Hello everyone, this is my first post. I'm glad I found this site because it helps me feel not so alone. Just need to vent about some things; sorry if my thoughts seem jumbled. I am having an incredibly difficult time just functioning from day to day right now; I have so many things to think about and do that it's overwhelming, and being anxious and depressed is making it a thousand times harder to deal with. I'm not even sure where to start but here goes. My main source of stress right now is my job; I just started a new one with a high degree of responsibility and pressure/stress, in which I am expected to learn new things very quickly and I honestly don't know if I will be able to do it (it's a travel nurse job); I desperately want to succeed at it and do a good job but with my mental state being what it is I'm just not sure what will happen. Fortunately it is temporary and I can try and find something easier/better after 13 weeks if I wish, but that is a long time away and I just hope that I can last that long. I had to call in sick today because I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that I feared making a serious error.

I have taken antidepressants in the past (most recently Celexa) and have found them effective, but I have been off of them for about 4 months now, thought I was doing okay up until here recently when this anxiety and depression became almost unbearable. I am a getting really close to just going back on it, at least for awhile, but there are things holding me back, mainly the side effects. I recently got married, to a man whom I love dearly, and I do not want to have to deal with the sexual side effects of the medication; and call me paranoid but I also fear that if I get pregnant while I am on an antidepressant that it will harm my baby in some way. However, it's becoming so hard for me to function in work and everyday life that I feel I may have to go back on it despite the drawbacks.

I just have this incredibly intense fear of something horrifically bad happening in my life or at work; the world just seems so messed up and on the brink of disaster, as does my life. I can think of so many bad things that could happen, so many things that could potentially go wrong, and some days I feel as though I'm living my own worst nightmare, even if things seem to be going okay on the outside. Some days the emotional/mental pain I feel is almost too much to bear; the reasons I feel this pain are complicated and would take too long to explain, and sometimes there's just no identifiable cause for it.

I wish so much that I could just be normal. I keep asking God why I have to suffer this way; I just don't understand why things have to be so hard; and I desperately hope it gets better soon.

dark_lilac

I think that you might want to make an appointment and see your doctor about how your feeling, it could just help getting some help from your doctor to deal with your job that seems to be causing you a lot of stress.

Is being on birth control pills an option till you can sort through the feelings your feeling. This might just put one stress out of your head for a while. I would be the same if I became pregnant and was on anti-ds, even if the dcotor said it would be alirght I wouldnt feel right,

Going to therapy or something like that might help you release a lot of stress that you are feeling and you always have all of us here to listen too you to and support you too,

Thinking of you
&
HUGS
Isabeau

This post has been edited by Isabeau: Sep 4 2008, 05:54 AM

I was in a very similar situation to you 2 years ago. I wasn't able to cope with a new job I started and had to leave after 3 weeks because the anxiety/fear was just too much. I literally broke down. I wasn't on meds at the time & I really do need to be on them so that is why it was so bad.

I suggest that you see your doctor. With relation to getting pregnant...I would also not want to get pregnant whilst on meds. Could you perhaps take a course of anti-depressants for 6 months and use contraception during that time? Right now, the most important thing is that you get healthy.

I know you don't want to go on meds; but it may be the best thing. If it was just 6 months then you could get healthy, eat good food, reduce all the stresses in your life etc with the hope of weaning off the meds at the end of the term. You may have to get a job with less responsibility until you feel well again. Don't feel bad about this - it's not your fault and so many people are in the same boat as you. You're not alone.

The side effects are horrible, I know, but the anxiety, lack of sleep, fear etc is also simply awful and you will have to choose which you think is the lesser of two evils.

Good luck. I hope you feel better soon x

Thanks so much everyone, it helps to talk about it. I just need to be more careful about the pregnancy thing. I think I will go back on the Celexa if I don't start feeling better in the next few days.

Hi and

I agree with everyone here but I don't agree with not taking AD when your pregnant. In 2001 I took AD through-out my pregnancy with my oldest daughter and she turned out fine with nothing wrong with her.

This post has been edited by livingwithBPD: Sep 4 2008, 10:37 PM