Hi there. In my state I want to lay everything I am feeling down in this online post. Lets see.... I am unhappy. I think my unhappiness stems from an inability to relax and be at ease with people. I think I have social anxiety disorder but everyone says that that disease causes quietness and shyness. Although I am moving towards a stage where I will be completely shut off I feel as though I express my insecurities and anxieties in a different way. i try and be as humourous as possible. To the point where nobody can ever take me seriously. Ugh im just so unhappy and so not at ease with myself. I just dont want to care about what people think about me but I cant help it. Im currently a junior in college (20 years old) and Im abroad in Trinidad and Tobago. I have a serious decision to make about whether or not I want to go back to school. I feel like if I go back Im not going back to anything.......

Ive done alotta therapy and my diagnosis has moved from general anxiety disorder to social anxiety disorder to full on OCD. Whatever it may be I am really ****ed up and have tried everything to be at peace with myself. I tried ******* myself when I was 13 (too scared to try again now), tried so many different medications, and Ive tried so many solutions. When it comes down to it I dont know how to move forward and get better. I think the key to my problems is just not caring as much as I do but Im not sure how to do that. Im currently working on a lot of meditation yoga practices....

The one way that I feel appreciated and liked and good about myself is when I get serious attention from an attractive girl. However, I haven't recieved or noticed such attention for awhile now.... The worst thing about what Im going through is that I feel as though Im missing out on everything because Im stuck trying to figure out something that I dont understand and distracts me from life 24/7. Im not trying to be dramatic when I say that for the last 2 years I have thought about the same insecurities and how to fix them repeatedly nonstop all the time.

I just want to be happy and at ease with myself. Please give me any advice or share personal experiences if you have them.

Thanks,

Tim

Hi pieguy and Welcome to DF,

I'm glad that you were able to reach out and talk with us here. I would first have to ask if you are on any medications at this current time? If you are taking medications and self medicating at the same time this will not only make you feel worse but also it can be dangerous. Sometimes people are diagnosed with the same illness but they deal and act differently with that illness, it's just like being on meds, everybody may have different reactions to the meds. May I ask what your goal is in college? I find that most people have a goal for their future and heading into a certain direction to make that future a reality. Maybe when your more up to sharing a little more with us then we could better understand and help you along.

Hi Pieguy, I can relate to a lot of what you say, especially the part about caring too much.

My advice is to give medication another go. One of the anti-anxiety meds will very likely work. Force yourself to be on one (despite the side effects) for at least 6 weeks and see how it goes. I tried Paxil, Zoloft and Lexapro, and Paxil worked the best for me (although Im on Lexapro now and it works well also, Zoloft didn't do much for me)

The caring too much part really got me down, i was paralyzed by what others thought about the insecurities i had about myself. I found medication basically gave me a feeling of "I dont really care what people think" and "Basically i am me and thats good enough". Being on meds made me feel that instead of just think that.

Thats why im saying you should give meds another go, just up the dosage and try different ones until you find it.

By the way Ive been thinking about that caring too much problem and i think it is an obsession in itself and is more related to OCD than social anxiety...at least in me anyway. And if you have OCD generally your dosage of anti-depressants is higher than if you just had social anxiety or depression. (e.g 40-60mg paxil for OCD rather than 20mg for depression etc)

Im also using Mindfulness techniques which i also find very helpful. My psychologist uses a method called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) which is actually surprisingly good. You should try it.

Also, try to avoid self-medicating if you can, it just adds another problem to your main problem which is not what you need

This post has been edited by broadwind: Oct 31 2009, 03:45 AM

THank you both so much for your responses. I'm still resistant to trying medication just because I still have hope that things can and should be able to be sorted out naturally. And, as I mentioned before, I've tried a lot of different medications at high doses for extended periods of time with no benefits. There are still others to try, but I feel like if I'm not getting a response from the first 4 options (tried benzos and anti-depressants) can a different medication really work for me if in the end its really not that different. I know for some people medication just doesn't work and I've sorta accepted that Im just one of those people and tried to move on from it. The main ones I've tried are anafranil, zoloft, lexapro and vyvanse (for ADD). I can say for sure that these did not work for me because I did them all for at least 6 weeks at a fairly high dose, with the exception of zoloft because I didn't do it at an especially high dose.

I'm pretty positive that its OCD. I just get stuck in my mind and every day is a constant struggle because of it. Its like because Im so motivated to get better from whatever this negative energy in me is, I'm constantly thinking about different methods to be happy, analyzing myself, being hypercritical of myself, ect. I'm constantly looking for ways to make myself happier and more relaxed and at ease with myself, but I haven't found anything long lasting yet. I haven't felt anything real beside pain caused by anxiety and stress for a long time.

Im stuck in a predicament now of how best to deal with those moments when I'm feeling really BAD. Should I confront my mind and try and think of positive things or utilize some other method of mind control or should I just accept things as the way they are and let the discomfort pass with time?

Also let me know if there are things I should be more specific about so you can better understand my situation. Thanks so much for your help.

Tim

Hi guy,

It's good to hear from you. First I will say that sometimes meds don't always work for people but as you have stated you have tried these meds all within a 6 weeks period of time. Meds can take up to 8 weeks before getting the full benefits from them but yes by 6 weeks you should have seen some kind of improvement with them. Did your doctor start you off on high does, sometimes it's best to start out at lower doses and then build up as needed. I am not a professional, there are other meds out there that may be of help for you and you do not have to accept the fact that it is just meant for you to suffer the pain of anxiety and other pains as well. There is always hope and sometimes it just takes time in a trial and error with the meds to try and find the ones that work best for you. You do not have to confront your mind into accepting anything as they are. There are so many different ways that you can also help yourself. You may want to go to the main page here on DF as we have other forums like One Step At A Time, OCD, Anxiety, these forums may give you some ideas as to where you can find others who are having trouble just like you and can relate and offer suggestions. There are also herbal supplements that a lot of people use that seems to help somewhat. If you would like to share some more of yourself and what is going on in your life that would be great. Do you have family that can help with support, friends, support groups. Any type of situations that really trigger you. Just remember that you don't have to accept anything.

Thank you so much for the quick response. I think I was unclear in the previous post: I absolutely cannot accept things the way they are and I am doing everything in my power to change the way I feel. Im just not sure at how to do it. Im not sure if the best way to calm myself down is to confront the thoughts head on and attempt to replace them with more positive ones (or other similar methods) or should I just sit through it and the feelings of serious anxiety will go away on there own. Im just looking for the best way to put myself back in the moment and avoid worrying about the same insecurities day in and day out. Its like I cant let myself focus on anything else until I fix this and I've been stuck in the same tunnel vision for about 2 1/2 years now.

In terms of family I am incredibly lucky because I have a father who cares deeply and who I have become especially close with since confronting him about the anxieties 3 years ago. Ever since then he has been involved in doing everything possible to help me find my way out of this. However, I've been through a lot of therapy but have not progressed an inch. I think one of the keys to happiness is having good relationships, but I dont have anything. I even feel uncomfortable around my Dad because my ego is constantly surveying and analyzing. With friends I'm always looking to hear if there talking s*** about me behind my back and I know its ridiculous, but I just cant stop. I dont feel at ease with anyone. Im just so overwhelmed by my constant wave of negative thoughts and the more I resist the more they persist. Even when I try to passively volley them away I am stuck obsessing over the technique and become hyper aware of whats going on which almost always just makes things a lot worse. I end up putting my brain into overdrive and then eventually it just sorta shuts down and I feel exhausted.

What Im really looking for is a method that has worked for people in my position. Something that has been proven to help reduce social anxiety, general anxiety and ocd that I can stick to and work on until I get good at it.

Here are some things I have dabbled with but stopped because I obsess over using the technique at all times:
-trying to become a passive observer of my thoughts
-trying to think postitive thoughts at all times
-trying to look at the world as an illusion (nobody is real so who gives a s***)
-trying to think of things Im grateful for
-focus on breathing throughout the day
(there are others that I cannot think of at the moment)

Thanks for the help!

Tim

This post has been edited by pieguy: Nov 5 2009, 08:50 PM

Hi guy.

I do understand your ways of thinking and I too have had times to where I am always waiting to see and hear what others are saying and thinking about me but I know that is my depression talking. With the things that you have been doing with positive thinking, you are on the right path in the ways that you are trying to make things better for you and your anxiety. Do you think that you may be trying too hard to do these things? I know that sounds silly but I have seen others that try too hard and it just back fires on them. Maybe think of something in a way of pampering yourself and what I mean by that is treating yourself to a movie, going out and doing something just for you. A lot of times when I feel some major anxiety coming on then I take myself for nice long drive out into the country areas and parks and I turn the radio up so loud with a station that I enjoy listening to so that I can't even think or here my thoughts and anxiety, I do know this doesn't work for everybody but this is just an example of something that you may want to try.

I am the poster child of trying too hard. My OCD is obsessed with getting better and as a result I focus on a strategy to the point where it feeds into the problem instead of helping it. In the case of trying to think positive I'll lose control and begin searching at all times for negative thoughts and trying to replace them with positive ones but not being able to. Or doing it successfully but it doesn't have the positive effect I want it to have. Its hard for me to get away a lot. I dont have a car where I am (semester abroad for college) but I hear what your saying. I love blasting music and driving with the windows down. Its a great feeling.

Hi guy,

I can understand all the negative thoughts and the ways that you have and are trying to make them into positive thoughts. Here is a thought that you can maybe try. As we all have negative thoughts, some of those thoughts are bigger and more negative then some of the other thoughts. Do you think that you could take just one of those negative thoughts that on the lower part of negative thoughts and each day just work on that one thought in making into a positive thought and once you have accomplished that one thought then move on to the other? I hope that you know what I mean by that. Just work on the ones that you think will be easier first and then work your way up to the bigger ones.

I do see what you mean but I think that the best move on my part is to not do anything. The more I try to change things the more attention I bring to being unhappy with whats going on with me. I think the best thing I can do is to just do nothing. Ever since I believed I had a problem things progressively got worse and worse as I tried to fix myself. I was feeding my obsessive nature with a constant flow of thoughts that acknowledged I was messed up and needed to do everything in my power to change that. I think this was my biggest mistake and Im trying to undo that now.