I AM 24 AND HAVE NO KIDS, COLLEGE DEGREE, A HAPPY FIANCE AND REALLY NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT, JUST DAILY STRESSORS BUT I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF DEPRESSION FOR MAYBE 2 YEARS. I HAVE NOT BEEN DIAGNOSED BUT ST- JOHNS WORT HELPS TO KEEP MY MOOD IN LINE. I JUST FEEL LIKE SUCH A WEAK PERSON. I HAVE SUCH WEAK PERSONALITY TRAITS AND DON'T FEEL MOTIVATED TO DO WHAT I WANT IN LIFE. WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT, I GUESS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WEAK AND LATELY I HAVE HAD MANY EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS WHERE I WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, EVEN REDUCING TO PRAYING TO GOD TO GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO DO SO, BUT I AM TOO SCARED AND WEAK TO DO IT. MY FIANCE IS VERY STRONG AND MASCULINE AND TRIES TO PRETEND I AM HAPPY AND HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO APPROACH DEPRESSION SINCE HE IS SO STRONG. I DON'T KNOW THAT I'M READY TO GO TO A THERAPIST, MAYBE I SHOULD. MY PROBLEM IS THAT I AM UNMOTIVATED AND NOT DRIVEN ENOUGH OR CONFIDENT IN MYSELF. MY FIANCE ALWAYS TELLS ME, ANYTHING I WANT TO DO, JUST DO IT, IT'S NOT THAT EASY FOR ME AND I BEGIN TO FEEL LIKE A PATHETIC PERSON. I KNOW THIS QUESTION MAY NOT BE ABLE TO BE ANSWERED WITH THE RESPONSE I DESIRE, BUT DOES ANYONE KNOW THE INITIAL STEPS THAT I CAN TAKE TO BE MOTIVATED, HAVE CONFIDENCE? IF I CAN NEVER ATTAIN THIS I DON'T KNOW THAT I WOULD EVER BE HAPPY. I JUST WISH I COULD CHANGE SO BAD. I ALSO FEEL BAD THAT WHEN I AM DEPRESSED I AM MOODY AND VERY BORING TO BE AROUND. I FEEL LIKE MY FIANCE DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER. I JUST WANT TO BE SOMEWHAT HAPPY.

angelstrawberry, whatever you feel like, remember that depression makes you feel like a weaker and worse person than you really are. Try to not listen to those thoughts! If you can manage to, distract yoruself when you feel as worst insteed of thinking. You won't get much else than just "i am useless" from thinking when down anyway.
The best initial step is to get hold of a doctor, I would belive.

This post has been edited by Zequr: Aug 25 2008, 09:57 PM

angelstrawberry

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad at the moment. Depression is often linked to low self esteem which can lead to little or no motivation. I encourage you to go see a Professional about what you are going through. I am on antidepressants and see a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist on a regular basis. Since I have found an AD that works for me, my motivation levels are so much higher.

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

If you really want out of depression, you'll get it. If not, you'll ignore it.

If it were me, I'd start by thinking of the things I have to be thankful for. Be thankful you have a fiance that cares about you. I'd kill for that. I have nothing.

- PT