Hello, thought it was time to introduce myself. My name is Michelle and this depression is just becoming too much to handle. I have Dysthymic disorder. I am a mother of two kids and am in a nasty relationship that I know isn’t helping.

All I want is a good day, just one. I get up thinking today I might just slide on by and this day will go ok for once. Then I get to work (I work full time) and my boss points out some mistake I made, something that wasn’t done right, something, something, something…….that knocks the mood down a tad.

Then my bf will call just to complain about something I didn’t do. He likes to call me at work and just rant away knowing I can’t defend myself over the phone. Like I really want every one in my office to hear. So by mid day I am dreading going home because I know the ranting doesn’t stop there with him. I leave work, sit in traffic and can play out the night in my head because it’s the same problem, different day. I get home and let the lectures begin. I try my best to duck and dodge and avoid him but it just gets so hard. His complaint list:

The kids toys are out
Not enough sex
How my mood brings him down
How there is something wrong with me
I’m useless

And the list goes on and on. He is very verbally abuse, I have been called every name in the book and we have split up but stupid me falls for the fake sorrys and most of the time just gives up defending myself because it just takes so much out of me.

I’m just so over whelmed these days. Everyday seams to be getting worse and it is getting harder and harder to pick my self up when I fall. I just want to scream out and make the way I feel stop so badly but I don’t know how. I have tried therapy but that gets to be to expensive, haven’t tried meds yet but I think I really need to. The only thing that keeps me going are my kids. That’s it.

I’m just so tired of feeling empty and alone. I walk around with this fake smile on when inside I am just dieing.

Sorry to come and just dump here, I know this post is just all over. I know today is going to be another bad day. Isn’t there a such thing as a Good Day free pass card cause I sure need it today.

You're not dumping, dear! You're sharing your feelings and that's what this forum is here for. I'm so sorry to hear things are so glum for you right now. I can certainly see why you don't look forward to going home. You know, many people think if someone is "only" verbally abusive that it's not really serious, but verbal abuse can be just as devasting to your psyche and your self-esteem as any other. The constant berating makes you feel like you're not worthy of being happy or of having any other kind of relationship, and that's just not true. It also sucks the energy and strength out of you which makes it even more difficult to work up the decisiveness to end the relationship. What a vicious cycle!

I think it would definitely be a good idea to talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. I know for me, antidepressants have been wonderful. They've given me back my life, and let me see clearly again. Maybe that clarity could make it a little easier for you to deal with the other events in your life, if you are unable to return to therapy.

Sending you best wishes, dear, and a virtual Good Day Free Pass Card that hopefully you can redeem soon!

((((((((Michelle)))))))))

I'm probably really out of place giving you advice, since I'm 20 and single, so take my advice as you will.

Tell him that there is "not enough sex" because you are feeling depressed and that his lecturing definitely does not help the cause. "Your mood brings him down" because he keeps calling you "useless". The only thing "wrong with you" is that you're letting him do all this verbal abuse. Then stare at him straight in the eye and demand "Who else is at fault here besides me?"

((((Michelle))))

You sound a lot like my mom... She tends to say a lot of the same things.. But her problem is that she isnt in a relationship..

How old are your kids? They might be able to make things a little easier on you depending on age..

I know how it is to just want things to get better. Im the same way.. Its like everyday is the same and horrible...

I know you've probably heard this before but if your boyfriend is treating you so horribly you need to get away from him. You dont need people in your life that treat you like crap. I can tell already that you are a very caring and great person. You should surround yourself with people that make you feel good.

Im in the same boat and working on sticking up for myself at the moment too. We could do it together? :)

& I are here for you!

Hi Michele,

*hands her a good day free pass*

I am sorry to hear you are struggling but glad you have found us, this is a very caring community and you will find lots of support here.
Are you seeing a professional regarding your depression, are you on meds? Would your BF consider relationship counseling??


Hang in there,
We are here for you

SN

First I would thank all of you for your kind words yesterday. When I got home I was lectured for about an hour how horrible our relationship is how he is done with me. That is nothing new and I have had this conversation with him a zillion times. I know I need to end this nightmare and I know it isn’t helping any but it’s hard. He makes many threats…

A little background cause I am new.

My son is 2 and he is his father. My daughter is 8 but from a different relationship. We have been together for around 4 years now. He knew about my depression before we got together, we shared friends. I have been to therapy but it becomes a problem with him because I refuse to tell him what we are talking about and he nags so much I stop. He is very verbally abuse and uses every thing that hurts me as ammo for his assaults. Put it this way, think of every nasty thing you could say to someone……I have been called it all. But he makes threats that he take our son, I wont see him again, how he will tell the courts I am some nut case because I am depressed. I am a good mom who is depressed that doesn’t make me a horrible person. I still manage to get up every morning and do what needs to be done. I just hate him.

So last night I was laying in bed and for the first time my mind was blank. I usually have a zillion thoughts going through my mind but last night I had nothing. When I closed my eyes…..now I don’t know if this is just me but I think of things, picture things……..that too was blank. I have been really low before but never felt this empty.

This morning wasn’t bad. Still feeling low but I think some of that has to do with being really tired.

Well thanks for letting me vent.

The courts are not going to think that u r nuts cause u have depression. and it wont b a decidind factor on whether or not u have ur son. I would go to ur local police station and see what u have to do about a restraining order. You need to tell them how he is verbally abusive and has made theats. This is the first step. Then if he comes near you, all you have to do is call the police and they will take care of it. Its no good for u or your son to have to deal with this. You need to get out of this.

This is a terrible situation, made worse because there are children involved. He is definitely not a healthy person for you or your kids to be around. I would say that it's time to get away from him so that you can continue with your therapy if that's what you feel you need, and continue living your own life, and continue being a good mother to your children, without him to abuse you. I mean, right now, your daughter is learning that this is an acceptable way for women to be treated, and your son, although young, is learning that this is an acceptable way to treat women. And obviously you want them to grow up and live healthy lives and have healthy relationships, so you have to show them it's okay to do that.

I agree with ajumbledmess, a restraining order is a good first step. Also, this will show the courts that you are serious about leaving him and taking care of your kids, and shows that you have reasons why he should not get custody of your son. Does he ever leave any 'proof' of his abuse, such as voicemails, etc.? This can be helpful if you can save them and show them to the police or the judge. Instead of just your word against his, you have an example of his abuse.

God, I must sound so preachy. I don't mean to come across like that, but this is a serious situation. If he is really bringing you down like this, and effecting your stability and your kids and your life, then it's time to move on. Just be safe and smart in doing so. Maybe you can move in with a family member or friend in the area with your kids for a while? This could give you time to transition into the world again and help you save money for your own place.

Anyway, stay safe, and good luck. Let us know how things are going.

-Avery

There's nothing worse than someone keeping you hostage in a relationship with empty threats. He obviously doesn't recognize that he can't do this and he's wrong. You need to contact a lawyer and see what you need to do to get out of this mess. You know this is keeping the depression going. It isn't his business to know what goes on in your sessions and feel threatened. It isn't his business! I think he's overstepped his boundries and will need a big push to get him out, like a restraining order, which is called an order of protection in Ohio. Why not call a shelter and get some advice. After all, you are in an abusive relationship and they may be willing to advise you how to do things without a lot of problems coming out of it. I know I had to actually leave my ex to get away from him and it was very messy, but this was quite awhile ago and the laws have changed and are much better.

The threat to take your son away is a bunch of hooey. Don't fall for this! Taking meds for depression and seeing a therapist doesn't make us unfit Mothers. It shows that we are taking steps to take care of ourselves. What century is he living in??

Love, Jackie

Hi Michele,

I'm sorry for your situation, I agree with the advice given by others.
Depression is rarely ever a reason to have custody of your children threatened.
If you were chronicly depressed, ie; unable to get out of bed, then there might be a reason for your bf to suggest it.
Emphasis on the word 'suggest' by the way. Under no circumstances is a threat acceptable.
If you have suffered emotional abuse from him for so long, then take his threat as a call to arms. He has raised the bar and you might have to step up to avoid things getting worse.
You know that this relationship is going nowhere but it sounds like you need help getting out. Take action as soon as you can and keep us posted.
Very best wishes,
SA