When I was about 16 years old, I started suffering from severe social anxiety and depression. Over the years, it got worse, up to the point (about a year ago) where I couldn't even leave the house for weeks at a time. But somehow I got through it, and for the past few months, for the first time in a decade I have actually been both happy and driven.

However, I am starting to realize I have another problem.

I am now 27, and the past decade has pretty much been a complete void. I dropped out of university because the thought of even being in the same room as other people horrified me, and the only work I did was freelance online work (the kind that never required me to meet or talk to people). Moreover, I have lost contact with most of my old friends, and obviously, I haven't met any new people - much less dated anyone.

So I now pretty much have to build a life from scratch, and it is turning out to be quite hard.

I have been lucky in some ways - I live in a country where university is heavily subsidized (and thus affordable), and with a bit of luck I'll be starting med school in September. Moreover, through a freakishly profitable business referral about 5 years ago, I have a small income that requires no work whatsoever, as well as a few thousand euros in savings. Plus, I'm lucky enough to have a mother who will help support me. So it's definitely not all bad.

Still, I'm running into some big problems.

In order to get into a more financially secure position, I desperately want a (part time) job. But with a résumé that is pretty much entirely empty and no marketable skills to speak of, even the worst jobs are turning out to be impossible to get - either because I don't have the required skills, experience or degrees, or because I'm too old (yes, that one made me frown too). Added to that is the fact that I'm not exactly a people person, which makes getting a job in sales (one of two fields where they don't have specific requirements) virtually impossible. I try my best, but social skills aren't easily faked. And the other field without specific requirements, manual labor, seems to be facing a glut of labor from illegal immigrants willing to work for far less than the legal minimum wage.

That's why I would love some tips on how to get past my résumé in job interviews, or ideas on which types of jobs have the lowest requirements in terms of degrees and experience. Obviously, I am aware of the fact that payment for any such job will be likely to be terribly low, but anything's better than nothing.

That's not my only problem, however, and probably not even the biggest one.

My other problem is that I have to find a way to build up a social life again. As mentioned above, my social skills aren't exactly stellar, and I have lost contact with all my old friends over the years. At present, I have one (close?) friend left, but since she's incredibly successful and spends most of her time on jobs in far-away countries, I don't get to see her often. Which means that I have to find a way to meet new people.

To some, that may sound like a simple task, but to me it is not. I've never been one to make friends easily, and in all honesty, I am pretty much oblivious to social interaction in the twenty-something age bracket. Most of the people around my age that I meet have jobs, partners, a college degree and maybe even a kid or two, and that means I have precious little in common with them. All I have is extensive knowledge of a good portion of 19th century literature, contemporary philosophy, independent movies, and a single 80 sqft room.

Coupled with my social anxiety and lacking social skills, that means a 5 minute conversation about the weather is usually just barely within my grasp. Anything beyond that, and they'd better be terribly interested in literature, movies or philosophy, or the conversation will run dry very quickly.

If anyone could give some pointers on just how to make a start in getting out of this situation, I'd really be incredibly grateful.



PS. Apologies for the length of the post. I intended it to be rather shorter, but I suppose that brevity is not one of my strengths, either.

Thomas,
I have recovered from depression and one of the most important things that I started doing is volunteer work. I have been volunteering for 7 years and it has changed my life. Volunteering has helped me keep my mind off of myself and it has given me self esteem. Exercising is a very important part of my wellness. I recently became a member of 24 hr Fitness and it is helping me.
I want you to know, that increasing the positive things in my life, has driven the negative things out. Think of your life like a baseball player: Your goal should be to get to first base. There is plenty of your life left to hit a home run. Try to take one day at a time.
Doug

This post has been edited by duggie: Jun 26 2009, 06:48 PM

Dale Carnegie wrote a few books about how to socialize. The best one I found was "How to make Friends..." I used to have social anxiety. I went to work at a major US retail company and had to work with the pubkic. That job cured me and I was better able to communicate and make lasting relationships. Talk therapy also helped. I suggest you look into obtaining the book (libraries have them) and consider therapy. As for the topics you know, connect with the library or book stores to find people with like interests.

What part of medicin do you want to specialize? The only medicin docs who never see patients are Medical Examiners (pathologists for police and hospital morgues) and researchers. If you plan of becoming a GP or surgeon, who will have to talk to people in person.
Sheepwoman

It is really encouraging to read your story! Wow! You have achieved so much and come such a long way! Nothing can stand in your way!

I also agree that voluntary work might be a very, very good place to start.

The other thing that also came to my mind, was to work in a pub, become a bar man. Before you slam the idea, think it over... you don't have to go to your local bar. They are mostly supposed to remain aloof from the customers, and the really "hip" bar men seem to mix those cocktails with a totally deadpan, taciturn look, being very smooth and suave and very, very, cool and untouchable demi-gods. They are not friendly, they don't smile, they don't chat and they don't bond. (And they stare down their noses if you don't leave a tip bigger than the cost of the cocktail.)

You will get to learn the exact social skills you will need to be a medical doctor, meet and get to know loads of people, will be able to work right through your university days, and will always, for the rest of your life, have a skill that you will be able to use no matter where in the world you will be.

My daughter started as a cashier in a grocery store, then waittressing as a teenager. She made enough money to buy her own clothes and toilettries, pay her own mobile phone costs, and save enough to pay her own plane ticket to go study in the USA... and she has obtained her first degree through au paire work and study grants.... and is now at university, studying international finance...and it all started with?? Cashier in a grocery store, and then waittressing in a family steakhouse.

I really wish you all the best, and please keep us in the loop as to what you are doing!

Thomas!

I just saw that that was your post number 1!!

A belated welcome!

How about an introduction, and shouting it out - hello I am new, or something!