Hi Babydoll

Welcome to DF and the bipolar room.
We would love to have you share your experiences with us. There is a new friends thread that you can feel free to jump in and post at any time, so we can all get to know you and you us.

Lovely to have you here.
Trace

ive been diagnosed with bipolar. Its quite horrible to be honest! If im ever really down i dont remember it If im ever really high i dont remember it. I can only remember the times when im normal, Its quite hard having to live with this because if im ever in a really good mood its hard for me to remember. People have to remind me. I also go as i say weird. and do very strange things which scare me mum and boyfriend. Im just not myself anymore && i want to be better :(

Hi Hannah,
I dislike being BP as well. Untreated it was awful as I never knew what would happen on a day-to-day basis. Sure does cause havoc in our life. Are you currently on a treatment plan with a pdoc? Are the meds helping you at all? I so love the normal periods as well.
Sheepwoman

I wanted to stop by and say hello to the new members. I've been a member of this site for some time now -- but I've recently started helping Sheepwoman with moderating this forum.

Welcome to treebee5, HannahMills, BABYDOLL, Mister_Gemz, and EmptyMind215.

I'm no expert on Bipolar Disorder, of course, but I've experienced several med changes, trying different meds, and I was diagnosed in '05. Looking forward to getting to know you all.

Im on prozac at the mo! fluoxetine but it doesnt really seem to be helping to be honest! what about you x

Hannah, I'm BP I and am on Lamictal, Imipramine, gabapentin, Risperdol and Zoloft which are working well. If you've been on Prozac over 8 weeks and have no dosage chqanges without good response, talk to your pdoc.
Sheepwoman

hi everyone
just been diagnosed and sort of feel relieved, like i know what it is now. i also got diagnosed with bpd.
so hi and bye ok

Welcome to the Bipolar room, metallica1,
We're a friendly group and share our BP questions and experiences. I hope when you said bye, that you did not mean you're not coming back to visit us.
Sheepwoman

Hi guys
I got diagnosed with bipolor and borderline personality disorder only a week ago. I ended upthrowing my twenty mths sobriety to the wind, which i achieved through A.A because I felt like i only ever relied on the drink to cope with the mental illnesses I have finally been diagnosed with. I was wondering if anyone else has found this to be true?
mel

metallica,
Alcohol is a depressant. It also does not mix with AD's or any other pmed. DF does not advocate the use of alcohol or illicit drugs as we have many members in recovery. If you're drinking again, please STOP. You are hindering any possibility of recovery.
Sheepwoman

Sounds like I have a lot in common with many of you. I have also recently been diagnosed with BPII, after having previously been diagnosed with major depressive disorder with GAD. They didn't figure it out until the ADs they put me on made me worse and I started rapid cycling.

I'm still very much in the learning phase. Currently they are ramping me down off the lexapro, and have me on lithium. I also take ativan for the anxiety and to help cope. I have a lot of trouble with obsessive thoughts, and ativan tends to help with those.

I dislike this as well.

Welcome to the forum. Glad to have you

I was originally diagnosed with unipolar depression and GAD as well, but they switched my diagnosis after my manic phases continued to get noticeably worse. Anyway, I'm hoping things work out better now that I'm taking more appropriate meds.

Again...

Cheers

From 1975 to 1985, I was married to an undiagnosed sufferer of bipolar disorder. At the time, we knew next to nothing about the disorder and of course HE thought it was me and the world that was all wrong. On the other hand, I thought the bright, engaging, creative man I married was part "monster." A few years ago, thanks to his third wife insisting on a visit to the mental health hospital, his bipolar disorder was discovered and treated.

Now, I worry about our daughter. We know she has ADD, hypoglycemia and almost chronic depression. She recently lost three jobs in a row. She recently got married and, as usual, she's having a hard time adjusting to something "new." She had a very patient step father (second hubby and I have been married twenty years). The man she married seems patient, too, but I worry about the bipolar possibilities.

Well, thanks for listening. I'm trying to educate myself about the disorder--I'm not sure I totally understand it...

This post has been edited by Aerial: Dec 3 2007, 08:55 PM

thankyou fro your advice,
I am not drinking again, i had one bust when i was diagnosed and am back on track,not the way i want to live! I am a bit concerned about the med i am epilim. i have heard it can make u gain alot of weight so i am really scared to go down the eating disorder track again (bpd) any info on this would be very helpful,
Thankyou for steering me back to my recovery, i will always appreciate thath.
mel

Hi and Welcome to DF and the Bipolar Room bailey.

Bipolar is hard to diagnose, but once you find out, it is a great step in the right direction and may things just start to get easier for you with each day.

Trace

Hello, I am new to the forums.

I have not been diagnosed with bipolar - well, I have not been diagnosed with anything, as I never have an easy time with psychologists/psychiatrists and I've never found one that was interested enough to actually find out what I have, or I didn' thave the $$ or insurance sot hat they could.

However, sometimes I display the huge mood shifts indicative of bipolar, and I wonder if I have it. Sometimes I'm just ecstatic or bouncing off the walls for no apparent reason (or some minor apparent reason) and then suddenly I am sobbing and shaking and just...well, in a dark place. Whether it's bipolar or not, who knows, but it's definitely not good! Anyway, hello everyone.

Hi and welcome to the Bipolar Room Windmills

Bipolar is incredibly hard to diagnose as it has many signs of other forms of depression. I am sorry that you have bad experiences with doc's, but if you do have bipolar, you will need to go to a doc to get diagnosed. Also bipolar gets worse for every year that it is left untreated and depending on what type pf bipolar you may have it can lead to a complete breakdown. Undiagnosed bipolar is not good, I hope that you can find out what you have, I really hope its not bipolar, but if you do have it, a diagnosis will take a weight off your shoulders, so that you can learn to manage it correctly.

Please feel free to jump in and join the new friends thread below.
Trace

[I'm not sure where to post this, as I can't create new topics (due to the "at least 5 posts" rule). A search hasn't turned up any relevant existing posts, and I hate to hijack someone's thread.]

My Depakote level is way low. Too low. Like, abnormally low, considering my dosage. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this.

I'm a 35-year-old male, weighing in at about 185 pounds or so. I've been taking 2 grams of Depakote every evening for nearly a year. I also take 400mg of Wellbutrin (in the process of tapering off), I'm in the 3rd week of ramping up with Lamictal. No odd diet issues or physical problems. No liver issues.

Yet today the nurse manager at my psychiatrist's office told me my Depakote level (as of the week before Christmas) is only 15. She essentially accused me of non-compliance, which is ridiculous.

The way I see it, one of three things has happened: The latest batch of pills is bad; the level number is wrong; or something screwy is going on with my biochemistry. Coincidentally, the nurse who drew my blood last (and presumably ran the test) was obviously somewhat green (she had trouble hitting my excellent veins). What sort of skill is required to run the Depakote level test? I'm sure I have no idea.

If anyone's experienced this or has any ideas, I'm all ears. Er, eyes. Thanks in advance.

I'm new here, joined yesterday - be gentle with me!!

I was diagnosed with Bipolar a year ago, after being loosely labled as SchizoAffective for a few years before that. To be honest I knew little about bipolar until I was diagnosed. When I was younger I had more depressive phases and the manic phases weren't obvious enough for the diagnosis to be made back then. About 18 months ago it shape shifted into more manic phases, which were fun (And I became horribly non-compliant with medication in an effort to bring on the manic episodes) until they in turn shape shifted to manic-aggressive phases. That was when the rapid cycling began and my psychiatrist realised it was indeed bipolar.

I was warned then to quit being non-compliant with medication as bipolar has a nasty habit of changing its makeup. After a psychotic break in November of 2006 I promptly became med compliant. In July of this year I hit what I thought then was an all-time low. I'd just finished working on a novel and without the distraction it had given me, I crashed and burned. I couldn't stop crying and the depression was worse than anything I'd ever felt before - I admitted myself into the psych ward ER. What I thought was an all-time low then became even worse over the following months.

The hospital psychiatrist wasn't convinced the depression was purely due to the bipolar and I was then diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, brought on six years after the suicide of my partner. Whether the bipolar triggered the PTSD, or PTSD triggered the bipolar, I don't know. This past six months have been nothing short of hell and I've been living on a razor edge. It's only in the last three weeks I've started to feel somewhat human again.

What I continually found during this past six months is the complete lack of assistance I was given. Helplines were useless, support groups never got back to me no matter how many calls or emails I sent, and the mental health system lets down people time and time again. Finally it was my general doctor, not my psychiatrist, who realised if something wasn't done ASAP to find me help I wouldn't be around for much longer. He was a Godsend. He hadn't seen me since the PTSD hit and was shocked at the deterioration both mentally and physically. He promptly phoned the support groups on my behalf (Which by the way, still haven't got back to him so plainly their not terribly supportive!!) and arranged a year's worth of one on one counselling with a grief therapist.

Ok, this post is turning out longer than I planned!!

The bottom line is now I'm scared this could be my new bipolar pattern mixed nastily with PTSD. I barely survived this year and the thought of fighting it all over again is terrifying. Something I'm sure everyone in this forum can relate to.

Hopefully I can make some new friends here and be of support to others as well.

Best Wishes
Zathyn

This post has been edited by Zathyn: Dec 28 2007, 08:30 PM

Hi skidoo,
I don't take Depakote. I do have friends on it and are at 600mg and doing well. We all metabolize meds differently and it's possible that your body chemistry HAS changed. You should talk directly with the pdoc for his feedback and advice. Did you check the Other Meds room? That is where Depakote is listed. We prefer medication issues be posted in that area.

I'm on 300mg of Lamictal and for me it's great. I hope it helps you as well.

As far as the blood draw for Depakote testing, the nurse does not run the test herself. It is sent to a laboratory to run the test. I don't know the mechanics involved to obtain med levels.

Join in the New Friends thread. You will get to the needed 5 posts to start your own topic in no time.
Sheepwoman

Hi Zathyn,
You're not alone with BP and PTSD. I'm BP I with severe chronic depression, have PTSD and a many more diagnisies. I'm on 5 different medications that help keep me fairly stable. I also know what happens when I'm non-compliant with meds, so taking them daily and on time is a regiment I have to follow. BTW, I've also been in the psych ward a few times due to the extreme depression that I fall into regardless of the meds.

It's a sad state of affairs when you can't obtain proper mental health care. Maybe it's the lack of good practioners in your area? Glad your GP got you into therapy. It's a blessing to have someone who will listen, give you feedback and guidance. They don't give you answers, you have to do the work to make changes in your life.

Glad that you joined us and hope to see you in here often.
Sheepwoman

10-4.


Got my fingers crossed.


Actually, these guys do it right there in-house, and the results are usually available within minutes. I guess they have a lab. I just didn't wait around for the results this time, hence the telephone conversation.


Thanks. Yeah, I think I'm just about there.

hey everyone,

ive sort of been suspicious for a while now that i have bipolar disorder... i can never tell if it's just my convuluted way of thinking or if i actually am bipolar... i definitely have some major mood swings sometimes. some days everything will seem fine, some days suck, some days will be going fine until a certain point and then everything just comes crashing down for some reason.. are meds really the only option? it seems like everyone here has taken this and that and has worked but has produced this side effect blahblahblah. im hoping there is a more "efficient" way to cope with this.

Hi and Welcome to DF and the Bipolar Room AsIWalkOnBy.

The first thing you need to do is get an official diagnosis. Bipolar is not easy to diagnose. Bipolar also gets worse as you get older and untreated bipolar will lead to a complete breakdown. Please got to a doc for a diagnosis. There are many options that can go along with meds, therapy, counselling, but unfortunately, as far as I know Bipolar can not be treated effectively without meds.

Trace

sunfire- hello everyone!! im kinda jumpin around gettin a feel for the place. learning how to move around this place can only happen with practice. i am realy enjoying my experience. So i am a bi-polar, borderline personality disorder with anxiety, ptsd, with self-defeating traits. i am on lexipro, trileptal, topamx, kolonopin, and comming off of invega hoping to do so without withdrawl. most of my imbalances are drug induced. i have 1 year clean and sober as of janury 1st 2008!!! i have been going on and off meds for 10 years now. my children and i are in therapy. i have done alot to turn my thinking around and become a more positive person. i have more positive people in life today. i hope to find more here. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

to the BP romm, sunfire,
We're a good bunch in here giving support, sharing experiences and listening. You might want to browse around the medication forum for information on your meds. Congratulations on being clean and sober! Self-medicating defeats the purpose of meds and only makes our condition worse, as you probably know..
Sheepwoman

yes, i had to learn that one the hard way,about self medicating, losing alot before i woke up to the realization of what was going on with me. but i can only live in the moment now, knowing im doing the best i can for myself and those i come in contact with(most of the time, not all the time). i use to fight everyone and eveything. they always had it all wrong. i was selfish and thought everyone else had the problem. now we have all become more educated and knowedgeable about mental illness. they show more compassion. with that i can become more open. of course i have taken it upon myslf to teach them through brochoures and such, but what ever it takes right? my brother may be going back to an institution for the 2nd time. he usually stays for a couple years or so. prayers would be wonderful if you believe. have a very lovely day and thank you for being here.

This post has been edited by sunfire: Jan 2 2008, 12:01 PM

Hello everyone,

I got here because I was looking for a place where I could find some personal accounts of being Bipolar and everything that comes along with it. So I ended up here and after having read some of the topics I got the impression that this was a very nice and friendly community, so much even that I decided to register and tell you why I am here. So here goes:

I'm a 23 year old/young student from the Netherlands and I've been having a strong suspicion that I might be bipolar for about 2 years now. I've been having what I think are (hypo-)manic episodes, feeling totally euphoric, especially about the great friends and family I have and how I have an awesome relation with them, always willing to and good at listening and people bringing their problems and secrets to me for that reason (and having 'decided' that that is thé purpose of my life basicly) and just being a like-able guy, as in, if you don't like me you'd have to be crazy or evil. On top of that I've had a period in which I felt as if I were 'developing powers', feeling as if I could collect 'energy' in the palm of my hand, as well as feeling like I had wings of energy. Having studied physics for two years I'm too skeptic to actually believe in controlling energies and such esoteric things, so I 'rationalised' it by suggesting to myself that I might be the first step in a new path for human-evolution (yeah...'rationalising', i know O.o :P). Not that I was completely convinced I was, but thinking that it could be like that. That was about 1,5 year ago if I remember correctly. When I (think I) am (hypo-)manic now I don't feel like that (super-human-evolution-thing) anymore, but I get all sorts of great ideas: things to create or things to do with or for friends and family, which I hardly ever end up doing or only get to organising half and then expect people to be flexible enough to still come (e.g. mentioning a month or so in advance to 1 or 2 people that it'd be great to have a night out with the class at the end of the academic year and then a month later being bummed out to find people have other plans when I ask them a day in advance if they'll be there)

On the other hand I've had times at which I feel completely down and don't want to do anything. This also comes out in different ways. Feeling really depressed both mentally and physically. Not being able to see the positive side of anything, or if there is something positive immediately telling yourself that it's fleeting anyway, feeling of helplessness, indecisveness, morbid/macabre thoughts, and at the very worst (2 times in as many years) feeling absolutely nothing at all for a short period of time (30-60 mins). Physically feeling really sluggish and tired. Getting groceries, cooking, simple homework is too much of or a real big effort. I've found myself walking around the supermarket for 20 minutes unable to decide what to eat that evening while I normally run through in 5.
Also having trouble focussing on work when there are stricht deadlines involved for work that is more than average, term-papers and such. I have a habit of pushing work ahead of me, but usually, with essays and weekly assignments, I'm fine making them the evening before the deadline and working until 5 a.m. (I can't get started before 8 pm either, btw) ;the result is usually quite ok as well. However when I have to make a term-paper I can't seem to be able to handle it. Even when I begin on time, 3 days in advance and having nothing else to do on those days, I always find someway to distract myself from the work and the day before the deadline I tell myself I won't make it anyway so better drop it and go do something to forget about the guilt i start to feel at that time. This is what finally got me to looking for help with this, because I don't want, nor can afford, to mess up another study (studied physics for 2 years, now in my 3rd year of English). And this is also what brought me here, I have a deadline for a take-home exam tomorrow and I have absolutely nothing to hand in ...

These ups and downs tend to last from anywhere between a day to two or three weeks and I believe started around the time I started studying at university.

So where am I at right now?
I have been talking about this with someone who half a year ago was a vague friend, but now she definately is one of my best :D. She has quite some experience with people with mental health problems, having OCD herself, and a mother and sister with serious mental health problems. So having someone to talk to in person is a great relieve and helps a lot. And after it started really interfering with my study I told the department's studentsupervisor that I thought I might be bipolar and she suggested I'd go and see the studentpsychologist and that is what I am waiting for at the moment. Went to made an appointment half december and got one for 25th of Januari. Got to love waitinglist (I guess quite some of you are familiar with the delight that they are... ), but it's apparently better than going through the GP, because according to my friend you're busy for 9 weeks with a procedure at the GP's and thén you get on the waitinglist for actual diagnosis/therapy. There is still a chance though that I might have to go through all of that, if the university's studentpsychologist is unable to help me (enough).
So basicly I am (probably) at the beginning of a long and scary trip. It might turn out that I'm not bipolar at all, although I've got a feeling it is and wouldn't know what else it could be, then again what do I know?

So there you have it, a lengthy introduction and probably the largest post I've ever put on a forum :P

Welcome to the new faces.

Speaking as someone fairly recently diagnosed, it really can be a tumultuous time until you get a firm diagnosis. And that diagnosis may not be consistent across specialists.

The first step - as many have said before - is seeking help. See your GP. The first step HAS to be ruling out a number of physical problems that can manifest as similar symptoms to bipolar, eg, thyroid disorders.

Write a diary. The diary is the one thing that has gotten me a diagnosis, in truth. I saw a pdoc without one, and tried to verbalise what I went through, and he just chalked it up to depression. But once I had a diary spanning a few months it became clear that there were some definite trends in mood occuring.

As to managing bipolar... meds really are your only option. Therapy can help, support groups, personal health etc all help, but nothing can stop your cycles other than medication. The side effects look bad on paper, but in reality most people experience very few, and they quite often go away in time.

I still hold a great job, I have a loving gf and my life hasn't fallen to pieces... but I might not be here if I hadn't seen my GP. Be it bipolar or depressive disorders, if they go untreated, they can literally kill.

Hi, Unas,
It sounds like you have symptoms of Bipolar. I'm not a professional, so I can't give you a diagnosis. Bipolar is hard to diagnose as it has components of other mental health illnesses. It really takes a psychiatrist to give an accurate diagnosis. Print a copy of your post and take it with you when you see the student psychologist It will help him/her know what you're experiencing.

As Hircon said, medications are the only thing that stabilizes Bipolar. I'm on 5 different meds right now and am fairly stable. I also go to therapy, which is helping to build self-esteem, getting a more positive outlook and build coping skills.

Let us know how your appointment goes.
Sheepwoman

Hey, thought I'd do the polite thing and introduce myself, as I seem to have forgotten my proverbial online manners!
I got diagnosed with depression 5 years ago, a few months ago I was finally diagnosed Bipolar. I found that all the medicines I was being prescribed were making the depression less frequent but having the exact opposite effect on the mania side of it all. Been referred to a psychosis specialist on and off for a while, but not at the moment, although I do enjoy the benefit of councilling etc.

Quite interested in getting to know more about Bipolar Disorder. Has anyone read any of K Jamison's work? I've ordered a few of her books which I'm looking forward to reading. I'm very interested in the correlation between creativity / intelligent thinking and Bipolar Disorder.

Especially when I'm 'manic' I find I write far better music and feel very 'at one with nature' ( for lack of a better phrase ), almost on a higher plain of existence than everyone else. I used to be able to see ( or thought i could see ) people's energy when I was 'manic', but that's no longer a frequent problem / issue etc.

For myself I find genuinely the best cure for this debilitating disease is physical exertion. I've found that although I can't do without medication too well, walking / exercise is what really sorts me out ( often the main problem ironically being finding the motivation / energy to do it ).

Anyways, that's the formalities out the way. Thanks for reading this,
Ol

Hi Danger ol,
I've read quite a bit about Bipolar in order to learn more about it and the manifestations of the mood swings. I don't think I've read any of Jamison's books. I did a Google search and the DSM and other medical information. I always want to be informed about anything I have or take (meds).

I found when I was on just AD's I was manic most of the time. There has to be a balance in medications to treat BP. Because the depressive side for me is severe and chronic, I'm on 2 AD's (one for the day and one for the night.) I also take two mood stabilizers and an anti-psychotic. So far, they're helping a lot. I agree with you about exercise, it really is something I do when I'm manic or other wise. It's not a "cure" but helps burn off the excess energy.

There is a creativity thread in here you may be interested in reading and maybe contributing a comment about how you are affected.

SW

Hi there i had forgotten about this area and joined at the end of last year. I have been diagnosed Bipolar approx in august/september of last year. Originally they thought it was just ADHD and depression but that changed. I was going w my husband to his psych as she asked and he started to get better so my hubby said what he thought and they said yes i think we should se you as well. I see a different pscyh than him. he has been diagnosed orginally w depression but then it became OCD and aspergers possibly. I have an autistic/adhd daughter as well and 1 normal daughter. So quite a mixture in this family.

I am currently on Lamictal 100mg a day, prozac 20 mg and seroquel 400mg a day but these are always going up each time i see them.

I have had very high anxiety about things that i shouldnt be, i get quite aggressive and pretty antisocial and angry. When i am manic which is what i was constantly originally so they put me on citralopam which made me soo hyper more than ever before they took me off it. It was good being like that but very very tiring on my body.

when i get depressed even slightly i go quiet and into myself and angry again. I also use a paper clip w metal showing to cut accros my body, i hit my head a bit but trying really hard to stop this and also bite myself. If others are around and i get hyper i have to sqeeze people or things and i have a punch bag also for this.

I try alsorts of things to get my mind off things like gardening, mowing the lawns, cycling, puzzles, word finds and walking.

You know, now that you mention it, I really do feel better with physical exertion. That feeling at night when you are physically tired and you hit the bed - for a person who does office work, I have to say I do like that feeling.

Yeah definately, exercise naturally makes you feel happy anyway and promotes a better sleep pattern, it's all good. Healthy body / healthy mind is blatently a very over-optimistic assumption, but there's definately some logic in it. Obviously my use of the word 'cure' was misplaced but it is definately the most sure-fire way for me to feel better about most aspects of my life.
I'm stuck with office work at the moment ( as gardening is not the most prosperous line of work at this time of year ) and being stuck indoors all day in an office is definately far from condusive to feeling anything other than miserable for me!

Thanks for the point about the creative thread Sheepwoman, I shall check it out, I might have posted on it last week, unless I'm thinking of elsewhere. Thanks!

Hi. I'm a filmmaker with personal documentary
about my childhood friend's struggle with bipolar
disorder. It's called DOWN in a Hole, after the
Alice in Chains song of the same name.

Here is a YouTube trailer: (PM member for link)

and a link to the project website: (PM member for link)

thanks,
nate

Hi all, i have Bipolar, but i also have PND - but before you ask, i have no kids, but i did have a misscarrage.
Anyway, this is my first good day i have had in a long time, so i hope everyone else is feeling happy aswell
Beth xx

Hi and Welcome Canarylegs and Beth

Please feel free to have a look around and join in the New Friends thread below. Its good to see you here.

Trace

Hi everyone. My name is Laurie, and I am 25 years old. I just got diagnosed as having BP II disorder by my current pdoc, and it's the first time I've believed the diagnosis. For years I tried to convince previous pdocs that I wasn't bipolar; that I just had major depression. I don't know how I had myself convinced since the only meds that really worked on me were mood stabilizers and not anti-depressants, but oh well. For some reason, the thought of having BP disorder was scarier to me than having unipolar depression.

But now I'm more comfortable with the diagnosis, and I just want to get well again. I've got the most competent pdoc that I've ever had. He actually listens to me and is willing to spend time answering my questions, which is great.

Anyway, it is nice to meet you all.

It's wonderful that you have a good pdoc who listens. It appears he has you on a good treatment plan. I was devastated when I was diagnosed with BP I. Not exactly what i wanted to hear or have. My PNP has me on two stabilizers, two AD's and an anti-psychotic to keep me stable, and they're working well. Glad that just a stbilizer is working for you.
Sheepwoman