So, I went to a PDoc yesterday, and he decided to prescribe me Lexapro. My parents, however, don't want me to take it and told my PDoc so. He said it was ok if I waited a little bit before I started (I'm guessing he wasn't overly concerned because I lied about not having suicidal thoughts and urges --I have them all the time but told him I didn't because I didn't want to alarm him and my parents); my parents seem to believe that this is all a matter of will power, that I can beat depression without ADs and that over the next few weeks I'll miraculously get better the PDoc will tell them that ADs are unneccessary.

And I don't know what to do. Taking ADs would devestate my parents, but not taking them will leave me like this -- I've been a depressive for 18 months now, and everytime I've tried to will myself out of it, I've failed. To be honest, I've never tried really hard, but when you're in the middle of a depressive episode, there isn't much will and energy in you.

So that's about it. I'm a depressive who needs ADs but isn't going to take them.

Just because your parents believe in Will Power doesn't mean that it exists.  If life was mind over matter I wouldn't be posting here - my life would be exacly as I would like it to be instead of parts of it missing ........ <sigh>

So if you aren't going to take the ADs which your doctor prescribed - then try relaxation.  Take a sharp breath in through your nose, count to 3 and release through your mouth.  3 times. Then relax.   Use this technique 10 mins every hour.

Soothing music can help.  Taking time to listen to a pleasant piece of music, bird song, singing ....... takes the mind off problems.  It can help depression.

Depression is a chemical reaction: do your parents believe that you can beat hunger by not eating but by willing yourself that you aren't hungry?   GRRRR

Why are you suicidal?  Can you tell us more?

:hearts:morning basil, i aggre with lizzy. i thought of something you might could do. print out what exactlly depression is and ask them to read it. if you don't have a printer. ask if they will look at the pages on depression. good luck.

In my earlier days of bouts with depression, I didn't take medication as I was afraid/ashamed. In my case, I did manage to get out of the depression and in about 6 months. of course everyone is different and every situation is different. I've had other bouts since, and did find medication helped. Of course I did the dumb thing of quitting meds when I would get over a depression a few times. In my case, I will most likely have to take meds for life so I compare it to being diabetic.

As for parents not understanding, well I'm 38 and mine have a hard time with it. Some people are just skeptical about meds, I know I was when I had my first bout.

Keep us posted.

Hi Basil,
 I don't think your parents have a realitstic view of depression, I think they have an old school view, that people choose to be depressed and if they were just stronger they would get out of it. They may think because they have been sad before, and got out of it, then anyone can. This is false. Depression is much more than sadness and depression varies for eveyone. Some people can get out of it without meds, some can't.
  It is not important how your parents will react Basil, it is important what it is best for you, and you need to make the decision based on YOUR needs not on thiers. If you have suicidal thoughts, you really should consider medication. I don't like that I am on meds, but it is a reality for me. I am dealing with my emotional issues, which I hope will help me to be able to decrease my medication. I know that my life may require a certain amount of medication always, because I have a chemical imbalance.
 Somthing I often say to people who are condsidering medications and experiancing negative reactions to them is this: If you were diagnosed diabetic would you not take insulin? Would you try to say, eat better and exercise and hope it went away? Depression is the same thing, they are both chemical imbalances, depression is just in the brain and affects behaviour, so many people don't know how to deal with it. Be strong Basil. Tell you parents what you think you really need, and do what you really need.

Misfit

Well, I think that everyone has to make their own choices about how to treat their depression.  I would not touch meds for a very long time because of the "stigma" and other fears.  I took them for about 2-3 years and then stopped them for my own reasons.

There are things that you need to know about the med you are about to take before you make the choice.  There are a lot of meds out there, and the first one you try may or may not be for you.  It pays to know a bit about the side effects.  If the potential SEs are unacceptable to you, you may want to discuss another med with the doctor.

I DO believe in will-power, but not every case of depression can just be "wished" away.  Usually the depression that does just fade "magically" is the garden variety sadness that non-depressives experience after life events that naturally bring it on.  After a year and a half of solid depression, there is reason to believe that you have had a change of brain chemistry.  Now, there are people who use alternative treatments because they really are skeptical about meds.  I presume you have already tried some of these?

If you feel like your life has truly stalled out because of depression that is not going to lift on its own, you do not have to explain to your parents all the ins and outs of your treatment.  Do you really have to tell them at all if you decide to take the meds?  I learned in college with a health issue of my own that as adults, part of growing up is NOT letting parents in on all of our decisions.  If they cannot really help you anyway, it is just an invitation for judgement and obstruction.

Chances are that you will not have to be on meds for life.  My pdoc told me that meds, in most cases, just give a person who is mired in stasis the "oomph" to take some steps to get past their "stressors."  Now, if you have stressors keeping you down (bad job, no job, bad living situation, abusive relationship), your depression will not really go away until the stressors have been eliminated.  So you will have to use your energy once you are on meds to bust thru those problems.  You may also need a talk therapist to strategize with you and guide you.  If your case is extreme, you may need help beyond that (ie: case worker thru the county.)

Does all of this sound like will-power to you?  Not exactly, huh?  Family members of the depressed almost never understand the illness.  Some of our members are here because their families think they can pray their way out, or get a hobby, or meet a girl to get out of depression.  I think you know better.  Welcome, and keep us posted on what you decide.

Basil, My mother was the same way about taking psychiatric meds. She developed schizophrenia and was forced to take them. Now she never misses a dose. Depression in my case and alot of others is chemical. No amount of willing will cause it to go away. Some people just don't understand depression is real. I couldn't control my thoughts without meds. My thoughts controlled me. Is there any way you can call the doctor and explain the situation without your parents knowing. Maybe he could explain the chemical causes of depression so they can understand it better.

Dear Basil,
If this was a "pull up your socks" sorta deal we'd all be at Tony Roberts seminars, or whatever his name is. These boards wouldn't exist. We'd all be on diets and having extreme makeovers. We'd be cured.
There is a saying "Fake it till you make it" in AA and I swear by it but, Basil, depression is a huge wall and when you hit it bad enough sometimes nothing will help but medication. I am sure if you were a diabetic, or an eptileptic, your parents would be more than accepting of you taking meds.
Why don't you ask them to come with you and talk to your doctor?  Maybe he can explain that taking meds for mental illness does not make you weak. It just makes you in need of help.
That is nothing to be ashamed of.

???

I like to think that willpower works.  I've willed myself to do certain things but it doesn't alleviate the depression.  It really means putting a fake smile on your face.

The thing about meds, (or fluoxetine for me) is that is makes you feel less vulnerable and more able to deal with everyday life.  It's not a cure but it does help you cross that bridge and prevents depression from running your life.

By all means, try therapy (which I will try once I can afford it) but don't knock meds until you've tried them.

Well said Misfit it is so easy for someone that is not depressed to say you just need will power.  Or one of my favorites, "Just snap out of it".   Don't we all wish it were that easy?  I remember my father in law from my first marriage,  Saying "what are you on AD's for?   You don't need those".   If only I could have lent him my brain for a day so that he could experience what goes on up there.  I think that after a couple of hours, he would have given the brain back, and handed me my meds.  

As a parent myself, we all want is best for our children.   Bottom line.  Your parents need to be more informed about depression.  They need to get their hands on everything they can read.   I also think that after you find the right meds, and they see how you are when you are on the meds, they will be glad that they supported you :)

That is what dr's do when they have to experience mental illness themselves!  There was a set of softwear designed to show caregivers what mental illness is like to live thru.  They put on virtual glasses and headphones and, depending on the software and which illness it is designed to replicate, they may have voices in their heads, they may see people in their environment as threatening and looking at them strangely, they may have hallucinations, etc.  Guess who could handle the experience for the shortest amount of time????  The psychiatrists.  They had no idea what their "crazy" patients went thru, and they are happier NOT knowing.  It is hell to have a mental illness of any kind, and nobody can understand what it is to need help until they are there themselves.

I had a diving instructor who said the same thing, pushing me when I was not in a position to be pushed, refusing to believe that I could not just make myself energetic and alert  like before.  He even tried to scare me with stigmas like, "This will go on your permanant record, and you will never be allowed to work with kids.  Nobody will date you if they find this out.  It is all about modern people not being able to handle life's little aches and pains.  You hit a bump in the road, and you run for drugs.  We didn't cave in to little problems in my day."  Then he took another swig of booze.  And they say that their generation did not medicate itself?  Please!

I am not so sure that the idea that parents want what is best for their kids is parallel to accepting the need for meds, though.  It is not always possible to persuade skeptics that meds ARE what is best for a loved one.  And if you get a parent who is very invested in the idea that what their kid really needs is more church or more discipline or more school, you can get a real mess.  For all the literature that is available to explain depression from our point of view, there is also plenty to attempt to debunk the legitimacy of our illness, especially from a workers comp point of view (the presumption being that people tend to fake depression as an excuse to sue companies, get on benefits, and otherwise drop out of living like a responsible citizen.)  I just do not see a lot of cases here at DF where more information made a difference.  WHat the quest to sell family members on treatment usually does is force a person who is already fighting to have any motivation or energy at all to be a salesman and teacher to people who have plenty of energy to resist him.  But you can always give it a try.  If they do not bite quickly, I still advocate using your own judgement and keeping the family out of the loop on it.

Hi, everyone. Thank you so much for all the replies.

The past two days were a little hectic. On Monday, I was so down and depressed and that I fell a sleep in the car of my school's parking lot for 2 hours. When my school called my parents to see if I should be in class, my parents said I left for school and the Vice Principal and everyone else searched for me. I explained to them that I was ill and that I had just wanted to take a little 5-minute nap in my car before I went down to class and that the nap ran over. I'm not in any trouble at school.

Anyways, my parents came and took me home, and they were extremely upset. We had a huge fight. Yelling and shouting and more yelling and more shouting. I felt the worst I have ever felt because I had let them down and I honestly wanted to die. I told them I was ill and didn't feel well, and I told them point-blank for the very first time that I was depressed -- not sad, but depressed to the point of not functioning and not wanting to live. At this point, my parents decided that Lexapro was necessary, my dad went and picked up the prescription for my PDoc, and I took my first dose this morning -- I am going to take 5 mg for 3 days and then 10mg after that. Wish me luck, everyone.  I hope it works!

And for everyone who mentioned how many non-depressives don't understand depression, Amen! I simply cannot "snap out of it." I've tried. I really have. But I can't. I'm sorry mom and dad, but I can't.

The feeling of letting people down is a sure sign of depression! Because we are unable to function properly the depression takes over and we feel inadequate.  IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

Depression is a chemical imbalance.  With ADs we can begin to take up life again even to the point of enjoying things and coping.  Sleeping for long periods is also a sign of depression.  Hopefully your school will give you support during the next few weeks whilst the ADs 'kick in'.

I have Lexapro and it works for me.  It helps both the depression and anxiety.  It means that hubby and I can go out and about again, that I can actually enjoy things on a daily basis.  Good Luck.  Keep posting.  We are hear to listen.

Hopefully once you begin to pick up your parents will notice and be glad that the medication is helping!

Sorry to top an old thread, but I just wanted to let you all know that Lex is a miracle-drug for me. It has put an end to all the depression and anxiety. I am studying and enjoying life like I was before.

And, Lizzy, glad to hear that Lex works for you, too. It really is wonderful.

Hey Basil  :)  I am glad to hear you are doing better, I hope the lex continues to work for you.  I just read the thread today even though its been on here for a bit, and I was rooting for you all the way.  I had a similar experience with my parents a few years ago and they just didn't understand either.  But then I just came out with it point-blank like you did, and they finally let up and I got help.  I wanted to say that I Am very proud of you, because it is hard to say things like that especially to parents that don't believe in depression as something that needs to be treated.  But -- it feels really good to finally get it out, does it not?!?

Update us on your progress, it will be a long road, but you've already taken the hardest first step!

I have been avoiding medications now for over a year. The people in my life seem to think that it is just a matter of will power, that if you just think certain things or try to change the way that you think that you won't be depressed anymore. My depression has been there for so long, yet has been so unpredictable and inconsistent that I have to consider that it may just be caused by my way of thinking. I don't seem to have the will power to take a shower, much less train myself to think differently. I need more clear cut answers to why my depression is so persistent. I know I do have certain patterns of thinking that are negative, but I can't seem to pinpoint certain thoughts that may make my depression worse.

Upon reading some many of the posts, I see that medications seem to be highly recommended. I know that they work very well for many people but how do you know that the depression can't be overcome without the medications. I have been on many different meds over the last 20 years for depression. Sometimes they would work, but only for short periods of time. I don't want to have to take medication if I don't have too. My levels of depression are inconsistent and it is hard for me to feel that it is a biological problem when it is not constantly occurring. Why are there short periods of relief? If it is a biological problem, wouldn't it always be occurring, or at least occur with some pattern or consistency? I have been in therapy many times. I have tried meds and tried to live without meds. I have left destructive environments and done other things to try and remedy the situation but nothing seems to work. The only thing I haven't done is to change my thinking patterns in some major way so that it affects my moods. I can't seem to succeed with that. It's hard for me. But because I don't have this consistency with my depression, I have doubts about it being a biological problem and in need of medication.