I'm new here, so thought I should introduce myself to this group and why I'm here. I'm a mom to two kids, the oldest is in college. My youngest is in high school, and is the reason I'm here. My teenage daughter, who is very good at hiding her emotions, tried to overdose on sleeping pills. She has completed a week of in hospital therapy, and is at home now. We're trying to get her back to school next week, but she has missed a lot. She's stressed about it, and we just need to knows ways to help her. Her diagnosis from the hospital is depression, not otherwise specified. She's been started on an SSRI, but doesn't feel like it's doing anything yet.

I welcome any advice on how to best interact with her (we'll learn something from her therapists I hope as well), would like to hear personal experiences on medicating with an SSRI (when does it work, when do the minor side effects go away), any any other words of wisdom anyone might have. This is a difficult time for us, as we had no idea anything was wrong until this suicide attempt.

Thanks!

Ellie

to DF
sorry to hear about your daughter. Pretty scarey stuff. Really all you can do is let her know that you are there for her and won't judge. Give her some space and time let her come to you.

The meds take up to 8 weeks to work fully, most side effects go away after two weeks, around week 4 she should start to have her spirits lifting abit.

I am not a professional but that is kinda how most find it...as well as my self.

Hope this helps some and if you have questions don't hesitate to call the doctor, I am sure in time with love and support she will be fine.

best of luck

I am sorry your daughter attempted suicide. I am not a mother, but I am a teenager who has tried to commit suicide. I hope my opinion helps. When I tried, all I could feel was an overwhelming feeling of guilt, like I was in everyones way, like I was a nuisance. I also remember wanting to be alone, but at the same time like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs so everyone could hear how hurt I was, am. I remember being so scared, scared that I wouldnt be missed, that noone would care I was gone, but also scared that they would miss me too much, that they would hurt themselves as I have done. I wanted someone to notice that I was hurt to the point of wanting death so badly, but when noone noticed, I tried to **** myself, multiple times. I am only 15 and I have attempted suicide at least a dozen times. Still my parents dont know. I think you should just pay attention to your daughter more, even if you do a lot.

Look for minute details that may seem off, a little slump in her shoulders, dragging her feet as if she was tired, dozing off a lot, or maybe even just her wanting to be alone. If you ever notice something thats even a little off, ask her if she is ok, if she says she is ok, ask if she is sure, look her in the eyes as you do so. Thats all want from my parents. To show a little concern, to push a little for the truth, to know that something is the matter. Even if I dont want to talk about it, I just want them to know something is wrong, and something should be done about it. I just want them to figure it out on their own. They dont even know about the suicide attempts. I make up excuses for them, bad ones too. Such as if I threw up from the medication i downed "Im sick" I never get sick... Bruises around my neck from trying to strangle myself "Its chilly I need this sweatshirt on" Even though its been 80 degrees outside and I tuck my chin down so my neck isnt visible.

I only wanted them to care. Just show your daughter you love her, and I know that you love her, just by coming here and asking for help. Ask her what she wants you to do to help. Sit down and have a talk with her. Dont make it too long, make it 5 or 10 minutes, and if she wants to talk more let her. But dont make it a lecture. Let her do a lot of the talking. She will tell you what she wants you to know, and will tell you the rest in her own time. I hope that helped a little.

Good Luck.

Thanks for your advice lonleysindy about the timing of when medication may start to work. She says she just feels empty and now a bit guilty. The note she left said she really didn't understand why she felt so bad, and understood that her life should feed pretty good. She's been feeling like this all school year, but it got really bad the last few months. Her biggest fear now is what to say to her friends when she gets back to school. I really can't advise her on that much, but if anyone here can, I'd pass some thoughts on to her.

And to hxcsykobtch824xx...please tell someone. My daughter seemed normal, we had no idea she was so sad. Maybe your parents have no idea either. If she had told me, I would have gotten her help. You're the same age as my daughter. I ache for you.

Ellie

First of all let me say that while your ordeal must have been horrifying, you still have your daughter and now you know what's going on. Please try to remember that this was a cry for help, and now you're being a great parent and mother and reaching out for help for her. It's a great thing to see you being so caring and understanding. Coming here was a HUGE step in the right direction. There are so many wonderful people here who can give you amazing advice.

Also keep in mind that the depression was what made your daughter feel this way. It wasn't her fault, and it wasn't your fault. Make sure you tell her that and try to ease her guilt. That's all the depression talking and it makes us think in totally irrational ways.

As sindy said, the meds should start to help her and I hope they get her out of that darkness. It sounds like she has a good support system and a family who cares. That will mean so much to her as she starts to recovery. Just be supportive and make sure she knows she can tell you anything. Just having some one there she can talk to means more than anything.

Thanks for your comments. I do have another question. My daughter will go back to school tomorrow. She's got lots to make up, and is stressed about this. She'll also be starting therapy (both individual and family) and will see a different psychiatrist than worked with the in patient group at the hospital.

I anticipate a hard week, but would like to hear people's advice on how to help her through this. She's also very nervous about seeing her friends for the first time in a little over 2 weeks. They don't know what happened or why she hasn't been at school. She had been complaining about feeling sick right before this happened, so noone has called to find out what's going on. She's not sure what to tell them, and I'm not sure either. These kids are only 14 and 15, so aren't always the most empathetic people on the planet.

Thanks,

Ellie

i didn't read what others posted, so i'm sorry if i'm repeating. i have ADHD and sometimes can't read lengthy dialogues.

anyway-

i am so sorry about what happened. my mom witnessed me at my worst, in various episodes and in hospitalizations, and none of it was pretty. she's traumatized.

as for SSRI meds, they increase serotonin in the brain, a chemical responsible for contentedness and happiness. they probably (most likely) gave her prozac due to her age and black label warnings on other SSRI drugs for teens. if they did give her something else though don't worry- i took paxil as a teen and never had any problems (but i'm NOT a medical pro and that's just my personal experience).

there are support groups for families of people dealing with mental illness in the family. usually these are made up of parents and sibs of the one with the issue.

contact NAMI for local resources.

I have concerns about how your daughter is doing with all these challenges!! I'm hoping that she wanted to go back to school although she had concerns about what to say to friends and all she has to make up. It is excellent that she's on a prescribed medication. Have you been informed or informed yourself about the particular medication that she is taking? I ask because some SSRI's may pose some issues with teens, in which case you need to know what to look for. I'm not trying to hide anything, just suggest that you keep informed as possible. 1) It is difficult to start therapy with new psychiatrists and therapists. Know that the first couple or few times are more getting to know each other and may not be very "helpful" to her. 2) Don't ask what happened in therapy. You can ask how things went. With the psychiatrist, you can ask if s/he believes your medication is appropriate, etc. Make it clear when she goes to the Dr. or therapist tell her that you are willing to listen to or discuss anything that she wants to. 3) Refrain from pushing her about schoolwork. Schoolwork can be made up. Her mental health is far more important, especially until she is getting help from the medication and therapy. 4) Encourage her to do things that she enjoys. 5) Understand that not only will it take what seems like way too long for a medication to help, that it sometimes takes many tries at different medications before one that works well for her is found. 6) If she hasn't as yet told her friends much, I'd suggest discussing it with her in terms of what she feels like she wants to share and with whom. If she wants to share that she has depression or what happened, be sure she thinks about not only that person's possible response but also realizes that at that age, what she tells one person probably won't stay with that person. So often teens don't think about how telling a best friend something may be shared with a friend of that person. News often gets way out of control very quickly although the best friend meant no harm.
I really wish you and her much better days in the future!! -Iowa

This post has been edited by iowa: Aug 13 2009, 01:18 AM

Thanks for your posts iowa and LoonATik. My daughter got through a week of school. She met with her guidance counselor and a social worker at the school. She also met with with therapists last week as well and a psychiatrist. She thought the individual therapy might be OK, but the group therapy she didn't like at all. The psychiatrist was just OK, but he's the only one on our insurance, so we're stick with him. She did tell one friend that she was diagnosed with depression...but nothing more than that.

She is stressed a bit about school, but it will be over in 2 weeks, and then hopefully she can really work on healing over the summer. She does seem more like her old self...is using makeup again, and going outside. She still says the medication isn't doing anything yet, but side effects have abated.

We've still locked up all meds and things she can hurt herself with. She says she hasn't physically hurt herself anymore, so that's a good thing.

All we can do now is take it one day at a time and hope life gradually returns to something more normal.

All of you, please be well. Our local newspaper today reported another teen suicide...a high school star athlete, and it apparently surprised everyone at the school. It's a scary world...please tell your parents/friends when help is needed.

Thanks,

Ellie

hi Elli

My heart goes out to you. It will be a very find line to tread between over anxious, irritating her, seeming dont care, and then of course, the big one, being crowding her.

I think that honesty is the big thing. Tell her that you dont know how to act around her , how to treat her, that you dont have answers.

That is what my kids did. My daughter says mom, dont you think it will be better for you if,

Encourage her to join a forum such as this, it is invaluable.

We understand each other, support each other, help each other, to the best of our ability... .

I wi

Perhaps, as I have done in the past, have her psychiatrist write a letter addressed to the teachers relaying the fact that she is behind for reasons beyond her control. I have never had a problem with confidentiality among my professors. If they do not understand that your daughter has been and is ill, I believe that can eventually put more stress on her because the expectations will be too high for her to measure up to. Often, teachers will augment workload and assignments to fit the needs of the student/ individual. The students on the other hand, will be less forgiving. She should keep her mouth shut in regards to her depression or she'll be hit with a double whammy. Kids aren't well enough equipped all the time to display empathy. Make something up.

Aloha, Rainy

It is wonderful that you love your daughter so much. She is blessed to have you in her life. I have quite a bit in common with your daughter and will say that you are already miles ahead of many parents. Just the fact that you sought out advice on your own is wonderful. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.