I have been getting worse and worse grades in college and keep debating dropping out.  There is no point in going to just take 4 units at a time, and with taking a full load it is too much for me.

I don't want to drop out, but I fear I may have to.  The problem is, I am a terrible reader.  I barely get to sleep because I am up reading until 5 or 6am.  I still don't finish.  In 8 hours just a few nights ago, I managed to read 50 pages.  I had over 100 due.

This weekend I have over 200 pages of reading to do.  I doubt I'll finish, but I will certainly try.

People have nagged me before to see if there was help for me because of my eyes.  I have tried glasses for years and they do nothing, absolutely NOTHING for me.  Reading glasses help a bit as magnified reading is a bit easier (in fact, I have a HUGE monitor with large font settings as well).  But the last eye specialist I went to said that I shouldn't be wearing glasses.

So I continue to read only what I can and get headaches from the reading and then get done with it and not understand it.  And believe me, you get pretty angry if you spent a few hours reading just 50 pages and then understand nothing.  :ranting:

But finally I described some symptoms to a few people and they thought I probably have dyslexia.  I looked into it online and it looks extremely likely.  I am almost certain this must be the problem.

I am worried though.  I am afraid to go in and ask for help... I am the type of person who wants to complete everything on my own.  No help from nobody.  But then again, I realize I can't.  I can't read this many pages on my own and if I keep failing classes college is a waste.  So I have decided I will force myself to at least go to the Disabled Student Services and check things out there.  I am worried they won't be able to help me.  They have the books I need already available in a bunch of formats but I am worried.

What if I don't qualify?  What then?  I try to help myself by continuing to buy programs that help with reading.  I read and type with an electronic speaking dictionary next to me.  I have spent a long time working on spellings in the past and grammar still freaks me out.  But no matter how much work I do I cannot read faster.  I mix up words when I read outloud, it is a nightmare for me to be called on.  I mix up lines and words and similar words when reading and often don't understand.  But I am still worried that for some reason I will not qualify since I am not blind or anything.  Then I don't know what I'll do but I don't think college would be in my future.

What should I expect when I go in?  If anyone has been through dyslexia testing, what do they do?  Does this look bad on my record to be a dissabled student?

Thanks in advance for any advice.  I have been pretty much all my life with reading and I hate it, and I do not want to hate it because I love to learn I just cannot read.  I just need some encouragement or someone poking me with a stick forcing me to go in and not try to back out of this idea by Monday or Tuesday.

If you want to be albe too go to college you are going to have to have some assistance with reading.  I don't know why you need a big stick to do this, but don't be afraid to go to Disabled Services and ask for assistance...  That's why they are there.



We all have to ask for assitance with things throughout life.  It's not like we're all talented or have superior abilities.  You wouldn't hesitate twice to get something fixed in you house, would you?  I know this must be a big step for you, but you need to remember that most people will help if you just ask.

I once worked as a "Special Reader" for a student who was also not blind but could not read long passages for herself.  Disabled Student Services paid me by the hour.  If she was not a loon, it would have been a rewarding job.  And you do not have to drop ou; you can withdraw.  And so what if you just take 4 units per semester?  It is better than waiting till you are 90 and saying all the while,"What if I had gotten a degree?"

Getting help from the disability services would not show up on your record.  It is private information and is not shared with anyone.  Please go for help.  You seem to have good reason to suspect dyslexia.  There are things that can help with that.  This reading problem seems to be interfering with your sleep which is a factor in your health and wellbeing.  My experiences with the services at my school has been positive.  A lot more people use these services than you might think.  You probably know someone who uses these services.  They just have never told anyone.  You may find that with the right support you are more successful and have no reason to drop out.

Katie :;):

Insomniac2003,

I also think you need to use disability services. I've worked as a TA for a few courses, and each course I had a couple of students who use the services and take their tests and exams at the disability services office. If you decide t use it thee will be much less pressure on you, and when the pressure is gone you even can start doing better with reading.

You wouldn't hesitate twice to get something fixed in you house, would you?

No, but that's only because I would likely fix it myself.  I'd hesitate in calling a repair guy I think.

I guess I just wanted to post so I couldn't talk myself out of going by tomorrow.  Thanks for all of the information and I'm glad to know it doesn't go on my record.  Now I really have no excuse to not go... so I guess I will go on Monday. :)

Ok, so I finally got my lazy self down there...

They talk to you like you are 3 there, but it seems like they may be able to help.  I grabbed the soonest appointment possible and probably should have checked my schedule first.  But I'll see if it conflicts and then call them.

They gave me a screening questionaire for both dyslexia and ADD since she thought it sounded like one of those.  I don't know how I could have ADD?  But ok.  Either qualifies for help with reading I guess so maybe that's why they wanted to test for both.

I finished the questionaires but I'm worried about the writing sample.  My writing is terrible, I wonder if it is okay to use pencil and make corrections?  Or maybe the point is to use pen.  Well, I have until nearly mid April to do it anyway.

They seem nice enough at least.  And luckily I've already found out glasses don't help me or that would have been my first step.  So I may not have help for the next quarter, but anytime is better than never, right?  Oh and BTW, they have the weirdest door ever there!  One way you have to touch your hand to a hand print and it opens.  The other way you have to find a red button.  I was so confused.  Good thing not many people were watching. :)

Well, none of us like being talked down to, friend.  We are depressed, not developmentally disabled.  But I am sure that they get some clients who are both, and maybe they just plan for both.  I was in a clinical trial for psychiatric meds, and they REALLY talked down to you - not only were you "crazy," but you were willing to take experiemental meds for the money, too.  If you just speak to them intelligently, they will likely drop the attitude.  Good job on making it there.  If they give you questionaires for unlikely things, just think of it as a way to rule stuff out.  Don't take any of it personally.  The important thing is that you got yourself some help.

insomniac, great that you took this step and went there to get info :)
i hope they'll be able to help you. okay it seems it'll take a while. but better get some help later than never.

insomniac2003, great name, I should have made mine insomniac2005.

Anyways, back to your post (you write beautifully,by the way!)  I've already fixed some of my words, I mix up letters too.

I'm glad you went to get help at your university.  I finally went to the "disabled services" at my school, and everyone was very understanding.  I got an extension on my course.
One tip of advise, keep any e-mails you may have with them, just in case.

Good luck!

Later today is my appointment with DSS.  I'm a bit nervous not knowing what to expect, but I guess nothing too horrible can happen.  I've decided the worst that could happen is that they tell me I cannot be helped, so not going in would result in that same ending anyway.  So I must go in.

I'm already so far behind in my readings for all my classes plus I dropped a class.  But the good news is, this quarter the professors are fairly nice.  The one professor lets us copy the notes on the computer rather than write them out by hand.  Another just gave a take home exam rather than just making it open book.  Which is good because I can never finish those things in time.  I can't seem to find stuff in the book quickly and this one is also scantron and I always double check to make sure I put the letters in the right boxes on those, that is a good way to miss points.  I don't have a whole lot of time to complete the exam over the weekend, but it is definitely better than having to take it in less than 2 hours in class.

Anyway... now I'm rambling I think.  Just wanted to give an update to let you know I'll actually make it in.  :;):

Thanks about the name and writing LesMer!  I guess I might be fortunate to be good at typing.  :)  My actual printing tends to get quite a few letters out of order (resulting in pretty strange spellings sometimes), but on the computer I manage to do quite a bit better at writing.

Insomniac,
Having dyslexia is not the end of the world. My question is, did you have this reading problem in your past with school? If so, it is a surprize that none of your instructors picked up on it. Anyway, DSS (ADA) helped me with college, too. What is great about using their services, the instructors are informed that you have a disability, but not what that disability is. It is kept confidential and only YOU can divulge what your disability is to the instructors. They cannot ask you what you have. I can't concentrate enough to get my readings done (500+ pages), let alone the papers and presentations that were due everyweek-even having 7 days to prepare for them. I can relate to your frustration with classes. Due to my mental health issues, I have had to withdraw from college. At this point I do not know if I will be able to go back or continue in the future. I have until August to make that decision. That is when the next class is offered in my major. Don't go into your DSS appointment looking like they can't help you. They will try, belive me.

Good luck.
Sheepwoman

Insomniac,
 Your story sounds very similar to my frist year at university-the main difference is I already knew I had a learning disorder. It is possible that you have a learning disorder. It could be many things, Dyslexia, AD/HD (ADD), or a visual perception disabilty. I have AD/HD and can tell you have a very tough time reading, especially if I am not all that interested in it. I picked the worst major-it was a combination of Political Science, Sociology and Psychology-the reading never stopped. It was horrible, I would read for about an hour or so, and then realize I only read about 10 pages and had 40 to go. It was so overwhelming. My school had services where my text books could be put on tape, but I never took advantage of it, and probably should have.
 I learned to adapt. I learned to look for the important details and make notes, to highlight, colour code things etc. But it took a long time for me to learn. I am very smart-but I was only an average student, because it was so hard for me to be able to focus for long periods of time.
 AD/HD and Dyslexia have some similarities. That is why they asked you to feel out the form about AD/HD. Often people with AD/HD will percieve something wrong, because thier brain is working almost too fast that they skip over words. My understanding of Dyslexia, is that the perception of the letters and words, gets distorted and causes the person trouble that way...I know I will see a word like "saw" and go to write it and write "was" or will see words and like a word like "pay" and thought it said "play" because my brian is trying to work too fast to obsorb everything.
 It seems by your post that you are very concerned with what other people think of you. Workers and volunteers in the Centre for Disabled Students, KNOW that we are all different, and some people have different ways of learning. I do not have a disability-I LEARN DIFFERENTLY! I do not have Attention DEFICIT DISORDER-I have a differential focusing ability-there are a lot of postitives people with AD/HD have that "Normal" people don't have. These are old words, to explain differences. Our society is so keen on defining everything, and catagorizing everyone, that once you stray off the path too much, you are labled disabled. Do not be embarrised, you have nothing to be embarrised about. And PLEASE don't give up on school. I had to do a reduced course load, it took me longer, but it was worth it. I did it, and I am so proud that I did.
  Look at the strength it took for you to get help, it takes more strength to ask for help, than to give up on somthing. You can do this. If the Centre for Students with Disabilities does not think they can help you, are that you do not have a disability-get a second opinion. Don't let this slide.
  Another possibility is, that since you are on this website, I take you are depressed. Depression can severly effect your concintration levels. Counselling and/or medication may be able to help that.
If you have any questions about my experiances don't hesitate to ask,
Hang in there,
Misfit

Well, an update.

I got there early so that I wouldn't miss the appointment and then I sat outside waiting, went over to the building about 5 or 10 minutes ahead and then there was a sign that they had moved to a new building!  :shocked:

So I finally found it and got there late, but it was okay because at least I had filled out some paperwork last time.

The lady I talked to this time was really nice and helpful.  She said it sounds like I would definitely qualify for a few of their programs and especially the E-texts.  She thought the main possibility was dyslexia and it didn't sound much like AD/HD after talking to me.  However, amblyopia (lazy eye) could also factor in and she thought depression may be a problem as well because my sleep is so affected lately.  So she's consulting my therapist (I don't go any longer unfortunately) to look into other possibilities for getting me help sooner.  She said the fastest way to get help is if I have a significant vision problem, so I'm going to look into vision testing.  But that will mostly get me large text and audio, rather than the e-texts.

However, she also had bad news.  The screening for dyslexia costs at least $500.  But now for the good news... I have 2 days a week off in my schedule now and so I could hopefully get a job and make that much shortly.  If I get screening done before the end of this year I can probably have access to help for Fall.  Now for doing this all behind my parents back, that will be the most tricky part...

:D   :D   :D
Oh, god, Insomniac, that sounds like my whole life!  You made me laugh.

I am so thrilled that you are likely to qualify for some help.  And I hope that if you are dx'd with dyslexia that you can get some good assistance for that.  I have had 2 students with that condition.  ANd you know, I never learn - no matter how many dyslexic people I meet, I never learn to watch for the earmarks.  They try so hard to hide it, as if I would be so prejudiced if I knew.  And one girl really acted out, showing up late, disrupting class, demanding lots of attention from my male teaching assistant!  I was miffed at her and considered her a trouble maker...until the last day when she showed up in a daze.  I asked her to come help me pick up some books from the office.  On the way, I found out she was badly behind in all her classes but did not want to drop any.  Her parents were pressuring her to get thru college in 3 years to save them money, and she was not able to keep the pace.  The reason was her dyslexia and the fact she had not sought help for it.  I told her she did not need to please me by staying in MY class if she needed to streamline.  We had a long talk.  Yeah, her life had become about pleasing people in hopes of compensating for her disability.  She imagined that teachers would think she was dumb or lazy if she dropped a class.  So she just dug deeper graves.  I told her that if she had approached me the first day of class and explained her problem, we could have worked out some way for her to keep up (usually this involves lots of repetition, as that is what many dyslexics need to absorb material).  It would have been better than letting me think she was failing because she was a jerk!  She agreed to try to approach things differently in the future.  I hope she did.

BTW, I love your new avatar.  So cute.