BTW~

cinzbenz started a trich thread for any with this problem.  its here in the ocd room.  :)

Dear Cat,

i actually don't know what it does for me...it doesn't calm me...it is like a reaction to something...i have no control when i do it.  maybe there is release there and i just don't perceive it.

it is strange alright :O

ic,
thx for telling me about the ocd place for this kind of thing.

yeah, the whole illness things changes faces, feeling and actions.  i hate it. :verysad3:

no problem Orion.

Looks like I have my own thread here. Yep a month later and I did it again.This time I was feeling alot of anxiety.I think its also a monthly hormonal thing.Looking back at my posts ,It seems I cut every 3 weeks or so.This cut is worse than before.Ok , next month I have remember this! :sniffle1:
                                                  cat

Thanks inner chaos.
Maybe I should take a picture this time and hang it on my bathroom mirror.Did you ever cut your bangs?If so ,how did you do?
                                                                         cat :)

Glad it worked out for you. :)Maybe it will save a couple $ on bang trims.
                                           Cat

Yeah, that is a looooooong time between posts! ???

I do this too cut my hair when I think? stressed or anxious or maybe frustrated. I have hacked the heck out of my hair a few times.  Looked like   I have went and had my hair colored a LOT not weekly but maybe 4 times  year to a different color. I have been wanting to do it all again. COlor and cut. Oddly I let the pro's color it and fix what they can when I cut it. I do this MOST often when I feel rejected by my therapist like now he had to cancel our appointment. So I cut my hair and bangs and want to color my hair . Sigh I have done this since I was a KID...ROUND KID'S SCISSORS TO BANGS

My ex fiancee' used to cut my hair and since she left me a few months ago I have been cutting my own hair. She left the hair clippers here and one day I thought I would just shave the back and sides. Since then I have been cutting my hair all the time. Obsessing about it all being even and I have messed it up a few times. I'm trying to let it grow out so I can go get a profesional cut. Another way this has been affecting me is I have intrusive thoughts and when I cut my hair and I have a intrusive thought i have to cut that part over again. Its ridiculous.

Hi Cat, I just sent you an email. I cut my hair everyday and I have to wear a baseball cap to work too. I wish I could learn from my mistakes, but for some reason I keep thinking this time will be different. Im a hairdresser also, so I think I can make it nice, but usually ends up worse and then after a while I sometimes have to shave my head. I see this post is old so I am wondering how you are doing. Look forward to hearing from you.
Jay

Base-ball caps are in fashion ! Also if you need to shave your head, you could get it done for charity? It's a common theme in the UK - people donate so much an inch ........

Shaved hair looks nice - some people even put a dye through it which can be shaved out if they don't like it!

Anyone else out there with a pair of scissors ?????

Hello.
Wow, its been 2 years since we started this thread.
I still have short hair.I will never be able to grow it long but I am trying to learn from past mistakes and embarrassments. I do have a couple pictures of the bad "short" hair cuts to remind me how bad I looked! It does help. I just lost a bet with a freind that I would not cut my hair.We both wanted to grow it to a certain style. I found myself cutting little pieces here and there and then thinning it.Aaawww I couldnt take it anymore there is hair touching my neck!! Lost the bet!!
Cat

This post has been edited by cat: Sep 25 2006, 09:10 PM

I have been obsessed with cutting my hair due to my trichotillomania. I haven't cut it in a couple of months though. I usually do funky colors. I am about to dye it fuschia/burgundy. It's hard for me to stay away from the clippers because not only do I have trich, but when it grows out, I am obsessed about how even it is. So, before I know it, I will cut and cut and cut until I am dang near bald. I am currently on Luvox for the trich, but I want to change from that.

Is anyone here?
I have a long history with obsessive hair cutting. It's inner turmoil and I'm my own worst enemy. we have no mirrors or scissors in our home. My husband is supportive but prefers long hair and it's short now. I've even shaved my head down to a couple mm a very long time ago. I wore a wig for 3 years.
everytime I cut it gets worse but yet I persist, trying to get my hair even. I have had a few times where I've let my hair very long but I'm back to cutting again after a bad bleach job and the crunchy hair was making me crazy.
Logically it makes no sense and eats up so much of my time and thoughts. I have kids and pets and you'd think I'd be too busy to obsess, but I'm like a drug addict when I'm in the zone.
I guess I just wanted to find out if there's anyone else with this horrible compulsion.
I must hate myself to keep doing this. I'm so disappointed with myself.... and it's all so stupid. it's just HAIR.
I need to break the cycle somehow.

Dear Distressed,

I am so glad I found this forum. I have the exact same problem. Like you said, it eats up so much of my time. I could go get ready for bed at midnight and just want to go brush my teeth. Instead, I analyze my hair and cut little pieces here and there and before I know it, it's 4 a.m.!!! My hair has been as short as one inch, looking like I had a buzz cut. The top is slightly longer now, but I messed up the sides and back again and it's cut very close to my head. I look ridiculous. This obsession started to take me over 5 years ago when I used to have shoulder length hair and I went to a unisex salon on a whim and the woman, who couldn't even speak English, cut a huge hole in the back of my head. I asked for a trim and she just picked up random pieces and chopped. I've been cutting my own hair ever since. I finally got the nerve to go to a salon again this past February to have them "fix" what I've done and then try to leave it alone to grow out. Well, sad to say, it's way shorter now that it was in February. Like Cat, who started this thread, I do the same thing...I'll be folding laundry, and with no forethought that I need to cut my hair, I'll walk away from the laundry and spend two hours cutting. It's beyond frustrating as I used to have such beautiful hair that I always got complimented on. Now all I get from everyone who knows me is, "You've been cutting again, haven't you?" :o( Does anyone have any advice as to how to help the situation. I started a journal three days ago tracking my progress on my food intake and mileage from walking (I'm also trying to lose weight) and I'm trying to use the journal as an incentive to be able to write "no cutting" for each day I write my other things. I keep trying to tell myself that all I need is a year to grow it out, but I can't get past a week, let alone a month or a year, without cutting! Help!!!! Any advice???

I'm not one for giving advice : (
I'm wearing a silly hat right now. I have bad hair nightmares at night and wake up feeling sick to my stomach knowing I have to live with myself all day long. If only I could escape myself.
I think the same thing, just a year, and it'll be ok. I look back at pictures of myself when I was in a cutting mode and my hair was still long/ish and think "what was my problem" it looked good. but then I was convinced it was horrible and uneven.
the unevenness drives me to the brink.
doesn't help that I have wavy hair.
I've had hair to my waist twice in 25 years and ended up with a couple inches on my head when I get really obsessed.
I feel like throwing up right now so I'm going to end this for now.
thank you so much for replying.
it means more than you know.

You are NOT alone. I get the same way you do - I have bad hair dreams and I get nauseous when I wake up the next morning after spending hours the night before absolutely ruining my hair, knowing I have to go out in public and look at my own self in the mirror. Sometimes I even get sort of a "hot flash" feeling where I feel I get really hot and my blood pressure skyrockets and I get so sick to my stomach knowing I have to live with my hair mess all that much longer after a really bad screw up. I looked back at pictures from our vacation last July and my hair is only about a 1/2" longer in the top section, but still as short on the sides and back - a year later!!! It still looks absolutely stupid. I've been unemployed for 10 months (aside from a two month temp job that I did in Dec./Jan.) and this has given me WAY TOO MUCH time on my hands to obsess over my hair. I went on a job interview today and I think it went well. I'm hoping if I get the job, it will take up more of my time AWAY from a mirror and scissors. That, and like I mentioned in my previous post, I'm trying to make it a goal to be able to write "no cutting" each day when I log my walking mileage and food intake in my new journal. I honestly don't know what else I can do. I know it's all in my head and it's a matter of willpower, but the obsession takes over and I just can't stop. Like you, DisTressed, the unevenness drives me insane, and that's why I keep cutting. It will NEVER be even enough for me. If you'd like to e-mail for support each day, please feel free. Maybe we can help one another get through this. I'm pretty sure that if I was able to grow my hair back to my old shoulder length, heck - even a bob length, I'd be able to stop and know that it looks good and only go to a hair dresser. But a hair dresser is what started my nightmare. I used to have a great stylist that I went to for years and after she moved away, I was lost. Thanks for replying. I'll check back each day!

I dread going out in public, but I dread being alone with myself even more.
I might never be able to have a mirror or scissors in my home again. nor get a hair cut ever again.
I"m not kidding. I think I have to go cold turkey and let it grow to my knees or something.
I'm going to wear a hat for as long as I can stand so that I don't touch my hair. I touch, then look, then I FREAK out.
I've bought scissors and then thrown them out and then dug them out of the garbage more times than I can count.
I've cut my hair with knives, nail clippers, hedge clippers. I get desperate to make one more cut that will "fix it".

Have you spoken to your doctor about it?

I don't do the hair-cutting thing, but I recognise a lot of what you describe - the frustration, the stomach-churning anxiety, the need to get it right and most of all how out-of-control and foolish it can make you feel.

There are some very helpful guides and techniques out there. They made a difference to me.

DisTressed:

I just had my daughter take the scissors away AND the nail clippers and cuticle clippers, three days ago. I, too, have used the latter two to make those desperate cuts that will "fix it". I sooooooooooo totally understand what you do and how you feel. The big question is, "How do we stop it???" Good news is that I got a job and start on Monday, June 16th. I'm hoping that will take me out of the house for 8-9 hours each day so that I'm not home so much to worry about cutting my hair. Being unemployed for 8 out of the last 10 months has been harder on my hair than it has my checkbook. Can you believe that? I'm sure you can!

Signed,
ScissorHappy

I think my last post got eaten.
I have stopped this cutting before, by my husband taking away the cutting things and I guess with some luck. this time we've even taken down all the mirrors to cut down the checking habit and I've employed a hat to greatly minimize the touching habit.
I really thought I was over it and am still in shock that my hair is so short again!
if you want a link to other sites where this is discussed let me know and I'll pm you.
good luck with the job!!

Yes, thanks! I would love links to other sites. The more people for support over this crazy compulsion, the better. I'm proud to say I didn't cut my hair today! One day...baby steps. :o)

Thanks for the good luck wishes on the new job. As I said, I hope it will help me since I'll be out of the house and away from the mirrors for 9 hours a day. I'm also trying to talk myself out of the compulsion by saying, "It's just hair...It's just hair." I keep looking at old photos when my hair was shoulder length and really want it to look like that again. It's all mind over matter, but for the last 4-5 years, matter won. Now it's time for mind to win!

How are you today? I also didn't cut my hair yesterday. let's try to keep it going!

I'm not doing well. I started the new job today and didn't return after lunch. I felt so far out of my league and had an anxiety attack when I left for lunch, so I headed straight home. I just called the owner and told him the bad news. I feel like such a loser but there were aspects of the job that, being that I know myself very well, I know I would've been uncomfortable with. All the scissors are hidden and I keep saying a mantra to myself lately, "It's just hair..." so I doubt I'll be cutting my hair over this anxiety-ridden episode in my life. Keep your fingers crossed that I stay strong.

Oh no! I had one of those jobs once. I left in the middle of the first day. *shudder*
better to leave right away than wait a week and make them have to retrain someone, though.
stay strong.

Thanks, DisTressed. Your support means alot. I made a giant step forward today. My son left the scissors out on his desk and I saw them and knew they were there. I was analyzing my hair today and saw a section that wasn't blended well enough (in my mind, at least) and I didn't cut it. In fact, I even mussed up my hair a little more and said, "It looks good. Leave it alone" and I did! I didn't have the urge to cut it even though I was feeling so awful today. I just looked in the mirror, saw my mussed up hair and smiled and walked away.

I said exactly what you said above to my boss today - that it was best to leave after 4 hours than to waste a week or more of his time. I told him to call the second person that was on his list from his interviews. I even told him not to pay me for today - to consider it an extended second interview where I decided that the job just wasn't meant for me.

I can't tell you how much those other two links you supplied meant to me to be able to read even more posts about people just like us. Until I found this site, I felt I was was crazy and it was all in my head. But it's a real, ongoing struggle and others have it, too. It makes me feel so much better just knowing that, but your posts help more than you know. Thanks for keeping in touch so often.

ScissorHappy

You are tough. I couldn't handle mirrors. and esp not scissors laying around.
Have you posted at the other places at all?
I need to look around the other social anxiety areas here. Do you have any of that as well as hair cutting?

I get panic and anxiety attacks often. I had an anxiety attack at that new job yesterday when I left, knowing that I had to call the boss and tell him I'm not going back. I also had one the night before the job just thinking about having to face something new. I'm a creature of habit and change scares me. I left my job of six years that I LOVED and DID SO WELL AT because of personal reasons with the boss (NEVER GO THERE!) and also because my co-worker was the BIGGEST @*$& I've ever met and third, because company morale was at an all-time low and none of the departments were cooperating and communicating anymore and the motto from everyone became, "It's not my job." It became difficult, to say the least, to do my job and not get depressed going there every day. But..since I left there in August, I've gotten worse with my anxiety and I can't last at a job (I've had 5 since August - 2 I left on the first day, one I left on the third day, one I lasted two months and quit and the 5th one I got fired on the fourth day for the sole reason that the boss said, "It's not you - it's me. I'm just not clicking with you. I don't want you to come back after lunch." That was a blow to the already low self-esteem. I did everything she asked of me. When I asked if had anything to do with my work abilities, she said one thing bothered her - that I asked her twice how to do something and she should only have to say it once! OH MY GOSH! OH well, enough of my problems. I have to go get ready for an interview. Of course, I'm getting anxious! AAAAHHHHHH!

sorry to say that I've been there.. with the boss. bad news, you're right.
Another interview already! I'm impressed. How did it go?

OMG! Really? I think that's what started my problems. I fell so hard for the boss and we both knew it would never work in the long run (we both have families and he was the V.P.!). So for a year I felt like I was on cloud 9 and after the "split", it was so difficult to go there everyday, see him, and not be able to be like we were. I lasted 4 more years there but it was slowly killing me inside. What's worse, it made me realize that I got married too young (age 20) and never was "in love" with my husband. I was only infatuated and it was a way of escaping the bad home life I had. Now I feel I know what love really is but I can't have it. Sad, huh? I definitely know I'm not alone there. I look at my husband as only a friend, almost even like a brother. So, if he touches me, I sort of tense up. He knows how I feel about the marriage, but doesn't know about the affair. I don't want to hurt him or my kids so I keep it to myself. I know others have it way more difficult than I do, so I don't feel sorry for myself or dwell on it. I just try to go through each day thinking about something positive. The interview was very brief. It was for an orthodontist for the front desk. The ad said "no exp. req'd" but he'd be silly not to hire someone who had dental experience, so I'm not holding my breath that I'll get the job, although I think I would really like it there. I'm going to a temp agency today at 11:00. Something's got to come my way that I don't panic over and can feel comfortable with. I'm trying to be patient, but 10 months have gone by already! AAAHHH!

Hello I know this thread is old but I just now found it after searching the web for "cutting own hair depression obsession" ...heh. Its been 3 or 4 years for me being well into this problem and I never knew others shared so many similarities with their problems. For the first time i am ready to admit i have a problem, after being resistant to medication and therapy throughout the ordeal. It started in high school and I have been cutting my own hair a lot for years. I haven't had my natural hairline grow out for so long I dont know what I would actually look like. After reading so many descriptions I feel so much better knowing others have the same problem. So the reason i joined was just to thank you all. I really do believe that with your help i've grown to a point where i can put the scissors down forever. I hope....

More specifically, I am a male whose hair line sort of recedes on the sides of my forehead and comes forward sort of like a rounded widows-peak thing. Lots of people have this hairline but to me, the front always drove me up the wall, hanging right down the middle of my forehead while, In my eyes, there was hair missing on the sides. when its 1cm long and buzzed, it looks fine but as it grows out the middle hangs lower than all the rest. And unfortunately, all i ever want is LONG, beautiful hair (LONG ) I imagine i have a sort of "sampson complex" where the length gives me confidence/strength. Probably because of my huge forehead. I stupidly tried to "fix" this so many different times and of course i always end up a mess. i don't know why but as long as i can remember this has made me upset. It drove me into a deep hole of depression that I am struggling to get out of. After reading this thread, it seems much more feasible. Thank you all so much. I never before considered the idea that it might be my mind thats got the problem, and it could create visual imperfections that i see but others dont. I am now studying the jagged edges of what I ruined, by attempting to cut my bangs straight across. and i am tired of living like this.
My eyes hurt and fail to focus from staring in mirrors so long. It's made me late for work, and caused me to neglect my friends family and passions. I now realize my hairline is part of me and i don't hate myself. Plenty of people look like I would if i left it alone, and they are attractive

I believe i am ready to once again have the lot of it shaved off, revealing my true hairline, and from then on, finally ready to guard it from anyone but a professional, but namely from my SELF.

I know im making too big a deal of my hair... I also know the sampson complex might be difficult to overcome. Its really hard for me to leave it alone long enough to properly grow out but i get so insecure when its short. I am kind of in a pickle now, because the damage I've done so far this time around might grow out fine if i leave it... but probably not. Do i wait and see or go ahead and start over??? Im scared to have to start over cause to me its all about length. I know I give it too much power. I also know its a little crazy to believe I have to shave my head to be "cleansed" or "reborn" in a way and its a dangerous mentality to allow to manifest itself. But i know i feel this way. Im not sure what my next move is.

Again, THANK YOU ALL for supporting one another and for sharing. It has made a world of difference for me.

If you would like to, please continue to revisit this thread and update. I will do the same. ive never had the chance to speak with others who share my problem in common and it would mean the world to me.

check your private messages. thanks for joining in!

I appreciate the welcome. Lately Im doing a lot better. had everything trimmed very close and im trying to forget about it. But lately all my friends keep talking about their hair and they stylists and their little mirror routines and everything that makes me squirm inside. I wish we were talking about a different part of the body. One thing that has become more clear to me after reading the threads here, though, is that everyone else around me more than likely has their own problem that would make them squirm too. They are choosing to chat about the parts of them that DO make them feel good.
I guess it would just be nice if i were around more people with similar insecurities as me, or maybe if my closer friends actually knew more about mine. Its embarrassing though. Im sure many of you are no strangers to this type of inner conflict. I now realize the value of a support group. Thanks again for being here.

I want to welcome you, too. I had my daughter take all the scissors in the house away a little over a week ago. That seems to be the only thing that helps me. Lastnight, however, she left the drawer open that they were in and I saw them and took a pair a made a couple of snips on pieces that had been bugging me. Then I felt sick to my stomach after I did that. I told her to hide them in a different spot. Funny thing is, I won't go and look for them (because I know I'd find them) but if they're visible, I feel compelled to use them. I wish you luck with your struggles and wanted you to know that finding this site has helped me, too. It made me realize that I'm not crazy and that others have the same conflicts that I do. You're not alone!

Me, I will totally go looking for the scissors. how are you since that moment of weakness?
Do you think you might keep cutting to punish yourself for the affair?

Actually, I needed that moment of weakness. The couple pieces I snipped REALLY were longer than the rest and now that they're "even", I like the cut better. Lucky for me, I have a very small face and can carry a short cut well. Even strangers tell me I have the face for it. That doesn't make it easier though when I want my long, shoulder-length hair back from 5 years ago. I think the affair ending started my problems, not from any guilt over the affair, believe it or not. As I said, I fell completely hard for that person and it's the first time in my life I felt that way. Ironically, today is my 20th anniversary and I was greeted to yellow and peach colored roses and a beautiful card this morning. People would kill to have my life and husband, but, sadly, I'm not happy in it. Oh well. As I mentioned in a previous post, I just try to think positive each day and be thankful for the things that do make me happy and realize life could be alot worse.