i dont want to just get rid of my depression and be happy...being happy doesnt really seem fulfilling to me. what good is being happy? if the purpose of life is to feel happy, then that's a life i dont want to live. life just seems like such a pointless nightmare. i dont care so much about feeling depressed, i just want there to be good reason to not be depressed. i always feel so alone no matter how many close friends i have. most people drive me crazy anyway and this crappy world isnt going to change much. as much as i want to die, i doubt i would ever be drastic enough to kill myself and knowing that i wont kill myself makes me even more scared and depressed because i dont have a way out, so i feel really helpless.
so i guess im asking what is there to do if nothing seems fulfilling to me?
and it's not that i find life unfulfilling because i suffer from depression. it's the other way around...i suffer from depression because i dont find anything in life fulfilling