Hi all,

This post was inspired by those, on Facebook, whom, after 20 years of last seeing each other, tried to add me to their friends list.

I got bullied at school, picked on, mis-treated, just for food allergies and general difference to other people.

I am now 27 and understand I've felt anxious about people all my life, unable to get close to ANYONE, my own sex or female. I am a very loving person to those who open up to me. I have had an affectionate "crush" on someone far older than me who I met at work, who is a really warm person who understands me. Yet she can't understand my shyness towards girls of my own age.

I believe the bullying of my past life, effects me every day, and the stigma to being spoken to by people is anxiety... "people love to pick on me".

I hate this, and wondered if anyone else managed to reverse the stigma associated with people. Did you get to be relaxed around people? Did you learn to love people after a huge absence of affection for people?

I hope someone understands, who can reply to this.

This post has been edited by kirkwuk: Nov 5 2009, 04:01 PM

I can relate. From the fourth grade and up, I was more or less either simply looked down upon, ignored or physically bullied. Had a few friends when I went to junior high, but lost them to "teenage-hood". I guess it`s been a contributional factor to my social phobia. My therapist blamed the Bipolar disorder, but I think it goes deeper. Being hit and kicked really makes an impression. Being less pretty, having to wear second hand clothes, being talked about behind your back. All things that can make you super-ware of yourself and paranoid. However, from high school, I was "cured" for a while, and didn`t notice the problem, as I was the one with the best grades in the class and very much respected. Didn`t have many friends, but at least they did respect me. So, I guess my grades and my hard work kept the anxiety away. It was when I began at the University everything fell apart. Of course, being more difficult, I struggled. After the major depressive period, going back to school suddenly became entirely different and I developed a full blown social phobia.

I don`t think I`ll ever be "cured" or manage to feel safe around strangers, but I`m slowly learning to know that what I can`t see isn`t there. The paranoid thoughts I have, are more under control. It has a lot to do with managing to not feel inferior, feel that other people look at you negatively. In a way, I guess that I felt everyone would analyze and judge me, find every fault I have, look at my hair, my clothes, etc. When thinking about it, that goes back to the bullying. So, yeah, it`s been about raising myself to their level, working on not judging myself and put my negative thoughts about myself in their heads, pretend that what I feel is what they think and mean. Also that other people are not perfect and they are not after getting me down. People don`t usually go around analyzing other people. "People love to pick on me" sounds like sort of the same thing. It`s paranoia, we think that just by being there, we put ourself in a situation where other people can hurt us.

I am not relaxed around strangers, but I do feel I am on the right track. Other people have no right to judge me, strangers don`t mean anything to me and neither do their opinions, what they think can`t hurt me and what I think isn`t what they think, I cannot know what other people think about me and any thought I have about what might possibly go on inside some other persons head is my paranoia talking, not reality. We are not a target for other people, we are not inferior, they are not superior and all in all, they can`t hurt us. Neither physically nor emotionally (unless we let them by caring about what they might feel about us). My therapist made a big point out of making me reply to the question; "Do you really think it`s possible to make everyone like and respect you? Do you think that you can go through life and have everyone think nice things about you?" I was trying to avoid replying, but she kept bugging me until I gave her the "right" reply. No, I cannot go through life and not ever be in a situation where someone would think or feel negatively about me. Then she was all about, what can you do about it? Really nothing. If it`s a stranger, does it matter? If it`s family, can`t it be fixed?
"You think you are the only one who feel insecure? Don`t you think that when you are that good at keeping your fear inside, that others might be just as good at doing the same?" I`m thinking, we always say that the animal is more afraid of us than we`re of it. Lol, I doubt that it might be as relevant or logical here as it is in my head, but I do believe that in a way, other people have at least just as many insecurities about a lot of things, as we have, even if it might not be the same or even noticable.

I hope I am within a mile of what you asked, Kirkwuk .. It`s a tough question.

ChrystalR

Thanks for the reply, that makes sense. Brilliant. Sometimes I have problems understanding other peoples way of dealing with anxiety. It's about learning how people are.