I don't know if "depression" is the correct term to describe my condition, because someone who is depressed is someone who is generally sad. Well, I'm not sad at all, but I'm not happy, either. But specifically, I don't feel anything: I don't feel anger or adrenaline when confronted with a threatening situation; I don't feel pride when reflecting on my life's achievments; I don't feel happy in a joyful situation; I don't feel sad in a sorrowful situation; etc. Basically, I have no emotions.

To give a few examples:

Yesterday I received a very disparaging and hateful e-mail from someone who is angry with me. If my emotions were functioning normally, I'd feel agression, anger and perhaps a little hurt over the disparaging remarks. But I felt absolutely nothing while reading it.

A close relative died a couple of months ago. A normal person under these circumstances would feel sadness. But I didn't feel in the least bit sad. As always, I felt nothing.

I recently met a potential new dating partner. I should be feeling excited over the prospect of meeting a possible girlfriend. But I'm not excited; I'm void of feeling.

I can list many other examples, but I think everyone understands my point now.

I'm often criticized by other people; they say that I am cold and uncaring (and this is due to my inability to empathize). But I haven't always been cruel. In fact, I used to be kind.

I have been void of emotions for 4 years now (by the way, I'm 19 years - incase my age is important).

Over the years I have tried many different anti-depressants, but the ironic thing is that the anti-depressants only enlarge the problem by making my emotions even more flat.

The reason for my coming here and writing my problem was to see if anyone could relate and give me some insight into how I can get my emotions back (I truely want to feel again).

Hi Noemotions,

By virtue of writing here, you have emotions. You recognize that how you are isn't a good way to be. That is an emotionally based thought.
From reading what you said, what kept popping into my head is, 'you feel hopeless.' You have a hopeless feeling about you or your life, and that allows you to show indifference to what ever. As if to say in each situation, "so what, what does it matter, really, in the scheme of life." That is feeling hopeless, in my opinion. Now my opinion doesn't mean that I know what to do about it! I even had a feeling that you were going to say what you did about the affect of the antidepressants.
I will suggest that you go to the portal page, and peruse every single page you come upon. There is a wealth of information that is hidden behind the menu links. If you can take some time to read about the various disorders, maybe you will see yourself in them. I hope your doc is willing to listen to you better, as it seems to me that there has to be something to help. Maybe if you had a thought of a direction to go....
At the least, you have nothing to lose.
Start with the medications first. There are many pages behind there - or somewhere close, that do tell you about the disorders. Maybe it is a different link. But just check it all out!

Best of luck to you,
Always Trying

Hi and Welcome to DF NoEmotions

I'm sorry that you have no emotions. There are many members who have experienced this. There could be a number of reasons, so the best thing to do would be to speak to a doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist, as we are not professionals, but I can give you my thoughts.
Have you been through any trauma, where you were in shock, or incredibly hurt? That could cause you to unintentionally "block" your emotion, as to feel no pain.
Also, no emotions in my experience can be linked to a personality disorder, so it may be best to go to a doctor for a diagnosis.

Trace

Hi,
Yup, a lot of us feel empty and emotionless.

I'm a represser. I don't like feeling certain ways, so I end up repressing all emotion. Not healthy. The meds do help flatten out the emotions. Depression doesn't end up being so deep.

Actually, I've been off my meds for a couple months now. I'm currently feeling lots of frustration and anger. A little emptiness sounds good right now.

So, are you really emotionless? Or just repressing something?

It sounds to me like you have emotions, they are buried, and muted.

Some people are stoic about funerals, and such, I am too, unless it were someone very close.

About the angry email, if it was someone you care nothing for, that might be why you did not react. Or maybe you are just not that "reactive".

It surprises me about the girl though.

It makes me wonder what your emotions were like before you became like this?
It makes me wonder if there was an "event"?

Some types of things you may be non-reactive to, and that does not mean you have no emotions.

Sounds like Dissociation, did you have a traumatic childhood by anychance or suffer neglect? some poeple are prone to using Dissociation normally its overused and stuck because in their past it was used frequently as a coping mechanism, only thing is it can become second nature in adulthood i can spend days like this, not feeling at all and a sense of emptyness. Sometimes i can feel myself float back in and associate.

try search dissociation disorder and see if you can idenitfy with symtoms.

simon

I have the same problem. It is very frightening not to feel any emotion. I have been emotionally numb for over a year. I used to be a kind, loving person, compassionate and loyal to my friends and family. I actually would say I was more emotional than most people. I was also painfully shy. After I went through years of loneliness and living around my parent's constant fighting, I fell into a deep depression, and had a breakdown, I guess. I haven't felt the same since then. I can almost put a finger on the exact day I lost my personality, and everything that made me who I was, and became this way. I was worried for a while that I had somehow become a sociopath or something, but I realize now that it is just a way of repressing emotions you aren't ready to deal with. I think a person can only handle so much despair before your mind finds some way, any way, to shut it out so you won't feel it any more and can go on with your life in some way. It's wierd, because although it's easier in some ways to float through every day without any emotions, not having to deal with the pain, it also is scary because the numbness takes away everything that makes life worth living too. All the joy, love, and passion are gone as well as the sadness, all the moments that should affect you in a profound way pass by leaving no mark on your heart. I would offer you advice if I could, but seeing as I haven't been able to figure out how to get my own emotions back yet, I really don't have much to say but you are not alone in feeling, (or not feeling, I guess) this way. Just keep going, and don't give up hope. I'm sure the feelings will come back eventually. *hugs*

p.s. I agree with simonb, you should do some research on dissociation or depersonalization if you haven't already. I think this might be what I have too.

Blimey! Amanda when i read what you wrote it put words to describe my life at the moment, its give me some hope because youv decribed to a T how i am at the moment and the reason you put......... "but I realize now that it is just a way of repressing emotions you aren't ready to deal with".....just confirms what i suspect is really going on, iv got a head full of theory's ranging fron freud to god knows... its finding one that fits well so as to understand what the hell is going on, i want answers, i want to find a way out you described my depression with clarity and understanding and yes no joy or passion this i long for like whole in my heart, you know only the other day i actually felt an episode starting like the cloud coming over, i actually made myself feel sadness i tryed to conciously make myself express it, sounds daft but making a sad face and holding it and trying my hardest to stay in it and it did! it took hold and i went down with the sadness but it felt real, real emotion i started to feel sad for the predicament im in at the moment with no social life, i just cant motivate myself so i started to feel real sad about this happening to me, now i realised after doing so for about half hour that its actually a natural way, you could say a "mentally/emotionally healthy way" of dealing with stuff in life, so as to clear the path for change because when you cant feel, its leaves you stuck in limbo.
i think youv confirmed a few things for me as i can identify with your situation, this has helped somewhat

When you people talk about repressing all feelings as a defense mechanism so as to avoid being hurt, I think ya'll hit the nail on the head.

I have grown up in a very angry and dysfunctional family:

My dad is extremely prone to anger. He gets enraged at the smallest of things. For example, upon returning from church one Sunday, my dad couldn't find a gift card, so he begins yelling and screaming - literally yelling and screaming - at everyone and accusing the entire family of negligence due to the gift card being lost (and this was after church - after hearing the preacher talk about Jesus - that just goes to illustrate how angry and hateful my dad is).

Another time was when my dad beat me when I was asleep in the morning for not asking permission to use the car and go to the gas station to get a soda. That's right: One afternoon when I was 16 I was thirsty and craving a soda, so I drove across the street to the local gas station to get one, but I didn't ask permission (I mean, at 16, I shouldn't have to ask permission to merely go across the street to get a soda, right?); and the next morning my mom is throwing a fit because of it, and my dad, being fed up of my mom's irrational and non-strop whining, goes upstairs to my room while I'm still asleep, throws me out of bed and starts physically beating me. I'm still disoriented and trying to come to my senses. My dad is so enraged that his loud yelling is producing spit.

Even with numbed emotions, I still fear my dad. I always feel anxiety when he knocks on the door, even if he's in a friendly mood.

My mom is equally as bad, but she doesn't really have an anger problem. Her problem is her brain. She has a mental illness called obsessesive compulsive disorder (or maybe it's obsessive compulsive personality disorder? I don't know - she refuses to get help, and when confronted with it, she gets hostile and defensive). For example, she always accuses me of doing terrible and malicious things without proof, and keeps harassing me about it no matter how much I deny it. Like today she accused me of taking out the car without asking (even though I spent the entire day in my room sleeping and then later watching DVDs), and she kept harassing me about it and going on and on and on and on and on... Until my dad eventually got tired of it and made her stop.

Essentially, my mom has a pathological need to control and dominate everything and everyone, otherwise she has non-stop fits. She even had my dad (illegally) take away $24,000, won from a law-suit, because I told her I wanted to use it to rent an apartment - obviously she doesn't want me to be independent (the reason my dad was able to steal my money was due to the fact that we have the same name, so when the check arrived in the mail, my dad took it and put it in his bank account; the teller didn't say anything due to our having the same name - at least I think this is how it went; they might have set up a shared account for me, put it in there, and then transferred it to theirs - I really don't know, they don't tell me, all I know is that money was rightfully mine and they had no right to take it away from me).

She treats me like I'm 10 years old: I'm not allowed to ride my bike in the neighborhood. I'm not allowed to do trivial things without asking permission first, otherwise a pandemonium will ensue. I'm not allowed to go on dates without an unwanted parent-chaperone. I drank a beer once when I was 18 and was scolded endlessly because of it. As well as many other things I can't do. All this, and I'm 19, an adult!

So maybe the reason why my emotions are numbed is to cope with an angry and dysfunctional family. Perhaps when I finally leave this hell-hole I'll be able to feel good to be alive again, to feel jovial sensations, to feel proud to be who I am, etc.

But... I was expecting to leave as soon as I got my law-suit money, which occurred a little over a year ago. I've lost track of the amount of times I've cried to God about the money that was rightfully mine being wrongfully stolen from me by my controlling parents. (My parents even had the audacity to say they were "helping" me by controlling my money - what a couple of idiots.)

Unfortunately, I don't know what I'm going to do until I get out of here...

This post has been edited by NoEmotions: Aug 26 2008, 02:19 AM

NoEmotion,

at the way your being treated.

Personally, I think if they have taken that money from you the way they did, it would be long gone. So it might be a good idea to start planning ways of helping yourself get out of this dysfuncional space, that is clearly giving you a lot of grief.

I dont know if you work or your able to work, but that might be an opition to get you out of the place which seems like is giving you a lot of pain. Have you got any family or close friends that you can stay with for a while, so you can start building your life that you want. If your at school could you work part time and then share with other people.

Just a few suggestions that you have probably thought of already, but I do hope that by posting here that you know that you are supported by all of us here,
HUGS
Isabeau

I also spent a good few years in this emotionless state. Nothing got to me. I cut out close friends and family in the blink of an eye, I lost family and friends and felt nothing, etc. It felt kind of good to be isolated from hurt, but I knew it wasn't healthy, and equally I knew that it wouldn't last, and it didn't. It does not make you abnormal in the slightest, nor cold and callous. Quite the opposite. Your emotions only have so much tolerance before they need a break. Sooner or later they will come back, and hopefully you will be able to manage them as they do rather than be overwhelmed by them. But for the time being, try not to spend endless hours questioning yourself or being hard on yourself. Allow your emotions the break that they need.

The things you mentioned could very well be the result of wisdom. Those who are unwise get angry just because another is angry, while the wise understand that is the other person's problem and their problem alone. Those who are wise understand that death is just as much of a miracle as a birth is and are unaffected by both because they are the natural way of things. Those who are wise do not count their chickens before they hatch, even when courting a new partner.

I personally don't see a problem here if this is related to wisdom. And yes, I have met very young people who are wiser than 60-70 year olds.