It's probably the depression talking. My own personal experience is that an extended period of depression, I become quite irrational and my internal editor goes on vacation. I used to think I was a sociopath.

Depression can cause emotional anguish that is unimaginable to someone that hasn't experienced it, and it can certainly cause the sufferer to trivialize what others are going through. It'd be hard for someone who just got hit by a truck to have much compassion or empathy for someone with a stubbed toe. That's an extreme analogy, but to someone who's been in almost unendurable pain for a long period, it can seem that bad. Rationality and sense of proportion go out the window.

I can understand your feeling that your friend is trying to pick a fight. I've had times when I wanted to feel something, anything other than what I was feeling, that even negative emotions such as anger or rage were a welcome change.

So just to clarify: does a depressed person actually know that their words and actions are hurting others??? I'm really having a difficult time grasping that they wouldn't have any indication otherwise.

So if you think that the whole world hates, you, that you are bankrupt, that your incredible migraine is a sign of a tumor, you are convinced your partner is having an affair with his secretary, maybe his business partner, or maybe his darn tea lady, you are fatter than two ton Tessie, your hair is plain ugly, your skin feels wrinkly, your nails are... and you are exhausted...

Do you think that there will be any ears or space left for compassion for someone else?

Space Kadet you are so right. Your friend has so many racing irrational thoughts that she doesn't even know what she is saying. A depressed person is very unaware that their words and actions are hurting others.

If you understand how much pain she is going through daily, then you'd see that she needs your support. If you can reframe her hurtful comments as meaning "Help me, I need help" then you won't really get upset at anything she says. You have to change your perception of what she is saying. What is she subcommunicating, you have to read between the lines. She is saying she needs help.

See depression is selfish... You experience your own problems, which don't even exist, so deeply, that you get angry at anyone who thinks that their piddly little upsets are real.

I don't know if this makes sense?

Depression is an illness. It is not reality, remember that.

During a bad spot, I was convinced my boss was plotting to find reason to fire me. I even had a lawyer for wrongful dismissal lined up. If anyone at that point told me they had work stress or were tired, would I have listened or cared? The reality of it was that the boss was, in fact, arranging a special, record salary increase for me.