Hi everyone :) I was just hoping to get some advice on my inability to move forward in life...Im 21...have been in college for almost 4 years and I have a history of depression. Ever since I was 18 and had a huge crush on a guy, my emotions had begun to drive me and I almost failled my senior year of high school because of the emotional distress that my obsession with the guy had caused me...I continue to look at his online photos and remember how strongly I felt about him. But even after that, I continued to do well in college but eventually, another crush put me back into a negative mindset for a few months. This was only the beginning and it all started with these encounters.
I got over both, but looking at their photos online still gives me a weird feeling of satisfying an obsession, if that has to do with anything...
Since then, I have never been the same...I struggle to stay motivated in school...Im a smart person, I just don't know why it is so hard for me to pass a single class...Im on the verge of being on academic probation and I dont know why. I constantly get side tracked by a new job or get carried away with a new interest or just get bored of going to class...
I have been through therapists...I took tests for ADD...I scored almost perfectly and I definetly don't have ADD. I noticed that in my classes, I either get really high grades (A, B+) or really low ones (D, F). I need to know where Im going wrong...I just get bored and stop going to class! Basically, when I put my mind to something, there's no stopping me. My therapist said I have emotional anxiety and have trouble controlling my emotions. I really do have mood swings and change my mind every ten minutes!
I work as a gogo dancer and I make alot of money so my plan is to not work next semester and to focus solely on my grades. If this does not work, then I don't know what will.
Im a physical education major...Im an excellent athlete, thats where I excel...my problem is going to class and staying motivated and focused ...I start out fine and then just switch majors or get negative feelings about school like it isn't for me! I really need help keeping my mind in one direction :( My plan is to continue with my major and focus only on school next semester and not work...Will taking time off from work help me?
I know many people have problems worse than this, but I grew up not knowing my father and my brother pretends I don't exist because he hates that I dance and my mother is always with her bf so I don't have the best home environment. There is not changing this...therapy wouldnt help...What should I do?

Hi flubber. Welcome to DF =)

I'm sorry to hear about the tough time you are going through right now. You don't have to minimize your problem, each person has their own battle and none is more important or necessarily more hard than the next. Each situation is different and each person battles each one differently so don't feel bad about posting this. =)

I can really relate to some of what you are saying. I have had an extremely hard time focusing in college and I have been on academic probation. I'm ready now to finish college and I know I can. I found a good therapist who has helped me get to this point and has helped me cope with a lot of my issues and my mood swings. I also have found the right medication to be on. I know you said therapy didn't help, but is it possible to try a different therapist? I had been to several before I found the one I am currently working with. It might help to find the right medication to be on, I am currently on a mood stabilizer and it has helped me dramatically. Sometimes we need some help and need to get better before we can achieve our goals.

I can't say for sure if taking off work will help or not. Were you working before when you were finishing your classes successfully? Maybe that is not the issue? When you get bored and leave is it simply because you are bored or are you overwhelmed? There are a lot of factors to take in if taking off work would help or not. A therapist would be more equipped to answer this question.

Sorry if this hasn't been much help. Just wanted to offer what I could and let you know I read your post and care.

You should consider going to the student health center (if you don't have health insurance) on campus and get a referral to a psychiatrist. A good AD can lift your mood and allow you to function at a higher level. Consider therapy again. You have to make the effort to do the hard self-work required to restore self-esteem, come to terms with the past and how to love and nurture yourself in order for you to move forward.

My niece danced at a "gentlemans' club" to pay her way through college. That type of dancing is not always an acceptable job and is met with a lot of negativity (especially family.) Are you dancing fulltime or parttime? Taking time off may help you devote more time for your studies. I worked fulltime and carried roughly 16 units every semester (was on the Dean's List the whole time I was in college). However, not everyone can do both.
Sheepwoman

Hi there. I am EXACTLY the same way. I get As when I have my depression under control and Fs when I can't get out of bed to get to class. I was supposed to graduate this spring and will now have to take a coupld summer classes. You have to remember you are up against hormones and brain chemicals. That is impossible to beat without help. You should definitly keep going to therapy and maybe look into ADs. It's not that you're lazy, you're depressed! People don't realize it's not a choice!

As far as your love life. I had the same problem with my high school sweetheart and would constantly check up on them and look at pictures online. I was so depressed and let it affect my school. Then recently I've been doing that distructive behavior again with the last person who broke my heart. You can't do this to yourself. The sooner you can stop doing that the sooner you can move on. You need to focus on yourself and making yourself happy without depending on someone else for your happiness. Easier said than done! I struggle every day with it too. Just remember you're not alone and there is nothing "wrong" with you. So many people go through this.

my bipolar disorder hit me especially hard my last semester of college. i couldn't get out of bed, and definitely couldn't go to class.

i told my professors, and since i went to a tiny liberal arts school and they knew me well, they made exceptions for me and let me go with not attending class as long as i did well on the tests.

however, not everyone can do that. i realize i was a very lucky person.

others have brought this up and i will too- is it making it worse to work and go to school at the same time? maybe you're in the position where you must in order to pay for college, or maybe you could trim back your lifestyle and make it on a tighter budget if you had to do fewer hours.

my thought is that you just need to get well, and if it takes quitting school for a semester to rest, then that's what it takes. it took me an extra semester because of several reasons (had to take care of elderly grandmother being reason #1), and there is no shame in that.

Wow, I know this sounds stupid, but I never really knew there were other people feeling/experiencing college in a very similar manner. I too, am a A+ student without depression. I am motivated, a real go-getter. I have dreams and aspirations. Depressed, I'm a wreck, barely make grades, professors think I am a lazy, apathetic POS. I generally, and especially in front of everyone else, have a very jovial, positive, upbeat demeanor...to the point where people expect me to act a certain way and if I don't it's just unheard of. This is probably one of my most difficult struggles right now, so I don't really have any advice for you except this: talk to your professors. For me, that was so hard. I am very prideful and I hate to ask for help. I thought it was going to be a terrible experience, I thought they'd look down at me, etc., but even at a big public school, my professors were understanding. I took an Incomplete in one of my classes (I certainly would have failed without it) so I am going to be doing work over the break, but it was a big relief to know that I wasn't going to fail.