Okay so yeah it has been forever since I have been here. Well I havent been here for a lot of reasons. First of my birthday was a couple of weeks ago, on the 9th. Well it was the worst birthday of my life. Not only was I forced to turn 17 by God, but my parents totally blew it off making it worse. I did get a fish from my sister(the thing died two days ago!). We didn't even have a good dinner, my dad ordered pizza from my most hated pizza joint (tiffanys), and not to mention the pop I wanted (which wasn't shooken what-so-ever) exploded in my face when I opened it! So yeah my birthday sucked. My whole life is pretty much a wreck right now. My mom and I are both broke. Were all relying on my Dad's (crappy) job to pay the rent, bills, and grocerys. I had to borrow money from my sister (she just quit her job! ) to pay for a vet visit because my guinea pig has an absess. I was almost brought to tears when I released there was a huge bump that was bleeding on her back. We took her to the vet a few days ago (a vets office a half on hour away!) and Dr. Moore subscriped her antibiots that she has to have twice a day and I have to sqeeze out the infection(yuck!) oh and they shaved her too she she looks kinda weird. But I love my guinea pig. It only costed about 45 dollars alltogether. But thats not all my problems. I'm also having a mixture of anger/depression/rage at my parents because they talked my sister out of going to college, which she had a full scholorship to, because we didn't live that close to the school. And by time they did this it was too late to sign up for community. So she's all bummed out, and mind my language, wont stop :censored:Biotching . So that gets on my nerves. They also talked her out of going because she doesn't know how to drive, which is entirely her fault because every time my mom offered her to go she would say no and sit on the computer all day! So now me, my mom, and my sister (neither of which I can stand) are all in the house all day together. It's irritating. I can never have privacy so I have gone to staying up all night just to have some me time. And if you think that is ALL of my problems... EHHNT! Your wrong! The reason I am here right now is because this is the only place I can talk about this. My friends (the few I had) basically don't even listen to me anymore. I use to talk to them on msn whenever I was troubled and I would help them out too, but now they dond't even attempt to aknowledge my existence! So yeah I basically sit in my (crappy) house all day and listen to all the annoying thoughts in my head spin round and round. So I decided to come here to actually get them out there for people to actually here them. It's like I'm sitting in my house screaming the words I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH! and no one even so much as turns their head. And as for my brother, well he has done nothing but make my life miserable. Whenever I start to enjoy myself it's like he wants to spoil it. He calls me a retard whenever I make a mistake and makes me feel like dirt. I regret feeling sorry for him because of his back problems. Does that make me a bad person? Does it make someone a bad person to hope for bad things to happen to all the people that make them misserable? If it does then I am going straight to hell. But I could care less because obviously I'm in hell already. I must have made God mad or something. That's why he has me stuck in this house. Were trying to move, to save money, but every house we look at sucks. I'm telling you if there really is a God, he hates me.

You know I sometimes I wish I could still see my psychologist but my Mom wont let me. She thinks that my psychologist babies me and stuff... more like she cares abouta nd understands me. My mom called the one person I trusted to let in on my thoughts a Stupid Biotch that doesn't know anything! That hurt me more than it probably should have...

I feel so lost...

This post has been edited by karriejean: Aug 28 2008, 01:50 AM

Hi and Welcome back Karriejean

Firstly, Happy Belated Birthday.

17 is one year closer to becoming an adult, where you are able to start a life for yourself, away from your family.
It is good to let it all out, all the frustration. Are you able to get yourself a part time job at all? That can help you to get away from your family for a while and you could safe money to eventually move out, when you are 18?
Is there a place, where you feel safe, where you can go for a walk? It can be very frustrating stuck in a place where you don't want to be, but let, me tell you nothing that seems bad ever last forever.

Trace

Thanks for responding. I'm glad at least someone takes the time to hear the things I have to say. I find it ironic that about 50 people read this but only one responded. Thanks Trace. Today was actually really good. We went and looked at a house and I fell in love with it. The lake is only four houses down and it has a great veiw. I would finally have my own room too. The house is perfect. I hope tomorrow the Landlord calls us and tells us we get it. I am going to be so depressed if we don;t. I know I shouldn't have let my hopes get to high but they are.... I'm so scared and nervous...

Karrie

Sometimes people don't know what to say.
I'm glad that you have found a nice house, where you will have your own room. I hope that you do get it. You must let us know what happens. Just remember that even if you don't get that house, it means that there is a better one that will come along.

Trace