Growing up and to this day i have always had the biggest heart, i care for any one and anything, i have enough love for this entire world. But that is also my weakness, when it comes to friends or family they seem to treat me like s***, they use me and push me around because they know that i will always love them, that no matter how they treat me i will always be there, same goes with girls, i have always been the epitome oh "the nice guy" so naturally no matter how nice or caring i am, no girl has ever wanted to be with me or will ever want to be with me. last year is when my depression first started when my 2 best friends were killed in a car accident that i was supposed to be in, i had made other plans forgetting about ours and when they were comming to pick me up i told them i couldnt go, they died on the way. and ever since then my friends still treat me the same and it seems as though i have nothing going for me, i am in college right now but it all seems so pointless, i have nothing going for me.......im just looking for adive...or something to keep me here...something to hang on to...

This post has been edited by SecretMist: Oct 10 2009, 01:02 AM

Hi Nice Guy,

I am like you in many ways. When I got into business (profession) I has to temper being nice to my workers, dealing and some of them not in the best interests of the job they where doing.

That is when I learned to be wise, get to know peoples real intentions ans be firm.

You have to combine be kind and generous with being realistic. If you are ambitious and want to get anywhere you learn the rules for living on the shop floor. People are motivated by many things ans you get to know and distinguish the takers from the genuine makers.

So keep being a nice person, but do not b a door mat. Sorry to hear about your friends - fate I suppose.

Best Wishes

Jim Bow

I know how you feel Niceguy...altruism can sometimes feel like a weakness. I'm so sorry to hear about your friends. I wish you all the best, and welcome to the site.

Hi NiceGuy.

wow,I can relate to you so much,I give so much out too,I know my kids and husband love me,but my other family like sisters brothers etc treat me like s***,That must of been really hard on you losing your friends and i'm sorry to hear that.I agree with JimBow keep being a nice guy but don't be a door mat.

Take good care of yourself.

Tinkerbelle xxx

i just dont get why i deserve all this hate, all this....pain when i have such a love for everything out there, it seems to me that the reason i have such a big heart is to be able to recieve more pain, i always help my friends through any and all rough times they have, but if im ever feeling low, they dont care.....why is this happening to me :'(

Niceguy21-

A very hard thing to learn and make stick is that you cannot change anyone other than yourself, and you can become a master at that. As a matter of fact, you don't even have to change yourself. You only have to change your perspective of other people and events.

In "Wise Mind"(DBT) there are two circles drawn that overlap. On the left is the the circle of "rational" thinking. On the right is a circle of "emotional" thinking(or even reaction). Where these two circles overlap there is that area called "wise mind". This is the area where your reactions to things and the ability you have of using your rational(logical, reasonable) thought processes create balance in your life, your thinking, your actions.

I cannot say that this is totally easy to integrate into daily living, as it does take practice. You will be constantly assessing what your emotions are, not reacting out of emotion, pulling your rational abilities into play, and coming out with a "sensible" concept of what it is you are dealing with.

Why I am sharing this is because it can be one of the most beneficial tactics in dealing with others....whatever the relationship.

Sounds like you've had some pretty tough blows in dealing with friends both living and passed on. Just try with all your heart and mind to keep a balance perspective on what is going on within and around you.

My sympathies with your losses.

Deepster

Hi Niceguy and welcome to DF,

First I would like to say that I am truly sorry to here of the loss you have suffered. There are so many of us who have the biggest of hearts and love to give and give and give just to help others because that's who we are. It unfortunitly very difficult to deal with when others take advantage of your kindness and loving hear and it's very painful as I have been there many of times just like you. Over the yrs I have come to realize that I need to take care of me first and then make the decisions as to when I need to say no to someone when I know they are taking advantage of me, even when I don't want to admit it to myself that they are taking advantage of my kindness and the biggest loving heart that anybody could possibly be able to handle, it still hurts but after many yrs I have learned to try not to put myself into a position to where those around me will just use me. It hurts like hell and I know this.
What I want you to know is that we are here for you I am here for you. So many members here at DF understand where you are coming from, so for that Please hold on to us, let us be there for you to hold on to. Hold on tight Niceguy because even though we don't know much about you yet, we do care.