I know absolutely nothing about OCD to be honest so excuse any of my basic mistakes! Recently i've been having some trouble with intrusive thoughts and so I went investigating and came across OCD. I've always though OCD was having to wash your hands lots and lots or re-checking doors etc but it seems there is more to it than that. Very interesting! I don't think i have OCD but i certainly have elements of it which i am hoping some of you may help me reduce or get under control at least!? Just briefly my problem is with bad thoughts, mostly concerning harming myself in someway. I used to have images of other people getting into accidents or me hurting them by accident but that has cleared up thankfully These current thoughts come very fast and quickly and it seems almost at random....at least from what i can tell atm....it is usually an image of a cut up arm or body, an image of being hanged, jumping out of buildings etc etc. These images are with me during the entire day although their amount does vary daily. To be honest i wouldn't mind the thoughts so much if they weren't so repulsive. It isn't very nice to have an image of me strangled whilst eating my dinner! Plus i do believe they are an off-spring of my depression and it is very very difficult having images all the time and attempting to not carry these out. I do the 15min rule at the moment and it works to a degree but the need to SH is very strong and i think these images are not helping! Furthermore i figure with the meds i am on i shouldn't have to deal with these images, i'm on 150mg of venlafaxine (effexor) and sometimes i honestly wonder why i bother as i still get depressed and still have these thoughts which have increased in amount if anything!! I am trying to figure out why these images are so abundent but in the meantime does anyone have any thoughts on how to reduce these or even any stories that are similar? thank you.

to our room. Most people have OCD and/or autistic spectrum tendancies. It depends on how much impact these conditions have on daily living. Certainly your images must disturb your routine and peace of mind. You may need a hike in medication, I suggest you make an appt with your GP to discuss the effect Efexor is having on your thought patterns, how it is helping in other ways ........ it can take a few months before the brain becomes used to the effects of medication and we begin to feel the differences. Let us know how you get on at the Doctor's!

To be honest i really, really don't want a increase in meds, i want to come off them if anything! I hate feeling nauseous and having mind whirls if the chemicals in my bloodstream get a bit low. I've been on these meds for 11 months now too so i'm expecting this is the full effects. I was going to go up to 225mg a few months ago because i told a psychiatrist that i felt i had dampened depression again but i refused the increase because it felt as though that was the only solution he had and he hadn't read my notes or anything, if i had felt it would help maybe i would have tried but he wasn't bothered either way and i don't want more drugs just because it is the easiest solution for him! Plus I fear the problem is not the medication but more to do with me - i need to be more strict with myself and get exercise, meet new people etc...it is just that i have poor motivation right now. Besides what if this is it, what if this is my life? I've been on 3 different ADs, and i'm still like this...i almost don't know a life any different anymore. The images can cause me to flinch but also offer comfort in an odd sense...they offer a release from this life. I don't want to go to the drs and have to say i'm still feeling low...are there not ways for me to rid myself of these images on my own? Does it sound like i want a quick fix solution?!

Thanks lizzy for you help, it means a lot. (((lizzy)))

Yep - you sound like me in the 1980s when depression took over my life. I wanted to know what was causing it and why i needed medication. I didn't want to end up taking ADs for life. However: now I accept that without ADs I will die ...... dramatic maybe, true probably: my brain is now stable most days, Hubby and I have a life together again and I no longer worry about taking medication.

If I were diabetic I would have to take medication. My brain has a chemical imbalance and needs support. So I take ADs. The longer the brain has been depressed the more support it requires. It is a living organ after all ;-).

Why are you against drug therapy? I have found over the years that it is an age related attitude <rolls eyes> ....... what's wrong with trying an additional doseage? Most ADs are for short-term use anyway ........... be grateful that you ahve found a drug which sort of helps .......... you [and I] might not want to take anything but your/our brain probably does ;-). Getting well first is important for your long term progress, be it health wise, relationships, jobs, travell .............. talking long and hard with your psychiatrist, who probably read your notes before he interviewed you in order to save time!!!!! His job is to listen, advise and prescribe ....... what else would you have him do?

Haha you make me sound so ungrateful! I'm not against AD, for a long time i didn't take them simply because i felt it wasn't needed, i had issues regarding confidence etc and i felt as though my depression was largely linked to this rather than purely a chemical problem. However over the years i managed to sort out a lot of problems and issues so when the depression continued that was when i thought that AD could be helpful. It is not that i condone any medication but nor do i think it is THE answer, at least it isn't my only answer! I am swaying against adding more because ultimately my goal is to do without them and to have an increased dosage at this pt in the game feels as though i'm heading away from getting better....if you understand what i am trying to say?? So yeh i do understand - get the right dosage, then i'll get better and be able to get off them - but for me, right now, the idea of having to be on a higher dosage feels almost counter-productive....even if rationally it isn't!
I don't have a psychiatrist anymore, - but no this pdoc i was referring to didn't read my notes before i came in and i know for reasons that will just be rather boring for people to read so i won't explain! I understand pdocs have limited scope regarding what they can do in a half hour session every 3months or so but to be honest (and believe me this is not be being ungrateful!) he didn't listen nor truly advise.
But yeh if i step out of myself for abit, i would be advising exactly the same thing to someone else as you did. Perhaps my stubborness and fear is getting in the way of my rationality - but that is the difficulty with depression isn't it, the very thing you need to recover is robbed from you.

You seem to have insight! That took me a long while to achieve with a history of mental illness from both sides I wanted to know why and what was causing my depression. However, my organic depression needs support. The brain lacks chemical input and once I realised that I felt better when taking medication, I eventually accepted the need for the drugs. Yep, I too thought if I upped the dose I would never recover: also, how would I know I was better if I continued with the medication .......... oh stubborn, stubborn me

Life is too short. Feeling well is a bonus. I NEVER want to feel as frightened as I did in 1998. NEVER. If taking a drug keeps those feelings away then I will take it.

My depression is cyclic: around 22 months of deep depression, medication, picking up, feeling better, feeling well, stopping the drug, coming down .......... at least now I am generally even. I can cope most days.

Once you do accept you will wonder why you didn't continue with the medication as prescribed what ever your choice, maybe you have to feel really ill again to remember what it was like? To make that decision to battle on without chemical support or to take ADs and move onto a new life. One with fun in it .........

Let us know ....... <watching a huge black cloud over the fields - again> ........

I totally understand you. Only make it 2007 not 1998. Horrific, i empathise (((hugs)))

You beat my stubborness into submission - wow!
I'm gonna try and get an appt for friday...not on the intention of upping the dose but i do realise i need something...it is making me physically sick now, and y'know i would like to not be utterly exhausted constantly! I feel like a grandma these days...
thank you.

You are SO welcome I also feel nauseious but it's usually due to not eating enough at the right time <rolls eyes> ...... plus being tired a lot

Any news? I've been away and am trying to catch up ........

Have you been away on holiday or just away from the forums? I hope everything is ok!
I went to the dr on friday but i couldn't seem to tell him anything - he is so cheery it is almost too much to be honest. Don't get me wrong, i'm not down on all of the medical profession but he is all smiles and when i tried to tell him i was feeling low he told me many ppl had come in with the same complaint recently. I meant depression low not normal low but oh well. I didn't have the opportunity to talk about the images. I think i'll wait for my first therapy appt for that. Chicken anyone?!
Thanks for letting me vent.

Coffee??

Hubby and I took a weekend away. I'll join you for a cuppa, it's sunny right now - how about by our pond ;-).

Doctors many years ago I went to a Locum when I was deeply depressed, she told me I wasn't depressed and to return in 10 days if I still felt the same. Fortunately my GP was back 3 days later, I was almost crawling into the Surgery I never forgave that Locum. Had I not been aware that I could recover I would not be here ...... my GP prescribed medication - again - so I did begin to improve.

It's hackneyed but unless someone has been there .........

BigBlackDog,

You are not alone. Just go back and read my threads from December 2007 until about the end of Feb if you feel any reassurance in someone else experiencing what you're going through.

I have a self-harm/injury compulsion and it happened to drive me into insanity. I've had it since I was about 13 but every five years I have an "episode". My problems spiked in December and I tried to enter the psychiatric ward as I believe I was very, very close to being tipped over the edge. I was a bundle of shaking nerves and driving my parents nuts because I was so scared.

Things that have helped me are a combination of CBT, and meds. A funny one that always works is thinking of sitting six hours in A&E every day up until the point I realised no one could help me except myself. When you have been to the darkest pit of doom and gloom your body holds it together and pushes you to the limit where you are actually fighting it off. And I can say I'm doing a D*** fine job of it

I realise my life is never going to be easy, and I still get those days where I am frightened for my wits, but now they're few and far between. I am the life of the party again.