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alicia79
post Feb 25 2009, 11:32 PM
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After seeing a therapist for a while he said I may have a mild form of ocd. Mostly intrusive thoughts and picking at my skin, especially around my hands. I've posted about some of this in the relationship forum, but basically about six months ago I found out my husband had been chatting with someone he met online over the phone. It was quite a lot...like hours each day. We took a break then went to counseling and tried to work things out.

Since then I have spent so many hours checking up on him. I can't stop obsessing about it. I guess it's for the best in a way because I found out there was a lot more to the story. He has all these different accounts and profiles on adult sites trying to meet both men and women. He did admitt to me yesterday that he had arranged meetings with guys but never followed through with it. Knowing him he wouldn't have told me that much if that was the worst he had done. I'm getting a little off track here. Basically I know there is no hope for our marriage. We are living apart right now but I come over every day to get our son off the bus and take him with me. I will usually look through his computer while I'm waiting. When my son goes to bed I will be up searching for more profiles or info on line. I really feel like I can't stop and I don't get it. I have all the proof I need that he is a scumbag so why can't I stop? This has been consuming me for months now and I'm so sick of it.

I just drove all the way out to his place to see if his truck was there...which it was. I feel like he has already done enough damage and it's just not fair that this is eating away at me while he doesn't seem to care. I am getting almost no sleep because I am up searching online for hours after my son goes to bed...then have to be up extra early to get him to school.

Sorry if this doesn't really fit in this category.
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alicia79
post Mar 2 2009, 08:51 PM
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Thanks for all the replies. I will never be able to express how much everyone on this site has helped, not just in this thread.

The stress and sleep deprivation of the last few weeks has really caught up with me. I broke out with cold sores all around my mouth, got strep throat, and spent the past weekend completely miserable. I don't know what it was...but something just clicked in my head the other night. I'm not going to do this to myself. I don't have to worry about him anymore. He can be someone else's problem, but not mine. I'm feeling a lot better physically today, but even better I just feel emotionally lighter.

I guess I was just trying to make sense out of it all. I have more important things to worry about, and I'm going to leave it in the past.

I don't know if it's these antibiotics or what but I feel downright giddy. I feel like throwing a party or something. Maybe i'll save that for after the divorce lol.
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anglcsprt
post Mar 25 2009, 11:46 AM
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QUOTE (alicia79 @ Mar 2 2009, 08:51 PM) *
I don't know if it's these antibiotics or what but I feel downright giddy. I feel like throwing a party or something. Maybe i'll save that for after the divorce lol.


Greetings Alicia!! If I may, hugs to you hun!! {{{{{{ Alicia }}}}}} I love the attitude you have developed. It is not that easy to come to the conclusions you have. Please keep posting as you are working through this. Not just the down days, but the days that you feel like celebrating too. I had to chuckle at a memory triggered from the above quote. My girfriend did throw me a divorce party the day it became final. The cake had a picture of a woman sitting on a toilet and the caption read "Congratulations for dropping your load". My ex was extremely upset that he was not invited to the party. Today I can smile about it. At the time I was touched by her gesture, but was still mourning the loss of the good times I did share with my ex. (soft smile) You just keep on feeling giddy!! (warm smile)

Elise ~ I love how you would allow yourself to get lost in your painting. I let the child within me colour with pastels every so often. Or will lose myself in a program I have for creating images and animations. The little girl in me really enjoys when I let her take over for a while. The adult in me loves the break. (soft smile)

Hugs ~ Angel innocent.gif
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