Well, i'm 14, going on 15 in october. I've been depressed for many years. I used to deal with it by cutting and burning myself. But not that i've stopped that, i've gotten new fears. I'm always afraid to be alone. Especially at night, when im alone, i hear things, and it feels like somebody is watching me. I freak out and look behind me every two minutes. Most of the time i have panic attacks because any noise scares me. I'm not sure if i'm crazy or if it's my imagionation. And i don't really think i'm supposed to be like this at only 14. I feel like i'm alone all the time.

Any advise on what i should do?

Welcome to DF, katiegoeshard,

Have you tried talking to your parents about how you are feeling? If you can't talk face-to-face with them, write them a letter. The latter has worked for many of our younger members. You can also talk to the guidance counselor at your school. They deal with more than academia. With your permission, the counselor can intercede with your parents for you. The school nurse, if there's one can help, too. Your parents should get professional help for you. You must also remember that your body is going through a great deal of change which can produce what you are feeling.
Sheepwoman

Hello. 14, is that about 9th grade? Let's see, I tried to kill myself, I slept with the light on and the radio on, and I sang whenever I had to walk in the dark. I thought it might help keep the bad things away. I don't think you're that unusual.
I guess every part of my life has been sad, but that was a particularly sad time. An uncle of mine had just died of aids. I had been very close to him. If I had known how much worse it was going to get when I was an adult, maybe I would have enjoyed myself more then. Or maybe I would have been more depressed.
The only thing I can say is that I wish I had spent more time with my family and less time crying in my room. I wish I had talked more with my brothers and parents and grandparents and cousins. I also wish I had spent more time preparing myself for a high paying job so I could support myself and my parents later in life.
Maybe my memory isn't that clear, but I think I was well enough that I could have stopped crying and started doing other things. I think I could have concentrated on my schoolwork and used the library to educate myself for college. We were very poor, but I could have gotten a loan to go to college after highschool.
Its good that you're at least getting on the internet and interacting with people. The internet was still a little new when I was your age, but I just wasn't interested in talking with anyone. Not even virtually.
I don't know, maybe your parents can't afford to get you help, but there are things other than medicine that can help. The best ones are excercise and sunlight. Fresh fruits and vegetables help, too. Reasoning with yourself can help with the little things. Facing some of your fears can make them go away. For instance, I would purposely not turn a light on in a room that I knew very well (so I wouldn't trip) then walk through it. I would usually start singing about halfway through, but at least I was trying. Plus, I got a small feeling of success making it halfway through the room without singing. The feeling of success helps with depression, too, but it can become addictive.
Try to reason with yourself. Lay down some rules. I finally decided that I was costing my parents way too much electricity. I told myself there was no reason I needed a light on and a radio on while I slept. Nothing was going to come get me in the dark or silence. I could have one or the other. It was hard. The first night I tried turning the radio off. Our house was old and run-down, so it made a lot of noise. Plus we had squirrels and rats living in the attic. I really didn't sleep that night. So the next night I left the radio on and turned the light off. I had a hard time closing my eyes and keeping them closed. I was scared there was something I couldn't see at the foot of my bed. I even resorted to turning my lamp on a couple of times just to see that there was nothing there. I eventually got a couple of hours of sleep. The next day I made myself stay awake all day. I went to bed early, before the sun went down. I went right to sleep and slept the whole night. It was much easier after that.
So if you really want to overcome your fear of small noises you're just going to have to be a lot tougher on yourself. Make some rules and follow them.
Good luck.

Hi Katiegoeshard,

You are certainly not where you should be, at any age. I agree with what SheepWoman said.
Reading your message makes me think you live all alone. I hope that isn't true! But you do need to get professional help right away. You shouldn't have to live another day with the fears you have. Please trust that your fears are only that, they are not real. They are intruding into your consciousness and doing a good job on you. Cutting and burning yourself is being awfully mean to yourself. At your age you aren't supposed to be so depressed and hurtful to yourself.

I was thrown in a psych ward when I was your age, and I didn't see it coming. In retrospect, I did suffer from depression many years before then, but to this day I have no idea what I did that got my yanked
out of school and taken right out not to be seen again for nearly a year. It always seemed to me that I must've said something that I didn't realize would get me where it did. This has always made me think that all you have to do is go tell your parents or your school counselor or your neighbor or even your best friend, something about how you feel and you should expect to get some attention about it.

I can't imagine being your age and having such anxieties that you would go through all that you have and no one has been able to successfully treat you. Not in this day and age.

Bottom line, TELL SOMEONE! Anyone! Even if they don't react like we should expect them to, say it again and again and again until you are heard. You deserve to be heard. You do.

Please come back and let all of us know how things are going for you when you are feeling better.
You are in my thoughts,
A.T.