Hello, thought it was time to introduce myself. My name is Michelle and this depression is just becoming too much to handle. I have Dysthymic disorder. I am a mother of two kids and am in a nasty relationship that I know isn’t helping.

All I want is a good day, just one. I get up thinking today I might just slide on by and this day will go ok for once. Then I get to work (I work full time) and my boss points out some mistake I made, something that wasn’t done right, something, something, something…….that knocks the mood down a tad.

Then my bf will call just to complain about something I didn’t do. He likes to call me at work and just rant away knowing I can’t defend myself over the phone. Like I really want every one in my office to hear. So by mid day I am dreading going home because I know the ranting doesn’t stop there with him. I leave work, sit in traffic and can play out the night in my head because it’s the same problem, different day. I get home and let the lectures begin. I try my best to duck and dodge and avoid him but it just gets so hard. His complaint list:

The kids toys are out
Not enough sex
How my mood brings him down
How there is something wrong with me
I’m useless

And the list goes on and on. He is very verbally abuse, I have been called every name in the book and we have split up but stupid me falls for the fake sorrys and most of the time just gives up defending myself because it just takes so much out of me.

I’m just so over whelmed these days. Everyday seams to be getting worse and it is getting harder and harder to pick my self up when I fall. I just want to scream out and make the way I feel stop so badly but I don’t know how. I have tried therapy but that gets to be to expensive, haven’t tried meds yet but I think I really need to. The only thing that keeps me going are my kids. That’s it.

I’m just so tired of feeling empty and alone. I walk around with this fake smile on when inside I am just dieing.

Sorry to come and just dump here, I know this post is just all over. I know today is going to be another bad day. Isn’t there a such thing as a Good Day free pass card cause I sure need it today.