essentially wasted. I remember asking a friend of mine after the meds started having an effect "is this really what its like for you guys? to just feel ok and content all the time?" I had no idea. i've been on meds for 8years but feeling even just ok still feels very strange. sometimes i feel like i'm wearing my 'happy mask' not to hide the pain but the confusion. whats been getting me lately is that i'm getting very very tired of hiding what is unfortunately still a significant aspect of my life. for example, i have a reputation of disappearing at parties. what happens is i'll feel like crap, go to the function anyway and see if i can handle it or not. often i can't and i disappear and head off. i managed to finally explain it to a good friend of mine and as much as i was terrified to tell him the truth, it was very liberating. i was pretty sure he wouldn't freak out, i've gotten to know the type that will. you just have to watch them in conversation for a while and see how they talk and react when any any mental illness works its way into conversation. anyway, i feel i've been rambling. any of that make sense to any of you?

I've been dysthymic for 20 years, with an occasional flare up of major depression. I think they call that "double depression." Lucky me. Doesn't have the same ring to it as "double fudge."

I can see why dysthymic people are more prone to suicide. Dysthymia is one of those things that stays with you for decades, like a ball and chain, slowly and subversively wearing you down. Only you get so used to it, you often forget it's there. Chronic misery becomes "normal."

I used to think I was just one of those tortured souls, a creative type who just needs to accept anguish as a normal part of daily life. What a lie! Now that I'm in treatment for depression, the agony has lifted, and I can be more of who I am, more creative, more compassionate, more successful that ever before.

If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out to save itself. But if you put the frog in tepid water, and very slowly raise the temperature to boiling, the frog will stay put, unaware of the danger, and unwittingly boil to death. That's the best metaphor I can think of to describe dysthymia.

Subversive is a good word to describe it Suburgatory. after 18+ years of dealing with dysthymia and some good treatment, i've gotten to the point where i'm ok more often than i'm not, but still its always there waiting to wipe me out again no matter how strong i feel. a constant reminder that its not going anywhere, just plotting and waiting for an opening.
In my early days of dealing with it i got to the point where i was pretty sure i deserved all the pain i had, that for whatever reason i was being punished for some way i'd not been perfect. although it took quite a while (partly 'cause i was so scared of giving it a go) i finally did get some therapy/treatment that has helped a lot. not being in chronic pain and misery still feels a bit weird from time to time, but i'm not going to complain too much! life is much much more livable than it used to be

It seems like I have too many disorder's as well as this one too.?
RW

At the risk of repeating so many of your comments... "hey! that describes me too".

After two+ years of being diagnosed with ADD, my pdoc just recently --suggested-- the possibility of dysthymia. After reading your posts, I started writing down some of the words used to describe how you feel... blahh, low days, flatline, etc. Maybe I can use these to better communicate my feelings and find a successful treatment.
Thanks,
Fireguy101

I've never heard of this.

I thought I had 'chronic' depression - and have episodes at least twice a year, for the past 15 years.

After reading this thread, I'm doing to ask my doc and counselor about it.

DD here too. I saw myself in that Q&A about DD. It's scary how many things I saw there that I recognized in myself. I HATE feeling like this. I'm all worn out. :(

Luck me, I belong to this group too.

I only found out that is what I had when my doctor said I could read my file and there in black and white where those words, I didnt know what this illness was. So I went home and searched on the internet and yep that was me in a nutshell. Because for years I never realised why I related to people who were depressed but I always felt different and after reading about it on the internet I realised why.

Well I am off to the doctors on Monday to find out if along with this I have bi-polar.

So will keep you all informed.
I am sort of getting sick of all the new titles in my life.

Isabeau

I've had dysthymic disorder for a couple of years now. I had it for alittle over two years straight and now things have been in flux since then. I have good days and I have bad days but never the less it is still an issue. I think dysthymia is greatly underestimated by many people. If your not diagnosed with major depression alot of people I've come across seem to think its just a temporary thing that you can snap out of. "Oh your just sad. Everyone get's upset sometimes." If everyone got "sad" like people with dysthymia the world would be a very different place.

This post has been edited by xxsilentreveries: Dec 5 2007, 10:48 PM

Hi K,
I found your post very insightful and quite like my situation. I am in my early 20s and was just diagnosed today with DD and a panic disorder. I have however had these feelings for as long as I can remember (since I was 9 or 10). I was so afraid of being put on medication that I had always resisted going to a psychiatrist until my problems became more than I could bear. Your feelings about friends were what really struck a cord with me because I had those same exact feelings throughout high school and now university as well. I also agree that it should have been a sign for me but I just kept thinking it was high school and I would make better friends and meet people that I actually liked in university...no such luck!

I am so happy to have found this forum because I am so lost right now and am extremely apprehensive about taking medication even though that is what my psychiatrist strongly recommended in combination with CBT. Do you think you could possibly give me some feedback on taking the meds as it seems that you are having a positive experience on them.

Thanks a bunch :)
Alison

Oh I hear that! I think even docs feel that way...I was just diagnosed with DD and a panic disorder, yet my psychiatrist was more focused on the anxiety than the depressed feelings I am experiencing even though I told him that the anxiety has only been a problem since April and the depression since I was a child! Moreover, I can't even tell you how many times I have tried to get help and be turned away b/c I don't have a major depressive disorder!

All of that makes soooo much sense to me...and thanks for posting your fears about going on meds b/c that is exactly what I am going through right now...I am scared of the side effects and even eventually what will happen if/when I get pregnant...yet at the same time I simply cannot take feeling this way any longer...

hi - I was just wondering what the term major depressive episode covers in relation to DD? Thank you :)

I might as well add to this thread.

I have had DD probably since I was in my early 20's. Thats when my happy go-lucky self began to experience life with slighted tinted glasses, so to speak. It's hard to explain. It was like up until that point I had so much hope and promise. But when I moved to cali and was on my own, all of that negativity I heard from my mother my entire life about never being able to be happy or achieve anything, kicked in.

For once I was on my own and the self-doubt that I had learned had an opportunity to fester. I never recovered. Heck, I didn't even know there was a name for it until my early 30's. I'm now 36 and still dealing with this ****. In my late 20's early 30's I put myself through school and graduate school and I think I know why...with DD, it seems I am only able to handle 'survival' tasks or 'safe' ones. By survival I mean, I can hold a job. But its a suckkkkky job. The pay is horrible but I don't feel worthy to get a better one and don't even know where to start to look. By survival I mean I can go to college. Once I sign on the dotted line I am held accountable for homework assignments and loan payments, therefore I MUST go. School is also safe because it prevents you from entering the real world and trying to achieve anything.

I can shower daily, brush my teeth, run errands on the weekends. But this is because I have to. The disorder is too weak to supersede ALL of my logic yet its strong enough to debilitate me from venturing away from my 'safe' zone. Therefore, I can go to my therapist and keep that appointment but I cannot be put to the test by applying for a "real" job and pursuing anything of genuine value to me because my self-talk has convinced me that its not meant to be. Stick to whats safe and mandatory to survive. Yup. Good times. I love throwing away all that hard work and potential in lieu of my bed and to become a social hermit.

Yup, this disorder is a *****!

This post has been edited by suburgatory: Feb 12 2008, 09:59 AM

this is me to a tee....this is all i've ever known..have seen numerous counselors and taken many meds...most effective has been wellbutrin...but, even at that...i still only feel like i'm treading water...afraid to ask for help...afraid that "my expectations are unrealistic", that "i'm just lazy, unmotivated, etc"

i have periods where i feel really bad and don't function well...and KNOW that i am depressed, but most of the time, i just feel...like i am treading water...barely keeping my head above...and worn out from trying to fool the world and putting on a fake smile all the time...

i finally found a nurse practitioner that i felt comfortable with..and with the advice of the MD she practices with, we are starting effexor, in addition to my wellbutrin...we'll see

i feel like this has completely and totally robbed me of my life :(

K ,
What meds are you currently taking, if I may ask? Do you have severe side effects?
eat pray love

This post has been edited by eat pray love: Apr 17 2009, 08:07 PM

I think anything that lasts over 2 years is chronic, so what's the difference between the two? I think they're one and the same. I guess I can say that after all these years of being depressed and on meds. I'm still fighting the negative ideas. I guess it's a way of thinking. I'm always asking myself if it's 'depressed thinking', and have to correct it..

Jackie

How are you doing now? Are your med's working? I hope so. Take care.
eat pray love

I've been undergoing treatment for depression for the past 7 months, but this is not my first time being treated. I can trace my depression back almost 20 years to the onset of puberty. I had my first appointment today with a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with something called "Double Depression". Basically it means I have Dysthymia (Chronic Depression) plus Major Depression. Although major depression is more temporary, my dysthymia will probably last forever.

Has anyone else experienced a combination of the two? I seem to have been going through a major depressive episode for the past few months, but I've always been depressed. How unfair! Not only do I have to suffer through my day-to-day depression, but now I have the added fun of major depression.

Luthien, This is confusing to me! Major and clinical depression are often interchangeable terms. Dysthymia is a chronic (long lasting) mood disorder. It is said to have less severity than major dpressive disorder episodes. It is also said that it has longer lasting episodes and be related to a physical illness or other psychiatric disorder (such as anxiety).
Other than situational depression (such as resulting from the death of a loved one), depression usually means long term. People with chronic depression or dysthymia often have a situational depression added to that.
Who know how or why an extra depression adds to our day-to-day misery? Forget the labels. Depression is depression.
Wishing you well on your road to wellness.
Iowa

This post has been edited by iowa: Jul 20 2009, 11:00 PM

My doc didn't diagnose me with both clinical and major depression, she diagnosed me with dysthymia and major depression. That means I have both the long-term, low level depression, and periods of major depression. Even though I'm under treatment right now, I can tell that I'm still in a major depressive episode. It doesn't matter what season it is, or what's going on in my life....the major depressive episodes hit me out of nowhere and last for months. I've lived most of my life with the dysthymia, but these periodic bouts of major depression really kick me in the butt.

This was brought up earlier in the thread (years ago!) that one person was helped by SSRF, which after researching appears to be chanting. I am most interested in what meds are helping all of you with DD. I know different meds work on different neurotransmitters but I guess the ones we need work on 3 of them. I have taken 3 AD's in the past and cannot tell which has worked the best, very frustrating. And after you've been on them awhile, you can't even tell if they're working anymore.

I have DD, and I have lived in isolation for such a long while.

i tried to read most of the postings here but I notice most of them are old.

recently I went cold turkey from other drug use and this has exasperated the depression beyond belief.

DD is disabling at the best of times, and the lethargy is a killer. I have no motivation to do almost anything, this includes looking after myself well.

I know im not alone here, but it doesnt make any difference, im sure most of you understand this.

Welcome to DF pobb.

Hope that you can find your way around here, it is a great place. Please keep posting.

Girly