Even when I'm having an "up" day and am out somewhere with my parter or my sister, my entire mood drops stone cold to the ground when I glimpse a beautiful woman. I instantly think people are comparing me to her and thinking I'm hideous compared to her, and I know I am. To see a woman so pretty is a sure-fire way to ensure I feel instantly worthless. I feel like NOTHING until I'm pretty and I know that I would have so much more confidence if I were beautiful.
I wonder how it works for them and even if I see a woman's back and her hair from the back, if she looks beautiful from the back I get so tempted to "stalk" her for a while until I can see if her face and front is just as beautiful. Sometimes I've even (as discreetly as possible!) tried to take pictures of such women in the street or at shopping centres on my phone. I'm so obsessed with trying to be beautiful but I think I was born scruffy. Even when I get myself made up and well-groomed, it doesn't seem to last long, wheras I see women with perfect hair and makeup all the time. I just wish I could be like that.
Just a pointless rant.