|
*************************** POTENTIAL TRIGGER **************************************
Hi Kyle, I wanted to tell you that I understand the frustration, and being disheartened by this. I am 58 years old and just within the last three months, was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have lived with depression as far back as I can remember. I have been diagnosed with having had a range of other conditions, diseases, disorders, or which ever one fits the category. I can honestly say that when the Dr I saw who did my intake, (since I recently moved and had to find someone else to see), handed me a book and asked me to read, and then pointed down to the page, I started reading and crying, because I saw myself. He said, "I'm sorry", and I told him, "don't be, it is good to finally know what my problem is". I do believe I have finally been diagnosed correctly. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, Obsessive-compulsive disorder, the seasonal one, which at the moment, I can't recall, PTSD, agoraphobia, bi-polar disorder. I have panic attacks, and have been treated for them as well. I have had a major length of time with paranoia. You get the picture, and that doesn't even cover phobias. However I can honestly say that it went away after the medication I was on, was changed.
I have pretty much reached the stage where I feel that the medications I take, aren't effective. I spent a good part of the day online hunting down the names of the medications that I can remember having been prescribed clear back to when I was 18 and 19. It is entirely possible that I don't remember all of them, but there are 20 different medications that I have taken.
I have every 'symptom' if that is the term to use, of a person with BPD, all of the list of abuses, the low self-esteem, the self-doubt, the whole 9 yards. I have lived with a sadness and pain that never goes away. It is always there and sometimes a line from a song, or movie, or book can set me off crying. It is awful and I hate this. I have spent the majority of my life not wanting to feel. I withdraw from people and activities. It seems safer that way. You aren't alone in your suffering. I don't know if that knowledge helps you or not. I hope it does. Knowing that there are other survivors, (and we ARE survivors) out here, helps me and gives me strength to continue the fight. Thanks Lea Lea [color="#800080"][/color]
--------------------
"Thoughts become things, choose the good ones" Mike Dooley
|