I have been a lurker to this site for a couple weeks now but I have decided to share my story and struggle with binge eating since I was 10! Maybe it can be of help to someone out there.

It has taken me about 3 years of seeing a therapist to realize I have suffered from a binge eating disorder all of these years. I am 29 yrs old now and started when I was 10. As a child, I had to move around a lot with my family because of my Dad's job and so I didn't making a lot of lasting relationships with friends and I began using food as a way of coping with that and would never allow anyone to see my closet binging. When I was 12 my weight started to become a factor and since then I have been on every diet under the sun. I have lost so much weight and gained it back and then some throughout the years. When I was 15, my father died unexpected and this is when I really started having issues. I would eat anywhere from ~2000-4000 calories in one sitting (with no one watching of course) at least once a week. Then I would gain and gain weight and decided to go on yet another diet and when I was doing so well on the diet and losing weight I would still binge but then I began to purge afterwards. Then I would realize there was no use to keep trying to lose weight and got even more depressed and started binging and gaining weight again. I suffered through this viscious cycle time after time after time.

When I was 23 I started dating this guy whom turned out to be an emotionally/verbally person towards me and was also a complete sociopath! I was so depressed during all of this I managed to stay with him for 4 and 1/2 years....crazy I know. And during this time I began to see a therapist thinking there was something seriously wrong with me but what I didn't realize is my ex bf was the one who was making me feel like I was "crazy" always making everything my fault and making me feel like crap all the time. My binging got worse and worse and worse. I was constantly sneaking bad food all the time and my ex would make fun of my weight and I desperately tried to lose weight and would be successful for awhile but he would enjoy shoving food in my face and then the binging would start all over again. It was his way of controlling me....he knew I would never leave him as long as I would continue to stay depressed. After 4 and 1/2 years of his abuse I finally built up enough strength to end it and what a relief that was. This was 1 and 1/2 yrs ago.

After the breakup, I did well and lost a good amount of weight but then began binging yet again.... sometimes four or five times a week and would manage to eat a whole entire large pizza in one sitting.....this has gone on for the past 1.5 yrs until about a month ago! I had a revelation about all my issues with my therapist. To her I didn't even express how serious my binge eating was until about 2 months ago. Then I really laid everything out in the open and dug deep as to why I have been suffering from this the past 19 years!

My therapist suggested I go see a Psychiatrist to get started on a medication which would help me with my depression, anxiety (which never considered myself an anxious person), and binging. I was pretty reluctant at first because I guess I know too much as a nurse and I hate taking medications. The phychiatrist started me on Prozac a little over a month ago and it has made a world of difference to me! I started feeling a lot better about a week ago. In fact I have NEVER EVER in my whole entire life felt this good!!!!! I guess I have been dealing with my depression my entire life and just didn't realize it. I know it's only been a month since I have been taking it, but my family has even said they have NEVER seen me like this! I have only binged about 6 times in the past month but not nearly as bad as in the past and so far have managed to lose 12 pounds. I haven't binged at all in the past week and this is completely new territory for me...not sure what to do with myself!! I know I have a long road ahead of me (I have about 110# yet to lose) but I know this is the beginning of a new life for me....a life which for the first time I am able to enjoy!!!

Thanks for listening to my longggggg story!

(((mizzrn)))

Wow! Thanks for posting - success stories are always worth the read! I'm so glad you're feeling good :)
Keep up the good work!

Kola

Mizzrn,

I'm so sorry for not responding before now. For some reason I must have missed your post.
I am well familiar with eating entire pizzas so your story resonates with me somewhat! It sounds like you had a really tough time, it's strange how we use food in such an emotional way.

I'm so glad the prozac appears to be working for you and well done on the weight loss. If you're still around, please keep us updated on how you get on as I actually found that my AD made me binge more so it's interesting to hear about one having the opposite effect.

PRT xx

Thank you both for the support! I read the posts this morning and thought I would give a little update!

It is amazing to me how much food controlled my life. Binge eating disorder is still a fairly new diagnosis and my family never did understand my issues with eating until recently...mainly because I was too ashamed of it and I thought it was just lack of motivation so I never told them how serious it was. They were always like "oh you can lose weight you just need to be modivated to do it" Little did I realize is was soooo much more than that. I used food as a way of coping and numbing bad feelings just as an alcoholic uses alcohol and drug addict uses drugs. I finally, for the first time in my life, feel like I have total control of my own life. My days used to consist of when, where, and how I would get my next "fix" (that being food of course). And it would just be this viscious cyle of binging and feeling guilty about it and then binging some more and then trying to lose weight but binged again...and yada yada yada.

As far as Prozac goes, it is the only AD that has actual case studies and evidence that it decreases the amount of binging in those who suffer from BED, compulsive eating, and bulimia. It doesn't work for everyone but I am very fortunate that it has worked for me!! Both my psychologist and psychiatrist specialize in eating disorders and this was their first drug of choice for me. The side effects in the beginning were a little rough but I am glad I toughed it out because they are all gone now! I take 40 mg a day (the generic) and I still can't believe how much it has changed my life. I have never been this happy in my entire life. I am also happy to say that I HAVE BEEN 100% BINGE FREE FOR OVER 3 WEEKS. I have lost a total of 16 lbs. I am not "dieting" but just eating very healthy and making sure I eat anywhere from 1200-1600 cals a day. I have to kind of have to watch that because there are times I don't want to eat....this has never been an issue for me!! I also make sure to exercise at least 30 minutes 5 days a week. I think of all the hundreds of thousands of dollars I have spent on weight loss programs. Who would have thought $4 a month (how much my prozac costs) would change my life dramatically!!!???!!! I even did a little test. I went out to cheesecake factory and ordered a very large meal (usually after I eat "bad" food I would start binging again) and immediatly put half of it away so I wouldnt over indulge. Ended up having the other half a couple days later and I am back to eating healthfully again...people would always tell me you can splurge once in awhile but a splurge for me would end up a total bingefest for the next several weeks! Well this time is different!!! I just hope this lasts!!

Not only has Prozac changed the way I eat, it has lifted me out of a terrible depression. I know regular exercise has helped this too. I am more outgoing and have noticed my family calling me more often and people coming up to me talking to me more, I require half the amount of sleep I used to, my memory is unbelievable, don't suffer from road rage anymore haha, am going out and doing more and more things, and for once don't obsess about my weight and food! I could go on and on but dont want to bore you....this are just some of the major ones.

I will continue to keep you guys updated and if anyone out there has any questions/issues feel free to contact me! So glad I found DF....what a great support system!!

Wow that almost makes me want to go back on medication!! 16lbs is fab!
I have started doing more exercise but still haven't mastered the eating problems. One step at a time I guess though.

Thanks for the update! xx